weapon of choice!!!
- ::Dedicated to our great moderater and his love of Pieman, I thought another story with the girls being humilated would be fun!::
Today we find Diana Prince doing aerobics in her apartment. She stands in her red and blue leotard bending over, doing toe touches when all of a sudden she hears a knock on her apartment door.
Diana: Who could this be?
She opens the door and to her surprise, the felon who once captured her, Pieman, is staring right at her, accompanied by some of his henchmen.
Diana: Oh no! What are you doing here! You're supposed to be in prison!
Pieman: (slowly walking in, making Diana back peddle) Yes, and all because of three people! You and the Wonder Sisters. Well, I said I would make you ladies pay, and pay you shall!
He snaps his fingers and two henchmen grab Diana by her arms and lift her up in the air, causing her to try and kick her long, sexy legs in a manner of escape. The boys place her down on an office chair where a pie is waiting. The boys laugh as she gallantly struggles but can't get out of the chair!
Pieman: My dear Diana! You will send a message to the Wonder Sisters that I am back in town. It seems whenever you're in trouble, they are there to help you. So, in about 1 minute, this bomb pie will explode and send you 6 feet under if you know what I mean. Hahaha...and then, after you're gone, thats 1 out of three. Revenge is so sweet! Toodles, my dear!
The boys and Pieman rush out of the apartment laughing like jackals as Diana, in all her leggy glory, struggles for freedom. She then gets the idea to spin and spin, turning into Wonder Woman! With only seconds to spare, the magnificent Amazon jumps to her feet, grabs the pie and hurls it out of the window. It explodes in mid-air, causing Wonder Woman to fall backwards onto her couch near the window, and making Pieman and his boys laugh maniacally outside.
Wonder Woman: Better call Dru!
The next day in her apartment, Diana confers with little sister Dru, who is flirtatious and fun-loving but a real danger to crooks as the two-fisted sidechick, Wonder Girl.
Dru: Hmmm...he's back eh? I could use round 2!
Diana: Now, Dru. We can't go into this hastily. He's a master of trickery and...
Dru: A total perv! Last time, he captured Daisy, he made her take off her shorts and run around shaking her butt! Guh-ross!!!
Diana: Dru! Watch your mouth! "shaking her butt!" I don't know where you come up with this language! We'll discuss that later! Right now, we have to devise a plan....
The sisters think for a few minutes until Dru pops up with a big smile.
Dru: I got it...listen to this...this may seem a little odd, but if it plays out right, it will work. He has a major crush on you...so what if he tries...
Meanwhile miles and miles away in Pieman's old factory, Pieman arrives home for the first time in who knows how long...He breathes a sigh of relief as he looks around. He walks over to a rotissiree...
Pieman: Ahh yes, this is where we almost had that Wonder Twerp if it wasn't for her older sister, the beautiful Wonder Woman! And over there! The oven room! Where Diana almost danced to her death! And over there! Ahhh....such memories!
Henchmen: Say, boss! What are we doing back here? Won't the police come looking for us?
Pieman: Not at all. Now that King West from Beckelstahn has busted me out of jail and given me diplomatic immunity, I can do whatever I wish! hahaha! And I shall start with the capturing of those bubble-headed Wonder Sisters. Here's my plan!
With typical villain's glee, Pieman spells out his intentions. After he explains every aspect of the dastardly new scheme, he and his cohorts all share a laugh.
Minutes later, the girls arrive right outside the factory. Wonder Woman gets off of her Wonder Bike and Wonder Girl gets out of the side car. They dust themselves off.
Wonder Woman: Goodness, those gentlemen behind us sure were taking their time...
Wonder Girl: Yeah, so they could stare at the stars on your big ass!
Wonder Woman (furious): Wonder Girl! When we get out of here, I will be talking to you about this foul language you've been using lately!
Wonder Girl: Yeah, whatever! Go tell mom, Sgt. Star-Spangled Booty!
Wonder Girl laughs and laughs as Wonder Woman looks down at her wonder-panties and turns red. Finally, she puts her hands on her hips.
Wonder Woman: Well, enough about my uniform...we have a mission to complete. Let's roll.
All goofing on her sister aside, Wonder Girl nods, then grins in anticipation.
Wonder Girl: Right! Time for some fun! And maybe Piecrust has some cute henchmen I can throw around!
Wonder Woman: This is the reason you were kicked out of the Teen Titans, you know? For not staying focused on work, and focusing on Robin.
Wonder Girl: blah blah blah! Robin has a cute butt! I got to be in a siamese human knot between him and Batman, and I made his tights tighter, allright!
Wonder Woman: Wonder Girl!!! If mother heard you talk...
Wonder Girl ignores her prudish sister's speech and walks up to the door of the factory. "Sigh. What's a responsible sister to do?" ever-patient Wonder Woman thinks to herself with a shake of her Dru-weary head. Then she follows after Wonder Girl, who slowly opens the door of the factory and pensively enters. On full alert, the two beauties walk stealthily into the darkly-lit factory, back-to-back in case something occurs. Then all of a sudden the lights go on. They both get into fighting position, remaining back-to-back...
Wonder Girl: Show yourself Pieman! The Wonderous Duo is here to take you back to prison!
Pieman obliges with his henchmen.
Pieman: Hello, Wonder Girl. And your charming big sister...! My my my, Wonder Woman! Seeing you in those little tight powder blue briefs really makes escaping from prison worth it. Ha-ha-ha!!!
For the second time in two minutes, Wonder Woman's picture-perfect face turns red out of sheer embarrassment.
Pieman: And Wonder Girl, I won't be going anywhere! Here, read this!
Pieman throws Wonder Girl a piece of paper. She reads it as Wonder Woman continues to staredown the nefarious villain.
Pieman: Your legs look simply dazzling, Wondy! Is that a new pair of pantyhose?
Pieman laughs and Wonder Woman grabs her lasso, but Wonder Girl stops her from going any further.
Wonder Girl: Stop, there's nothing we can do. He has diplomatic immunity. In fact, it says here, we can't even be within 20 feet of him or else we are considered his prisoners!
The girls look at each other and sigh. "Another time, Wonder Girl" the older crimefigther says dejectedly. They begin to walk out, but not before...
Pieman: Trespassing! Boys, nab those curvaceous crooked cuties!
The henchmen descend upon the back-turned heroines. Three of them grab hold of Wonder Woman while the other two nab the younger Amazon.
The struggling Wonder Woman is brought over to Pieman, who clearly admires the curvy crimefighter's feminine attributes. He walks right behind her and proceeds to pat WW's firm, inviting butt, which instantly enrages her. "I've had enough," Wonder Woman proudly proclaims, spinning around like a top and eliminating her manhandlers impressively in the process. Then she corners Pieman and lifts him up by his jacket. Strangely, the unfazed villain still continues to laugh.
Pieman: My dear bosomy beauty, have you forgotten? I have immunity! You can't lay your hands on me. If you do, as it clearly and legally states, you will become my prisoner. So...
Pieman pulls a can of whipped cream out of his jacket pocket and sprays it down Wonder Woman's sexy cleavage. She drops him and reacts, wide-eyed, and grits her teeth. Pieman grins.
Wonder Woman: This...is...
Pieman: Another invention of mine. Knockout cream, although it's not completely finished. It weakens you, but doesn't take you out...just yet. Boys!
The boys stand the raven-haired beauty up and begin to tease her. With the cream depriving Wonder Woman of her super-strength, she begins to throw the weakest punches ever! And with the stuff falling out everywhere she begins to slip and slide everywhere, giving the boys a great view of WW's terrific, suddenly slick body. Finally, one of the laughing henchmen lifts the weakened wonder up and has some unexpected fun by spinning HER around! "How do you like a dose of your own fighting style, Blunder Broad?" he chortles, finally letting go of her arm. Powerless, Wonder Woman careens onto a table with yet another pie awaiting her. She falls face first into it and suddenly finds she can't move! The Amazon crimefighter struggles and struggles, but the only thing she accomplishes is entertaining the boys with her round, star-spangled, satin panties-wearing behind.
Pieman: Excellent! My special glue-crust is holding the Amazon prisoner. In a few moments the knockout cream mixed inside the cake should take effect...
Sure enough, it does... Within seconds, face-down Wonder Woman's muscular yet sexy and sleek arms, which are hanging over the table, stop struggling and fall limp. Her nasty opponents sneer at this ignominious defeat.
Pieman: Ahh, now isn't that a delightful sight! But we aren't finished with our work yet, loyal followers. It time we tended to the Wonder brat!
Meanwhile, Wonder Girl is doing just fine against her original attackers, even as criminal reinforcements arrive. Two of the baddies manage to grab WG from behind and lift her into the air...big mistake, as her long legs swiftly do their henchmen-kicking thing. Finally back on her feet, Wonder Girl playfully stomps on the toes of the two new henchmen. They hop about stupidly before she slugs them both into unconsciousness. Triumphant, the teen Amazon surveys all 5 downed henchmen at her feet and beams. "Cool. Always can use a good workout!" she quips. But then Wonder Girl happens to spot her motionless sister, face first in a pie. "Wonder Woman!" she exclaims, her smile instantly fading. Greatly concerned, she rushes over to help...but unfortunately, the pie cream all over the floor right in front of her causes the teenager to slip and slide as well.
Wonder Girl: Holy Hoisery! What a tight spot!
Frustrated, Wonder Girl tries her best to keep her balance just as the revived henchmen walk over and surround her, gloating. "What's the matter, hotshot?" one of them taunts. "Lose your touch?" The laughter continues, annoying the heck out of Wonder Girl. "Okay, girl...concentrate!" she thinks to herself, and a second later -- bingo! A plan forms in her fertile Amazon mind. Inside of slip-sliding away like a fool, Wonder Girl goes rigid, places arms and legs by her sides and simply rolls away from the slippery stuff. Pleased, she then jumps to her feet. "I did it!" Dru shouts with tomboyish glee, beaming. But because she was so preoccupied, Wonder Girl isn't prepared for a henchman's fist which suddenly impacts right on her chin! The Amazon teen goes careening across the room, following exactly the same "path" as her spun sister. Humorously, Wonder Girl lands face-first in a second glue/knockout pie sitting on that same table, directly beside the unconscious Wonder Woman...who is still lying in HER pie! Not surprising, Pieman and his henchmen are beside themselves with oh-so-mean laughter. Finally, Wonder Girl's powerful arms stop struggling and lie draped over the table, exactly like her sister's. It seems both heroines are down for the count!
Pieman: Perfect! Just perfect! A matched set of defeated Amazons. Our brainless bimbos look adorable together.
One of the henchmen Wonder Woman throttled leans down by the table, grabs a handful of raven-colored hair and lifts the sleeping Amazon's cream-covered face up for everyone to gawk at. "Ha! The great Wonder Woman! Somebody get a picture of this. I'll e-mail to my old cellmates!"
Everyone cracks up. And soon all the boys are crowding around their downed foes, with each of the henchmen wanting their pictures taken. One of them grabs Wonder Girl's hair and lifts her cake-smeared face up for a good viewing. "Ahh, who wants a picture with Blunder Brat," the annoyed hood reconsiders, throwing the girl's head down and back down into the pie. "I'll wait in line for her bigger-boobed sister!"
Henchman #1: So, what's the plan, boss?
Henchman #2: Yeah! What kind of wild and crazy deathtrap are you planning for these panty-hose pea-brains?
Pieman: Why I'm surprised at you, boys. I'm a law-abiding citizen now. And I'll prove it by turning these criminal lawbreakers over to the authorities. My hidden cameras have captured every moment of their vicious attack on us. And as you know, if the Wonder honeys come within 20 feet of me, which they have, they are automatically my prisoners!
Henchman #1: Ha! That's a good one! We're the "crime" fighters, now, boss!
Pieman: You got it, Jackson! And our first good deed is to deliver these super-saps bound and helpless, with all the media invited to the party. Ahh, the delicious irony of it all!
Meanwhile, finished with having their pictures taken with the defeated heroines, the boys walk around the pie-splattered table to get a better view of the Wonder sisters' equally slick rear ends. "Man, these are some Wonder-butts!" one of the guys laughs, pulling Wonder Girl's already rolled-up shorts to expose an entire, well-rounded cheek. "Yeah," another chortles. "Let's get some pictures of these babies, too!"
One humiliating day later...
"...and it was certainly a shock to see the former superheroines reduced to roughhousing lawbreakers. But no one could deny the videotaped evidence, provided by an associate of King West's, a certain Mr. Pieman, who claims to have been wrongly molested by the apparently brawl-addicted Amazons on previous occasions. It was Pieman's ingenuity that led to the capture of these newly-minted criminals, who are seen here being escorted into Police Headquarters, bound by their own magic lassos..."
And indeed, on the television screen, is the heartbreaking (but also hilarious) image of Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl, hands tied behind their backs, being escorted into the police station by Pieman's grinning thugs, instead of things being the other way around. Most outrageous of all, the gloppy cake-cream hasn't been wiped off their faces!
"F...k!" shouts Drusilla, trying to force down some Wheaties as she sits in her sister's apartment watching the tube.
"Now sister," Diana responds with a stern-but-warm voice and a furrowed brow. "Even the most disastrous of situations shouldn't cause us to lose our proper feminine poise."
"Okay then, 'golly gosh' already. But let's face it, were in a heap of deep sh-- I mean, trouble."
The TV announcer continues, this time with an image of Pieman on the screen. "In a rare move, the abused party, Mr. Pieman, is not pressing charges. He doesn't think it is right that these young ladies should be burdened with criminal records, no matter how misguided they may be. So instead, he and King West are merely demanding a public apology and six humiliating punishments, to be decided at a later date."
"See?!" Wonder Girl shouts. "That recipe-mad bozo has the legal right to punish us any way he wants! I don't know about you, but I'm not in the mood to do a thousand push-ups just so those perverts can stare at my sweaty butt!"
"Patience, Dru," Diana says with a slight smile. "What if I told you I expected all this to happen, even made arrangements with our own federal contacts to seal the deal?"
"I'd say you were crazy, sister!"
"Mmm, crazy like a fox," Diana grins. "What was our original purpose in going after Pieman? To stay abreast of his newest criminal scheme. Now, with us right under his snotty nose, if you'll forgive the disgusting metaphor, we'll be able to do just that."
Dru's face suddenly brightens. "I see..." she says with an increasingly sassy smile. "He'll think he has us where he wants us, while all the time we're setting him up for a final, well-earned clobbering. Cool!"
"Now we shouldn't be too confident," Diana cautions her impulsive sidekick. "Enduring his public punishments won't be easy. But we're Amazons, Dru. Anything a goofball like Pieman can hurl at us, we can more than take, any day of the week"
"...and twice on Sundays, WAY cool!" Dru laughs, slamming her fist into a waiting fist. "Bring it on, Pie-Putz! Do your worst...and then Wonder Sis and I will do ours!"
WOW! Will Pieman's plan backfire? Is he in for the shock of his life? Or will the Wonder sisters be bested, transformed from role-model heroines into public clowns? Stay tuned!
- Fabulous! Talk about a camp epic! Hope you don't mind my tampering with the "third act," Chad, but I saw a wonderful opportunity for some follow-up stories here...and maybe a little group participation. If you were Pieman, what kind of outrageous punishments would you subject the Wonder Babes to? C'mon, be creative! Maybe a new poll's in order, Chad... In any event, thanks so much for the dedication. Our over-the-top teamwork continues to amaze even me...! TZ