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Re: [Death To Religion] Digest Number 419

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  • bestonnet_00
    You do realise that the Onion (which published the Intelligent falling article) is satire?
    Message 1 of 2 , Sep 1, 2005
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      You do realise that the Onion (which published the Intelligent falling
      article) is satire?

      --- In deathtoreligion@yahoogroups.com, Olatunde Aroloye
      <olatundearoloye@y...> wrote:
      >
      >
      > --- deathtoreligion@yahoogroups.com wrote:
      >
      > > ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
      > > --------------------~-->
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      > >
      > http://us.click.yahoo.com/dpRU5A/wUILAA/yQLSAA/DzVolB/TM
      > >
      > --------------------------------------------------------------------~->
      > >
      > >
      > > There are 2 messages in this issue.
      > >
      > > Topics in this digest:
      > >
      > > 1. Re: "IF"
      > > From: "Mr. Pessimistic"
      > > <badleathermonkey@y...>
      > > 2. Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With
      > > New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
      > > From: n1n31nchn3rd
      > > <n1n31nchn3rd@p...>
      > >
      > >
      > >
      > ________________________________________________________________________
      > >
      > ________________________________________________________________________
      > >
      > > Message: 1
      > > Date: Tue, 16 Aug 2005 20:03:08 -0000
      > > From: "Mr. Pessimistic"
      > > <badleathermonkey@y...>
      > > Subject: Re: "IF"
      > >
      > > Lotta IF's!
      > >
      > > Many freethinkers of the late 19th Century thought
      > > that religion would
      > > die down, but it in fact increased.
      > >
      > > I am reading Susan Jacoby's book "Freethinkers" now
      > > and she attributes
      > > this increase in religious belief to the advent of
      > > mass media, radio
      > > and such, that made it possible for those of faith
      > > to reach out to a
      > > bigger audience and thus unite, if not increase,
      > > their ranks.
      > >
      > > This has all culminated in the recent puch by
      > > religious groups in the
      > > 70's infiltrating schools boards and political
      > > offices at the hand of
      > > Pat Robertson and the Christian Coalition (a curse
      > > on them).
      > >
      > > I do not think religion is going anywhere NEAR the
      > > wayside. It may
      > > eventually, but not for a very long time. The
      > > questions we should ask
      > > is how do we promote atheism and freethought...and
      > > how do we EDUCATE
      > > the otherwise sheepish members of our society?
      > >
      > > Mr. P.
      > >
      > > --- In deathtoreligion@yahoogroups.com, "Newton
      > > Joseph"
      > > <drnjoseph@s...> wrote:
      > > > I don't think we can distroy religion. But I think
      > > it can be
      > > weakened.
      > > > If it were possible that atheist groups with
      > > unlimited resources in
      > > > regards to money,we could have hour long twice
      > > daily atheist programs
      > > > on prime time TV. If Freethought publications were
      > > given wider
      > > > distrabution and if we had atheist columns in
      > > major newspapers. "IF"
      > > > magizines and newspapers were not cowed by the
      > > threat of boycot from
      > > > fanatical christian groups. If had atheist
      > > lobbyists in
      > > > Whashington, "if".
      > >
      > >
      > >
      > >
      > >
      > >
      > >
      > >
      > ________________________________________________________________________
      > >
      > ________________________________________________________________________
      > >
      > > Message: 2
      > > Date: Tue, 16 Aug 2005 21:18:56 -0400
      > > From: n1n31nchn3rd <n1n31nchn3rd@p...>
      > > Subject: Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With
      > > New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
      > >
      > >
      > http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4133&n=2
      > >
      > > KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of
      > > evolution in public
      > > schools continues, a new controversy over the
      > > science curriculum arose
      > > Monday in this embattled Midwestern state.
      > > Scientists from the
      > > Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now
      > > asserting that the
      > > long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they
      > > have responded to it
      > > with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.
      > > Rev. Gabriel Burdett (left) explains Intelligent
      > > Falling.
      > > Above: Rev. Gabriel Burdett (left) explains
      > > Intelligent Falling.
      > >
      > > "Things fall not because they are acted upon by some
      > > gravitational
      > > force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if
      > > you will, is pushing
      > > them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees
      > > in education,
      > > applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts
      > > University.<<
      >
      > "There is no fool like an educated fool,
      > once he gets off the thing he was educated in."
      >
      > -Kenneth Copeland
      >
      > A user of science myself, I find nothing wrong with
      > Burdett's statement. For instance, someone very
      > sensible once wrote that we COULD all believe that the
      > Universe revolved around the Earth IF WE CHOSE- all it
      > would do is just make astronomical computations a bit
      > more complicated. He wasn't advocating that- he wasn't
      > some religious nut- he just made a point.
      >
      > Where I get very annoyed is where people concoct these
      > sorts of theories, then KILL AND DIE FOR THEM. For
      > WHAT? It is just a POINT OF VIEW!
      >
      > What makes it WORSE is when THERE IS NO PRACTICAL
      > APPLICATION for the theory! What do you NEED it for,
      > then? See, if, along with the theory, Burdett now
      > reaches into his @$$, and yanks out A WORKING
      > ANTI-GRAVITY ENGINE, aha! NOW YOU ARE TALKING!
      > THAT would SURELY CHANGE LIFE ON EARTH AS WE KNOW IT!
      >
      > This is the Problem with Pentecostalism (my chosen
      > religion): We got all these idiots who have visions
      > (we can PROVE that they DO have some measure of
      > usually uncontrollable ESP), and they meet "God." And
      > all they TALK about is HOW TO START A NEW
      > DENOMINATION! Why not ASK about, say, THE CURE FOR
      > CANCER (I already got that one), or PERPETUAL MOTION
      > (i.e. "FREE ENERGY," several someones else got that),
      > or A NEW GOSPEL ACCOUNT of THE LIFE OF CHRIST that
      > would END Christian disunity? (Working on it!) Silence
      > and eradicate the irrational sick nuts for ever?
      >
      > But no- all we get out of them is something totally
      > mundane and short-sighted- an unnecessary Healing or
      > Prphetic "Gift" that would KILL ALL SPIRITUAL
      > DEVELOPMENT in the recipient, and those influenced by
      > him. (Example: Kenneth E. Hagin).
      >
      >
      > > Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our
      > > children as a law—is
      > > founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws
      > > predict the mutual
      > > force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot
      > > explain that force.
      > > Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my
      > > theories may all depend
      > > upon a force for which philosophers have searched
      > > all of nature in
      > > vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher
      > power."<<
      >
      > When I discovered SCIENTOLOGY around 1994, my reaction
      > was: WHY WAS I NOT *TOLD* THIS???
      >
      > Three of L. Ron Hubbard's key disclosures was that the
      > Universe could be considered to be "Motion of Energy
      > in Space through Time;" "ALL Thought is concerned
      > wholly with motion;" "The Goal of all Existence is
      > Survival, and only Survival."
      >
      > I realized then that what we in Bible Religion call
      > "The Commandments of God" are THE PRESCRIBED VECTORS
      > to PROMOTE LIFE. This had special significance to me,
      > because in the Faith Movement we are taught that "The
      > Word of God" "IS" Life.
      > So I realized that "LIFE" depends on SUPERCEDING
      > Newton's THREE LAWS OF MOTION.
      >
      > Inanimate objects and CORPSES obey Newton's Three Laws
      > PERFECTLY, but LIVING THINGS DO NOT. Of course, if you
      > add up all the motion going on in any organism, and
      > correlate it with the calorific intake, you should
      > probably find that no magic energy comes from or
      > disappears to somewhere, BUT IN CHRISTIANITY
      > ESPECIALLY, we are specifically commanded to MOVE
      > DISPROPORTIONATELY to forces acting on us.
      >
      > NEWTON: Objects continue in a state of rest, or
      > uniform motion in a straight line, unless acted upon
      > by unbalanced forces.
      >
      > JESUS: All things that you would others do for you, do
      > ye also to them, for this IS The Law and The prophets.
      >
      > NEWTON: The rate of change of momentum is proportional
      > to the force applied.
      >
      > JESUS: Bless them that curse you, do good to those who
      > hate you.
      >
      > NEWTON: Action and reaction are equal and opposite.
      >
      > JESUS: If anyone smite thee on thy right chhek, turn
      > to him the other also.
      >
      > =====================================
      >
      > We find that if we figure out how Human behavior is
      > flawed by our occasionally acting like an inanimate
      > object, a state New Testament thought calls "Death,"
      > we can derive a philosophy of life very similar to
      > what Jesus commanded, and the best teachings of the
      > Old Testament. It is very intersting to note that
      > JESUS' DISCIPLES and the so-called Apostle Paul
      > SHARPLY DEVIATED from those teachings, and actually
      > tried to HIDE Jesus' teachings from The Church- which
      > is how all the trouble with Christianity REALLY
      > started.
      >
      > I am very intersted in the fact that NO CHRISTIAN has
      > ever reported what I have seen in L. Ron Hubbard's
      > doctrine- which is derived from the entirety of
      > Matthew 18 in The Bible.
      >
      > It gets even more interesting when you try out even
      > those who consider themselves "deeply spiritual" with
      > the teachings of Dr. Carlos Castaneda, the
      > anthropologist who was accidentally trained as a
      > Native American Nagual seer, able to *see* visions at
      > will and teleport himself physically into Adjacent
      > Universes.
      > Carlos Castaneda proved more or less athenticity of
      > the entirety of Jesus of Nazareth's "crazy doctrine,"
      > but Christianity at large DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW THAT.
      >
      > The most important thing about L. Ron Hubbard and
      > Carlos Castaneda is that THEY PROVE that you DON'T
      > NEED TO sell your soul to YAHWEH GOD, JESUS, SATAN or
      > any other entity, but if you just DISCIPLINE YOURSELF,
      > you can attain ANY spiritual level or power that you
      > want.
      > ONLY Carlos Castaneda has ever revealed publicly
      > EXACTLY what happens to people after they die, and
      > what the alternate options are. (There have been
      > people who knew this stuff all along, but they weren't
      > talking. Some learned to keep their mouths shut the
      > hard way!)
      >
      > >
      > > Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading
      > > institution of
      > > evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on
      > > literal interpretation
      > > of the Bible.<<
      >
      > I have never heard of it, but I will predict THIS
      > based on this one example you have shown us: THEY WILL
      > GET NOWHERE.
      >
      > This thing has been tried before- CREATION RESEARCH
      > INSTITUTE- debunkers of the Evolutionary Theory.
      > They have some good points, but are stuck in a
      > dead-end. Jesus himself said, to the effect that it is
      > ridiculous to start to build a tower, then run out of
      > money before it is finished, creating a monument to
      > your own stupidity.
      >
      > Christians have long substituted knowing what is right
      > themselves with telling other people they are wrong.
      > If an "Unbeliever" does not know that God created the
      > World, what is the business of a Christian to crucify
      > him for that? He himself DOES NOT KNOW that God
      > created the World- he merely BELIEVES IT. If he were
      > SERIOUS, he would then FIND OUT HOW God created the
      > World. This has NEVER happned in Christianity, yet.
      > (Excluding myself: for I DO know, now, thanks to
      > Hubbard and Castaneda. However, none of their
      > followers seem able to follow me when I explain it to
      > them, nor do they seem to have much of a handle on it
      > themselves. The two founders of Scientology and
      > Tensegrity can be demonstrated not to have realized
      > what they really had, but put it to the most
      > ridiculous use. Like inventing the diesel engine, and
      > using it for a door stop.)
      >
      > >
      > > According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously
      > > this week in the
      > > International Journal Of Science and the adolescent
      > > magazine God's Word
      > > For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be
      > > explained by secular
      > > gravity alone, including such mysteries as how
      > > angels fly, how Jesus
      > > ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast
      > > out of Paradise.<<
      >
      > The Bible originally said that Satan originated on
      > Earth. This is consistent with certain phenomena that
      > prove a basis to the "Fall of Man" story. No one I
      > ever heard of has ever come up with SATAN'S REAL
      > MOTIVE.
      > WHY would an "ANGELIC BEING," possessed of superHuman
      > wisdom OPPOSE GOD HIS CREATOR? What is IN it for him?
      > WHY couldn't he FORSEE what would happen to him?
      >
      > But if you DISCOUNT the fragmentary hints of the
      > DISCREDITED JEWISH "PROPHETS" (Isaiah and Ezekiel) and
      > go back to MOSES ORIGINAL EXPLANATION you find that as
      > an EARTH-CREATED ANIMAL, The "Serpent" has a VESTED
      > INTEREST in STEALING MAN'S DIVINE-CLASS ENERGY that
      > would enable him to Operate and Exist in the seven
      > Higher Universes called "Heaven."
      > Everything falls into place, then.
      >
      > It can be proven that this "Fall of Man" Op is STILL
      > GOING ON. EVERYONE experiences this. "Sin" largely
      > consists of UNTHINKING ACTIONS that will permit the
      > "Devil" species to steal our constantly regenerating
      > life force, until only about 1% of it is left.
      > This is why Human life is so fragile.
      > This is why our offspring are apparently born
      > helpless.
      > It is NOT natural.
      >
      > >
      > > The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian
      > > Coalition and other
      > > Christian conservative action groups, is calling for
      > > public-school
      > > curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent
      > > Falling theory. They
      > > insist they are not asking that the theory of
      > > gravity be banned from
      > > schools, but only that students be offered both
      > > sides of the issue "so
      > > they can make an informed decision."
      > >
      > > "We just want the best possible education for
      > > Kansas' kids," Burdett said.
      > >
      > > Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the
      > > different theories
      > > used by secular physicists to explain gravity are
      > > not internally
      > > consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling
      > > admit that Einstein's
      > > ideas about gravity are mathematically
      > > irreconcilable with quantum
      > > mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents
      > > say, proves that
      > > gravity is a theory in crisis.
      > >
      > > "Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR
      > > senior fellow Gregory
      > > Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the
      > > blind lead the blind,
      > > both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing
      > > about some gravity
      > > making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in
      > > Job 5:7, we read,
      > > 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks
      > > fly upwards.' If
      > > gravity is pulling everything down, why do the
      > > sparks fly upwards with
      > > great surety? This clearly indicates that a
      > > conscious intelligence
      > > governs all falling."
      > >
      > > Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that
      > > gravity is a provable law
      > > based on empirical observations of natural
      > > phenomena. Evangelical
      > > physicists, however, insist that there is no
      > > conflict
      > === message truncated ===
      >
      >
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