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April Fools Brunch

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  • buffalos3@webtv.net
    Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch Well I just advanced all my clocks to conform to DST even got
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 1, 2001
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      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch

      Well I just advanced all my clocks to conform to DST even got
      the microwave and the VCR set to flash 1:00 for the next six
      Today is also April Fools Day but I am not going to pull
      anything this year. As April first marks the end of the on
      street parking ban, I took the Cadillac to the car wash today.
      The shine lasted for almost a mile before I hit a wet spot and
      covered the car with leftover road salt. At least I got the mud
      washed off from being stuck in yard. Another spring sight is the
      opening of Dairy Queen and I just had to stop for a small
      dipped cone. Yep spring is here.
      I have had a rash of people trying to subscribe using their home
      address i.e. 4365 Hubble drive Chicago Ill. They are probably
      still wondering why I don't send them jokes. Yes everyone email
      is required because the buffalo doesn't use the Post Office.

      Hope you enjoy the chips.


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      Army Chips

      After volunteering to fight for his country Zimmerman joined his unit
      queued up for his uniform. As equipment was issued in strict
      order Zimmerman found himself at the back of the queue. By the time he
      reached the desk all the uniforms had been issued. There were none
      Zimmerman was issued with a badge that said "soldier" in red letters.
      "You didn't want a scratchy old uniform anyway," the quartermaster
      "Join the queue for your rifle."
      Zimmerman joined the back of the rifle queue.
      When he reached the front Zimmerman found that all the rifles had been
      distributed and thet, once again, there were none left.
      "You don't want to kill people anyway," said the quartermaster. "I'll
      you with a stick and you can shout Bang Bang!" "Thank you," said
      and joined the queue for bayonets.
      Once again, on reaching the desk Zimmerman was disappointed. The
      quartermaster issued him with a lollipop stick with the advice that he
      should shout "Sticky-sticky" when using it.
      And so on.
      Within weeks Zimmerman found himself on the front lines
      shouting "Bang-bang"
      for all he was worth. On his second day the enemy began a mass
      advance. One
      by one Zimmerman's section were killed or wounded until only Zimmerman
      himself remained standing. "Bang-bang!" he shouted, and was amazed to
      his foes still falling. Soon they began to overwhelm his trench and
      Zimmerman began to stab wildly with his lollipop stick. "Sticky-
      Sticky-sticky." Astoundingly it worked.
      The enemy were dying at his feet. The survivors began to retreat.
      All, that is, with the exception of one man who was only half way
      no-man's land and was still advancing slowly.
      Zimmerman took careful aim with his stick-rifle and calmly
      said; "Bang."
      The enemy soldier continued his advance.
      "Bang-bang, bang-bang, bangedy-bang-bang-bang," Zimmerman yelled
      Still he came. Before he could reach the trench Zimmerman leapt up
      and ran
      at him with the lollipop stick. "Sticky-sticky, he said. And then
      "Stab-stab-stab," for good measure. The enemy soldier refused to die
      stared at Zimmerman defiantly.
      By now Zimmerman had had enough. "Wait a minute, " he said. "When I
      'Bang' your comrades died, but not you. When I engaged them in hand-
      combat with my lollipop stick they fell over dead, but not you. What
      "I'm a tank, " said Zanker.


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      Crime Chips

      After a two week criminal trial in a very high profile bank
      robbery case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and
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      "Would you please pass it to me," The judge declared, as
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      from the foreman and deliver it to him.

      After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the
      verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the
      foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your
      verdict to the court."

      "We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of
      bank robbery," stated the foreman. The family and
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      hug each other as they shout expressions of divine

      The man´s attorney turns to his client and asks, "So,
      what do you think about that?"

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      Irish Chips

      A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the
      women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly
      complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food
      is terrible. It´s too hot. It´s too cold. The accommodations
      are awful.

      The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney
      Stone. "Good luck will be followin´ ya all your days if you
      kiss the Blarney Stone,"he guide said. "Unfortunately, it´s
      being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it.
      Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."

      "We can´t be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted.
      "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess
      we can´t kiss the stupid stone."

      "Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss
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      "And I suppose you´ve kissed the stone," the woman

      "No, ma´am," the frustrated guide said, "but I´ve sat on


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      Boss Chips

      Mr. Swiller was known far and wide as a hard-nosed boss who
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      "You mean the kid in the red shirt?" George asked.

      "Yes! The kid in the red shirt!"

      "He was waiting for the twenty dollars we owe him for lunch,"
      George said. "He works for the coffee shop around the corner."


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      One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in
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      She again smiled and answered, "You know everyday when you come
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      "Yes," was his incredulous reply.

      She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."


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      Two stockbrokers went to lunch. One looked at the other
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      A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He
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      Blonde Chips

      Judi stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I
      have a complaint!"

      "Yes, ma'am?"

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      "What was wrong with it?"

      "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"

      The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who
      took our phone book."



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      Parting Chips

      A dog walks into Western Union and asks the clerk to send a telegram.

      He fills out a form on which he writes down the telegram he wishes to
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      The clerk says, "You can add another 'Bow wow' for the same price."

      "But," the dog responded, "wouldn't that sound a little silly?"

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