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166[Fwd: WG: Jewish Food Descriptions (Humor)]

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  • Gabriele Weissmann
    Jan 9, 2006
      -------- Original-Nachricht --------
      Betreff: WG: Jewish Food Descriptions (Humor)
      Datum: Mon, 9 Jan 2006 13:27:34 +0100
      Von: Ami Landmann <ami@...>
      An: Assa Weinberg <assaweinberg@...>

      > Jewish Food Descriptions
      > by Eli Birnbaum
      > Latkes: A pancake-like structure not to be confused with
      > anything the House of Pancakes would put out. In a latka, the oil is
      > in the pancake. It is made with potatoes, onions, eggs and matzo meal.
      > Latkas can be eaten with applesauce, but NEVER with maple syrup. There
      > is a rumor that in the time of the Maccabees they lit a latka by
      > mistake and it burned for eight days.
      > What is certain is that you will have heartburn for the same
      > amount of time.
      > Kasha Varnishkes: One of the little-known delicacies which is
      > even more difficult to pronounce than to cook. It has nothing to do
      > with varnish, but is basically a mixture of buckwheat and bow-tie
      > macaroni (noodles). Why a bow-tie? Many sages discussed this and
      > agreed that some Jewish mother decided that "You can't come to the
      > table without a tie" or, God forbid, "An elbow on my table?"
      > Matzoh: The Egyptians' revenge for leaving slavery. It
      > consists of a simple mix of flour and water-- no eggs or flavor at
      > all. When made well, it could actually taste like cardboard. Its
      > redeeming value is that it does fill you up and stay with you for a
      > long time. However, it is recommended that you eat a few prunes soon
      > afterwards.
      > Blintzes: Not to be confused with the German war machine. Can
      > you imagine the N.Y. Post 1939 headline: "Germans drop tons of cheese
      > and blueberry blintzes over Poland -- shortage of sour cream expected"
      > Basically this is the Jewish answer to crepe suzette.
      > Kishka: You know from Haggis? Well, this ain't it. In the old
      > days they'd take an intestine and stuff it. Today we use parchment
      > paper or plastic.
      > And what do you stuff it with? Carrots, celery, onions, flour
      > and spices.
      > But the trick is not to cook it alone but to add it to the
      > cholent (see below) and let it cook for 24 hours until there is no
      > chance whatsoever that there is any nutritional value left.
      > Kreplach: It sounds worse than it tastes. There is a
      > Rabbinical debate on its origins. One rabbi claims it began when a
      > fortune cookie fell into his chicken soup. The other claims it started
      > in an Italian restaurant. Either way it can be soft, hard, or soggy
      > and the amount of meat inside depends on whether it is your mother or
      > your mother-in-law who cooked it.
      > Cholent: This combination of noxious gases had been the secret
      > weapon of Jews for centuries. The unique combination of beans, barley,
      > potatoes, and bones or meat is meant to stick to your ribs and
      > anything else it comes into contact with. At a fancy Mexican
      > restaurant (kosher of course) I once heard the comment from a
      > youngster who had just had his first taste of Mexican refried beans:
      > "What! Do they serve leftover cholent here, too?!"
      > My wife once tried something unusual for guests. She made
      > cholent burgers for Sunday night supper. The guests never came back.
      > Gefilte Fish: A few years ago, I had problems with my filter
      > in my fish pond and a few of them got rather stuck and mangled. My
      > 5-year-old son looked at them and commented "Is that why we call it
      > 'Ge Filtered Fish'?"
      > Originally, it was a carp stuffed with a minced fish and
      > vegetable mixture.
      > Today it usually comprises of small fish balls eaten with
      > horseradish, "chrain", which is judged on its relative strength in
      > bringing tears to the eyes at 100 paces.
      > Bagels: How can we finish without the quintessential Jewish
      > Food, the bagel? Like most foods, there are legends surrounding the
      > bagel although I don't know any. There have been persistent rumors
      > that the inventors of the bagel were the Norwegians who couldn't get
      > anyone to buy smoked lox. Think about it: Can you picture yourself
      > eating lox on white bread? Rye? A cracker? Naaa. They looked for
      > something hard and almost indigestible which could take the spreading
      > of cream cheese and which doesn't take up too much room on the plate.
      > And why the hole? The truth is that many philosophers believe the hole
      > is the essence, and the dough is only there for emphasis.

      Gabriele Weissmann
      Kaiserdamm 18
      D- 14057 Berlin

      Tel./Fax: +49.30.321 15 38
      E-Mail: G.Weissmann@...

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