Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The young people of the Sault got a reprieve on the Skateboarding
issue at last night's meeting. After presenting several petitions and
giving their comments to the commission the City decided to table
the ordinance while a fact-finding group investigated . Composed
of 15 skaters, retired people, and even the police chief will perhaps
find a way to make this all more palatable to all concerned. You
can read the story at:
I really want to thank all that submitted comments and suggestions
on this matter. They were read by many close to the problem.
Daughter's boyfriend went back to New Mexico today after a
break-up. This is the first one that she had brought around that
wasn't a bum and I felt had a chance of making something of
himself. He was a lot better than the last one that she made sleep
on the front porch after she caught him chasing one of her friends
while she was at work. I'm still hoping for a nice Navy guy for a
son-in-law and if you would like to send a copy of your last three
performance evaluations, I will consider giving you her address
hehheh. No Captain's masts, no marks below 3.6, and above
all no officers ( I still like the respect I get when the little E-3's
find out I was an E-6) Oh well enjoy the chips.. buffalo
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Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are from Louisiana visiting a relative at
Huntsville, Texas prison. Walking along Sam Houston Street, they see
sign which reads:'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50
Boudreaux says to his pal, "Hey Thib, LOOK! We could buy a whole lot
those, and when we get back to Lafayette, we could make a fortune.
when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the
talkin' cause if they hear our Cajun accent they might not serve us.
I'll speak in my best Texas drawl."
They go in and Boudreaux orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at
2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each.
The owner of the shop says, "You're from Louisiana, aren't you?"
"Oh, ... yes," says a surprised Boudreaux. "How come you know dat?"
The owner says, "Cause this is a dry-cleaners."
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A Closer Look
Grammar Chips From Big Al
1. In the beginning my English teacher created nouns and verbs.
2. And the verbs were without form and voice; and darkness was upon
the face of the
3. And she said, "Let there be grammar;" and there was grammar.
4. And Teacher saw the verbs and laughed and said that it was good;
and she divided
the bright students from those who remained in darkness.
5. And Teacher gave the bright students A's and kept the others after
school. And the
homework and the bell were the first day.
6. And Teacher said, "Let there be a sentence in the midst of the
words, and let it
divide the nouns from the verbs.
7. And Teacher made the sentence, and diagrammed it on the board; I
looked and saw
that it was so.
8. And the Teacher called the sentence declarative. And the capital
and the period
were the second day.
9. And Teacher said, "Let the noun words in the sentence be gathered
one place, and let the verb words appear; and it was so.
10. And Teacher called the verb words predicate; and the gathering
together of noun
words called she the subject; and Teacher saw that it was good.
11. And Teacher said, "Let the predicate bring forth modifiers, the
yielding objects, and the intransitive verbs yielding complements
after their own
kind, whose place is in itself, within the predicate;" and it was so.
12. And the predicate brought forth modifiers, and transitive verbs
after their own kind, and intransitive verbs yielding a complement
whose place was in
itself, after their own kind: The Teacher saw that it was good and
13. And the active and the passive were the third day.
14. And Teacher said, "Let there be modifiers in the firmament of the
further confuse and divide the students in the classroom; and let
them be for proper
nouns, concrete nouns, mass nouns, collective nouns, pronouns, and
15. "And let them be for to give meaning in the subject and to
predicate;" and it was so---confusing.
16. And Teacher made two great words: the greater word -adjective- to
rule the noun,
and the lesser word -adverb- to rule the verb; she made the
17. And Teacher set them in the sentence in order to make it
difficult to diagram.
18. And to make it easier for her to divide the bright students from
remained in darkness; and Teacher saw that her system was good.
19. And the phrase and the clause were the fourth day.
20. And Teacher said, "Let the verbs bring forth abundantly the many
verb forms, the
gerunds, infinitives, and participles; the subjunctives; the
auxiliary verbs, the
linking verbs; and the phrasal verbs."
21. And Teacher created mood for every living creature that moveth,
and tense for all
time, and voice after their kind: and Teacher saw that it was indeed
22. And Teacher blessed them saying, "Be fruitful and multiply in
fill young minds with bewilderment, and let the bewilderment multiply
into chaos in
23. And the lecture and the English test were the fifth day.
24. And Teacher said, "Let the nouns and verbs bring forth living
their own kind, book reports, essay questions, and English themes for
the students to
write;" and it was very so.
25. And Teacher made all these things for the freshman English
student to do, and
everything that creepeth into her mind she gave to them to do; and
Teacher saw to it
that it was good.
26. And Teacher said, "Let us make one project in our image, after
our likeness; and
let the product have dominion over the other projects, and over every
subject of the
27. So Teacher created the research paper in her own image, in the
image of Teacher
created she it; boring and difficult created she it.
28. And Teacher blessed it, and Teacher said unto the research
paper, "Be fruitful
and multiply, and replenish the supply of dropouts, and subdue the
remainder of the
college students; and have dominion over the other projects, and over
subjects, and over every single grade that the students receive."
29. "And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air,
and to every
thing that creepeth into the classroom, wherein there is life, I have
rule and principle for good English;" and it was so.
30. And Teacher saw everything that she had made, and behold it was
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Dumb Chips From Robbin
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance
package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence?
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten
tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing
beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines,
wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money... from his own
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he
tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three
hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked
each man in the line-up to repeat the words, "Give me all your money
or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?"
the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.
King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately,
he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)
8. THE GRAND FINALE Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in
the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks,
new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they
tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 ft. Bayliner to
perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish
in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a nearby
marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A
thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working
The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the
correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the
water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was
laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER, THIS IS TRUE!
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place........ was the
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At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth tee. The
straight fairway ran along a road and bike path fenced off on the
left. The first golfer teed off and hooked the ball in that
direction. The ball went over the fence and bounced off the bike
path onto the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and was
knocked back on to the fairway.
As they all stood in amazement, one man asked him, "How on earth did
you do that?"
Without hesitation, he said, "You have to know the bus timetable."
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"Doctor, can you help me? Every time I sit down I see visions of
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A young man volunteered to babysit one night so his mom
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Oklahoma Chips From BJC
Two Yankee women were driving through Oklahoma. As they were
Tahlequah, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they
stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee in her Yankee
accent, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for
us? Would you please pronounce where we are and would you do so very
slowly so that we can get it?" The Tahlequah girl leaned over the
counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing."
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Rabbi Chips from Marina
Three women are bragging about their Rabbis. The first one says: My
is so great that G*d listens to him immediately. Last Shabbes, a small
fire broke out in the ark. My Rabbi lifted his arms heavenwards, and
yelled OYSS FIRE!- out with the fire. The flames immediately went out.
The second lady bragged that her Rabbi was just as great: Last
sprinklers suddenly opened up during services. Everyone would have
soaked, and the sefer Torah ruined. My Rabbi lifted his arms
and yelled OYSS SPRINKLER!- off with the sprinkler. The sprinklers
mmediately shut off.
The third woman laughed: Your Rabbis are nothing compared to mine.
Shabbes, during Kedusha, the driver of an armoured car carrying money
the bank lost control, and crashed through the wall of our shul.
no one was hurt, but bags of money spilled everywhere. My Rabbi
arms heavenwards, and yelled OYSS SHABBES and it was Tuesday!!
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It was the businessman's favorite vacation, a fishing trip. Two old
cronies were fishing together at about the same place in the stream.
One man had been having excellent luck, landing some real beauties.
But the other man - poor fellow - was doing no good at all.
"What's the matter?" asked the lucky fisherman, "why do you suppose
you haven't caught any? We're both at the same place in the stream
and, by George, we're even using the same kind of bait."
"Search me," answered the second man dispiritedly. "But I don't
think my worm is trying."
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like a long, thin, cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?"
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From The Buffalos Mail Box
Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as sailors
around the water cask rumors, sea stories and useful info was spread )
Your mail of 4 June 2002.The article"What is a Veteran" by Farther
Dennis Edward O'Brien USMC
First: The good father signs USMC after his name,but if he served
with Marines he is entitled to do that even though the Marine Corps
does not have it's own Chaplains or Medical people.They are all Navy
Second: The only places the Marine Corps has Drill Instructors is at
the "boot" camps and there are only two boot camps.Parris
Island,S.C.and San Diego Ca.
Quantico Va.the last I heard is the home for "Officers Basic
Training"and the instructors there are NOT referred to as drill
instructors period.with the majority of them being officers and
supplamented with NCO Instructors.
I could not let that over sight slip by.You just might hear from some
other Marines on this one.
I enjoy your mailings very much. Hope you are around for many,many
years to come.
Your page is right up there with the best of them.Keep 'em coming!!!
The Gunny USMC '46-''69 Ret'd
One of the Chosin Few
Shaggylord; Very well Put!
Westpac; What can you tell us about Limbaugh's military Career?
Good Morning Buffalo,
I have been one of your faithful readers for two years and
have enjoyed your column, your sense of humor and style of writing....
From Oklahoma I have silently read all your personal thoughts,
laughed at your jokes and learned from the scuttlebutt and became
As you have several regulars who write in as well as daily
newcomers, I seem to feel we are melding into sort of a Buffalo
So imagine my chagrin over Memorial Day to miss about four
days and now I missed yesterday and you're not on here today, so I
take it Yahoo is the guilty culprit....
I enjoy all the scuttlebutt and especially enjoy fellow
Oklahoman B.J.Cassady's comments....
Here's hoping I receive your mail soon,
Buffalo Says I am not sure who is to blame but subs are disappearing
in herds from bouncing and others are missing days or weeks of
chips. Check with your ISP to make sure they are not blocking
Yahoo and hope this straightens out before long.
May 28th, 1954: President Dwight Eisenhower signed a law
that added the words "under God" to the U.S. Pledge of
I live in Gulfport, MS. When my son was growing up, he was very much
skate boarding. He and his friends built ramps to use at home.
objected; therefore, the ramps had to go. They were run out of
and anywhere else they would find to skate. About three years ago
representatives from the county visited skate parks in other states.
took ideas from several they visited and built a state of the art
is said to be the best in the south. The skate boarders now have a
skate and are off the streets. We have a roller hockey rink with
leagues almost year round thanks to the efforts of some of the
our local professional ice hockey team. Since I live near the park,
it almost every day. It does my heart good to see the children
their art. Too bad it was too late for my son.
Hi Buffalo, don't know if this is proper address but only one I could
find that didn't unsubscribe me.
Skateboards and bikes are banned from downtown area but it is not
enforced by the police.Fond du Lac, WI, recently built a skateboard
park but bikes not allowed causeing a number of bike riders to be
Your personal remarks are my favorite part of your newsletter.
our (big) town of C J put in a skate park for the kids and what is
surprising is that they use it after school & Sat there is always
there and in the summer its te place to be seen PS C J
Cave Junction Or Come see our Caves AWESOME
In Richmond, B.C., the skateboarders got together and petitioned the
City Council for skateboard park, successfully - it opened about 4
years ago. There are also skateboard parks in North Vancouver,
Surrey and Langley.
In Calgary, Alberta, we built a 'huge' skateboard park that is also
I am writing from Williamsport, Pennsylvania. Our
town, too, was having problems (not as many as City
Council believed there was) with skateboarding, etc.,
on city streets. A park was built in a central
location for the kids, and seemed to alleviate the
problems, although we still have that occasional
"rebel" who refuses to obey the signs and almost runs
In Holland, Michigan, there are no bicycles, skateboards or roller
skates allowed on downtown sidewalks...We do have a skateboard park
designed and built by volunteers...A BMX park is in the planning
stage...I can understand the ban on the above on the waterfront in
the Soo...As a visitor I would think safety should be first to be
considered. Enjoy your continued update of events in the
Soo.... C. Vanden Berg
yeppers Bill, only certain areas are set up for roller-bladeing and
skateboards and if caught off path are ticketed and suits me just
as when before the ordinance, the skaters had no respect for the
Citizens or young Children, now on a different sport... basketball,
kids aren't allowed to shoot no hoops at the parks anymore as the
surrounding neighbors complain about the noise, ah ''reality'' check
here, they should of thought about that before they bought the house
next to a park!!!
To Jack from CA: I couldn't have said it better myself. Years ago
getting their citizenship HAD to speak English. Now people go with
interpretors. If you live in the GREAT USA then speak English. Here
Vegas the Casinos hire people who can't speak English and bring an
interpreter to job interviews. Sorry for ranting but I feel that
people from Italy, Germany, Ireland etc. learned English. But now we
accommodate people from spanish speaking countries by tv, signs,
etc. by having them printed in spanish. If they can't speak English
they should not be able to drive, work, get welfare etc. until they
English. Kathy from Las Vegas
To Kathy from Las Vegas,
People from Ireland do learn to speak English. It is the main
language in 95% of the area. The 5 % that speak Irish as natives -
very rarely leave their native villages and counties and are very
polite to rude American visitors, Germans, Italians etc, and speak
English to them. There is a huge comeback to speaking and learning
the Irish Language which I appreciate, but English is still the main
means of communication
However, I doubt since 1848 when Irish people were escaping English
Rule and the Plague in Coffin ships, that America has been faced with
Gaelige only speaking nationals, even they knew English due to the
laws that were enforced on the land at that time.
I do hope you realise, that in the founding times of America a lot of
Irish were involved in new settlements, after all there are over 18
places called after the Irish Capital of Dublin, even your own name,
come from Irish names - adapted to the English tongue.
Sorry, for ranting Bill, but I really hate ignorance - it may have
been a mistake - but my country although small has produced many
famous and not so famous people who are upright citizens in America -
and who can forget the unluckiest family of them all - their dad was
BTW - I can understand the immigration problem - and quite frankly
even in Europe people have to undergo an adaptation program if they
enter the countries through asylum or refugee status. Even under
normal circumstances - people are still encouraged to take social and
cultural courses which are taught by volunteers who manage to teach
them irregardless of their language skills. So why not try to
volunteer and see if you can make some changes
I loved your South chips. I was born and raised in Florida. We left
about 26 years ago when I was 17. The Florida of today is so much
different from the Florida of 30 years ago. I loved my childhood and
have many memoried that not even Texans can really relate to. Like if
you have fried fish it is a given that grits is offered in the meal.
If you went real fancy you put butter(enough to instantly clog your
arteries) and cheddar cheese,then at the table you liberally laced
your portion with hot sauce. Now that was a meal. Along with the
Hi Buffalo, I just wanted to Thank You for the letter from Don
Grantham in your Sundays Chips. My son is stationed on a submarine
and is on his first Westpac deployment. Mr.. Grantham's letter made
me realize things I had not thought about. In fact, I was happy Adam
was on a sub but never really thought about the dangers of sub life.
The thing I was most upset with was the fact he was sleeping with the
torpedoes, i'm sure that's a mom thing. I would just like to Thank
Mr..Grantham for pointing out how important submariners are and what
dangers they face. God Bless our men and women in the military now,
and the ones who served before them. I also agree with having a day
to honor Police and Fire personnel separate from Memorial Day. It's
just a shame it took 9-11 for this country to realize how important
their contributions are to our way of life and that they deserve to
be honored, but on a separate day all to themselves. And to you
Buffalo, you deserve to be honored! for your service via the
internet. What you do means a great deal to the rest of us and I for
one, Thank You!!
Have a GREAT day!! :o)
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