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14895Re: [ExGDBd] "S.S.A"---A easy way out?

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  • Alan Levering
    Jun 4, 2005
      E-mail me privately. Prhaps the mod team can give you guidance on finding a new place of

      -- Alan

      --- Richard <rtz3@...> wrote:

      > I want to thank everyone for their replies. I have to say that this
      > has been boiling in me for several months. I have kept it inside and
      > told noone the extent of the hurt and shame I felt the whole time. I
      > did "walk" the night this relative make the gay gesture at me, and
      > didnt look back. I was feeling overwhelming shame and intense
      > paranoia already, and all this did was plummage me from the church
      > body all together. While at the church I was having flashes as a
      > child, and I'm not sure why. It was all very weird. Everything that
      > happened, managed to sabatoge my walk in Christ, and I have not been
      > in a right mind since then.
      > I have to admit out of my shame and hurt, I over exaggerated on the
      > ssa part of that posting,and overexaggerated my need for attention.
      > The fact is the parts about ssa were from my own fact of feeling
      > completely deflated about my issues with same sex attraction. If it
      > is choosed for me to be banned from the group, so be it.
      > This has caused a big rift in my families, they are very
      > conservative. They try not to act prejudice, but they are, and have
      > slipped up and said things to me, and around me on more than one
      > occasion. I feel like things about me leaked out to family members,
      > and at the time the way they all were acting did nothing but confirm
      > that they had been told through one source or another. I left a
      > journal at the church one day where I was writing down very personal
      > things, and I feel like it fell into the wrong hands, when i wasnt
      > around. I will have nothing else to do with church for along while,
      > hopefully in the future i can move to another town. I just cant
      > mentally handle it anymore of this junk from people, its too much.
      > I have more or less have had this type of thing happened to me with
      > two other leaders in two other churches I was in, and left because
      > of the paranoia of not trusting people in leadership in the
      > churches, but in my mind it was very much verified that it had
      > leaked out in these places as well.
      > I need to you to know, it is not my conscious intent to get pity.
      > But it more than likely comes accross as pity as i was told at the
      > church that I more or less try to get pity. I will not reply anymore
      > to this thread, if you want to talk to me, you will have to email me.
      > P.S. There are no safe churches in my area where I could possibly
      > go, unless i go into a denominational church. The one venture I did
      > make before I went to the above mentioned church spent way too much
      > time on condeming homosexuals. Obviously there is a big lack of
      > understanding in my area to offer hope to people that are struggling
      > or defeated with same sex issues.

      -- In Him who leads us to the Absolute Truth,
      Alan Levering; Founder, NCXDS Ex-Gay Internet Ministries

      Web: <http://geocities.com/exgaylinks> | Discussion Board: <http://groups.yahoo.com/group/exgaydiscussionboard> | Spanish Language Discussion Board: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/exgayenespa | "Wounded Heart" Abused Men's Group: <http://groups.yahoo.com/group/woundedheart> | Chat: <http://groups.yahoo.com/group/exgaydiscussionboard/chat>
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