who cares who dies?
- today wasn't too bad a day. Work went quite quickly despite being there from 8 till 5.30pm. If I thought that was long though I am going to go mad tomorrow as I have to work from 8 till 8pm. 12 hours and its on a bank holiday. Still its double pay which means I'll get about a weeks pay in one day. So I cant complain. And its sunny over here in "rainy" Manchester, so I could wear my short sleeved shirt today, without the fear of getting drenched or my hands dropping off cos of the cold. I am going to write out some of my poems for you to read if you wish, this one is particularly relevant at the moment.
Who cares who dies?
Bullets whistling by
Muffled unknown voices
Panic claws at your soul
Explosions all around
Dead bodies litter the ground
Making it to the next trench
Your only wish in the world
Stepping over friend and foe
here theres no humanity on show
Despair, pain, sorrow, anger, agony
Running alone, injured alone, dying alone
For what - your country ?
Or small minded MP's ruining our lives
Who dont care who dies
If no one fought there would be no war
No killing, no scars to heal,
All those young men that died
What could they have achieved,
In them was there another Ali, another Richey, another Brooke, another Einstein,
Who was cut down in his prime
Refuse to fight
You do have that right
How can another human shoot another human
Acting like God
Snuffing out a life like putting out a candle
Is this something you can handle.
Its a bit awkward in places. But it gets its message across.
It still hasn't calmed down in the Balkans, with Russia now sending some army boats over to "see" what the situation is like. Ok. If anything happens I will probably emigrate to australia to live with my relatives over there.
Theres quite a few musicy things going on in Manchester at the moment, Add N to X are playing here next week which I am going to and it should be really good. Some new clubs have opened up and they seem to be geared towards the more alternative side of society. Which is also good, no Men in Black played there. There is also this area called the Northern Quarter which is getting quite a lot of press recently, its an area where loads of local bands are gathered, small music venues, and its getting bigger. cool shops as well, including Origin where I used to work. I think I will go out tonight.
Hmm favourite films list today I think, mine are, La Haine (obviously), Shopping, The Warriors, Dazed and Confused, Pump Up the volume, Beavis and Buttheads one, Hackers, Empire records, thats all I can think of.
Depressing me again. Sometimes I wonder what is the relevance of all that I do and whether its worth it. I mean is me writing this message relevant, whats the point. Basically it comes down to what is the point of living when you are going to die? I know this is depressing, but I cant help thinking like this sometimes. Sometimes I am very happy, and my other viewpoint is that we are alive, and we should do everything we can that makes us happy. But then its back to the depths of misery. Is it worthwhile living a life, correctly, being good, helping people, or should we just go out, drink, fight, take drugs etc. Is my life anymore worthwhile than some pissed up tramp who is totally out of his face every night. I dont think it is as we both die in the end. Then what happens. No one dies. I would like to believe in a heaven but I just cant. And another thing, doesn't it suck that when your parents die, then you are on your own and theres no way of ever speaking to them again. Oh dear, I really should stop doing this to myself and you.
Another poem which reflects my present mood.
The Pain of my generation
Society is too much
Closing in on all sides
Choosing your life, their way
Its my life, I want my say
too many people crushing your dreams
I'll get by on my own
I dont need any help
I can cope without any advice
Without anyone meddling in my life
I want my own space that no one can invade
Just half an hour alone
With my thoughts
But even this is too expensive to be bought
Life used to be so relaxed
Everything flowed by so peacefully
Now its a torrent, no order, just anarchy
The reason everyone wants their own space
Is that no one talks properly to each other anymore
Millions of people rushing by - each an unknown face.
Bye La Haine (Join my list if you want firstname.lastname@example.org)