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Chips For Sat Happy Canada Day

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  • William Brabant
    The one weekend a month I get off is finally here and I intend to enjoy every minute. LynnLynn s Links received a letter yesterdaythat dragged me back 25
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 1, 2000
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      The one weekend a month I get off is finally here and I intend to
      enjoy every minute. LynnLynn's Links received a letter yesterdaythat
      dragged me back 25 years. It contained a group of modern Hare
      Krishna links and as I closed my eyes I was back in O'Hare airport
      watching the groups of them chanting and dancing through the
      airport , collecting money for their organization . Colorful,
      musical and about as welcome as a swarm of houseflies. In uniform I
      was a prime target and one approached with an armful of books. I
      picked up speed and approached the safety of the metal detectors
      and the walkway to the gates. Only paying passengers were allowed
      past that point and he knew it . he caught up several feet before
      the gate and asked if I would like a book. I said ,"No Thank you".
      He said , "But Brother John Lennon paid for it and shoved the book
      into my hands". The gate was feet away now and he said "would you
      like to make a donation" ? I asked "for what"?. He said " To pay for
      the book". I replied " But Brother Lennon paid for it " and entered
      the metal detectors . He argued with the security person for a few
      seconds and then gave up.. I bet his life was not happy that night
      heh heh.
      Well I was going to play Brother John Lennons Hare Krishna for
      dinner music tonight but I don't have it anymore. Oh well here's some
      Ted Nugent Great White Buffalo instead and enjoy your chips.


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      Psych chips


      Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead, when in
      reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a
      problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

      The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince
      the man he.was still alive. Nothing seemed to work. Finally the
      doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and
      proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After
      hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead
      men don't bleed.

      "Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.

      "Yes, I do," the patient replied. "Very well, then," the doctor said.
      He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a
      trickle of blood.

      The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"

      "Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared
      incredulously at his finger... "Dead men do bleed!!"


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      Jack's Weekly Jokes

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      Short Chips

      A man who thinks he's George Washington has been seeing a
      psychiatrist. He
      finishes up one session by telling him, "Tomorrow, we'll cross
      the Delaware
      and surprise them when they least expect it."

      As soon as he's gone, the psychiatrist picks up the phone and
      says, "King
      George, this is Benedict Arnold. I have the plans."


      One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye.
      She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to
      investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and
      knocked out cold.

      An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned
      1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.

      "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.

      "No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."



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      Bar Chips

      A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using
      sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign
      language to speak to them.

      When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had
      learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these
      were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The
      man thought that was great.

      A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group
      were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked
      over and signed "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and threw the
      group out of the bar.

      The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "If I
      told them once I told them 100 times - NO SINGING IN THE BAR!"


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      Lethal Chips

      A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
      "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have
      killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful.
      Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the
      germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the
      most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell
      me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first
      row, please give us your idea."

      The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."


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      Flying Chips

      The passengers were leaving the plane after landing, and one smiling,
      satisfied passenger paused to congratulate the flight attendant.

      "Stewardess," he said happily, "I want to compliment you and the crew
      especially the captain for getting here right on time. It's not often
      that an
      airline gets to where it's going exactly when they claim it will. I'm
      to call your home office and let them know how pleased I am."

      "Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answered, "but I think
      you should
      know--this is yesterday's flight."


      Sweepstakes Chips


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      LynnLynn's Links
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      Blonde Chips

      A blonde walks into a hair saloon wearing headphones. She asks the
      hairdresser to cut her hair around the headphones. The hairdresser

      The next week, the blonde comes back and asks the hairdresser to do
      same thing. This time curiosity gets the better of the hairdresser
      and he
      takes the headphones off the blonde.

      The blonde starts gasping for breath, & collapses to the floor. The
      hairdresser puts the head phones on and listens. It says 'Inhale,
      inhale, exhale'.


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      College Chips From Jack's Weekly Jokes Scroll back up and subscribe

      A college student wrote a letter home,

      "Dear folks,
      I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel
      ashamed and
      unhappy have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body
      rebels. I
      beg on bended knee that you forgive me.

      Your son, Marvin.

      P.S. I felt so terrible
      I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner.
      wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it
      But it was too late."

      A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said, "Your
      were answered. Your letter never came!"


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      Parting Chips

      A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met
      over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half
      hour on
      how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should
      repent at
      once, he asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during
      heart attack.
      The patient responded, "Don't be ridiculous, the attack only lasted 6

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