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106[DhammaStudyGroup] Re: Helping elderly parents

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  • Sarah Procter Abbott
    Feb 2, 2000
      We just rec'd a ltter from Gabi Hense (who is enjoying receiving these
      postings via her brother but doesn't have a computer as yet). The last few
      years have been devoted to trying to help her mother who now has alzheimers
      disease (age memory loss) and is in a home. Gabi visits regularly and rocks
      her like a child. The experience has been very demanding and it has all been
      a very tough experience for Gabi....

      I think Pinna (also on the list) is also facing dilemmas concerning her
      mother in the States too.

      It's hard when one is used to living overseas and through one's
      understanding of the Teachings is aware of responsibilities which one isn't
      necessarily stronger to handle than anyone else. Somehow it seems easier in
      terms of support from others around in parts of Asia like Thailand where
      this duty is expected and appreciated. But that sounds like a
      generalisation and not very 'dhammic'! Of course there is a lot of
      attachment involved as well and disappointment if one's 'good' efforts are
      not appreciated...

      I, too, had a lot of dilemmas and difficulties in this regard when my
      parents were having a lot of marital problems and when my father became
      alcoholic. I still have a feeling (or rather thoughts) of conventional
      failure in this regard. Sometimes we try to do more than we're really up to
      and not realistic about our limits. But what are these limits? What is
      failure?

      I'm not sure what the question is, but feel any comments would be useful for
      those of us who have faced or are facing these 'dilemmas'...is it the
      attachment that seems to make them different from other dilemmas? How about
      a comment from EVERYONE on the list on this one?

      metta, Sarah

      Gabi & Pinna- hope you don't mind the mention..
      Gabi...hope you get a computer or internet provider VERY SOON! Do they have
      internet cafes in yr town? S.



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