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  • Paul Olson
    You ve probably seen this but I love it anyway. Sword Answering machine at the Mental Hospital... Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline ... If you
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 3, 2007
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      You've probably seen this but I love it anyway.
      Sword

      "Answering machine at the Mental Hospital...
      "Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline ...
      If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
      If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
      If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
      If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
      the line so we can trace your call.
      If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to
      the mother ship.
      If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will
      tell you which number to press.
      If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
      press, no one will answer.
      If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
      If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key
      until a representative comes on the line.
      If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
      number, date of birth, Social Security number and your mother's
      maiden name.
      If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-
      u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
      If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep,
      or before the beep, or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
      If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
      If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
      If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
      If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
      If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too
      busy to talk to you.
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