MessageSusan and C also gave permission to post this mail she sent me after I contacted her. I don't want to say more, but hope at least it shows her true character and how her life is God-centred.-----Original Message-----Good morning, Denise.
From: Susan Wilkinson [mailto:susan_wilkinson@...]
Sent: 13 December 2002 18:14
Subject: Re: IM
Well, it's morning here anyway.
Thank you for all your messages. It is good to hear from you and hear what you're thinking at the moment. You should know that I'm not surprised by any of it. Even though some of the things you have said have been very hurtful to me and Beth and Jerry, I did always know, or at least hope, that deep down you didn't mean it. I'm sure the same for the others. We all see the confusion you must be in. As Jerry compassionately put it, "She hears [others] telling her that "Steelites" are some kind of hate cult, and all the while she hears nothing cultish or hateful from us. What's she to believe?"
I would love to tell you that everything is going to be okay and give you a way out of the pickle you are in, but I think it's something you have to work out with the Lord. How this turns out is largely up to you. There IS a way out, Deejay. I know because God promises that. But you can be sure that it will require faith and courage and obedience that must come from the Lord. He will supply all your needs though, if you truly desire Him above all else. Yes, it might involve some loss, on the other hand, it may not. Sometimes when we get right with God in repentance, He surprises us (often overcoming our worst fears) and gives us exactly what we thought we were going to lose. He's an awesome God in that way. When He doesn't give us exactly what we wanted He ALWAYS blesses us in some other way that makes obedience and loss well "worth it." But of course, it doesn't feel that way when we're on this side of faith. It feels as if God is going to take everything from us that we love. It feels as if we're "damned if we do, damned if we don't." God uses that very feeling to test our faith. Will we believe and obey God even when we feel "damned"? Or will we only obey God when we can see how it benefits us? Obeying in the darkness is the hardest of all, isn't it?
Deejay, simplify this whole thing in your mind. This situation isn't about me or Jerry or Beth or Sue or Matt or Tom M. or Dean, or anyone else. Forget about ALL of us for a moment. From where you sit right now, the important thing to focus on is the Lord and your relationship with HIM in all this. NOT your relationship with Him as it is related to me or Sue or Beth. Focus totally on you and the Lord for a time; take everyone else out of the mix. What's left? What do you hear the Lord telling you? Follow that voice, Deejay. You know His voice. It's the one saying, "This is the way. Walk ye in it." And then walk. No matter how hard or scary it is, walk. Just do it. The strength and motivation to do it come only by believing that God knows better than you do no matter what you think you know or how you feel at the moment. I admit that is difficult, but that is the nature of faith. Believing in advance what will only make sense in reverse.
You may be right, Denise, the Lord might be chastising you. His heavy hand might be on you; I don't know. That is one thing you can ask Him to show you. When I'm suffering I always ask God to show me if I'm suffering because of my sin. I want to know because if so, I want to STOP whatever I'm doing that is causing Him to spank me, ya know? I hate suffering. But remember, if He is pressing on you physically, emotionally, or spiritually because of sin, it is done in, and because of, His great love for you, and it is done in FATHERLY LOVE. Not as a punishing, damning, fiery, God. Please remember that. And also know that at least 4 of us miss you and love you and pray for you and hope all good things for you.
P.S. I already knew Beth's "big secret" long before all this mess. So much did I NOT "freak out" that Beth even forgot she had told me many months ago. Beth is a woman of God, Deejay. Not an unrepentant liar worthy of excommunication or hell fire. She's a struggling, hurting, sinning, repenting, kind, lovely, caring, mild, woman of God. Jerry calls her "one of the beautiful people." How on earth she ever got turned into the harlot of the century, is beyond me.