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EGR - Dissimulation, Dyspepsia and Assorted Doggerel

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  • Christopher Locke
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ EGR is graciously underwritten by Entropy Web Consulting http://www.rageboy.com/ewc/people.html
    Message 1 of 1 , Nov 11 6:52 PM
      +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
      EGR is graciously underwritten by Entropy Web Consulting
      http://www.rageboy.com/ewc/people.html
      "Industry Heavies Saying Nice Things About Us, For Money."
      +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

      Valued Readers:

      You sent us so much mail about the Scream III issue that there's no
      way we'll ever be able to answer it all. However, rest assured that we
      are reading through all that stuff with deepest delight. Plus, thanks
      to certain Noble EGR Irregulars and their trusty re-spammer engines,
      word seems to be traveling at light-speed across the net.

      For instance, Alf Gardner [alf@...] writes:

      I have been planning on attending your talk, so I haven't read it
      yet. However, I did give your article top billing in my Internet
      Resources page: http://www.comfluent.net/beta/netresources.htm

      And here's a particularly puissant kick in the head. Go to

      http://www.insarasota.com

      and check out the top story there: "Sin on the Net" (mysteriously
      changed to "A Web of sin" later in the day). Is this just more lurid
      web sensationalism? Well, yeah, it is. But it also constitutes
      RageBoy's latest coup in infiltrating the very Heart Of The Beast(tm),
      for this is in fact Scream III Revisited.

      Now we bring you the exclusive story behind the story, to coin a
      phrase. If you've already drunk enough coffee (or whatever) to cut
      through the somnolent miasma of your humdrum workaday milieu, you may
      ask yourself: "Self, just where *is* this page upon which RB has
      managed to get himself so prominently featured?"

      If you're really wide awake, you may take a clue from the URL above to
      infer that it's, why, probably, in all likelihood, well... in
      Sarasota. For the the more lethargic among you -- and those not lucky
      enough to live in The Land of Disney -- we should explain that
      Sarasota is in the state of Florida. OK, now we're getting somewhere!

      Note also the subtle banner at the top of the homepage that
      understates the crucial line "Comcast in Your Town" -- or go to the
      bottom of the page to see the logo: Comcast Online Communications,
      which in turn takes you to:

      http://www.inyourtown.com

      Here, you can begin to appreciate the awesome *degree* of infiltration
      this republishing event truly represents, for the 24 cities and
      regions listed there are all part of the Comcast@Home high-speed cable
      modem network.

      Yes, this is the same @Home that has taken in huge wads of investment
      bucks from the likes of Cox Communications, Rogers Cablesystems, Shaw
      Communications, Tele-Communications, Inc., Kleiner Perkins Caufield &
      Byers, and of course Comcast. The same @Home that is, moreover,
      partnered with Cablevision Systems, InterMedia Partners, Marcus Cable,
      Cogeco, Bresnan Communications, Jones Intercable, Garden State Cable,
      Insight Communications, Midcontinent Cable Company, and Century
      Communications. In other words, an astonishingly colossal convergence
      of bigwig corporate mammyjammers.

      http://www.home.net

      And yes, the same Comcast that owns the QVC shopping channel, which --
      for those of you who didn't already know -- stands for Quality, Value
      and Convenience, and which snagged a billion-dollar equity infusion
      (as they say) from Microsoft.

      http://www.comcast.com

      Not inconsequent to this story appearing on the Comcast@Home network,
      we have put Microsoft on notice that if it doesn't immediately pay us
      an undisclosed but substantial sum, we will next go after WebTV and
      LinkExchange. Inside joke, you're thinking, right? Dead wrong! Unless
      they pay us off bigtime, we're going to fuck up *all* their
      investments, most likely by divulging the unvarnished truth about the
      Internet Explorer 5.0 beta.

      So, uh, anyway, what were we saying?... Oh yeah, we hope you're
      suitably impressed with this prestidigitatious little feat of online
      sedition. Actually though, as is the usual case, we owe it all to a
      single individual: one Thomas Matrullo, editor of Comcast Online in
      Sarasota, FL. If you feel inclined to thank him for being an
      Exceedingly Cool Guy, he is:

      tmatrullo@....

      By the way, the actual URL for this article is

      http://www.insarasota.com/saramedia/templatePages/CYBER/cyber0011_11.asp

      which you may need if, like so many others, you consistently read EGR
      three months after we slave away trying to make it timely and topical.
      And brief. Let's not forget brief. And succinct. And hard-hitting and
      on-target and all that kinda stuff.

      At the very least, the success of the InSarasota gambit offsets our
      experience delivering Scream III as a talk, which we promised we'd
      tell you about. It's a short tale, really: never happened. As it
      transpired, the so-called conference group that put that Internet Expo
      fiasco together was a traveling band of snake-oil salesmen and ripoff
      artists, and the "conference" itself -- which we found out way too
      late had a total pre-registration of 15 -- was a perfect reflection of
      the seven sins we were slated to talk about. Hard to know whether
      Greed or Senility ranked higher in their hopelessly bird-brained
      little Weltanschauung, but it hardly matters now. However, we did get
      to witness first-hand the parade of outlandish geeks and social
      deviants who attend these sorts of events, so that was a big plus.

      ---

      Finger Pointing

      There's some really cool eye candy called out toward the end of this
      send, so all you plebeian losers can go there right now and skip this
      section, wherein, changing gears, we want to plug a couple of our
      pals. We should explain that we don't get paid for this -- not in cash
      money anyway, which God only knows, we could use a lot more of right
      about now over here -- but we do it anyhow because we think these
      folks are a) quite cool, b) very useful, and c) we simply have to stop
      plugging David Weinberger lest people get the impression he's the only
      person we know. We should also explain that, while most of you are
      mere wage-slave web-schlepps -- eyeballs peering your little hearts
      out along the InfoHighway of Life -- a smaller but significant portion
      of the EGR readership consists of Chief Executive Officers, Vice
      Presidents of Marketing, and other hotshit corporate executive types
      fully deserving of having their titles capitalized. It is to these
      Legends in Their Own Minds that the following pointers are addressed.

      1) Eric Ward sent us the following blip-vert:

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      URLwire - News Of The Web's Top Launches And Events Since 1994
      http://www.urlwire.com
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      URLwire is a news alert sent only to editors, reporters and
      site reviewers who earn a living covering the high end of the
      Web. It is matched personally by me to your subject interests,
      not automated, and most important, not annoying. Send
      your subject interests any time. mailto:EricWard@...
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      We don't think this does him full justice, as Eric is one of the most
      plugged in professionals we know, having been online approximately
      forever. So if you want to get your news around, call the guy. In
      addition to being non-annoying, he's extremely effective in telling
      Heavy Duty Influentials what it is you're doing. This is especially
      valuable in cases where you yourself have forgotten.

      For turning you on to him, Eric has promised to tell his contacts how
      we Walk On Water(tm) and encourage them to check out our consulting
      practice -- as soon as we finish those damned pages that were supposed
      to accompany the shameless self promotion at:

      http://www.rageboy.com/ewc/people.html

      Of course, we're telling the God's Honest Truth about Eric, and he'll
      have to lie like a rug about what we do. That in itself made this
      arrangement seem like a pretty good deal.

      And PLEASE: don't bother sending mail about how EGR has sold out and
      gone commercial. Just because you make a fortune muling coke from Peru
      doesn't mean the rest of us are exempt from having to suck up to the
      rich and powerful.

      2) Doc Searls writes a zine called Reality 2.0 -- subtitled
      "Contrarian Perspectives on the Leading Edge" -- which likes to kick
      the crap out of Dumbass Ideas And The People Who Have Them (hey, that
      sounds like it could be a hot book title). Check out his highly
      informed perspectives on business, the Internet, and what it means to
      be a human being at the end of the 20th century:

      http://www.searls.com/r2.html

      Doc is also Chief Cook and Bottlewasher of The Searls Group, which we
      suspect also includes his cat. He sort of does the same kind of
      consulting we do, but he actually *finished* his pages, which you can
      find at:

      http://www.searls.com/srlzgrp.html

      Not only are these pages finished, they actually say something. Such
      as: markets are conversations, you are where you come from, and
      participation is everything. This is solid fare, and we're jealous we
      didn't write a bunch of it ourselves. Look, we're way more desperate
      for money than he is, but if you think RageBoy would be a tad too much
      for your company -- massive coronaries can be *so* messy -- then hire
      Doc instead. He's every bit as dangerous; he just doesn't look it.

      How *We* Look...
      http://www.rageboy.com/transport.html

      ---

      Beatstream: It'll Make You Go All Wiggy!

      We're not usually knocked out by flash, but here's a site you gotta
      see to believe. However, you're gonna need Flash for real, as in the
      latest Macromedia plug-in. Otherwise, nothing to see. Plus the latest
      RealAudio player. Otherwise, nothing to hear. If you're using a
      browser released anytime after the Pleistocene, you probably already
      have this gear. If not, don't worry, you cheapskate bastards can still
      get it free from links off Beatstream's main page:

      http://www.beatstream.com

      Also, you'll need to:

      a) open your browser window to FULL
      b) set your speakers to STUN
      c) have a four-course dinner while all the Flash shit loads up

      But it's worth the wait, trust us. Despite the fact that we're pretty
      much addicted to plain old boring HTML, we think this is some of the
      finest design work on the web. And these Irish sods have good taste in
      other sites too; to see how we discovered this flat-out-drop-dead
      rock-your-socks-off performance, be sure to check the final item in
      their Links section.

      ---

      Gratuitous Abuse

      What's that you say? You don't have a Real Operating System like
      Windows 95? Oooh, poor baby! Look, don't come crying to us, just get
      with the program, OK? Trusted sources close to the situatation tell us
      that the whole Microsoft antitrust action was just a massive PR setup
      and that after the current Justice Department charade is over, the
      Treasury is going to change all US currency from "In God We Trust" to
      "Where Do You Want to Go Today?" Besides, how can you fight progress?
      Jeez, what a pack of ungrateful Luddites!

      And now, let the Great Unsub Wave commence! Actually, we're baiting
      the Mac-Sun-Linux Axis here, plus anyone else we can manage to piss
      off. Let's see...

      Ayn-Randy Libertarians,
      Virgos, Gemini and Aquarians,
      New Age Fakirs, Pious Quakers,
      Gen-X Slackers, Mackerel Snappers,
      Heavy Metal Rockers, Holy Rollers,
      Manic Depressives (the Bi-Polar),
      Buddhists, Christians, Muslims, Jews,
      Seers, Queers and Republicans too,
      Womyn, Goths and Vegetarians,
      People of Color, Whitebread Aryans...

      On all the above we'll take a pass,
      And welcome them to kiss our ass.

      The reason is simple: unsubscribe requests have fallen dangerously
      below quota, as you can see from these latest statistics:

      since September 25 1998

      unsubs 96
      new subs 260
      total active subs 2624

      Let's all do what we can to pump that first number up a bit, shall we?
      Plus, remember our catchy new slogan and Critical Project Milestone:

      Nothing to Say by Y2K!

      Some might observe that we achieved this goal long ago. However, since
      the mental circuitry connecting typing skills and brain run a little
      slower for us than for the average individual, we simply haven't
      gotten the news yet. But that's another issue altogether...

      Meanwhile, Thank You Anyway.

      The Management

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