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Re: what is a 'turn'?

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  • D Gardner
    Not sure with phone conversations... (although with my *mom*, you can never get a word in edge-wise ) I ve lived on Guam for 12 years--and had a chance
    Message 1 of 9 , Apr 10, 2006
      Not sure with phone conversations... (although with my *mom*, you can
      never get a word in edge-wise <sigh>)

      I've lived on Guam for 12 years--and had a chance to see Islander,
      East Asian, and Southeast Asian (Micronesia, Japan, Korea, China,
      Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam, MyanMar, and so on) culture firsthand.
      Definitely a *silence-means-respect* type of situation. (But then
      again, my parents are from British/Dutch/German ancestry--and there's
      the saying that "Children can be seen, but not heard." <and preferably
      not seen>)

      My wife is from the Philippines. From a traditional family in which
      the elders and higher-educated reign.

      When we first were married--during family get-togethers at my folks'
      home... my sister and my mom (who are "motor-mouths"--very rapid
      talkers who also talk over each other) would be dominating the
      conversation. My Dad would pitch in once in a while, but my wife and I
      would usually remain silent. Later, my mom asked if my wife was
      unhappy because she "didn't participate in the conversation"--I had to
      explain that with the way my sis and mom were talking, there was no
      way for her to enter the conversation without feeling like she was
      interrupting or being disrespectful. My explanation never seemed to
      soak in, however.

      My wife was familiar with the *visual cues* that would indicate a
      point at which she could *jump into the conversation*... the visual
      cues happen so quickly and are so subtle that they are easily missed.

      Although I'm a professional writer/editor, I sometimes take so long to
      process what I want to say that my *gateway opening* into the
      conversation has long expired ... and thus, I usually just swallow it
      and remain quiet.

      At home, however, it's a different story... my wife will start talking
      and I'll have a hard job getting a word in edgewise.... and... if I
      ask her to *repeat* what she said (because I might not have been
      paying much attention), she'll only repeat *one word or two words*.
      Without the context of the rest of the sentence I still will have no
      clue what she was talking about. Aargh!

      When her family is all together in the same room--they all speak
      Kampampangan or a mix of Tagalog, Kampampangan, and a few forays into
      English (sometimes called "Taglish"). And they are *all* talking over
      each other (in three languages!)... and I still haven't figured out
      the visual cues for when to jump in with my $0.02. So I, again,
      usually just keep quiet.

      Usually have to bring a book or something else to read during family
      visits--because there's no point in trying to join any conversations.

      Regards,
      Dave

      --- In code-switching@yahoogroups.com, kim sunyoung <kitty_ctc@...>
      wrote:
      >
      > 1)Is overlap more frequent in face-to-face interaction
      > and much less frequent in phone conversation?
      > 2)Some cultures consider silence as an expression of
      > respect. The motto "good kids do not interrupt talking
      > of others" is so embedded in most East Asians. It is
      > considered very rude to cut in especially when
      > superiors or elders have not finished talking.
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