Re: [Death To Religion] how I lost my religion
- Wow, you must have been a smart kid.
I got shuffled around a lot when I was a kid too. I stayed with both of my
parents until I was 11. My mom is psychotic, and my dad is a crack head, so they
had some odd ideas about things to say the least.
My mother had severe hallucinations and delusions and by the time I was six, so
did I. I used to talk to people who I was convinced were real, but obviously
weren't. She came to the conclusion that I spoke to the dead and demons, and
though she wasn't very religious, thought she'd get me into church. She didn't
take me very long because when she explained the situation to the church, they
decided it was because of demons and that we were all possessed.
She stopped taking me and my brother out of church, and started beating me
because she was convinced that the possession business was my fault.
Even as a psychotic little girl, I knew that what she said came more from
something wrong with her than something wrong with me (and that was probably
because I'd done the reading I had). My dad paid no attention because he was on
drugs all the time.
My parents got divorced and I bounced between them for almost a year until my
dad left me with my best friend. He just brought be there one day when I was 12
and refused to pick me up. I stayed there for a little while and learned what
it's like to be in a normal, house. They were extremely open-minded, and I spent
a lot of time talking to them about different beliefs and ideas. I went to stay
with my grandmother for awhile after that, and she's the one who taught me about
Wicca, witchcraft, and Voodou. She goes through phases of believing something
for a time, and changes her mind and gets into something else pretty often, and
this just so happened to be her phase. She had a ton of literature around her
house about every kind of religion and philosphy, and I read a lot of it.
Then, when I was in 10th grade, an extremely heavy, thick, garage door was
dropped on my head (by the man I later married, lol), and I got a major
concussion. I also moved back into my mother's house for awhile, and she started
abusing me even more severely than when I was a little kid, and I started
smoking a lot of pot and drinking a lot.
By the time I was 17, I had my first and hopefully last major psychotic break
and started having visions of hell, angles and demons that were convincing
enough to cause me to believe I was living simulatinously in hell and on earth
at the same time. It scared the crap out of me.
My boyfriend (husband now) joined a Pentecostal church at the nudging of one of
our friends and got me to go with them. I felt safe there where they were
praying for me and no one was going to hurt me. I really felt like god was there
watching me, and I saw angles.
I thought I was cured, and for 2 years I had very few symptoms which I
attributed to supernatural occurences.
I realized I wasn't cured when I started seeing things that were not something
that I could attribute to ghosts or demons (UFOs, aliens, two headed animals and
I also got a job where I work now, in a homeless shelter, where most of the
people are not Christians, but are the kindest people I've ever met. I could not
believe in a god who would send people like that to hell, so I came upon a major
issue in my faith. I also was introduced to the problem of evil, which broke it
for me. Now, I'm much better. I got help for my mental illness, and I know how
to get the hallucinations under control, and exactly what they are when they
From: raysny <raysny@...>
Sent: Fri, September 24, 2010 10:54:51 PM
Subject: Re: [Death To Religion] how I lost my religion
I got shuffled around a bit as a youngster. Once I started school, I was with my
grandparents during the school year, other relatives during the summers. Several
places, all I was allowed to do was read and that was usually limited to
Reader's Digest and encyclopedias. I ran out of things to read in the children's
section of the local library, my grandmother got me an adult library card the
summer before 4th grade.
She took me to church occasionally, then in 4th grade, I joined a men & boys
choir at the cathedral downtown. It was impressive and I sort of believed in
God, if not the Bible stories. That lasted until my voice broke and I discovered
girls. Quit going to church.
Moved in with my mother for three years and was forced to attend, I went, but
ended up losing my religion. Moved out the day I turned 17 and only been back in
a church a handful of times, for various reasons.
--- In email@example.com, kaylee coats <sumluvlifilth@...> wrote:
> That's awesome, she sounds like a wonderful lady. I used to read encyclopedias
> when I was a kid too, and I had a medical book that my mom gave me when I was
> 5th grade. It was called something like the ABCs of anatomy. There's a lot of
> information that I've forgotten, but it still took a psychotic break to believe
> in tripe I was fed by the church. I feel like I lost 5 years of my life- two
> chasing a delusion, and three trying to make myself believe in it after I
> started to realize that I didn't anymore.
> From: raysny <raysny@...>
> To: firstname.lastname@example.org
> Sent: Fri, September 24, 2010 1:34:12 PM
> Subject: Re: [Death To Religion] how I lost my religion
> The way she explained it, it was a no brainer, even for a 9-year old to connect
> the dots.
> At that age, besides reading Encyclopedia Brown, I was reading Twain. Between
> those two I picked up a lot about things not being what folks claim.
> --- In email@example.com, kaylee coats <sumluvlifilth@> wrote:
> > It's amazing that you would have that kind of insight when you were in fourth
> > grade. When I was a kid I did a lot of research in other religions and hopped
> > around. I experimented with a lot of ideas and never really stuck with
> > until I was an adult. I sort of followed some Wiccan ideas, Buddhism, Taoism,
> > bits of Christianity (I liked the concept of angels and was taught to be
> > terrified of demons), and New Age Spiritualism. I was a well-rounded child.
> > Coincidently, or perhaps not, the same time I joined the church and began
> > calling myself Christian, I had a psychotic break that caused me to have
> > of hell. By the time I was no longer delusional, I was hip-deep in dogma, too
> > scared to tell anyone that I didn't agree with what they said or did, and too
> > scared to think about my own questions.
> > ________________________________
> > From: raysny <raysny@>
> > To: firstname.lastname@example.org
> > Sent: Thu, September 23, 2010 11:49:16 PM
> > Subject: [Death To Religion] how I lost my religion
> > I think what set me on the road to atheism was studying Greek myths in the
> > fourth grade. Kindly Mrs. Bear explained that even though these myths weren't
> > true, they taught morals, values.
> > I started thinking of the Bible stories in the same way, I mean even as a kid
> > understood that no boat of the times could possibly fit two of every animal.
> > saw Noah as a morality tale. So what if it wasn't true, it was meant to
> > to impart a way of life, THAT made sense to me.
> > I started looking at religion like the Santa Claus myth, a way to get little
> > kids to behave, this was for the older kids and couldn't wait for the adults
> > confirm my belief. Of course, the adults denied it, but they did the same
> > Santa when I was younger.
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
- praesto12 wrote:
> I don't despise anyone in this group.I don't think I've presented that, and ifLie.
> I have it's not true.
> I think you need to believe that I am a facist and that I am "narrow-minded.""I belong to and believe whole-heartedly in one of the most hate-filled,
> You need to believe that I am not open to talking to homosexuals,atheist,
> muslims extc. You have to believe something like that because it makes it easier
> for you to reject the Christian message you don't want to hear.
violent religions ever... yet I'm not like that."
Almost like saying "I'm a Nazi and burn Jews but I don't believe in the
what it says nor do I hate Jews."
Ok, that is a bit of an extreme comparison but you get the point
(probably not). You can pick and choose what you want out of your
religion but it is full of hatred, chauvinism, violence, genocide,
intolerance, racism, slavery, infanticide, and so forth. I do reject
it's message and I'd rather not hear it for those very obvious reasons.
Anyone with half a brain would do so as well.
> The scope of email is limited, so "arguing" is limited. But let me say thatWhat jesus? Can I talk him? Where is he? I got something I'd like to say
> I owe nothing to any of you in the context of presenting or not presenting a
> fact or argument for anything. I am not on your clock buddy. I owe you nothing.
> Likewise you do not have to present an argument to me for why you reject Jesus.
> That's between you and him.
Oh right. No one has ever seen him nor is there any evidence he ever
existed. This could be harder than I thought.
> I do not preach.Lie.
> I did not give up on the DH discussion. I'm interested inI'm not sure what DH stands for but most of this is nonsense. And I'm
> learning more on the subject. And, I'm not sure why you are saying that I am
> against rational discussion.
not sure what you define as rational, but I haven't seen much of it.
> You claim that I "despise" everyone. You callAw. Poor, other-Richard. I'm getting a mixed message here in that you
> me "narrow-minded." You are very much as ad homenium as you say that I am. I do
> admit that I dislike "educators" that spend their lives trying to pull
> people away from God. I also feel sorry for them as well.
want us to feel sorry for you but you're the bigger man feeling sorry
for others. Either way, this is just more rambling nonsense.