114415Re: [dsg] just joining the posting group
- Apr 5, 2011Dear Sarah Abbott ,
Again thanks for the encouragement. the questions that tend to come up right now are related to; if there are associatted monasteries or centers for the study / practice as described in Khun Suchin's tradition. I have been sincerely developing the intention to "become a monk" for a few years ; and the outcome of my learning and practice was not what i had initially expected.
The outcome of my efforts is a dis -illusionment and weariness towards all conceptual forms and intentions related to 5 sense door experiences- that includes the conceptual forms related to "monks" and activities related to "monks" ( which was previously functioning as the objects of passionate and delusional formations and concepts ). Not that kama chanda is anywhere near exhausted from my mental continuum - quite the contrary, "my" mind is still frequently swarmed by tanha- but theres enough understanding to see all 5 sense door activities are painful and driven by ignorance and lustfullness - even "my" desire to "become a monk" for which my passion is now on the wane. For me - When the gross rupas fall away from the mental processes temporarily - it is relative safetey and happiness - all the previously accumulated efforts to learn about what is sila samadhi and panna converge and all gross concepts related there to fall away in the present moment that gives rise to clarity and respite from the arduous and tremendous burning that is thinking born of ayoniso manasikara or paapanca.
Ayoniso manasikara is like a crazy man who wanders around hawaii taking pleasure - he thinks it is very wonderful "place" but actually "hawaii" is only perhaps 1% of a giant mountain that is a volcano and will errupt and wash away everything anytime. There isnt even one moment when such a person is in a good position - yet he thinks he is in paradise. Ugh, for one who has seen the danger in such a "place" there is much sufferring to be joined amoungst those who assume they are well off.
But I am still learning - indeed not even having left "this shore" I am far away from the "further". And while I am still here on this shore it seems to be a necisary condition to stay here in Thailand , where being somone who is interested in learning Buddha Dhamma is accepted and encouraged. For now I am hoping to find and associate with an educational institution or other appropriate social network institution that will promote the study and development of panna in a pure, unadulterated, non sectarian way - and hopefully gain governmental acceptance to stay here in Thailand based on approval to study from such a group.
Now I am reluctant and ashamed to ordain because i know the anusaya kilesas still frequently give rise to the 5 hindrances for me, and i do not want to stain the image of the thai sangha . None the less, it seems it may be very useful to develop knowledge of cultural conditions to join the sangha at Wat Pah Nana Chat for a limited period of time - so this is what I'm off to next. (conceptually speaking) Hopefully i will be able to be humble and aware, full of shame towards the hindrances , and things will go well. they do not encourage or allow computers there so it may be a bit of time before i can get oppurtunity to join the posting group , but look forward to the time when i have more oppurtunity to share more of my experiences and ask questions related to.
aka Jake to my hometown family and friends in Boston MA , usa
--- In email@example.com, sarah abbott <sarahprocterabbott@...> wrote:
> Dear Jacob,
> I'm also very glad to welcome you to the group and thank you for kindly going to the trouble to give your intro. I saw that in your subsequent note that you plan to lurk quietly for a while - I'd just like to encourage you and any other newbies here to post any comments or any qus (no matter how basic) as they help us all.
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