- This weekend, my daughter and I had a `girl's night' and it involved
eating yummy food that normally doesn't get eaten at our house and
watching movies that don't normally get watched due to living with a
male who doesn't have the same taste as us. Dinner consisted of a
LARGE live crab, smoked salmon and garlicky garlic bread. It also
involved a large container of melted garlic butter and copious amounts
of beer on my part.
It was also on my part to kill the crab before cooking it, but before
I did, I took great joy in playing with our food for a while.
I got him to drive us around in the Caddy
..and then we sat around and drank some more, him and I
..and then the crab had one last smoke
before he got to inspect the BBQ.
He danced around happily clutching utensils thinking 'oh boy oh boy
dinner!' not knowing what was in store for him.
Poor Mr. Crabby.
Alas, he was to end up on his back with the blade of my sharp kitchen
knife embedded in his chest doing the funky chicken. My daughter had
not been witness to this kind of carnage before and was visibly upset
when I started waving him around on the knife whilst prancing about
the yard naked, with a large feather duster stuck up my ass. I duly
noted that once he was ensconced in the pot of boiling water he still
kept valiantly waving his paws around hoping that I would take pity on
Sorry Mr. Crabby, but all I could think about was the wonderful aroma
of the garlic butter. I love garlic butter. The best part about eating
crab IS the garlic butter. I would happily eat little sponges if they
were dipped in garlic butter. Mr. Crabby did not disappoint us as he
was as succulent and sweet as I knew he would be unlike my crabby
husband. I wish that I had known Mr. Crabby before I got married as I
may have rethought my choice in marriage partners. Did you know that
these crustaceans regrow their limbs if they are unfortunate enough to
lose them? I could harvest Mr. Crabby on a regular basis devising a
small skateboard to aid in his mobility till he gets back on his own
Imagine the wild sex we could have with all the nipple-pinching! And I
would have the added bonus of never having to bathe my genitals again
as it would make me even more attractive to Mr. Crabby. Yes, for me
this would have been a much better choice as a spouse. All I have to
do is get rid of the one I have now. Oh... I just had a wonderfully
wicked (ironic) idea. It involves a spouse, quick-drying cement and a
large salt-water container filled with carnivorous scavenging crustaceans.