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3109Re: [eckankartruth] Re: death of hope

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  • samorez@aol.com
    Jun 4, 2003
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      In a message dated 6/4/2003 12:41:15 AM Pacific Standard Time,
      Ejimbirds@... writes:

      > Back on the sober-side again (gawd its so boring). Your post got me
      > thinking Orez...Something about absent fathers hit a nail for me. My
      > old man was there but he wasnt really present, he did his duty, went
      > out to work, made sure we got fed and clothed ect...I reckon
      > something in him never came back from the war...He had been a flyer
      > in the RAF...had done the full tour...shot down...crash landed, here
      > there and everywhere and survived. I used to think that maybe it was
      > his journey through the fear and pain that made live in his silent
      > shell until I met another man...I worked with him decades ago, he had
      > been a prisoner of the japanese on the Burma railway and survived the
      > horrors. I used to ask him about his experieces...I was a nosey kid
      > back then...I never forgot what he said one day "I was never more
      > alive than when I was surrounded by death,and it could be mine turn
      > at any moment." Back then that didnt mean anything to me...but now I
      > see that these guys were dying of boredom, there safe lives were now
      > detrimental to
      > them.
      > I reckon thats my real reason for getting out of ekar...I
      > woke up one day and found myself servicing sheep heaven...Klemps idea
      > of hevean...The Farm...and him the good shepherd...I realized then
      > that I was really a wolf in sheeps clothes...wolves began to appear
      > in my paintings, wolves in lightbeams, some eckies tried to put eck-
      > spin on those pictures...but now I know my inner artist was
      > spotlighting me. I looked around and saw them nibbling at
      > nothing...all the energy was gone. Klemp used to say often to the
      > effect that if you didnt move when the energy moved you got left
      > behind...A self-fulfilling prohecy for
      > him.
      > Seems I only hit the bottle when I'm bored maybe..as for fear
      > and pain Ive been there to many times to want anymore. jimmi

      I hear ya, man. Although I have to say I've had more real fun in the last 16
      years than I did in the whole rest of my life Running and Gunning. You sound
      like a risk taker. Myself, I'm an adrenaline junkie. That's one reason I rock
      climb and mountain bike. Climbing out on a limb is risky, but that's where the
      fruit is. Only thing is some folks just can't get away with the chemical mood
      changers. Some weird kind of allergy or something. Once they start, can't
      quit. What's that they say in AA? Oh yeah, "One's too many, a thousand never
      enough." Some of us are just like that, I guess. Alcohol and such took me 'out of
      myself'. In my immaturity I didn't realize there are hundreds of ways "out".
      Service to others seems the most very effective for me. When I'm focused on
      others, my worries and troubles go somewhere else. As for Pain, it's just part of
      the human condition. Suffering may be optional.



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