3089Re: [eckankartruth] death of hope
- Jun 1, 2003You know.........getting drunk stinks.............I do it sometimes, and then the world seems a really bad and lonely place...................and then a couple of days later, I feel good again and I am more positive and there does seem to be hope.
It is so hard to keep believing in anything, especially when you find out that something you threw your heart and soul into is a crock......................Power struggles and big egos sem to run most of the "Spiritual" groups and religions, as it seems they always have done, so looking outside yourself for re-assurance, Love, hope etc....is a complete waste of time. You HAVE to look inside. You have to find the strength to start leaning on your OWN self. Everything we need is inside ourselves, we just have to be still and listen. Yeah yeah..........I know...............it doesnt happen for me very often either, but I am trying to learn to Love and forgive myself, and I am getting a bit better at it.
Dont be so hard on yourself, and stop getting so drunk. (big smile). Hard tho' !!!!!!!
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, June 01, 2003 2:33 AM
Subject: [eckankartruth] death of hope
Just got drunk again...that Kubler Ross woman keeps pushing in to my
head. I reckon them stages of dying start when we get born...Truth is
that life here is a pile of shit then you die...everythig else is
just trying to buy some time...Someone once said to me 'if you want
to survive here then you gotta let go of hope...its one day at at a
time, the rest is bullshit.' Life takes on a cold reality when you
hear yourself saying the same to another. It comes back to first
cause...survival...I get to pull this sack of shit of a body out of
bed one more time. I keep making bargains with some unknowing
unfeeling entity who doesnt exist...'I will be good if you let me
live.' No way the voice comes back I will scatter your bones or your
ashes along with your memories...all your good deeds and all your bad
doings I will trash. I spent the last thirty years trying to find a
way around that reality...stupid me thought another sack of shit
might have the key to escape. jimmi
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