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  • Tim
    I have been rethinking the gay/Christian conflict. I have spent the previous 20 years doing everything I could find to do in order to deal with my
    Message 1 of 4 , Jun 27, 2010
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      I have been rethinking the
      "gay/Christian" conflict. I have spent the previous 20 years doing everything I
      could find to do in order to "deal with my homosexuality" within a Christian
      context: 4 yrs residential Love In Action program in San Rafael, Ca.; 3 yrs
      Orthodox community in Ben Lomond, Ca, with church attendence 2 times per day, 6
      years living in Eastern Orthodox monastic communities pursuing monastic life,
      frustration with Orthodox theology, 1 year back in Love in Action on staff here
      in Memphis Tn. Throughout these 20 years, I never expected to become
      heterosexual. However, I see that I was trying to become a-sexual for the sake
      of the Kingdom. I am extremely disappointed to find that at best I have been
      repressing, denying, running from, and ignoring my very strong homosexual
      responses and desires. I guess the "cork came off the bottle" last winter. I
      have been celibate these past 20 yrs and I intend to remain so. But I honestly
      do not know what is God's absolute and perfect will for 1) me, a Christian man
      who is homosexual and 2) all Christians who are homosexual. I had been thinking
      that as a homosexually driven person it was up to me to deny myself - my
      homosexuality- and take up my cross daily to follow Jesus. I consider(ed)
      homosexuality a result of the fall of man and therefore a brokenness which
      resulted in sin (homosexual behaviour) and therefore something which needs to be
      "healed" or to be repented of. Now I honestly do not know. As I wrote above, I
      have no intention of giving up hard fought for celibacy, (although I recently
      have begun again to indulge my solo-sexual practice after 15 yrs of total
      abstinence therefrom.) I am making honest inquiries into all sorts of
      "accepting" or "affirming" Christians as well as the oputright "pro-gay" faction
      although I really am far too conservative to ever become "pro-gay." So here I
      am at 60 yrs old with a ton of questions!




      Sat Jun 26, 2010 2:36 pm


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    • MrChuk@aol.com
      I m 68.. was in my 50s before I found my peace and acceptance. You must know that God does not want you to live a conflicted life.....right? God bless on
      Message 2 of 4 , Jun 27, 2010
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        I'm 68.. was in my 50s before I found my peace and acceptance.
        You must know that God does not want you to live a conflicted
        life.....right? God bless on your journey to find your peace.
        I've always wondered.. if God does not see us as male nor female..

        28There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you
        are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28 (New International Version)


        ...why would gender even be an issue where there is love???
        Chuk


        In a message dated 6/27/2010 8:50:37 P.M. Central Daylight Time,
        timalexwar7@... writes:




        I have been rethinking the
        "gay/Christian" conflict. I have spent the previous 20 years doing
        everything I
        could find to do in order to "deal with my homosexuality" within a
        Christian
        context: 4 yrs residential Love In Action program in San Rafael, Ca.; 3 yrs
        Orthodox community in Ben Lomond, Ca, with church attendence 2 times per
        day, 6
        years living in Eastern Orthodox monastic communities pursuing monastic
        life,
        frustration with Orthodox theology, 1 year back in Love in Action on staff
        here
        in Memphis Tn. Throughout these 20 years, I never expected to become
        heterosexual. However, I see that I was trying to become a-sexual for the
        sake
        of the Kingdom. I am extremely disappointed to find that at best I have
        been
        repressing, denying, running from, and ignoring my very strong homosexual
        responses and desires. I guess the "cork came off the bottle" last winter.
        I
        have been celibate these past 20 yrs and I intend to remain so. But I
        honestly
        do not know what is God's absolute and perfect will for 1) me, a Christian
        man
        who is homosexual and 2) all Christians who are homosexual. I had been
        thinking
        that as a homosexually driven person it was up to me to deny myself - my
        homosexuality- and take up my cross daily to follow Jesus. I consider(ed)
        homosexuality a result of the fall of man and therefore a brokenness which
        resulted in sin (homosexual behaviour) and therefore something which needs
        to be
        "healed" or to be repented of. Now I honestly do not know. As I wrote
        above, I
        have no intention of giving up hard fought for celibacy, (although I
        recently
        have begun again to indulge my solo-sexual practice after 15 yrs of total
        abstinence therefrom.) I am making honest inquiries into all sorts of
        "accepting" or "affirming" Christians as well as the oputright "pro-gay"
        faction
        although I really am far too conservative to ever become "pro-gay." So
        here I
        am at 60 yrs old with a ton of questions!

        Sat Jun 26, 2010 2:36 pm

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        "Tim" <_timalexwar7@..._ (mailto:timalexwar7@...) >
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      • Chris Hansen
        Hi Tim, Thank you for your introduction, and for re-kindling this discussion forum. I, too, undertook a range of courses of action to deal with my
        Message 3 of 4 , Jun 28, 2010
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          Hi Tim,

          Thank you for your introduction, and for re-kindling this discussion forum.

          I, too, undertook a range of courses of action to 'deal' with my
          homosexuality- Exodus, Living Waters, marriage, much prayer and abstinence
          etc.

          I agonized, considered suicide, was psychiatrically hospitalized.

          I read all the ex-gay literature and all the pro- and ex-ex-gay literature.

          Eventually, it dawned on me that there were many, many different takes on
          God's will about this.

          And I truly believed that if the scriptures promised 'if you will seek me,
          then you will find me, if you search for me with all you heart'.

          'Call unto me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things'
          etc. then I was going to have to trust God and walk this journey myself,
          regardless of who had told me what.

          I also was aware that I had given this journey 20 years of my life,
          abstained faithfully, paid a lot of money for courses etc.

          So I trusted God to show me the right path for ME. And prayed honestly for
          the humility to hear what I needed to hear.

          What transpired next was that my husband of 15 years suddenly and
          unexpectedly left me.

          I came out.

          I have attended churches where I can worship with integrity.

          I have realized that, for me, God is far bigger than any of us or our
          denominations can make a box for.

          My family, including 2 children, 3 stepchildren and foster child all love
          and accept me.

          It hasn't been easy, but I 'took the road less traveled' and it HAS made all
          the difference.

          Wishing you love, peace and a prayerful pathway

          Chris





          From: exexgayministry@yahoogroups.com
          [mailto:exexgayministry@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Tim
          Sent: Sunday, June 27, 2010 2:38 PM
          To: exexgayministry@yahoogroups.com
          Subject: [ExExGayMinistry] Introduction





          I have been rethinking the
          "gay/Christian" conflict. I have spent the previous 20 years doing
          everything I
          could find to do in order to "deal with my homosexuality" within a Christian
          context: 4 yrs residential Love In Action program in San Rafael, Ca.; 3 yrs
          Orthodox community in Ben Lomond, Ca, with church attendence 2 times per
          day, 6
          years living in Eastern Orthodox monastic communities pursuing monastic
          life,
          frustration with Orthodox theology, 1 year back in Love in Action on staff
          here
          in Memphis Tn. Throughout these 20 years, I never expected to become
          heterosexual. However, I see that I was trying to become a-sexual for the
          sake
          of the Kingdom. I am extremely disappointed to find that at best I have been
          repressing, denying, running from, and ignoring my very strong homosexual
          responses and desires. I guess the "cork came off the bottle" last winter. I
          have been celibate these past 20 yrs and I intend to remain so. But I
          honestly
          do not know what is God's absolute and perfect will for 1) me, a Christian
          man
          who is homosexual and 2) all Christians who are homosexual. I had been
          thinking
          that as a homosexually driven person it was up to me to deny myself - my
          homosexuality- and take up my cross daily to follow Jesus. I consider(ed)
          homosexuality a result of the fall of man and therefore a brokenness which
          resulted in sin (homosexual behaviour) and therefore something which needs
          to be
          "healed" or to be repented of. Now I honestly do not know. As I wrote above,
          I
          have no intention of giving up hard fought for celibacy, (although I
          recently
          have begun again to indulge my solo-sexual practice after 15 yrs of total
          abstinence therefrom.) I am making honest inquiries into all sorts of
          "accepting" or "affirming" Christians as well as the oputright "pro-gay"
          faction
          although I really am far too conservative to ever become "pro-gay." So here
          I
          am at 60 yrs old with a ton of questions!

          Sat Jun 26, 2010 2:36 pm

          Show Message Option
          ----------------------------------------------------------

          View Source
          Use Fixed Width Font
          Unwrap Lines

          ----------------------------------------------------------

          "Tim" <timalexwar7@... <mailto:timalexwar7%40yahoo.com> >
          timalexwar7
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          [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
        • Tim Warner
          Thx for your encouragement. You pose an EXCELLENT question, by the way. Tim
          Message 4 of 4 , Jun 28, 2010
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            Thx for your encouragement. You pose an EXCELLENT question, by the way. Tim

            On Sun Jun 27th, 2010 11:49 PM EDT MrChuk@... wrote:

            >I'm 68.. was in my 50s before I found my peace and acceptance.
            >You must know that God does not want you to live a conflicted
            >life.....right? God bless on your journey to find your peace.
            >I've always wondered.. if God does not see us as male nor female..
            >
            >28There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you
            >are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28 (New International Version)
            >
            >
            > ...why would gender even be an issue where there is love???
            >Chuk
            >
            >
            >In a message dated 6/27/2010 8:50:37 P.M. Central Daylight Time,
            >timalexwar7@... writes:
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >I have been rethinking the
            >"gay/Christian" conflict. I have spent the previous 20 years doing
            >everything I
            >could find to do in order to "deal with my homosexuality" within a
            >Christian
            >context: 4 yrs residential Love In Action program in San Rafael, Ca.; 3 yrs
            >Orthodox community in Ben Lomond, Ca, with church attendence 2 times per
            >day, 6
            >years living in Eastern Orthodox monastic communities pursuing monastic
            >life,
            >frustration with Orthodox theology, 1 year back in Love in Action on staff
            >here
            >in Memphis Tn. Throughout these 20 years, I never expected to become
            >heterosexual. However, I see that I was trying to become a-sexual for the
            >sake
            >of the Kingdom. I am extremely disappointed to find that at best I have
            >been
            >repressing, denying, running from, and ignoring my very strong homosexual
            >responses and desires. I guess the "cork came off the bottle" last winter.
            >I
            >have been celibate these past 20 yrs and I intend to remain so. But I
            >honestly
            >do not know what is God's absolute and perfect will for 1) me, a Christian
            >man
            >who is homosexual and 2) all Christians who are homosexual. I had been
            >thinking
            >that as a homosexually driven person it was up to me to deny myself - my
            >homosexuality- and take up my cross daily to follow Jesus. I consider(ed)
            >homosexuality a result of the fall of man and therefore a brokenness which
            >resulted in sin (homosexual behaviour) and therefore something which needs
            >to be
            >"healed" or to be repented of. Now I honestly do not know. As I wrote
            >above, I
            >have no intention of giving up hard fought for celibacy, (although I
            >recently
            >have begun again to indulge my solo-sexual practice after 15 yrs of total
            >abstinence therefrom.) I am making honest inquiries into all sorts of
            >"accepting" or "affirming" Christians as well as the oputright "pro-gay"
            >faction
            >although I really am far too conservative to ever become "pro-gay." So
            >here I
            >am at 60 yrs old with a ton of questions!
            >
            >Sat Jun 26, 2010 2:36 pm
            >
            >Show Message Option
            >----------------------------------------------------------
            >
            >View Source
            >Use Fixed Width Font
            >Unwrap Lines
            >
            >----------------------------------------------------------
            >
            >"Tim" <_timalexwar7@..._ (mailto:timalexwar7@...) >
            >timalexwar7
            >Send IM
            >Send Email
            >
            >Delete
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
            >
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