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  • Tim
    Jun 27, 2010
      I have been rethinking the
      "gay/Christian" conflict. I have spent the previous 20 years doing everything I
      could find to do in order to "deal with my homosexuality" within a Christian
      context: 4 yrs residential Love In Action program in San Rafael, Ca.; 3 yrs
      Orthodox community in Ben Lomond, Ca, with church attendence 2 times per day, 6
      years living in Eastern Orthodox monastic communities pursuing monastic life,
      frustration with Orthodox theology, 1 year back in Love in Action on staff here
      in Memphis Tn. Throughout these 20 years, I never expected to become
      heterosexual. However, I see that I was trying to become a-sexual for the sake
      of the Kingdom. I am extremely disappointed to find that at best I have been
      repressing, denying, running from, and ignoring my very strong homosexual
      responses and desires. I guess the "cork came off the bottle" last winter. I
      have been celibate these past 20 yrs and I intend to remain so. But I honestly
      do not know what is God's absolute and perfect will for 1) me, a Christian man
      who is homosexual and 2) all Christians who are homosexual. I had been thinking
      that as a homosexually driven person it was up to me to deny myself - my
      homosexuality- and take up my cross daily to follow Jesus. I consider(ed)
      homosexuality a result of the fall of man and therefore a brokenness which
      resulted in sin (homosexual behaviour) and therefore something which needs to be
      "healed" or to be repented of. Now I honestly do not know. As I wrote above, I
      have no intention of giving up hard fought for celibacy, (although I recently
      have begun again to indulge my solo-sexual practice after 15 yrs of total
      abstinence therefrom.) I am making honest inquiries into all sorts of
      "accepting" or "affirming" Christians as well as the oputright "pro-gay" faction
      although I really am far too conservative to ever become "pro-gay." So here I
      am at 60 yrs old with a ton of questions!

      Sat Jun 26, 2010 2:36 pm

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      "Tim" <timalexwar7@...>
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