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smiling about his kusala.

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  • Nina van Gorkom
    Dear Sarah and friends, I listened many times to the first tape in Huahin, taken at the service for Ivan. T.A. said about the loss of her father and her
    Message 1 of 5 , Jul 16, 2013
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      Dear Sarah and friends,
      I listened many times to the first tape in Huahin, taken at the service for Ivan. T.A. said about the loss of her father and her thinking of him that she smiled when thinking of his kusala. Today is the date of my wedding day and I thought beforehand that it would be a sad occasion. But no, it is not, to my surprise. The day before I had a computer technicus over and remembered that Lodewijk was always so generous with extra tips and I mentioned to him that Lodewijk liked to give this always. I feel glad when remembering all Lodewijk's good qualities, and this gives me joy. Of course this is mixed with many moments with lobha but that always happens.
      So we can see how listening to the Dhamma helps.
      Nina.
    • sarah
      Dear Nina, ... ... S: Yes, I remember this. I remember many, many years ago visiting the grave site of my father with my mother. She was having a difficult
      Message 2 of 5 , Jul 17, 2013
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        Dear Nina,

        --- In dhammastudygroup@yahoogroups.com, Nina van Gorkom <vangorko@...> wrote:

        > I listened many times to the first tape in Huahin, taken at the service for Ivan. T.A. said about the loss of her father and her thinking of him that she smiled when thinking of his kusala.
        ...
        S: Yes, I remember this. I remember many, many years ago visiting the grave site of my father with my mother. She was having a difficult time and had not had a happy marriage. I gave her a similar reminder about just remembering and appreciating the good deeds and so on. Easy in Lodewijk's case!
        ...

        >Today is the date of my wedding day and I thought beforehand that it would be a sad occasion. But no, it is not, to my surprise. The day before I had a computer technicus over and remembered that Lodewijk was always so generous with extra tips and I mentioned to him that Lodewijk liked to give this always. I feel glad when remembering all Lodewijk's good qualities, and this gives me joy. Of course this is mixed with many moments with lobha but that always happens.
        ...
        S: Glad to hear this, Nina. We never know from day to day, moment to moment. We do know that kusala of any kind, including wise reflection, is never sad, however. Lodewijk was always very kind and courteous to everyone he met.

        Yes, lobha, dosa, so many dhammas, seeing, visible object.....none of them belonging to us or anyone else. Just passing dhammas.
        ...
        > So we can see how listening to the Dhamma helps.
        ...
        S: Yes, sometimes we have to listen to reminders many, many times before they really sink in. Like the one about how now will so soon be yesterday tomorrow. What we find important and precious in life will be of no significance very soon. Sometimes we can't even remember what we were upset about or what the delicious food was even a very short time later. Just different experiences all day long, all impermanent and gone.

        Metta

        Sarah
        ====
      • philip
        Dear Nina (and Sarah) I enjoyed reading about your remembering Lodewijk s kusala. As Sarah said, easy in his case. Perhaps when we are still together we can
        Message 3 of 5 , Jul 17, 2013
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          Dear Nina (and Sarah)

          I enjoyed reading about your remembering Lodewijk's kusala.

          As Sarah said, easy in his case.

          Perhaps when we are still together we can remember to praise each others' kusala more often. (I don't hesitate to say this to you because I know you discussed Dhamma with Lodewijk so often which is the most valuable gift a couple can give to each ither.)

          As you say there will often be lobha. Yesterday Naomi again noted how I always always always encourage her with positive comments and words of praise. But this could just be increasing her dependency on me. She still hasn't awoken to Djamma at all. It seems a bit unlikely that she will, she is fiercely interested in social justice and the hardships of disadvantaged people in society and that gets in the way of opening fully to Dhamma, in my opinion. I may be wrong.

          Phil
        • Nina van Gorkom
          Dear Phil, thanks for your kind post. ... N: You could discuss moments of kusala which are so different from selfish moments that come in between. No need to
          Message 4 of 5 , Jul 18, 2013
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            Dear Phil,
            thanks for your kind post.
            Op 17 jul 2013, om 11:52 heeft philip het volgende geschreven:

            > She still hasn't awoken to Dhamma at all. It seems a bit unlikely that she will, she is fiercely interested in social justice and the hardships of disadvantaged people in society and that gets in the way of opening fully to Dhamma, in my opinion. I may be wrong.
            -----
            N: You could discuss moments of kusala which are so different from selfish moments that come in between. No need to use the word citta. It is good that she wishes to help others and we can appreciate that.
            Nina.



            [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
          • glenjohnann
            Hello Nina So glad to hear that your anniversary day was one of remembrance of Lodewijk s kusala qualities and good deeds. He was such a gracious and kind
            Message 5 of 5 , Jul 18, 2013
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              Hello Nina

              So glad to hear that your anniversary day was one of remembrance of Lodewijk's kusala qualities and good deeds. He was such a gracious and kind man, very attuned to other's needs and generous in his concern for others. Naturally many moments of loba as well, but with more understanding of Dhamma, perhaps the moments of dose fewer and the stories of dosa shortened.

              Ann

              --- In dhammastudygroup@yahoogroups.com, Nina van Gorkom <vangorko@...> wrote:
              >
              > Dear Sarah and friends,
              > I listened many times to the first tape in Huahin, taken at the service for Ivan. T.A. said about the loss of her father and her thinking of him that she smiled when thinking of his kusala. Today is the date of my wedding day and I thought beforehand that it would be a sad occasion. But no, it is not, to my surprise. The day before I had a computer technicus over and remembered that Lodewijk was always so generous with extra tips and I mentioned to him that Lodewijk liked to give this always. I feel glad when remembering all Lodewijk's good qualities, and this gives me joy. Of course this is mixed with many moments with lobha but that always happens.
              > So we can see how listening to the Dhamma helps.
              > Nina.
              >
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