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Re: An Antidote for Anger (Ven Visuddhacara)

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  • antony272b2
    Dear Group, An update to my May 2009 thread below: I recently had another idea. I purchased from TEAR s Useful Gift catalog on my sister-in-law s behalf –
    Message 1 of 4 , Dec 6, 2009
      Dear Group,

      An update to my May 2009 thread below:
      I recently had another idea. I purchased from TEAR's Useful Gift catalog on my sister-in-law's behalf – but without telling her! This tactic is really working.

      With metta / Antony.

      From: Antony Woods (antony272b@...)
      Sent: Sunday, 17 May 2009 2:20:04 PM
      To: dana-giving@yahoogroups.com
      Subject: [dana-giving] An Antidote for Anger (Ven Visuddhacara)‏

      "In some cases, we can give a gift. For example, there may be a person who seems to dislike us and who often says bad things about us. It would be easy in such cases to respond with anger and frustration, and to hit back. But that is not the way for a disciple of the Buddha, whose motto is never to return hate with hate but to respond with love instead. So we can rise up to the challenge and do a most difficult thing by buying the person a gift! It would be a sign of our magnanimity and big-heartedness, that despite the bad intent of the other, we harbour no ill-will. We could then be cool and steady, knowing that we have refused to be drawn into any conflict or to seethe with anger or ill-will. And the other party too might well be touched by our noble gesture. He might soften in his stance against us. He might even become friendly. So giving a gift may do wonders."
      ~ p49 Curbing Anger Spreading Love by Bhikkhu Visuddhacara, Buddhist Publication Society http://www.bps.lk

      Antony: I came up with a brilliant variation of this. My brother called on my birthday and asked me what I would like as a present. I said "TEAR Australia" (see: http://www.usefulgifts.org ) which my sister-in-law recommended years ago when I asked her what her favorite charity was. When she arrived at my birthday party she asked and I chose a mosquito net (for people in Burma). During the meal she was spoon-feeding my nephew and I suggested that she slow down. She took offence and walked out as if she was never coming back. Two days later at 11pm I sent a six sentence email saying I apologize, I withdraw my comment, you know what you are doing, I thought I was just telling you to relax in the social situation and I resolve to practice restraint in the future. I then added "PS Do we still give the mosquito net?" She replied early the next morning with "So I also should learn to practice restraint and seek clarification before responding." and invited my Mum over as if nothing had happened.

      So that was a case where I provided an opening to continue the relationship in the spirit of generosity.

      With metta / Antony.
    • antony272b2
      In some cases, we can give a gift. For example, there may be a person who seems to dislike us and who often says bad things about us. It would be easy in such
      Message 2 of 4 , Dec 1, 2010
        "In some cases, we can give a gift. For example, there may be a person who seems to dislike us and who often says bad things about us. It would be easy in such cases to respond with anger and frustration, and to hit back. But that is not the way for a disciple of the Buddha, whose motto is never to return hate with hate but to respond with love instead. So we can rise up to the challenge and do a most difficult thing by buying the person a gift! It would be a sign of our magnanimity and big-heartedness, that despite the bad intent of the other, we harbour no ill-will. We could then be cool and steady, knowing that we have refused to be drawn into any conflict or to seethe with anger or ill-will. And the other party too might well be touched by our noble gesture. He might soften in his stance against us. He might even become friendly. So giving a gift may do wonders."
        ~ p49 Curbing Anger Spreading Love by Bhikkhu Visuddhacara, Buddhist Publication Society http://www.bps.lk

        Antony: In my case I apologized even though I thought I was only 10% in the wrong. After I gave the gifts I realized that I was the one to blame!

        Thanks for listening / Antony.
      • antony272b2
        In some cases, we can give a gift. For example, there may be a person who seems to dislike us and who often says bad things about us. It would be easy in such
        Message 3 of 4 , Jan 18, 2013
          "In some cases, we can give a gift. For example, there may be a person who seems to dislike us and who often says bad things about us. It would be easy in such cases to respond with anger and frustration, and to hit back. But that is not the way for a disciple of the Buddha, whose motto is never to return hate with hate but to respond with love instead. So we can rise up to the challenge and do a most difficult thing by buying the person a gift! It would be a sign of our magnanimity and big-heartedness, that despite the bad intent of the other, we harbour no ill-will. We could then be cool and steady, knowing that we have refused to be drawn into any conflict or to seethe with anger or ill-will. And the other party too might well be touched by our noble gesture. He might soften in his stance against us. He might even become friendly. So giving a gift may do wonders."

          ~ p49 Curbing Anger Spreading Love by Bhikkhu Visuddhacara, Buddhist Publication Society http://www.bps.lk

          With metta / Antony.
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