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Re: [ExExGayMinistry] eHarmony Defends Excluding Gays

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  • Scott Russell
    Some time ago I sent eHarmony a fairly impassioned letter asking them to please include a same-sex option or create a parallel site. As a single gay Christian
    Message 1 of 3 , Sep 11, 2005
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      Some time ago I sent eHarmony a fairly impassioned letter asking them to please include a same-sex option or create a parallel site. As a single gay Christian man, I would LOVE to have a service like this one, which "breeder" friends of mine say is quite good and effective.

      Perhaps more of us should write Dr. Warren similar pleas.

      He doesn't say it, but in the end he knows that if he offered a "gay option" many of his evangelical customers would boycott him.

      We live in a sad time...

      Thanks for the post Norm!

      Norm <nojam75@...> wrote:
      (off-topic post, but reflects an Evangelical Christian's view on gay
      relationships)

      TERRY GROSS QUESTIONS eHARMONY FOUNDER ABOUT EXCLUSION OF GAYS

      I don't know whether it's intentional or whether its part of her
      famously thorough interview technique, but Fresh Air(1) host Terry
      Gross seems to consistently find the gay angle in many of her
      interviews. Last week, she interviewed(2) eHarmony(3) founder,
      psychologist, and Evangelical Christian Neil Clark Warren.

      After Warren proclaims that eHarmony provides services to (straight)
      couples of a wide-range of beliefs, including atheists and Wiccans,
      Gross asked him why eHarmony declines to match gays and lesbians. He
      initially states that in his 30-year practice he has not counseled
      same-sex couples, he is not familiar with the dynamics of gay
      relationships, and the principles in same-sex relationships are
      probably different than straight relationships.

      Gross counters him and notes that he probably hasn't counseled Wiccans
      either. Warren then seems to evade the gay topic by explaining that
      eHarmony is based on matching people by religious similarities. Gross
      then slightly interrupts Warren's explanation by asking a more blunt
      question:

      / TERRY GROSS: "Let me just ask you, are you sure it's not just
      / because you are uncomfortable with homosexuality that you are not
      / doing it as opposed to the fact that you haven't counseled a lot of
      / gay couples because you know a lot of people say love is love and an
      / attraction is an attraction and it might not be that different to
      / match the tastes of a gay couple and straight couple?"(2)
      /
      / NEIL CLARK WARREN: "You know it might not. I don't know that. I
      / have a deep desire for gays and lesbians to be matched well if they
      / are going to be together.
      /
      / "The fact is that same-sex marriage in this country is largely
      / illegal at this time and we do try to match people for marriage. So
      / that is one issue for us.
      /
      / "The other issue ... I don't try to sneak away from it. It's the
      / biggest political, most contentious kind of question in American
      / right now. And, you know, I have come up through the Christian side.
      / I have a great amount of experience in all of that. And given the
      / fact that we don't know much about it and given the fact that it is
      / so inflammatory on both sides, we've tried to steer clear of it.
      / ..."(2)

      He continues to explain that he has spent a lot of time with gay group
      he doesn't name that sought his advice for a similar matching website
      for gays. But he concludes, "We've taken a position right now that we
      choose not to do that."

      What I love about Terry Gross is that she cut-off his seemingly BS
      answer and forced him to answer a well-reasoned and specific
      accusation. Although he tried to maintain a compassionate
      conservative answer, it seems his response is that he and eHarmony
      want to avoid controversy. Of course, by discriminating against gays
      and lesbians, eHarmony is inviting controversy from gay and lesbian
      groups.

      A more truthful argument Warren could have made is that eHarmony fears
      offending its conservative Christian customers more than it fears
      offending socially progressive gay/straight customers. Afterall, as
      discussed in the interview, Warren's and eHarmony's success was
      initially credited to its partnership with James Dobson's Focus on the
      Family.

      Norm!

      http://nojam75.blogspot.com/

      (1) http://www.freshair.com
      (2) http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4803877
      (3) http://www.eharmony.com




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    • Tim
      I joined eHarmony a couple years ago thinking I could find a Christian boyfriend on there. Unfortunately for so many people and websites, gay and Christian are
      Message 2 of 3 , Sep 13, 2005
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        I joined eHarmony a couple years ago thinking I could find a
        Christian boyfriend on there. Unfortunately for so many people and
        websites, gay and Christian are anathema, something to be steered
        away from rather than embraced. And yes, I remembered that eHarmony
        had its roots in Focus on the Family, so it's no wonder Warren won't
        allow for glbt folks' needs to be addressed on his site. That being
        said, I did not realize that eHarmony embraces Wiccan and other
        pagan interests that also run counter to Christian teaching. Talk
        about blatant hypocrisy!!

        ***********

        In exexgayministry@yahoogroups.com, "Norm" <nojam75@y...> wrote:
        > (off-topic post, but reflects an Evangelical Christian's view on
        gay relationships)
        >
        > TERRY GROSS QUESTIONS eHARMONY FOUNDER ABOUT EXCLUSION OF GAYS
        >
        > I don't know whether it's intentional or whether its part of her
        > famously thorough interview technique, but Fresh Air(1) host Terry
        > Gross seems to consistently find the gay angle in many of her
        > interviews. Last week, she interviewed(2) eHarmony(3) founder,
        > psychologist, and Evangelical Christian Neil Clark Warren.
        >
        > After Warren proclaims that eHarmony provides services to
        (straight)
        > couples of a wide-range of beliefs, including atheists and Wiccans,
        > Gross asked him why eHarmony declines to match gays and lesbians.
        He
        > initially states that in his 30-year practice he has not counseled
        > same-sex couples, he is not familiar with the dynamics of gay
        > relationships, and the principles in same-sex relationships are
        > probably different than straight relationships.
        >
        > Gross counters him and notes that he probably hasn't counseled
        Wiccans
        > either. Warren then seems to evade the gay topic by explaining
        that
        > eHarmony is based on matching people by religious similarities.
        Gross
        > then slightly interrupts Warren's explanation by asking a more
        blunt
        > question:
        >
        > / TERRY GROSS: "Let me just ask you, are you sure it's not just
        > / because you are uncomfortable with homosexuality that you are
        not
        > / doing it as opposed to the fact that you haven't counseled a lot
        of
        > / gay couples because you know a lot of people say love is love
        and an
        > / attraction is an attraction and it might not be that different
        to
        > / match the tastes of a gay couple and straight couple?"(2)
        > /
        > / NEIL CLARK WARREN: "You know it might not. I don't know that. I
        > / have a deep desire for gays and lesbians to be matched well if
        they
        > / are going to be together.
        > /
        > / "The fact is that same-sex marriage in this country is largely
        > / illegal at this time and we do try to match people for marriage.
        So
        > / that is one issue for us.
        > /
        > / "The other issue ... I don't try to sneak away from it. It's the
        > / biggest political, most contentious kind of question in American
        > / right now. And, you know, I have come up through the Christian
        side.
        > / I have a great amount of experience in all of that. And given
        the
        > / fact that we don't know much about it and given the fact that it
        is
        > / so inflammatory on both sides, we've tried to steer clear of it.
        > / ..."(2)
        >
        > He continues to explain that he has spent a lot of time with gay
        group
        > he doesn't name that sought his advice for a similar matching
        website
        > for gays. But he concludes, "We've taken a position right now that
        we
        > choose not to do that."
        >
        > What I love about Terry Gross is that she cut-off his seemingly BS
        > answer and forced him to answer a well-reasoned and specific
        > accusation. Although he tried to maintain a compassionate
        > conservative answer, it seems his response is that he and eHarmony
        > want to avoid controversy. Of course, by discriminating against
        gays
        > and lesbians, eHarmony is inviting controversy from gay and lesbian
        > groups.
        >
        > A more truthful argument Warren could have made is that eHarmony
        fears
        > offending its conservative Christian customers more than it fears
        > offending socially progressive gay/straight customers. Afterall,
        as
        > discussed in the interview, Warren's and eHarmony's success was
        > initially credited to its partnership with James Dobson's Focus on
        the
        > Family.
        >
        > Norm!
        >
        > http://nojam75.blogspot.com/
        >
        > (1) http://www.freshair.com
        > (2) http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4803877
        > (3) http://www.eharmony.com
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