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Another Sunday night

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  • morty_baby
    The saga of mort has tooken a taked a ...gone for a shit. I had a great time at my step-sister s wedding yesterday, drinked a bunch but BEHAVED myself and had
    Message 1 of 3 , Aug 11, 2003
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      The saga of mort has tooken a
      taked a
      ...gone for a shit.
      I had a great time at my step-sister's wedding yesterday, drinked a
      bunch but BEHAVED myself and had a biig grin on my face when I got
      home, then the sprog went ahead and spoiled it all by saying something
      stupid like I love you.
      <cue Frank Sinatra music>
      Oh wait, that's not how it went, she backtalked and bitched at me and
      made me FUCKING YELL AT HER till my eyeballs bulged.
      THEN THE S/A WHO WASN'T even involved till I started screaming, took
      THE FUCKING COW CUNT PRINCESSesess side. I flipped on 'em both. SHE is
      grounded IN HER ROOM till Sept 3rd and then I packed a backpack and
      stoopid thin little blanket to run away from home at about 10 at night
      (can't fucking drive right?) but wasn't *allowed* out the door. At
      that point I gots sleepy and fell asleep.
      This morning I checked to see what I packed to start my new life as a
      hobo and it was quite amusing. Inside were my wallet (credit cards
      are a must when living the hobo life, my downers (Clonazepams..a
      given), about 360 thousand super plus tampons because I am BLEEDING
      LIKE A STUCK PIG, one very skimpy pj top and strangely enough a pj
      bottom from another set. Obviously I am not a fashion-savvy hobo. Two
      bottles of water (which surprised me) and digging deeper, a bottle of
      1/2 and 1/2 vod and iced tea. Which I drank as soon as I found it
      burp, my tootbrush and paste, my deo dorANT. A BUNGY CORD DON"T AXE ME
      WHY and a pen. A roll of tp, some tylenols for those annoying
      hangovers fuck the liver, and a ball of string. All important to the
      traveling hobo, apparently. Oh, and my mini-maglite in case I had to
      *thok* someone.
      AND more importantly, when I crawled out of bed I was dressed in
      multi-layers of undies, shorts, pants, two shirts, two pairs of socks
      and MY JACKET! No wonder I was dying of heat prostration. Luckily, I
      packed a vod/tea bottle to alleviate that when I awoke..
      I have abandoned my plans to become a hobo for now but at least I know
      what to pack.
    • morty_baby
      Hey I have a great idea! I live on 30 acres of mostly second growth forested land. I could probably live back there and sneak back regularly to rifle the
      Message 2 of 3 , Aug 12, 2003
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        Hey I have a great idea! I live on 30 acres of mostly second growth
        forested land. I could probably live back there and sneak back
        regularly to rifle the fridge and stuff. They would never know, except
        for the excess hair in the electric razor!
        And the missing beer!
        And the cheese!
        Imagine! Being a hobo in my OWN BACK YARD!
        Do you! think I use the *!* key too much?!
        I could leave a calling card like a large runny shit on the welcome
        mat and they would NEVER EVER know who did it!
        Oh I like this, I do.

        Notice how I packed NO food on my trip to hobo-land? Well,unless you
        consider vod and tea food.
        THAT'S what the credit cards were for. Mind you now that I have
        replanned The Plan and am going to camp out in the back 30, I guess
        the credit cards will be obsolete. HEY! I could break into the
        NEIGHbor'sessses houses and take THEIR beer and cheese, too.
        heh heh
        the princess is still ensconced in her room (till you know.. Sept 3rd)
        and the unit stepped out for smokes (damn squirrel-smoking non-PETA
        bastard) While he is gone, I should just PRETEND I have become a hobo
        and hide in the closet and when all the cops and psychics and stuff
        have gone away I can make him SHIT HIS KNICKERS by jumping out and
        screeching "ALIMONY" at him. The nekkidness/strap-on thermos/Nixon
        mask would be enough_I know, but girls just want to have fun...and I just

        HAVE

        to get a digital camera.
        Oh and today my daughter and I went on a looong walk in the back
        thirty to visit the Pet Semetary and I see some fuckair dug up the
        chicken.

        http://www.geocities.com/morty_baby/chicken.html

        for you ppl not familiar with the story.


        So...I am MAJORLY


        drunk now. For the chicken..you know.
        So we spent like two hours writing EVEEERY NAME of EVEERRRY mouse that
        we ever had that *MYSTeriously* died on rocks (well they didn't DIE on
        rocks, we planted them then put ROCKS on top of them then wrote their
        names after we pelted them) beez we never got around to it till now.
        No they didn't spend the whole time in my freezer, but you know.
        Or maybe you don't.
        So we were sitting there contemplating life and death in general in
        the Pet Semetary when WHO did we see spying spying spying at us but...
        a buncha cows. They were there before us but I was carrying a red
        bucket (to gather things~ you never know what drippy thing that you
        can find that needs a bucket to carry) and they started to SURROUND
        us. I MOOOED in their general diRECtion and they RAN to the red bucket
        because I obviously said *free food here*. I was chased around the
        forest by the killer cows for many reasons but the two main reasons were:
        1. cow snot dripping outta their collective already-wet noses and
        B. the large cloud of flies encircling their anusesesss
        Must remember to stay at the front end.
      • Amy Jo - Gus - Patty Bush
        I d have to agree, from past experience (*) that the drippy snot nosed end is far better than the fly infested anus end. (*) long story short- -me eight years
        Message 3 of 3 , Aug 14, 2003
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          I'd have to agree, from past experience (*) that the drippy snot
          nosed end is far better than the fly infested anus end.

          (*) long story short-
          -me eight years old,
          -trip with parents to farm,
          -wanted to check out the cows,
          -entered through wrong door (read, leading to the ass ends),
          -at a very bad time walked past a cow with both diarerra and
          flatulants,
          -fortunately we had a change of clothes in the car for me,
          -I don't remember a thing, for my own sanity, I've blocked it out
          of my memory,
          -Oddly, I really like steak and hamburgers.
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