Chips For Sat Happy Canada Day
- The one weekend a month I get off is finally here and I intend to
enjoy every minute. LynnLynn's Links received a letter yesterdaythat
dragged me back 25 years. It contained a group of modern Hare
Krishna links and as I closed my eyes I was back in O'Hare airport
watching the groups of them chanting and dancing through the
airport , collecting money for their organization . Colorful,
musical and about as welcome as a swarm of houseflies. In uniform I
was a prime target and one approached with an armful of books. I
picked up speed and approached the safety of the metal detectors
and the walkway to the gates. Only paying passengers were allowed
past that point and he knew it . he caught up several feet before
the gate and asked if I would like a book. I said ,"No Thank you".
He said , "But Brother John Lennon paid for it and shoved the book
into my hands". The gate was feet away now and he said "would you
like to make a donation" ? I asked "for what"?. He said " To pay for
the book". I replied " But Brother Lennon paid for it " and entered
the metal detectors . He argued with the security person for a few
seconds and then gave up.. I bet his life was not happy that night
Well I was going to play Brother John Lennons Hare Krishna for
dinner music tonight but I don't have it anymore. Oh well here's some
Ted Nugent Great White Buffalo instead and enjoy your chips.
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Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead, when in
reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a
problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince
the man he.was still alive. Nothing seemed to work. Finally the
doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and
proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After
hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead
men don't bleed.
"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
"Yes, I do," the patient replied. "Very well, then," the doctor said.
He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a
trickle of blood.
The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"
"Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared
incredulously at his finger... "Dead men do bleed!!"
Jack's Weekly Jokes
Some naughty and some nice , some long and some short, bringing you a
weekly compilation of humor on the net since1995. Best of all it is
one of the few left that is ad-free. One of Buffalos favorites, a
definite two horns up rating.
All you need to do is send a blank e-mail to...
A man who thinks he's George Washington has been seeing a
finishes up one session by telling him, "Tomorrow, we'll cross
and surprise them when they least expect it."
As soon as he's gone, the psychiatrist picks up the phone and
George, this is Benedict Arnold. I have the plans."
One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye.
She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to
investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and
knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned
1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.
"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.
"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."
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A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using
sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign
language to speak to them.
When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had
learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these
were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The
man thought that was great.
A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group
were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked
over and signed "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and threw the
group out of the bar.
The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "If I
told them once I told them 100 times - NO SINGING IN THE BAR!"
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A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have
killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful.
Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the
germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the
most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell
me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first
row, please give us your idea."
The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."
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The passengers were leaving the plane after landing, and one smiling,
satisfied passenger paused to congratulate the flight attendant.
"Stewardess," he said happily, "I want to compliment you and the crew
especially the captain for getting here right on time. It's not often
airline gets to where it's going exactly when they claim it will. I'm
to call your home office and let them know how pleased I am."
"Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answered, "but I think
know--this is yesterday's flight."
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A blonde walks into a hair saloon wearing headphones. She asks the
hairdresser to cut her hair around the headphones. The hairdresser
The next week, the blonde comes back and asks the hairdresser to do
same thing. This time curiosity gets the better of the hairdresser
takes the headphones off the blonde.
The blonde starts gasping for breath, & collapses to the floor. The
hairdresser puts the head phones on and listens. It says 'Inhale,
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College Chips From Jack's Weekly Jokes Scroll back up and subscribe
A college student wrote a letter home,
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel
unhappy have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body
beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son, Marvin.
P.S. I felt so terrible
I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner.
wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it
But it was too late."
A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said, "Your
were answered. Your letter never came!"
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A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met
over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half
how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should
once, he asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during
The patient responded, "Don't be ridiculous, the attack only lasted 6