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Re: Thanks To All Who responded To My Questions, And Some Further Explanations

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  • jjamie1977
    ... responded. ... that ... childhood ... program ... said ... that. ... that I ... teachings, ... in ... have ... way. ... feel ... truthdecider, i have just
    Message 1 of 3 , Jul 18, 2005
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      --- In eckankartruth@yahoogroups.com, truthdecider <no_reply@y...>
      wrote:
      > Hello All!
      >
      > I posted this on ESA as well, as there were many there who also
      responded.
      >
      > First of all, my thanks to all who responded. Much of the advice
      that
      > was suggested was certainly helpful.
      >
      > I feel the need to clarify some things that I said, and what I meant
      > by them.
      >
      > Firstly, as far as what I called a self-hate issue, this is a
      > "program" that was implanted in my unconscious mind in early
      childhood
      > as a result of the abuse that I went through then. Most of the time,
      > this program doesn't run anymore, so it's not something that I deal
      > with all of the time. At times however, something may happen that
      > triggers this program to run again, and then these old feelings of
      > self-hate get filtered back into my current reality, and temporarily
      > color how I perceive things in my world. However, I am more aware of
      > this than I ever have been before, so, as I said before, this
      program
      > doesn't usually get run anymore.
      >
      > Most people that know me even very well have no idea at all that I
      > even deal with this. For example, my annual employee review where I
      > work happened recently. I work in a Graduate School at a large
      > University performing backline technology support. My annual review
      > was stellar. The only thing somewhat critical that my supervisor
      said
      > was that some people had commented to him that I seemed almost too
      > cheerful all of the time, and they wondered if I might be "on
      > something"! I found this comment quite funny! If they only knew all
      > that I had been dealing with this past year!
      >
      > Anyway, in spite of the fact that this program of self-hate doesn't
      > run so often anymore, I am still looking for a way to erase it
      > completely, because it is software that I no longer need, and it's
      > time to only run newer, much more constructive programs all of the
      > time. It has outlived its usefulness. And I am on the road to being
      > done with running this program for good, and I am very happy about
      that.
      >
      > I know that a couple of people suggested returning to traditional
      > counseling, but that is just not an option. The childhood abuse
      that I
      > went through, my intense experiences with various spiritual
      teachings,
      > my encounters with UFOs, etc. are all part of a much larger picture
      in
      > my life plan. None of this was an accident, and I am certainly not a
      > victim. The level of awareness that I have developed about the
      > experiences that I have been through goes way beyond how most
      > counselors would view these things. All of the experiences that I
      have
      > been through have all been necessary training experiences for
      > something much bigger. Of this, I have no doubt. I feel that this is
      > also true for everyone, although many people do not view it this
      way.
      >
      > In my last post, when I was asking for help and suggestions, I was
      > feeling somewhat lost. However, I have found myself again, and I
      feel
      > great! This is not to say that I have completely figured everything
      > out yet, but I am certainly back on the right track. And I thank you
      > all for your kind assistance.
      >
      > Be well my friends! And thanks again!

      --------------------------------------------------------
      truthdecider, i have just read ur post here, and i have to say that i
      am touched. it is very sincere and heartfelt, i feel. and tho it is
      unique to ur own personal experience, certainly it has universal
      implications.

      altho we each walk an exceedingly individual path, there are certain
      themes common to us all (this is my opinion). for example, there are
      periods/phases when we feel quite focused and centered; then, the
      ground shifts and there is a period where we feel somewhat lost or
      disoriented. we may feel somewhat depressed, or feel that we can't
      find any meaning or reason or direction. and what has it all been
      for, this attempt to tread the spiritual way? this can be a difficult
      time, a darkish time. in some instances, quite dark. then....renewed
      clarity comes. as if we had climbed up on a hill that is just a bit
      higher than the one we last occupied. we see things we hadnt seen or
      understood before, about ourselves and life, generally. our
      old "programs" dissolve because we see them. these things cannot
      tolerate, and thrive, in awareness.

      this is the rhythm of the way. a building up, then a dissolving of
      form (both internal and external). and i will share one of my
      favorite quotes on the subject:

      "he who does not feel himself lost is lost beyond all remission"
      ortega y gasset

      jamie.....
    • prometheus_973
      Hello jjamie, I just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading the comments and insights that you shared with Truthdecider. Prometheus ... i am touched. it is very
      Message 2 of 3 , Jul 19, 2005
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        Hello jjamie,

        I just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading the comments and
        insights that you shared with Truthdecider.

        Prometheus


        --- In eckankartruth@yahoogroups.com, "jjamie1977" <jjamie1977@y...>
        wrote:

        >truthdecider, i have just read ur post here, and i have to say that
        i am touched. it is very sincere and heartfelt, i feel. and tho it
        is unique to ur own personal experience, certainly it has universal
        implications.

        altho we each walk an exceedingly individual path, there are certain
        themes common to us all (this is my opinion). for example, there are
        periods/phases when we feel quite focused and centered; then, the
        ground shifts and there is a period where we feel somewhat lost or
        disoriented. we may feel somewhat depressed, or feel that we can't
        find any meaning or reason or direction. and what has it all been
        for, this attempt to tread the spiritual way? this can be a
        difficult time, a darkish time. in some instances, quite dark.
        then....renewed clarity comes. as if we had climbed up on a hill
        that is just a bit higher than the one we last occupied. we see
        things we hadnt seen or understood before, about ourselves and life,
        generally. our old "programs" dissolve because we see them. these
        things cannot tolerate, and thrive, in awareness.

        this is the rhythm of the way. a building up, then a dissolving of
        form (both internal and external). and i will share one of my
        favorite quotes on the subject:

        "he who does not feel himself lost is lost beyond all remission"
        ortega y gasset

        jamie.....
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