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3105Re: [eckankartruth] death of hope

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  • Freespiritmay
    Jun 2, 2003
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      I would love to come out with something earth shatteringly brilliant to these posts...................but I cant.

      You are so right. We need to be distracted from our demons until we are ready to confront them. BUT, I have found that the fear of fighting them is more than the demon itself. I had hypnosis once for something that had been dragging me down since I was a kid. This was after years of drug abuse and drinking etc. to block out the pain. After a few sessions I saw from above the root cause of one of my biggest demons, and I laughed out loud when I saw what I had been scared of looking at for all these years. It was the fears of a child that had grown bigger as the body had grown bigger, but actually, deep down, it was as small as the child who first expereinced it. I released it that day and it has never bothered me again. I now try and put into perspective these demons when they arise....but only after trying to drown it with booze....hehehe (sort of just joking)

      I got a mail from some guy the other day who said I should take from all the religions which appealed to me and leave alone that which doesnt fit at this time. If something feels ok then I am going to go with it, after all, there are many paths to God's door, and just because Eckankar is not my path at this time, bits of it are well worth keeping. Some of the spiritual exercises are well worth doing, they are after all taken from India which I have always felt has been more spiritually advanced than the West.
      ----- Original Message -----
      From: samorez@...
      To: eckankartruth@yahoogroups.com
      Sent: Tuesday, June 03, 2003 6:27 AM
      Subject: Re: [eckankartruth] death of hope


      In a message dated 6/1/2003 12:06:58 AM Pacific Standard Time,
      freespiritmay@... writes:

      > Just got drunk again...that Kubler Ross woman keeps pushing in to my
      > head. I reckon them stages of dying start when we get born...Truth is
      > that life here is a pile of shit then you die...everythig else is
      > just trying to buy some time...Someone once said to me 'if you want
      > to survive here then you gotta let go of hope...its one day at at a
      > time, the rest is bullshit.' Life takes on a cold reality when you
      > hear yourself saying the same to another. It comes back to first
      > cause...survival...I get to pull this sack of shit of a body out of
      > bed one more time. I keep making bargains with some unknowing
      > unfeeling entity who doesnt exist...'I will be good if you let me
      > live.' No way the voice comes back I will scatter your bones or your
      > ashes along with your memories...all your good deeds and all your bad
      > doings I will trash. I spent the last thirty years trying to find a
      > way around that reality...stupid me thought another sack of shit
      > might have the key to escape. jimmi
      >
      >

      This is part of my story...

      Although my father wasn't alcoholic or even abusive, he was absent. Paul
      Twitchell
      filled in my father longing. Simply, I used Eckankar to deal with The Pain of
      being alive. In the beginning it was effective and fun. Inevitably, the
      Shadow
      grew larger than the Mahanta and I found the effectiveness of chemicals
      surpassed that of chanting HU.

      I think that people seek out thespiritual life as either as result of mature
      discrimination (Buddha's story being the most well-known example) or they come
      bleeding and wounded inside, seeking refuge and succor. And, THEY GET IT, at
      least initially. But, eventually, just like the alcoholic or drug addict who
      finds they can no longer get loaded (read, "high, read "pain-free") it stops
      working. Why? IMO, it is because emotional trauma, deep wounds, cannot be
      bypassed, circumvented, or outgrown. It does not get better with time, it just
      patiently waits. It was only when I found the courage to turn away from
      "going higher" and turn "downward" to face and slay the demons that still
      haunted me, could I find release. Nobody kills your demons but you. Even
      the mighty Mahanta is powerless.

      Honestly, my leaving Eckankar was more because of my behavior than in our
      well discussed revelations regarding Paul, Darwin, etal. There was no
      anger at all, I just couldn't do it anymore in good conscience. It was
      only well into my recovery that I read Lane and came to understand how I
      was so vulnerable to being led by the nose. How I was just this little boy
      in this big body looking for the love he never got. I'm not blaming anyone.
      It's just the way it was.

      Drug pushers, cults, bars, porno shops, ice cream parlors, shopping malls,
      buffets, casinos, Don Juans, movie producers, etc, etc, all understand people's
      need for distraction, the need for Pain Relief.

      Alas, the only way out of The Pain is thru The Pain. :(

      But what freedom on the other side!

      Jimmi, I am not putting you in this category. Only you can determine
      that. FWIW, I've haven't found it necessary to get drunk or high since 1986
      and it has made all the difference for someone like me.

      Orez

      "We sit outside and argue all night long, about a god we've never seen but
      never fails to side with me"..........Chris O'Connor, aka primitive radio
      gods




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