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NON GENEALOGY -EXTREMELY FUNNY

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  • jreakes
    BlankI couldn t resist this! Just enjoy a minute break. To: Computer Software Technical Support From: An anonymous female system user Subject: Husband 1.0 To
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 6, 2000
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      BlankI couldn't resist this! Just enjoy a minute break.


      To: Computer Software Technical Support
      From: An anonymous female system user
      Subject: Husband 1.0

      To whom it may concern:

      Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
      that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting
      software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry
      applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of
      this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
      In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such
      as Dinner/Dancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1, and installs new,
      undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4
      and ClutterEverywhere 4.5.
      Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system.
      Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6.
      I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all-purpose
      utility is of limited effectiveness.
      Can you help please!!!!
      Jane
      ===================
      Reply to: Anonymous system user Jane
      From: Computer Software Technical Support
      Subject: Husband 1.0

      Dear Jane:
      This is a very common problem women complain about, but is mostly due
      to a fundamental misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to
      Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT
      package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its
      creator to run as few applications as possible.
      Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0,
      because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within
      your system will cause the original Boyfriend 5.0 to simply emulate Husband
      1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge
      the program files from the system once it is installed.
      Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband
      1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common and a normal part
      of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite
      applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to
      install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more
      problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under
      "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support". You will notice that this program runs
      very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3.
      I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this
      strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might
      also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults
      (GPFs). This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the
      parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must
      assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root
      cause. To activate this great feature, enter the command "C:\I THOUGHT YOU
      LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the
      command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
      Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

      TECH TIP:
      Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional
      and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\APOLOGIZE
      command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also
      cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, Beer 6.0.
      Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create what are
      known as "FatBelly" files and SnoringLoudly sound files that are very hard to
      delete.
      Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip. Just
      remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but
      because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the
      applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does
      have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider
      buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot
      Food 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these
      utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several
      years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many
      valuable embedded features such as FixesBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and
      BestFriend 7.6.
      A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install
      MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause
      selective shut down of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only
      Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
      I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install
      Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming
      years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!





      JANET REAKES
      GENEALOGY CONSULTANT, AUTHOR & ADOPTION SPECIALIST
      DIP.FHS, ACCREDITED GENEALOGIST GSU (ENG & AUST)
      PO BOX 937,
      HERVEY BAY QLD 4655 AUSTRALIA
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