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Re: question to deal with

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  • thebishopsdoom
    I am a person who is a total loner at times because being picked on when younger I m afraid of people. I know that we are not created to not being social
    Message 1 of 1 , Sep 30, 2001
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      "I am a person who is a total loner at times
      because being picked on when younger I'm afraid of
      people. I know that we are not created to not being
      social beings but I don't feel that way."<br>I do have
      some advice for you. It was too long for one post, so
      I'll cut it into 2.<br>First of all, go with what you
      know. If you are better one on one than in large
      groups, at least start making friends one on one. But
      since you have not apparently done so (at least
      locally), it seems the problem goes deeper than just being
      in a group. And that you have to some degree
      admitted. A fear of offending. Might I add a couple more
      that are common and may or may not apply: fear that
      people don't want to be bothered with you (which, unless
      you are a nerd and not yet out of high school, is
      probably not going to be the case for most people). Also
      fear that people will betray your trust or turn away
      from you, and you will feel vulnerable and violated by
      the fact of what they know about you.<br>Now as to
      the issue of people. If one wishes to have friends,
      he must show himself to be friendly. Sometimes the
      way to find your neighbor is to be one. You may
      perceive risks involved - they won't like me, I'll offend
      them, they will betray me, etc. But life is full of
      risks and dealing with them is a part of growing up.
      Some risks simply have to be taken whether we like it
      or not. Others are a matter of choice whether we
      wish to take the risk or no. I'm not saying not to be
      careful what you say if you are afraid of offending. I
      mean, don't walk up to some girl and say, "Looks like
      you've put on a few pounds the past few weeks." If you
      need conversation starters or pointers, I'm afraid I'm
      not the one to ask. Conversation seems more an art to
      me, something that is learned with experience. You
      can walk up to someone and ask them who they are and
      where they are from, but it only works on the first
      conversation. If you keep doing that every time you see them,
      they'll think you're just a few fries short of a happy
      meal. I'd also suggest you pray and think about it. I'm
      not saying to pray that God sends you a friend. I'm
      saying pray that God will show you to be more friendly.
      And remember, the problem wasn't built in a day, it
      probably won't go away overnight. Now I'm not suggesting
      it will take you years to overcome whatever your
      problem may be, it may take only a few weeks, perhaps a
      few months, to get enough into the habit of
      friendliness and the art of conversation before it becomes
      second nature, but it won't be overnight. That's not
      cause for discouragement. Contrarily, it is cause to be
      encouraged to move forward, because there is a goal, and it
      is attainable. It just takes some work on your part.
      I don't generally quote socialists, but F.D.R. once
      said, "So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief
      that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself --
      nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes
      needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. I know
      these are not too specific, and rather general, but I
      hope they may be of some help.<br>(Continued)
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