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2822Re: [ExExGayMinistry] Re: The Portland Fellowship's Leader Leaves

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  • Paul Jackson
    May 5, 2003
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      Norm, Your observations about marriage, homosexuals, and the attitudes of ?Christian churches were very interesting. I certainly agree with your observation that any one who has homosexual feelings should be cautious about getting involved in a heterosexual relationship. It is not wise to do such a thing in light of the fact that so many innocent people could easily be hurt or misled. Your understanding that the option of singleness should be a valuable option for a person who beleives homosexuality to be wrong is well taken. I concur. This position seems to have more integrity than that touted by the ex-gay movement. In His Service, Paul

      Norm <nojam75@...> wrote:Although your message was directed to Alex, I am also responding
      since I initiated the discussion regarding ex-gay leaders marrying.
      My main point was not to necessarily question ex-gays' motives for
      straight marriages, but to ask why singleness does not seem to be as
      well praised.

      As a young ex-gay participant, I was told to be thankful that I
      began my 'healing' early and would have plenty of time in my life to
      pursue a wife & kids. However, marriage was not my motivation. I
      did not feel that it would be sincere to link a relationship with
      my 'healing'. But I received negative reactions whenever I
      mentioned anything about staying single. I perceived an attitude
      that heterosexual marriage is not, technically, the goal of ex-gay
      treatment, marriage is a sign of 'healing' and success.

      IMO, lifelong, singleness, and celibacy are not generally or
      geniunely valued by Christian and non-Christian cultures. Nobody
      talks about being 'happily single'. Singleness is seen as a
      burden. A theology has developed that God does not want people to
      be single. Many who believe same-sex sexual behaviors are immoral
      seem to sympathize that celibacy is too much of a burden for GLBT.
      Therefore, many anti-gay people theorize that God intended for GLBT
      to seek 'healing' so they can become a good husbands/wives.

      Therefore, I don't think it is discounting or belittling to "those
      who wish to pursue other avenues of life" to discuss whether there
      is a marriage pressure for ex-gays. It is legitimate to question
      why marriage seems such an important credential for priminant ex-
      gays. In light of the relatively low success rate of ex-gay
      treatment and the significant risk of 'back-sliding', it would seem
      prudent to me that ex-gays should exercise caution before risking an
      entire family's well-being on the ex-gay experiment. Isn't it
      important to learn and accept oneself as single for a time before
      marriage?

      Norm!




      --- In exexgayministry@yahoogroups.com, Paul Jackson
      <rembrandtjackson@s...> wrote:
      >
      > Alex,
      > Why do you presume that people marry and have children for motives
      other than wanting to have a family and follow the injunction to go
      forth and multiply? While I dissagree with some of the tactics of
      the ex-gay movement, I do not think that it is good for anyone to
      judge the motives of others.
      > I also beleive that if these souls truly wish to marry a member of
      the opposite sex and have children, then by all means, they should
      be allowed. I am growing more and more uncomfortable with the way
      that many gay people seem to think it is proper to discount and
      belittle those who wish to pursue other avenues of life. No man has
      the right to infringe on the will of another. Live and let be is my
      motto.
      > Paul
      > nyguy_1225 <no_reply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:<<It seems that
      having the 'wife and kids' is a requirement of ex-
      > gay leadership that they proudly include in their "ex-gay"
      > credentials.>>
      >
      > I don't know if it's so much of a "requirement" as much as it's a
      > way to say, "Now I am more acceptable to myself and to the people
      > around me." Sadly, they don't usually feel that way in the long
      run.
      > -Alex
      >
      > --- In exexgayministry@yahoogroups.com, "Norm" <nojam75@y...>
      wrote:
      > > I re-read Focus on the Family's press release and realized that
      it
      > > said Paulk was NOT going to continue in ex-gay ministry. So my
      PF
      > > theory is shot down.
      > >
      > > Phil is a kind man. It's sad that his family may be adversely
      > > effected. Again, we don't know what the exact problem was, so
      we
      > > should be careful about assumptions.
      > >
      > > But I'm disturbed when ex-gay leaders quickly build marriages
      and
      > > families as testaments of faith that their homosexuality 'is
      under
      > > control'. It seems that having the 'wife and kids' is a
      > requirement
      > > of ex-gay leadership that they proudly include in their "ex-gay"
      > > credentials. Although their spouses may have some choice in the
      > > matter of marrying an ex-gay, their kids certainly do not have
      any
      > > choice in participating in the ex-gay experiment. I just wish
      ex-
      > > gays would not put so much emphasis on marriage. Life-long
      > celibacy
      > > is rarely discussed in the ex-gay movement, probably because it
      is
      > > unpopular.
      > >
      > > - Norm!
      >
      >
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