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5231Re: A Canadian? For Lillia

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  • brighttigress@yahoo.com
    Feb 1, 2005
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      Well, Lillia, at this point I don't really know what to say here. On the
      practical side, I hope your mother sees an attorney ASAP. And especially
      considering her recent heart attack, I hope she's at least filled in her
      family doctor about what's going on, maybe he or she might also think some
      professional counseling is needed here. For you, too. Especially
      because you seem to be so extremely upset, and that may prevent you from
      being able to focus on the best way to handle this with your children.

      Unfortunately, marriages *do* break up every day. Because of the cult's
      influence in this one, it's maybe a bit more difficult than a "normal"

      Anyway, what I've been thinking is that it's not unlikely that your father
      hasn't been totally happy about his marriage for many years. Now, this
      *does* happen, and often maybe even the spouse has *no* idea there's
      something "wrong", or at least missing, from the other person's point of
      view. And with your father, well...I can imagine how he felt, being
      unable to share "the eck" with his wife - quite often, "the eck" is the
      most important thing in the universe to the cult member, and it takes
      precedence over a marriage, especially in a marriage to a non-eckist.

      So, your father's been escaping to his fantasy world for a long time,
      instead of focusing on his love and commitment to his wife and family, and
      keeping it alive and fulfilling, and fresh and "new". You and your mother
      didn't notice anything "wrong", but maybe your father had just been just
      "going through the motions" for a long time.

      I was really hoping that he'd be willing to at least talk to someone in
      the cult, and at least consider the possibility that he hasn't made the
      best decision about what to do about this whole thing.

      There are always many possibilities. I can see why he's convinced himself
      that his karma with his family is over, and that he needs to be with this
      other woman to "grow spiritually". That's what he *wants* to believe.
      Quite often, those "inner messages" from "the mahanta" are simply
      fantasies, and a good way for the cult members to justify just about
      *anything*. I'm sure he wouldn't want to consider the possibility that
      maybe this situation is one he's faced in previous incarnations, and maybe
      he's just making the same mistake he's made before? Maybe the *real*
      lesson here was supposed to be that he should have exercised some self-

      He's on an emotional high right now. Maybe what brought him and the other
      woman together wasn't some kind of high-holey-soulmate thing. In his
      heart, he wanted an eckist wife and family. And this woman was "looking",
      too. You know, I just remembered another "eckmarriage" - it's mentioned
      at: http://www.angelfire.com/hi2/eckankarsurvivors/handout8.html along
      with a few other examples of wacky "eckthink". This particular
      eckmarriage fell apart, too. And it's quite likely that once your
      father's with this new woman for awhile, and the newness of it all wears
      off, he's going to find himself in the same situation he found himself in
      with your mother, feeling there's something "more", that the grass might
      be greener elsewhere.

      I wonder, though - did your father really expect that the family he's
      deserting was going to understand and support him in this? And go along
      with all that "spirichul" stuff, and think it's just all peachy-keen?

      Lillia, as hard as it is, you need to focus on accepting what's going to
      happen, and just do what you need to do to get through this and move on as
      best as you can, and not let it ruin your life. You all need to support
      each other right now, and look ahead to the future. No, things will
      *never* be the same - but life can and *must* go forward, and it's up to
      you to decide what your future is going to be. Do you want to spend the
      rest of your life under a dark cloud? I don't think so. Life often
      brings unpleasant situations and surprises, doesn't it? Not much we can
      do about it, but just try to do the best we can to deal with whatever hits
      the fan.

      Can't really think of anything else to say right now.


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