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A really funny one!!!

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  • brighttigress
    This one is even funnier than the members-only Secret Eckankaka Discourses!!!!!!! BTW - I don t have time for housecleaning so if anyone wants to post here,
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 29, 2002
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      This one is even funnier than the members-only Secret Eckankaka Discourses!!!!!!!

      BTW - I don't have time for "housecleaning" so if anyone wants to post here, I've un-disabled posting again.

      Oh...a little warning before you read this, if you're a middle-aged woman who's had children, etc., and sort of "piddle" a bit when you sneeze, cough, or laugh, please go potty *before* you read this!!!
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      Subject: Obey the law


      Recently, a radio personality said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality
      is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to this individual penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

      Dear Dr. kjeinldoiu:

      Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

      I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

      1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

      2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

      3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

      4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

      5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

      6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

      7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

      8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

      9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

      10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

      I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

      Your devoted fan, Jim

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