Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.
 

[buffalos-g-jokes] Chips for Sunday

Expand Messages
  • William Brabant
    If you need to unsubscribe send a blank email to Buffalos-G-Jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com  or visit Http://www.eGroups.com Welcome to those just joining. ..
    Message 1 of 14 , Apr 2, 2000
      If you need to unsubscribe send a blank email to
      Buffalos-G-Jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com  or visit
      Http://www.eGroups.com

      Welcome to those just joining. ..

      Herd Size Today

      Please Visit Our Sponsor
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Win $1,000,000.00 tonight and every night on FreeLotto.com. We just
      announced our third $1,000,000.00 winner. David L. of Chicago won
      $1,000,000.00 lump sum cash on February 2, 2000. Since it's launch in
      June of 1999, FreeLotto has given away over $4,800,000.00 (3
      Millionaires) in CARS and CASH.   Click here to play for FREE!
      http://www.freelotto.com/redirect.asp?source=01326 <a
      href="http://www.freelotto.com/redirect.asp?source=01326">AOL link</a>



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      True Chips ??
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A couple came to the police department, wanting to dispose of some
      ammunition. They handed the desk officer a wooden box and explained that
      it contained two bullets an uncle had given them as souvenirs from World
      War II.
      "We didn't know what to do with them," the woman explained. "So all
      these years, we've kept the bullets in the bottom drawer of the china
      cabinet, away from our children."
      The officer assured the couple he'd dispose of the bullets safely. But
      when he took one out of the box the top came off, revealing a strange
      black substance. His suspicions aroused, the officer removed the top of
      the other bullet and found a hard white substance. There was no doubt
      about it. The bullets were souvenir salt and pepper shakers.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Featured List
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      16
          check this out...          
      mailto:subscribe@...
               O__,     O__,       Join The Funny
      Bone Mailing Lists
                /'._.\/______.\_/.'\       ASCII art
      illustrated humor,     \   /             /   funny
      stories, & hilarious jokes.
            ~^~^~^^`~^~^~^~^~~^~^~^~~^~^~     Join NOW!  
      They´re Free!   <a
      href="http://www.funnybone.com/subscribe/">SUBSCRIBE</a>


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Multiple Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A man phoned his doctor saying his wife appeared to have appendicitis.
      "That's impossible," the physician replied. "She had an appendectomy
      long ago. Have you ever seen anybody with a second appendix?" "No, smart
      aleck," the husband replied. "Have you ever seen anybody with a second
      wife?"

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      TOON CHIPS
      Random Toon Generator Enjoy and Send us to a friend
      http://www.localbizwiz.com/haha/default.asp?P=0100&R=0110 <a
      href="http://www.localbizwiz.com/haha/default.asp?P=0100&R=0110" AOL
      Link </a>


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Census Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Five-year-old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She
      told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home
      because he was performing an appendectomy.
      "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little
      girl. Do you know what it means?"
      "Sure do! Fifteen-hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the
      anesthesiologist!"

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      More High Quality Lists That I Reccomend
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      Do you like jokes? Clean jokes, adult jokes weird jokes and a zillion
      other jokes? How about recipes? How about
      a few riddles in your mailbox? Well maybe some cool stuff? You love to
      read what interests YOU! So come and get it all for FREE! Yes FREE!
      Dozens of email newsletters FREE! So go ahead laugh, cook, think, guess
      or just read and enjoy! http://tnl.800mph.com/main.html?a=4&id=013

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      English Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Stan was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to
      stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the
      bell, Stan answered.
      "I'd like to talk to your mother or father," she said. "Sorry, but they
      ain't here."
      "Stan!" she said, "what is it with your grammar?" "Beats me," he
      replied, "but dad sure was mad that they had t'go bail her out again!"

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Featured Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      30 Minutes Of Free Long Distance And Free Stuff In Your E-Mail Box! Now
      you can get FREE quality e-newsletters in your mailbox featuring FREE
      STUFF - including Crafts, Kids & Parents, Health, Sweepstakes, and many
      more! Subscribe to any newsletter and receive up to 30 minutes of long
      distance FREE.
      Visit: http://www.myfree.com/join.html?swp350


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      GET PAID TO GO SHOPPING ONLINE

      Dash.com turns the Web into a virtual mall where you never pay retail.
      When you download our dashBar for free, you'll get up to 25% cash back
      every time you shop at more than 100 online retailers, including LL
      Bean, barnesandnoble, CDNOW, Reel.com, and PlanetRx. It's the smart way
      to shop online! What are you waiting for? Sign up

      http://www.bachsys.com/cgi-bin/dash.pl?buffalos

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Sweepstakes Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      If you have pets, you know what a big part of your life and family they
      are. So why not spoil them a little? Enter to win Pet Dreams
      Sweepstakes, and you could buy your pets every little thing their hearts
      desire.
      One (1) selected winner will receive $1,000.00 of store credit to shop
      on-line at PetStore.com. This offer expires 06/06/00.
      http://www.afreeplace.com/chips/pets.htm
      <a href="http://www.1freeplace.com/chips/pets.htm">AOL link</a>

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      LynnLynn's Links
      Like more Links?? send a blank email to
      LynnLynns-Links-subscribe@egroups.com
      and get the links from all of our lists each day..

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Happy Easter From Ocean Serenity
      http://members.tripod.com/OceanSerenity/coverpage.html

      Rain Gif
      http://www.graphicgarden.nu/graphics/cards/rain1.gif

      So Cute
      http://www.angelfire.com/hi2/angellove2/images/1029002101017SOCUTE.gif

      Name That TV Tune
      http://members.tripod.com/~michele868/tvtunes/tune1.html

      Colorvision Bird in a Cage
      http://www.exploratorium.edu/exhibits/bird_in_a_cage/bird_in_a_cage.html

      Easter May not Load in All Browsers
      http://members.tripod.com/~netintime/eaimages/easterframespg.html

      Oil Boycott
      <A HREF="http://www.oilboycott.org/">Click here: OilBoycott</A>

      Grandparents Website From Grandpa Chuck
      http://grandparentsmail.com/

      Cyber Buddy
      http://www.shamie.freeserve.co.uk/cyber.html


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Over 180 Free and Trial Offers Currently Try one new a day for the next
      six months Everyone deserves something free each day so do you..
      There is nothing better than Free-Stuff, and www.Free2Try.com is where
      the Internet goes for Free Stuff and Trial Offers.
      http://www.websponsors.com/cgi-bin/ad_click.cgi?userid=13494&offerid=117

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Satan Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line
      of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed
      to march right through the pearly gates into heaven.
      Others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning
      pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire,
      Satan would
      toss a soul off to one side into a small pile. After watching Satan do
      this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him. So he
      strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing.
      "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for
      judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those
      people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the
      others?" "Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan. "They're all from
      Vancouver -- they're too wet to burn."



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      The Herbal Buffalo ( More Jokes after this section)
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A Better Alternative to Viagra (tm)
      SAFE - ALL NATURAL - AND A LOT CHEAPER !! Do it Without Drugs The
      Natural Way!
      Viri-STAT is the #1 SAFE alternative to Viagra (tm) at 1/10 of the
      price. Scientifically tested and patented dietary supplement that
      contains ingredients, of natural origin.
      http://www.herbalsensations.com/cgi-bin/af/b.cgi/269/    <A
      HREF="http://www.herbalsensations.com/cgi-bin/af/b.cgi/269/">*Viristat*
      Click here for the CHEAPER Alternative to Viagra</A>

      For Women Only

      Now Just For Women the female equivalent of our herbal Viagra... Safe,
      Effective, and 100% guaranteed or your money back .. Now you too can
      feel the libido of youth with your loved one and at an affordable price.
      http://www.myaffiliateprogram.com/u/sunset/b.asp?id=741   <A
      href="http://www.myaffiliateprogram.com/u/sunset/b.asp?id=741">Powder of
      Love </A>

      For Everyone

      Shark cartlidge has been proven to halt a wide range of cancers dead in
      their tracks. Learn how it can benefit you today with our Free
      Information and No obligation of any kind.
      Request this information today at
      http://www.bachsys.com/cgi-bin/thn.pl?buffalos

      Learn about MGN-3, the revolutionary supplement, which helps build your
      body's defense mechanism against infection, disease and all forms of
      invaders. When people get sick, it's mostly because their immune systems
      aren't up to fighting disease. This revolutionary supplement can help
      build up your system.
      Request this FREE information today at
      http://www.bachsys.com/cgi-bin/mgn.pl?buffalos
      \
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

      More Toon Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Homer didn't believe them when they said the paint was fast-drying. Send
      this cartoon to your do-it-yourself friends.
      http://www.localbizwiz.com/haha/default.asp?P=0104&R=0310

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      E-mail-Ezines-Newsletters ~~ No matter what you call them 
                          !THEY'RE FREE!
      Find jokes, riddles, recipes, quotes, trivia, crafts, etc.
      You look and choose, & we'll sign you up. It's all FREE!
      http://www.imaginationsunlimited.com/cgi-bin/tracker.cgi?tn=28
      <a href="http://www.imaginationsunlimited.com/cgi-bin/tracker.cgi?tn=28">AOL users Click Here</a>
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A researcher canvassing the neighbourhood knocked on the door of a
      retired general, and asked, "Excuse me, sir, I am researching alcohol
      use in the area. Can you tell me your alcohol consumption habits?"
      "Madam, I haven't had a drink since 1945." "My word, that demonstrates a
      great deal of virtue." "Yes, especially considering it's past 2030 hours
      already!"


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    • B.Brabant
      Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. As you might imagine my mailbox is full of cards
      Message 2 of 14 , Apr 21, 2002
        Clean Clean


        Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
        name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

        As you might imagine my mailbox is full of cards and notes from
        many of our friends and readers and I haven't even had a chance to
        dive into the guest book that Lynn created yet but from reports
        there was a waiting line to get in there yesterday. I am awestruck
        every year when this happens. It is hard to imagine that mailing jokes
        to one or two friends could turn into something global like this ,
        but it has. My thanks to every one who wrote and some of the
        letters will be in the scuttlebutt and I will try to drop a small note to
        the rest , time permitting.
        I am going to do brunch with my mom and family in about an hour
        so I am going to cut this short and I will have a sea story for you
        tomorrow. Enjoy the chips and once again Thank You... buffalo




        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Please visit our Sponsor
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        YOU'RE BEING WATCHED!!!
        Your Internet activities are being recorded. Every
        picture you've seen is copied to your hard drive,
        every website is recorded in a secret file in Windows.
        Every website you've visited is added to your drop
        down list. Your homepage could be changed and you can
        be tracked from anywhere.
        PROTECT YOURSELF WITH INTERNET ERASER!!
        It permanently erases your Internet tracks and
        protects your privacy...

        http://www.interneteraser.com/enter.html?ID=2974323
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Confession Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the
        older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple
        of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the
        confessional for a few suggestions.

        The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your
        chin with one hand."

        The new priest tries this.

        The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on,'
        and 'I understand. How did you feel about that?'"

        The new priest says those things.

        The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than
        slapping your knee and saying 'You're putting me on!!! What happened
        next?'"



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        WEIGHT LOSS: Didrex Tenuate Xencal Ionamine Meridian
        PAIN RELIEF: Ultram, Celebrex ,HERPES: Acyclovir , Valtex
        SKIN CARE: Vaniqa BIRTH CONTROL: Ortho Tri-Cyclen
        And More

        You will NOT find the prescription medication that you're looking
        for at a lower price anywhere on the Internet.
        Consultation with a board certified physician is always free.

        http://www.buffalosjokes.com/eprescribe.htm



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Toon Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Uncle Sam
        http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-1&R=1-7-1
        <a href="http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-1&R=1-7-1">Toon #1</a>

        Head Games
        http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-2&R=1-7-1
        <a href="http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-2&R=1-7-1">Toon #2</a>

        Border Control
        http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-3&R=1-7-1
        <a href="http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-3&R=1-7-1">Toon #3</a>

        Cursor
        http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny166.html
        <a
        href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny166.html">Here!</a>

        What Makes You Think That?
        http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny167.html
        <a
        href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny167.html">Here!</a>

        Look Before You Leap!
        http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny168.html
        <a
        href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny168.html">Here!</a>

        http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00030863 Cheer Up!

        http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00030864 The Nagging Doesn't End when you
        die!


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Irish Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice
        to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are
        a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars
        to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness
        back-to-back."

        The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer.
        One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later, the same
        Irishman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on
        the shoulder.

        "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

        The Texan says "Yes," and he asks the bartender to line up
        10 pints of Guinness.

        Immediately, the Irishman tears into all 10 pints of beer,
        drinking them all back-to-back.

        The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits down in amazement.
        The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and askes, "If ya don't mind
        me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

        The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street
        to see if I could do it first."




        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Get a FREE Adventure Travel Screensaver
        Download a free Adventure Travel Screensaver and as a bonus we'll also send
        you a FREE issue of National Geographic Traveler, the magazine designed to
        satisfy your need to travel. It's free and easy! Click here:
        http://oz.valueclick.com/r/hs0240501/a0056361/0




        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Jungle Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was "all torn up."
        "What happened?" he asked.
        "Well, we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black
        stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle.
        You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and
        quickly
        running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it
        behind the neck."
        "Go on". the friend said.
        "Well, I stealthily sneaked up to the tail laying across the jungle
        path,
        grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward ...
        just as the procedure goes."
        "So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked.
        "Did you ever *goose* a tiger?"



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Save $160 on the Terminix Termite Baiting ProgramT which uses revolutionary
        technology that can eliminate subterranean termite colonies. It's backed by
        the Terminix Unlimited Lifetime Protection Plan - the best guarantee in the
        business. Click here to schedule a FREE home inspection for termites and for
        details on the guarantee. http://oz.valueclick.com/r/hs0240501/a0056210/0



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Fax Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        1st Person "Do you know anything about this fax machine?"
        2nd Person "A little. What's wrong?"
        1st Person "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say
        all she received was a cover sheet and a blank page. I tried it again,
        and the same thing happened."
        2nd Person "How did you load the sheet?"
        1st Person "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone
        else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient
        would open it and read it."

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        <a href="http://www.afreeb.com/offers/ad.cgi?of=774&af=122375">
        Discover how Reader's Digest can better your life WITHOUT SPENDING A
        PENNY OR RISKING A THING!</a> -
        If you enjoy your FREE issue, you'll receive 12 more issues (that's 13
        in all) for just $13.98, and sales tax, if any. Save $15.92 off the
        cover price like getting 6 FREE ISSUES! We guarantee you'll enjoy this
        FREE issue of the world's most widely-read magazine. If you're not
        completely satisfied, just return your invoice marked "cancel" and owe
        nothing. The FREE issue is yours to keep. -
        http://www.afreeb.com/offers/ad.cgi?of=774&af=122375


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        LynnLynn's Links
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
        to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@egroups.com

        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

        Subscriber Spotlight Their Guardian Angels
        http://cairnsandfriends.homestead.com/index_1.html

        Robert Blake Gets Advice
        http://www.riversongs.com/Flash/blake.html

        Redneck Neighbor Funniest Site Lynn has ever seen.
        http://www.knology.net/~carlos/redneck.htm

        Cancer and Careers: Living and Working with Cancer
        http://www.cancerandcareers.org/

        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

        <a href="http://www.afreeb.com/offers/ad.cgi?of=785&af=122375">
        Give a Greeting Card T-Shirt for Mother's Day!</a> -
        Send your mom the greatest gift for Mother's Day - a Greeting
        Card T-Shirt. It's so much fun to make one online and it only
        takes a minute. A Greeting Card and T-shirt all rolled into one
        unique gift! -
        http://www.afreeb.com/offers/ad.cgi?of=785&af=122375



        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

        Old Computers .com ( Is Yours There?)
        http://www.old-computers.com/news/default.asp

        Museum Of The city Of New York's 9/11 Display
        http://www.mcny.org/9112001.htm

        Flowers
        http://www.angelfire.com/myband2/images/FLOWERS.html

        Doggie Zone
        http://d21c.com/GodsKid/Gifs2/hotdogs.jpg

        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

        <a href="http://www.afreeb.com/offers/ad.cgi?of=779&af=122375">
        Absolutely Free Prizes</a> -
        Britney Spears Magnets, Simpsons Keychains & more. No shipping &
        handling fees... prizes and registration are 100% FREE! -
        http://www.afreeb.com/offers/ad.cgi?of=779&af=122375

        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

        HELP LINK Kis' Magic Box
        http://deeogeedesigns.com/kismagicbox.html

        ''ART'' The Pin-up Files - The pin-up art archive
        http://www.thepinupfiles.com/

        Earth Day
        http://www.earthday.net/

        Kitty Korner

        New assortment of birthday "gems"
        http://www.poofcat.com/birthday.html



        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

        Some of the worlds lowest prices for CDs, Videos, DVDs and Video Games. (Up
        to 40% less than Amazon!)

        <a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-7245931">SAVE $2 off Movies,
        Music and DVDs at Playcentric.com</a>



        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

        <a href="http://www.afreeb.com/offers/ad.cgi?of=780&af=122375">
        Give Mom Free Designer Pens For Mother's Day!</a> -
        You can even personalize them with Mom's initials! Click
        for more information. -
        http://www.afreeb.com/offers/ad.cgi?of=780&af=122375

        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


        Visit LynnLynn's Guest Book and tell her how you feel abut the links
        http://pub22.bravenet.com/guestbook/show.asp?usernum=1822710783

        ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Short Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        The ad in the local newspaper read: "Purebred Police Dog $25". Thinking
        that to be a great bargain, Mrs. Freeman ordered the dog to be delivered.
        The next day a van pulled up and left her the mangiest
        looking mongrel she had ever seen.
        In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad.
        "What do you mean by calling that mangy mutt a purebred police dog?"
        "Don't be deceived by his looks, Ma'am," he replied.
        "He's in the Secret Service


        ~~~~~~~

        Dentist: "Try to relax. I'll pull that aching tooth in five
        minutes."

        Patient: "How much will this cost?"

        Dentist: "It'll be $100."

        Patient: "That much for just five minutes work?"

        Dentist: "Well if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly."

        ~~~


        A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old
        daughter.

        "What does the cow say?" asked mother.

        "Moooo!" said her son Billy.

        "Great!" says mom. "What does the cat say?"

        "Meow." says Billy.

        "Oh, you're so smart!" says mom. "And what does the frog say?"

        The wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at his mother and
        replied, "Bud...Weiss...Er."


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Pheromones

        Become more attractive to the opposite sex. Become the focus
        of romance and sexual interest. Wear sexual attractants
        disguised as fragrances or enhance your cologne or perfume with
        pheromones (natural sexual attractants). Single men and women
        report meeting more singles of the opposite sex. Married men and
        women report marital bliss enhanced with these rare products.
        Click here now:

        http://www.buffalosjokes.com/ar.htm



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Definition Chips from rubin
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        DICTIONARY FOR DICUSSIONS WITH WOMEN
        _______________ <> _______________

        1. "Fine"
        This is the word women use at the end of any argument when
        they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any
        longer. It means that you should shut up. ( NEVER use "Fine"
        to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of
        those arguments. )

        2. "Five minutes"
        This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that
        your football game is going to last before you take out the
        trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

        3. "Nothing"
        "Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes.
        "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman
        has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and
        backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that
        will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

        4. "Go Ahead" ( with raised eyebrows )
        This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for
        permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over
        "Nothing" and you'll have a "Five-minute" discussion that
        will end with the word "Fine."

        5. "Go Ahead" ( normal eyebrows )
        This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do
        what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised
        eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just an few minutes, followed by
        "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five
        Minutes" when she cools off.

        6. "Loud Sigh"
        This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement.

        Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means
        she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is
        wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
        "Nothing."

        7. "Soft Sigh"
        Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are
        one of the few things that some men actually understand. It
        means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not
        move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit
        longer.

        8. "Oh"
        This word-followed by any statement-is trouble. Example;
        "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what
        you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a
        statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell
        you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes
        out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at
        least two days.

        9. "That's Okay"
        This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman
        can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to
        think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be
        for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used
        with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow
        "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in
        for some mighty big trouble.

        10. "Please Do"
        This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving
        you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have
        done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more
        trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a
        "That's Okay."

        11. "Thanks"
        The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for
        hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

        12. "Thanks A Lot"
        Dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say
        "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is
        usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that
        you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not
        to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will
        only tell you "Nothing."

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Honor Our Vetrans This Memorial Day!

        Order a FREE Memorial Day 2002 commemorative T-shirt or Mouse Pad
        and MyGarb.com will make a donation to charity in your behalf for each
        order.

        These quality T-shirts are 100% heavy-weight cotton.

        It's easy! There are many images and patriotic messages to choose from -
        you design it yourself. To make it even more special, you can add your own
        text for less than $3. It's up to you!

        These commemorative T-shirts and Mouse Pads make great gifts. And we'll
        ship directly to the recipient's doorstep.

        Place your order NOW! Visit us at
        http://www.adreporting.com/dir.php?a=666788&p=17&w=text



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Golf Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        A man goes to his golf club and, hearing that his regular caddy will not be
        in that day, hires another caddy. The day goes along pretty well and the
        new caddy seems quite knowledgeable. Upon arriving at the 9th fairway, that
        has always been particularly tricky for the golfer, the man turns to the boy
        and and asks, "Which club do you think I should use for this shot?" The
        caddy says, "Sir, I know this golf course very well.
        The best club for this fairway is the five iron." The golfer gets out his
        five iron, lines up his shot, and hits the ball. He smacks it really hard
        and it veers way off to the right where his wife happens to be standing. It
        hits her in the head and she is killed instantly.
        Months go by after his wife's funeral, and the man still can't think about
        golf. But after a year, he thinks, "I really loved the game.
        I shouldn't let it go out of my life. It was a freak accident. The game
        gave me such joy, I should at least try to play once more and see how it
        feels."
        He goes back to the golf course, and as luck would have it, he gets the same
        caddy as last time. When they get to the 9th fairway, he turns to his caddy
        and says, "Which club do you think I should use?"
        The caddy says, "Sir, I know this golf course very well. The best club for
        this fairway is the five iron." The man turns to the caddy and shouts, "You
        idiot! I played here a year ago and you told me to use the five iron and I
        completely missed the green!!!"


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        HOORAY

        Direct Tv. DSL 19.99 for first three mionths. No set-up fees

        It's time to celebrate! DIRECTV DSLT is available in your area. Order today
        and we'll provide you the power to surf the Net up to 50 times faster than
        with a standard dial-up modem.

        http://cognigen.net/directvdsl/?jbond007

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Parting Chips From Richard
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        LIFE BEYOND FIFTY:



        Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.
        But everything else starts to
        wear out, fall out, or spread out.

        There are three signs of old age.
        The first is your loss of memory,
        the other two I forget.

        You're getting old when
        you don't care where your spouse goes,
        just as long as you don't have to go along.

        Middle age is when work is a lot less fun
        and fun a lot more work.

        Statistics show that at the age of seventy,
        there are five women to every man.
        Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?

        You know you're getting on in years
        when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

        Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

        By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
        he's too old to go anywhere.

        Middle age is when
        you have stopped growing at both ends,
        and have begun to grow in the middle.

        Of course I'm against sin;
        I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.

        Billy Graham has described heaven as
        a family reunion that never ends.
        What must hell possibly be like?
        Home videos of the same reunion?

        A man has reached middle age
        when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor
        instead of by the police.

        Middle age is having a choice of two temptations
        and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

        You know you're into middle age when
        you realize that caution is the only thing
        you care to exercise.

        At my age, "getting a little action" means
        I don't need to take a laxative.

        Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
        As you grow older, it will avoid you.

        The aging process could be slowed down
        if it had to work its way through Congress.

        You're getting old when
        getting lucky means
        you find your car in the parking lot.

        You're getting old when
        you're sitting in a rocker
        and you can't get it started.

        You're getting old when
        your wife gives up sex for Lent,
        and you don't know until the 4th of July.

        You're getting old when
        you wake up with that morning-after feeling,
        and you didn't do anything the night before.

        The cardiologist's diet:
        if it tastes good, spit it out.

        Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news:
        the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

        It's hard to be nostalgic
        when you can't remember anything.

        You know you're getting old when
        you stop buying green bananas.

        Last Will and Testament:
        Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Funny Undies

        Now give the gift that is right for any occasion.
        Personalize a pair of Funny Undies in the style
        of your choice with your unique message that
        will be enjoyed for years. A favorite on holidays,
        graduations, weddings, or anytime you want to
        tell someone something important with humor.
        For Gift Ideas visit our site at:

        http://www.buffalosjokes.com/funnyundies.htm

        <a href="http://www.buffalosjokes.com/funnyundies.htm">
        Funny Undies Click Here </a>

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Bonus Chip
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Two men were going to go on a journey by rail. They'd
        never been on a train before, and were rather nervous. They decided
        to take some oranges on the train with them, as eating oranges might
        help take their minds off the journey.
        The men bought their tickets and got on the train.
        They bought the cheapest tickets, which were for the third class
        carriage. Third class had bare wooden seats, and no lights. In spite
        of this, the two men began to quite enjoy the journey.
        After half an hour or so, the two men decided to have
        an orange each. Just as the first man began to eat, the train
        entered a tunnel.
        "Have you eaten your orange yet?" asked the first man.
        "No," said the second man.
        "Well don't touch it!" said the first man. "I took one
        bite and went blind!"



        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        The Herbal Buffalo
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        HERBALSENSATIONS - A GREAT COMPANY WITH GREAT PRODUCTS

        Herbal Viagra for Men and Women, Fat Burner,Grow Hair and more.
        All products come with 100% customer satisfaction or your money back.
        Check them out!!
        <a href=" http://www.herbalsensations.com/cgi-bin/af/b.cgi/269/ ">Click Here
        For Herbal Sensations</a>

        Or Ladies Products, Wrinkle removers,Hair Removal, Skin Whiteners,
        Varicose Veins, Body Slimmers and More.
        http://www.herbalsensations.com/cgi-bin/af/b.cgi/269/beauty/


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        From The Buffalos Mail Box

        Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
        ( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as sailors stood
        around the water cask rumors, sea stories and useful info was spread )

        The following site is a live street cam in Dublin, Ireland. It updates every
        minute.
        J. Moore
        http://www.ireland.com/dublin/visitor/live_view/


        ~~~~~~~~

        According to the New York Post (nypost.com), Sen.
        Patrick Leahy (D-VT) has single-handedly killed a bill,
        passed in the U.S. House of Representatives by a 409-0 vote,
        to award the Presidential Medal of Valor to firefighters
        and policemen who responded to the 9-11 attack last year.

        Leahy, the Democratic chairman of the Judiciary Committee,
        pulled the plug on legislation to bestow the medal on
        public-safety workers who perished in the terror attacks.

        The new medal, which is the nation's highest public-safety
        award, was created about a year ago, and the 9-11 heroes
        were set to become its first recipients.

        Nearly 400 NYPD and Port Authority cops, firefighters and
        other emergency personnel lost their lives in the collapse
        of the Twin Towers, and Leahy's move has many lawmakers
        fuming.

        "This is really frustrating," said Rep. Joe Crowley
        (D-Queens, NY), whose firefighter cousin died on 9-11.

        "This is a no-brainer. Those guys knew what was facing them,
        and still they put that frickin' gear on and raced up the
        stairwells. If that's not heroism, I don't know what is,"
        Crowley said.

        Proponents even talked of melting scrap metal from the trade
        center to create the medals.

        The bill was sent to Leahy's committee in the Democrat-run
        Senate after it passed the House. As chairman, Leahy has
        decided not to bring the measure to a committee vote,
        effectively killing it. Now we'll never know what the entire
        Senate thinks, because this single action blocks the bill
        from reaching the floor of the Senate where all members could
        vote on it.

        It also leaves many of the heroes of September 11th without
        a Medal of Valor that the entire House of Representatives,
        the President, and possibly a majority of the Senators in
        the U.S. Senate would like to bestow upon them.

        Contact Sen. Leahy at senator_leahy@...

        9/11 Rant Via Jay Helton

        ~~~~~~~

        Buff...gotta tell ya...I'm too tired right now to diss on the Outhousin'
        Issue...I'm just gonna take the Menfolks route and piss off the porch and go
        to bed. Could there possibly be any use for Yellow Snow? I mean this has
        gotta be like kudzu. Ain't nobody teachin' this Old Dawg any new tricks I
        just can't go there. -Vicki

        <<(-o-)>>

        ~~~~~~

        Your smelt-fishing episode reminded me of a similar activity in South
        Florida.
        After work in Miami we used to go out on the causeways with lantern,
        bucket and net on a pole.
        You lower the lantern (lit) near the surface of the water. This
        attracts shrimp. You just scoop 'em up in your net, empty it in the
        bucket, and keep doing encores.
        It's not unusual to harvest gallons.
        It's supposed to work better in a full moon.
        Hurry home & pop off the heads, throw 'em in boiling water for a minute
        or so, peel and eat.
        They are so tasty. Nothing like the rubbery bland imitations called
        shrimp cocktail.
        Anyhow, great sport. Cheap to equip, and good for all ages.
        Enjoy you "stuff"....and Happy Birthday.
        Jerome

        ~~~~

        What does the buffalo on a nickel stand for?
        Because their is no room for him to sit down (Lederer & Ertner)

        Jim Mcquain

        ~~~~~

        Dear Buffalo,
        First, I want to wish you a very Happy Fiftieth Birthday. Many more are
        left to be celebrated. Live well in good health.

        My Fiftieth was the most memorable of my life, so far. I was in the
        hospital. A few days prior to my Birthday I underwent an Angiogram, I was
        having chest pains which brought me to the hospital in the first place.
        After the Angiogram, the doctor came to my bedside and told me, from what
        he had seen, he was amazed and said, "You should be dead, much less, still
        able to walk around." He truly believed that "Somebody Up There Likes Me"
        The day of my Fiftieth Birthday, I underwent Triple Bypass surgery. It
        will be Seven years since I had the operation, come this December.

        Sincerely,
        David R.

        ~~~~



        I this might be fodder for your Scuttlebutt section.

        HVC

        Maybe there's a reason your company wants to work you to death.

        Jane Sims's husband, a former Wal-Mart receiving clerk in Houston,
        Texas, died of a heart attack in 1998. She later learned that
        Wal-Mart had taken out a $64,000 life insurance policy on him.

        What, why, how come, huh ???

        Turns out many companies routinely take out secret life insurance
        policies on the lives of their low-level employees, known in the
        industry at "dead peasant" and "dead janitor" polices. The families
        never know nor do they collect any of the money.

        This is illegal in some states, including Texas where this happened.
        It is illegal because of the fear that it creates a disincentive to
        provide a safe workplace.

        An attorney for the Hartford Life Insurance Co. estimates that a
        fourth of the Fortune 500 companies have such policies covering some 5
        million and 6 million workers. Wal-Mart alone holds some 350,000
        policies.

        So, why do they do this?

        It's a tax dodge. The companies borrow money from the insurers to pay
        the premiums, a deduction for tax purposes. The loan gets paid off
        when the employee dies as it is deducted from the policy payment. The
        result is a tax deduction for something the company never really paid
        out.

        A lawsuit has been started by families of deceased employees.

        Houston Chronicle 16-Apr-02


        ~~~~~~

        I didn't know it was your birthday, Buffalo! Hope it was great!
        The 50th is not as bad as it sounds. Actually, speaking of sounds - there
        ARE a lot more sounds, aren't there - knees, back, ankles, shoulder. Snap,
        crackle, pop. But it beats the alternative.
        We vacationed in the UP for 24 years. We miss having sweatshirts on in
        July.
        My husband went up there smelting in April one year. Came home to hot &
        humid weather here in Indiana. He had the smelt packed in snow. What a
        strange sight.

        "Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many." ~ author
        unknown

        "I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now." ~ author unknown

        "Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they
        quit playing." ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

        "You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old." ~ George
        Burns

        http://quotegarden.com

        Deb from Muncie

        ~~~~~

        Dear Buffalo,

        First off-Happy Birthday.

        Second, I live in Texas and haven't found smelts while
        here except once. You can find them in Florida where
        my dad lives. I love them dipped in flour,salt and
        pepper and then fried. Please do me the honor of
        eating a few for me.

        Cheryl in Texas



        ~~~~

        May you have a happy 50th!!!! Just wait until you hit the big "60".
        That's where I am and it's not nice. But I guess as long as we continue
        to see another birthday each year, we should be thankful, right?
        Thanks so much for all the time you spend making us laugh. Love your
        daily Buffalo Chips.
        This is for B.J. Cassady----My prayers are with you as you endure your
        father's illness. Make each day count! And keep the faith, B.J.
        Mary in Wi.

        ~~~~


        Hi Bill,
        Happy Birthday to ya, hope it's as good as my 50th was! Every woman
        dreads her 50th birthday, but mine was the best ever! On the Saturday
        before my birthday my friends all got together and gave me the best party I
        have ever had. I love Hawaii, and they had a Hawaii-50 theme going, great
        food, drinks, just the very best. I will never forget it. Then the day
        before my birthday my husband and I flew off for Hawaii!!! We spent the
        night of my birthday dancing under the stars to Hawaiian music in Maui. It
        was something I will never forget. Wish everyone could have the wonderful
        50th birthday that I did! Rose

        ~~~~

        G'day Buffalo ...
        HAPPY 5Oth BIRTHDAY OLD MATE!

        I've just had my 50th too, 3 weeks ago! Scary thought, isn't it! Used to
        think 50 was "old fart" territory ... & it might still be, but I sure don't
        FEEL like an old fart! 1952 must have been a good year ... all the '52-ers I
        know are great, your good self included!

        Better take this opportunity to say thanks for "Buffalo Chips" ... always
        look forward to its arrival, & love reading what's happening at your work,
        in the neighbourhood, or with the wife & daughter, or vacuuming the white
        cat & all the other stuff ... it's all a good read! (Visions of fishing for
        smelt a good one ... or rather, a "Buffalo" upended with his waders full of
        water! Ho, ho!!) Scuttlebutt's pretty good too! Best newsletter on the web!

        Thanks loads Buffalo, & you have a great birthday!

        Cheers,

        Gaye


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Right now you can get all the printer ink you need for a FRACTION of the
        cost of retail stores!

        Canon, Hewlett Packard, Epson, Compaq, Lexmark!

        All makes and models! Save up to 75% off ink!

        Click here now! http://oz.valueclick.com/r/hs0240501/a0054262/0

        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

        *********************************************

        Remember 9/11/01
      • B.Brabant
        Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. I have been following the toilet seat issue and I
        Message 3 of 14 , Apr 28, 2002
          Clean Clean


          Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
          name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

          I have been following the toilet seat issue and I guess its time
          for my .02 ( USD ) worth. The minor inconvenience does seem
          like a small price to pay for marital harmony and is a lot better
          than being woken at 3 a.m. to discuss your ancestry by an irate
          mate. It does look better than the standard China fixture to have the
          seat and the lid down. Then there is the problem with the cats
          who look on it as a watering bowl when open. Our cats lack
          any semblance of feline grace. They try to balance themselves
          on the rim, slip, and you hear a splash. A wet furball sails past
          you and jumps into bed with the wife , who then proceeds to
          discuss your ancestry with you while you are hard at work on
          the computer and don't want to be interrupted.
          As I have said the lid and seat stay down in our house and I
          advise guests of that fact. One thing I despise is the fuzzy,
          furry, festive, matches the furry floor rug and tank cover ,lid
          cover. A toilet lid is a precisely balanced and aligned object
          to ensure it will stay open but still close easily. It was not designed
          to have extra weight or thickness added to it and if it happens to
          be a ten pound oak seat can cause serious damage to knuckles
          or anything else in its arc. If it causes me problems it becomes a
          Frisbee. After enough times, the wife tired of digging it wet out of
          the bath tub , sink , trash, or hanging from the curtain rod will stop
          putting it back up except for when there is company coming.
          Hope you enjoy the chips and come on over for a snowball
          fight . April Showers freeze May flowers.


          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Please visit our Sponsor
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          FINALLY! Surf the web without those annoying pop-up windows! StopPops is the
          revolutionary software product that optimizes your Internet connection to
          eliminate those annoying pop-up ads and windows while you surf the web. It
          stops these windows dead in their tracks, speeding up your browsing speed
          and keeping you focused on what you're looking for. Better yet, StopPops
          still lets you view the pop-up windows if you choose - it only stops the
          ones you don't want to see.

          http://www.adreporting.com/image.php?aid=666788&pid=73&iid=535"
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Maint Chips
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          A special circuit in this machine called a critical detector senses the
          operator's emotional state in terms of how desperate he or she is to use the
          machine. The critical detector then creates a malfunction proportional to
          the desperation of the operator. Threatening the machine with violence only
          aggravates the situation. Likewise attempts to use another machine may cause
          it to malfunction. They belong to the same union. Keep cool say nice things
          to the machine. Nothing else works.

          WHAT TO DO WHEN THIS MACHINE BREAKS DOWN.

          1. Do not call for service until everyone concerned has had time to form an
          opinion as to what is wrong. Give each member of the staff an opportunity
          to correct the problem. Whenever possible ALL controls and adjusting screws
          should be turned.

          2. After several days, when the machine malfunction has become a major
          emergency, place a call for an urgent service. Fridays are best but anytime
          after 4 p.m. is good.

          3. Alert all personnel so that each can give their version of what went
          wrong. Suggestions of how to fix the machine will be welcomed by the
          engineer.

          4. Make several references about the man who was here last week to fix the
          same problem.

          5. Have at least 8 graduate engineers present to ask highly technical
          questions which are in no way related to the problem.

          6. The minute the engineer arrives ask what caused the delay. Make it clear
          that you expected him two days ago. Before he can answer ask when the
          machine will be back in service.

          7. Assign a member of staff to supervise the repair, someone who has never
          seen or used the machine is preferable. Bad breath is a plus here.

          8. Ask again when the machine will be ready. Good timing is essential and
          when the machine is in 800 pieces spread all over the floor will be just
          grand.

          9. Be sure the machine is in a narrow place with plenty of people passing
          by, each making a comment about the time the repair is taking. The lighting
          should be really low, a good engineer can work in the dark.

          10. Ask if the machine is ready yet. If the engineer looks at a manual or
          schematic diagram, ask if he knows what he is doing. It doesn't hurt to
          mention that you repaired the toaster last week without looking at a
          schematic diagram.

          11. When the repair is completed tell him what a swell job he did. Say it
          should be a swell job as he took long enough.

          12. Try to beat him down on the bill. He makes to much anyway.

          13. After the engineer has gone call his supervisor and say the machine is
          worse than ever now. Follow up complaint with a letter to his head office.

          14. Follow these rules on every call no matter how small the problem.

          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          WEIGHT LOSS: Didrex Tenuate Xencal Ionamine Meridian
          PAIN RELIEF: Ultram, Celebrex ,HERPES: Acyclovir , Valtex
          SKIN CARE: Vaniqa BIRTH CONTROL: Ortho Tri-Cyclen
          And More

          You will NOT find the prescription medication that you're looking
          for at a lower price anywhere on the Internet.
          Consultation with a board certified physician is always free.

          http://www.buffalosjokes.com/eprescribe.htm



          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Toon Chips
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Ice Storm Fun
          http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-57&R=1-7-1
          <a href="http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-57&R=1-7-1">Click Here</a>

          When Cats Get your Password
          http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-58&R=1-7-1
          <a href="http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-58&R=1-7-1">Click Here</a>

          The Perfect Man
          http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-24&R=1-7-1
          <a href="http://hee-hee.com/i.php?P=1-1-24&R=1-7-1">Here</a>

          Turn It On?
          http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny762.html
          <a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny762.html">Here!</a>

          Next Time!
          http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny763.html
          <a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny763.html">Here!</a>

          Loan Officer
          http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny764.html
          <a href="http://www.AikensLaughs.com/forfun/funny764.html">Here!</a>

          http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00030871 Preview Picture
          http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00030875 The Real Osama!

          http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00030876 The Real Osama?
          http://dailymegajoke.com/toons.php?00030877 Training Wheel?



          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Remembering Chips from rubin
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Life's Observations. . . . .
          Moles are always smaller than you imagine.

          At the end of every party there is always a fat girl crying.

          One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint to
          toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

          Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

          Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

          You're never quite sure whether its against the law or not to have a fire in
          your back garden.

          You never know where to look when eating an apple.

          Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

          Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

          You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

          Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

          The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
          first given opportunity.

          Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

          Every bloke has at some stage while taking a p*ss HAS flushed half way
          through and then raced against the flush.

          Old women with mobile phones look wrong!

          No one knows the origins of their individual metal coat hangers.

          A most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an
          upturned plug.

          People who don't drive, slam car doors too hard

          You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood to
          specifically stir paint with.

          Everyone had a relative who tried to steal their nose.

          Triangle sandwiches taste better than square ones.

          Beneath every floating balloon is a tearful child.



          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Pravachol

          At NestEggzRx you'll find a coupon for a FREE MONTH of prescription
          cholesterol medication. Print the coupon at home or work and use it at any
          pharmacy with your doctor's prescription. Click here to start saving:
          http://oz.valueclick.com/r/hs0240501/a0053013/0



          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Cleaning Chips
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          My sister was bemoaning the fact that she had procrastinated cleaning and
          organizing her house for a long time. Since she was planning to entertain,
          she
          felt a lot of pressure to get moving. That afternoon she phoned, sounding
          glum.
          "I went to the bookstore," she explained. "And I bought a book on how to
          get organized. I was all fired up, and decided to clean out all the shelves
          in the living
          room. While I was working, I found the same darn book. I had bought it a
          couple of years ago."



          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Mingles is the site you've been looking for!

          More than just a dating site, Mingles is a community too! Parties, message
          boards, and the exclusive PhotoChat - the chat that lets you see who you're
          chatting with. Couple these great features with quality matchmaking services
          and Mingles is the site will love to join,


          <a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-8159796">Come mingle at
          Mingles!</a>

          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Genie Chips
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          One day, a genie was in a remarkably good mood, so he decided to go around
          the world, granting people their fondest wishes.

          First, he came to London, where he saw a very sad-looking Englishman.
          He said to the man, "I am a genie. Tell me what you want most, and I will
          grant it to you."

          The Englishman said, "My cousin Nigel has the most beautiful mansion you
          ever saw, but I don't even have a house at all. It's not fair! I'm just as
          good as he is! Why should HE have such a beautiful house and not me? Well,
          I want you to give me a house even bigger than Nigel's."

          The genie snapped his fingers, and the house appeared magically. The
          Englishman was delighted.

          Next, the genie went to Paris, where he saw a sad Frenchman. The genie
          asked the Frenchman what he wanted most. The Frenchman said, "My cousin
          Pierre has the most beautiful wife you ever saw, but I don't have a wife at
          all. It's not fair! Why should HE have a beautiful wife and not me? I
          want you to give me a wife even more beautiful than Pierre's."

          The genie snapped his fingers, and a beautiful woman appeared. The
          Frenchman was delighted.

          Next, the genie went to Chicago, where he saw a sad-eyed American. The
          genie asked him what he wanted most in life. The American answered, "My
          cousin Marty has the most beautiful sports car you ever saw, but I don't
          have a car at all.
          It's not fair! I'm just as good as he is! Why should HE have such a
          beautiful car and not me? I want you to give me a sports car even nicer
          than Marty's."


          The genie snapped his fingers, and a deluxe Maserati appeared. The American
          was delighted.

          Next, the genie went to Tokyo, where he saw a sad-looking Japanese man. He
          asked the man what he wanted most. The Japanese man said, "My cousin Kenji
          has a high- paying job with the biggest corporation in Japan, and I can't
          find a job at all.
          It's not fair! I'm as good as he is. Why should HE have such a great job
          and not me? I want you to give me a job even better than Kenji's."

          The genie snapped his fingers, and it was done.

          Finally, the genie went to the Middle East, where he saw a sad-looking Arab.
          He asked the Arab what he wanted most in life. The Arab answerd, "My cousin
          Abdul has the most beautiful flock of goats you ever saw, while I don't have
          any goats at all.
          It's not fair! I'm just as good as he is. Why should HE have such
          beautiful goats and not me?"

          The genie smiled and said, "So, you want a beautiful flock of your own?"

          The Arab snarled, "Of course not, you idiot! I want you to kill all of
          Abdul's goats!"



          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Get a FREE Adventure Travel Screensaver
          Download a free Adventure Travel Screensaver and as a bonus we'll also send
          you a FREE issue of National Geographic Traveler, the magazine designed to
          satisfy your need to travel. It's free and easy! Click here:
          http://oz.valueclick.com/r/hs0240501/a0056361/0



          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


          LynnLynn's Links
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail
          to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@egroups.com

          ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

          Subscriber Spotlight Sheepish Links
          http://sheepishlion.topcities.com/

          Email Ettiquette
          http://www.wtv-zone.com/techniguy/etiquette.html

          Historical Wedding Traditions
          http://www.kendricksdesignerimgs.com/trad.html

          Crib Recall
          http://www.safetyalerts.com/recall/p/02/p001016.htm

          TalkBot By Mr. Sandman
          http://www.wtv-zone.com/mrsandman41/contest/talkbot2002.html

          ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

          <a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-8219384">Parents, Relatives, and
          Caregivers -- Voice Alert is the extra set of eyes and ears you've been
          looking for!</a>

          Voice Alert is a revolutionary wireless notification system with numerous
          applications:

          home security
          child safety
          pool safety
          driveway monitoring
          disability aid
          auto / garage security
          Users record up to three different messages and assign them to single or
          multiple sensor/transmitters. See our web site for a complete list of
          features and benefits.

          http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-8219384


          ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

          Misty's Mermaids
          http://www.angelfire.com/mi4/mistycool/MistysMermaids.html

          Glad There Was You
          http://www.tarasfunpages.com/gltu.html

          I Want to Tell You Lies
          http://www.angelfire.com/ak5/maneater/pgs/lies.html

          Blake Arrest Jpg.
          http://www.gracelessland.com/g2/newsgfx/BlakeArrest.jpg


          ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

          <a href="http://www.afreeb.com/offers/ad.cgi?of=801&af=122375">
          Enter today for your chance to win a new 2002 Chevy Corvette!</a> -
          By simply letting us know what you are interested in, you will earn a
          chance to win. It's as simple as that! This could be the car of your
          dreams, but you can't win if you don't enter. -
          http://www.afreeb.com/offers/ad.cgi?of=801&af=122375

          ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

          Sigsations
          http://www.wtv-zone.com/valinpa/index.html

          Vietnam 60's Music
          http://www.marine-family.org/midis/music.htm

          [jawjahboy] Generate scopes on-the-fly Web-tv Only
          http://d21c.com/jawjahboy/tools/scope-on-the-fly.shtml

          Kitty Korner Thank You For All The Little Things
          http://www.poofcat.com/friend43.html

          Scattered Loneliness
          http://www.poofcat.com/m4.html


          ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

          Some of the worlds lowest prices for CDs, Videos, DVDs and Video Games. (Up
          to 40% less than Amazon!)

          <a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-453319-7245931">SAVE $2 off Movies,
          Music and DVDs at Playcentric.com</a>



          ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

          <a href="http://www.afreeb.com/offers/ad.cgi?of=796&af=122375">
          Want to save money on groceries?</a> -
          NestEggz gives you great savings on brands like Huggies, Keebler,
          Hebrew National, Dixie and many more! Best of all, you can print them
          from your computer and use them at any store. -
          http://www.afreeb.com/offers/ad.cgi?of=796&af=122375



          ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


          Visit LynnLynn's Guest Book and tell her how you feel abut the links
          http://pub22.bravenet.com/guestbook/show.asp?usernum=1822710783




          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


          Goodness Chips From George
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Jimmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and,
          being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he
          started Kindergarten. She walked him to school the couple of days but
          when he came home one day, he told his mother that he did not want her
          walking him to school everyday. He wanted to be like the "big boys." He
          protested loudly, so she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a
          neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would surreptitiously follow her son to
          school, at a distance behind him that he would not likely notice, but
          close enough to keep a watch on him.
          Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway,
          it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well so she
          agreed.
          The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out
          following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy
          he knew. She did this for the whole week.
          As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, the little
          friend of Timmy noticed that this same lady was following them as she
          seemed to do every day all week. Finally, he said to Timmy, "Have you
          noticed that lady following us all week? Do you know her?"
          Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yea, I know who she is."
          The little friend said, "Well who is she?"
          "That's just Shirley Goodnest" Timmy said.
          "Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?"
          "Well," Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm
          with my prayers cuz she worries about me so much. And in it, the prayer
          psalm says, "Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of
          my life." so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!

          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Pheromones

          Become more attractive to the opposite sex. Become the focus
          of romance and sexual interest. Wear sexual attractants
          disguised as fragrances or enhance your cologne or perfume with
          pheromones (natural sexual attractants). Single men and women
          report meeting more singles of the opposite sex. Married men and
          women report marital bliss enhanced with these rare products.
          Click here now:

          http://www.buffalosjokes.com/ar.htm



          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Doggie Chips
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          "Doggie Quotes"

          "If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise" --Unknown

          "Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant." --Unknown

          "Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies."
          --Gene Hill

          "In dog years, I'm dead." --Unknown

          "To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
          --Aldous Huxley

          "A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times
          before lying down." --Robert Benchley

          "Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's
          how dogs spend their lives." --Sue Murphy

          "I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts
          to bite people themselves." --August Strindberg

          "No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless
          absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation." --Fran
          Lebowitz

          "Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a
          grocery store with the most amazing haul--chicken, pork, half a cow. They
          must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" --Anne Tyler

          "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious
          cult." --Rita Rudner

          "My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.
          That's almost $7.00 in dog money." --Joe Weinstein

          "If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I
          have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."
          --James Thurber

          "You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with
          pets." --Nora Ephron

          "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
          wonderful." --Ann Landers

          "Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
          get used to the idea." --Robert A. Heinlein

          "In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should
          have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." --Dereke
          Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

          "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
          --Ben Williams

          "When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."
          --Edward Abbey

          "Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look
          like the dog did it." --Unknown

          "Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his
          tail." --Unknown

          "No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog
          does." --Christopher Morley

          "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
          himself." --Josh Billings

          "Man is a dog's idea of what God should be." --Holbrook Jackson

          "The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
          --Andrew A. Rooney

          "He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his
          life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the
          last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."
          --Unknown

          "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
          you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man." --Mark Twain

          "I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed
          contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."
          --John Steinbeck


          .oooO
          ( ) Oooo.
          ----------\ (--------( )---------
          \_ ) ) /
          From: Ann Lindholm (_ / AKA: Doubloon



          ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
          ----


          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          YOU'RE BEING WATCHED!!!
          Your Internet activities are being recorded. Every
          picture you've seen is copied to your hard drive,
          every website is recorded in a secret file in Windows.
          Every website you've visited is added to your drop
          down list. Your homepage could be changed and you can
          be tracked from anywhere.
          PROTECT YOURSELF WITH INTERNET ERASER!!
          It permanently erases your Internet tracks and
          protects your privacy...

          http://www.interneteraser.com/enter.html?ID=2974323

          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Bowl Chips
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Checking the menu, a restaurant customer ordered a bowl of vegetable soup.
          After a couple of spoonfuls, he noticed a little pool of liquid forming
          under the bowl. He called the waitress over and said, "There's broth all
          over the table. I think the bowl is cracked."

          The waitress said, "You ordered vegetable soup, didn't you?"

          "Yes," answered the customer.

          "Maybe it has a leek in it!" replied the waitress.

          ~~~~

          Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me
          find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?"

          He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."


          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          HOORAY

          Direct Tv. DSL 19.99 for first three mionths. No set-up fees

          It's time to celebrate! DIRECTV DSLT is available in your area. Order today
          and we'll provide you the power to surf the Net up to 50 times faster than
          with a standard dial-up modem.

          http://cognigen.net/directvdsl/?jbond007

          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Parting Chips
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


          A university creative writing class was asked to write a short
          essay containing these four elements:

          - religion
          - royalty
          - sex
          - mystery

          The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm
          pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Funny Undies

          Now give the gift that is right for any occasion.
          Personalize a pair of Funny Undies in the style
          of your choice with your unique message that
          will be enjoyed for years. A favorite on holidays,
          graduations, weddings, or anytime you want to
          tell someone something important with humor.
          For Gift Ideas visit our site at:

          http://www.buffalosjokes.com/funnyundies.htm

          <a href="http://www.buffalosjokes.com/funnyundies.htm">
          Funny Undies Click Here </a>

          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          Bonus Chip From Dianne
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its
          verdict.

          Bitterly he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting
          this man?"

          The foreman answered, "Insanity."

          The D.A. said, "All twelve of you?"

          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


          The Herbal Buffalo
          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



          HERBALSENSATIONS - A GREAT COMPANY WITH GREAT PRODUCTS

          Herbal Viagra for Men and Women, Fat Burner,Grow Hair and more.
          All products come with 100% customer satisfaction or your money back.
          Check them out!!
          <a href=" http://www.herbalsensations.com/cgi-bin/af/b.cgi/269/ ">Click Here
          For Herbal Sensations</a>

          Or Ladies Products, Wrinkle removers,Hair Removal, Skin Whiteners,
          Varicose Veins, Body Slimmers and More.
          http://www.herbalsensations.com/cgi-bin/af/b.cgi/269/beauty/


          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


          From The Buffalos Mail Box

          Around the scuttlebutt with the Buffalo
          ( A modern scuttlebutt is a water cooler and on old ships as sailors stood
          around the water cask rumors, sea stories and useful info was spread )

          Hi Bill,
          I am hoping to get this Birthday wish to you before you turn 51. I am
          older than you by a few years but it is only a number. I feel if we have
          more birthdays we make more memories. The trick is to keep our brains sharp
          so that we can remember the past while looking forward to the future.
          I have been reading all the letters sent in about the
          young men that were unfortunately killed while defending our freedom. Before
          I go any further I should mention that I am Canadian. These 4 soldiers were
          doing a job that they were trained for. When they got up that morning, they
          knew that they could be killed or injured. It doesn't matter how they died.
          Pointing fingers will not bring them back and the parents will never see
          their sons again. Children will grow up not knowing their dads. And wives
          will learn how to get on with their lives once the shock has faded. There is
          no mercy in a bullet or bomb. And there is no sense in blame. Canadian blood
          has been shed on the battle field, the first time in decades. We are the
          peace keepers and yet ready to fight with our brothers when we are called to
          defend the oppressed and to aid our neighbors. I am the mother of a soldier
          and I know the risks. I wait each day for word from my son. Praying he will
          not be returned to us in a body bag.Like him I know the risks and have to be
          prepared. Please, for all our young men around the world in uniform, dignify
          them by saluting the flags of our allies. We have to be united or we will be
          divided.
          Thank you and God bless us all,
          Sher

          Buffalo says. It has been a great wake-up call for many, myself
          included. We all realize that there were many nations involved
          in the anti-terroist efforts but I had no idea that there was 750
          Canadians in Kandahar or of their involvement in peacekeeping
          in Kosovo. Like too many I watch the highlights of the news and
          it concentrates on death and body counts and victories and defeats.
          It is only when the death is either close to home or senseless that
          we stop and ask what is happening. This was both.

          ~~~~~

          Have I missed something? It seems to me that we are in Afghanstan
          because of a terrorist action in America. We have promised to stamp out
          terrorism. Are not the Palestinians terrorists? For months they have
          been blowing themselves up in Isreal. Taking innocent lives, not all of
          which are Isreali. What is the difference between our invasion of
          Afghanistan and Isreal's invasion of the West Bank? Personally, I feel
          the whole Palestinian/Isreali conflict is two children arguing over
          who's ball it is. Isrealis are in territories they "conquered", which
          were supposed to be for the Palestines to settle on. Why are
          Palestinians still living in refugee camps? It's been YEARS, why don't
          they get over it....fat chance... neither one of the "children" will
          give up. So they argue and dare each other until someone loses patience.
          I was in Jordan in Dec. 2001....there are still refugee camps there for
          the "Palestinians". Jordan supports these camps. The Palestinians are
          able to have Jordanian citizenship...they do not have to live in the
          camps. They perfer to do so. Truthfully, I am inclined to believe that
          many of the Semitic countries behave in an uncivilized manner...and
          insist on arguing with each other...much of the land in that area seems
          to be unproductive...except for oil.

          Well, that's my 2 cents......azp


          We are under a Winter storm warning till 8 in the morning

          ~~~~~~~


          Dear Jay,

          I agree completely with you, except on one point. The Palestinians cannot
          become Jordanian, Syrian, etc., because those countries do not want them.
          There are over 50 Palestanian refugee camps in countries, other than Israel.
          Believe me, I seen many of them. These other "Arab" countries keep "them"
          separated from their people and in controlled camps. If they don't want
          them, why should anyone else.

          You mentioned Munich. In the mid '80s (under some unusual circumstances), I
          had the opportunity to have dinner with a Russian Officer (still our "enemy'
          at the time). Over our after dinner drinks, I asked, "Do you think there
          will be a WW III?"

          He replied, "It has already started."

          He could tell by the look on my face that I did not understand. And, he
          continued, "It started in 1972 in Munich. And, it will spread worldwide.
          Terrorism is the new enemy. We will probably never see a large scale war
          again. What you, and I, now face is an unseen, unheard enemy that will die
          for any cause. That is the greatest threat to "our" future."

          I have to agree. If you think about it, there is some sort of fighting or
          conflict (terrorism, drugs wars, civil unrest, country against country, one
          ethic group against another, one religious group against another, etc.) on
          every continent of the world, except Australia (unless they are hiding
          something from us).

          Cannot we love one another?
          --
          Don of Niagara Falls

          ~~~~~~

          I was reading your email today and I have liked it since I signed on with
          you. Now I realize why, your my age, my birthday is April 22, and I too
          turned 50 this year. Hell I never thought I would live this long as many of
          your finer jokes and stories go. But I just wanted to say Thank you very
          much. Your emails, stories and jokes make my day and I pass them around to
          many of my friends because they are so enjoyable.

          Keep up the good work you have one of the finer mailings her on the
          internet.

          Best Regards,

          Paul Kois

          ~~~~~~

          So you made the big 50. So you think it came fast blink your eyes and it
          will be 60. All I can tell you about birthdays is 61yrs ago I was born
          naked, wet and crying and it went downhill from there. Happy Birthday
          and many more. ---Dave

          I am sure that is a joke (except for the blink of an eye - that is so true!)
          , or at least I hope so - At 65 - I don't think it's downhill yet, the only
          thing different is now I stay off ladders cuz don't want to end up naked,
          wet and crying in the Emergency Room! Remember -- when the birthdays
          end ---

          ~~~~~

          Usually enjoy the chips and the scuttlebutt but today I saw the word 'coon'
          used in a limerick. I am not a politically advocate but I do not believe in
          using ethnically degrading terms. Please try to refrain from using such
          terms. Thanks.

          Ken

          Buffalo says missed that one, will have to take a trip down to Panama
          and discuss it with rubin.

          ~~~~~

          Buffalo,

          I just wanted to point out that the Barretta Chips were borrowed from
          Topfive.com, a paid subscriber mailing.
          The Good Doctor

          Buffalo says Apologies to Chris White on that one.

          ~~~~~~

          Buffalo,

          I would like to weigh in on this business of whether the commode seat
          should be up or down. Commode - that's what we Southerners call the
          toilet...

          Anyway - I figure there are three good reasons to leave it down.
          Firstly, if you've ever been shocked by that cold water upon settling
          down on the thing, you'd never leave the seat up again... it's just
          common courtesy not to leave a potential hazard around for others to fall
          into..!

          Secondly, if there is a dog in the house, he is going to find that neat
          watering hole and leave water everywhere for the lady of the house to
          clean up every day. Of course, we once had a big, big dog who got his
          water that way with our blessing, but that's another story.

          Thirdly, of course it looks better to have it down ! One reason for this
          is that color-coordinated cover which matches the rug and the shower
          curtain. The other esthetic reason is that a pretty bathroom with a
          gaping hole in the middle of the floor is no longer pretty. Come on guys
          - it's not too much to ask !

          Ganny

          ~~~

          Buffalo,
          Please inform Tony Churchill that free speech is alive and
          well. Just as he had the right to lambast the pranks site, they also
          have the right to same. Just because people make jokes about all race,
          creed colour, etc, does not make them bigoted. I for one always laugh at
          myself when I'm jokes about. Laughter is the best possible stress
          reliever I know of. Tell Tony to lighten up. He is after all free to be
          gay, just as I am free to be whatever I want. Thanks for listening and
          Happy Belated birthday to you. Deb

          ~~~~~

          Canada's population is about 1/10th that of the US and thanks to the media,
          approximately 8% choose to be antagonistic morons.
          The rest of us enjoy the benefits of having the US as neighbours.
          Who else can keep us on our toes and awake, cause it can be so damn boring
          in Canada!
          Dianne

          ~~~~~

          To Tony Churchill, oh pleeeze, go back into the closet already!!

          Joyce

          ~~~~~

          Bill, Once again thank you for the jokes but even more
          for the forum. I would like to add my apology here to
          all the Canadians that may read it. Friendly fire when
          directed at you just is not friendly. Not that this is
          any consolation to the families of those killed two
          weeks ago, but many more Americans have been killed by
          our fire than Canadians. The booing at the hockey game
          was for the violent act of one individualwho will miss
          one game while the man he blindsided may be finished
          with his career.
          Art
          ~~~~~

          Love your list. Keep up the good work.
          Anyway, in Eastern culture it is thought that keeping the toilet seat down
          keeps evil spirits from entering the house.
          Lynda

          ~~~

          Thanks again for the info. Learned something new again.

          BTW I've decided my subject line (Abbreviation Explanation) is pretty
          "catchy" if said with the right twang.

          The White Indian :o)


          ~~~~~

          Every time I read the statement that ex-President Bill Clinton bombed an
          aspirin factory, I know I'm hearing from someone with an agenda, because if
          that statement were true, then something like the following conversation
          took place...

          "Mr. President, we found an aspirin factory we want to bomb."

          "You're sure it's an aspirin factory?"

          "As sure as can be."

          "Yee haah, go right ahead. I'm a Tylenol man myself."

          Obviously nonsense. The real conversation clearly went something like
          this...

          "Mr. President, we found a chemical weapon factory we want to bomb."

          "You're sure it's a chemical weapon factory?"

          "As sure as can be."

          "Yee haah, go right ahead. I hate chemical weapons."

          When it turned out to be an aspirin factory, it obviously wasn't
          Clinton's fault but the fault of his advisors, who may or may not have had
          their own agendas. He was just following bad advice.

          In much the same way, if George W. Bush had foreknowledge of the events
          of 9/11, his defenders are saying that the following conversation must have
          taken place...

          "Mr. President, we've heard there's an al-Qaeda plot to destroy the
          World Trade Centers and the White House and the Pentagon on 9/11. Thousands
          of people will die, but we're thinking of just ignoring it and letting it
          happen because afterwards, your approval rating will skyrocket, you'll be
          able to go to war like your daddy did, and we'll be able to push through
          everything on our agenda, like the Star Wars defense system."

          "Are you sure it's on 9/11?"

          "As sure as can be."

          "Yee haah, let 'em go right ahead. I'll be out of town on that day,"

          Once again, obviously nonsense. The real conversation clearly went
          something like this...

          "Mr. President, we've heard there's an al-Qaeda plot to hijack an
          airplane on 9/11. It probably won't succeed because all they have is
          boxcutters. We're thinking of just ignoring it because we'll most likely be
          able to rescue the hostages, and the plane will only be 1/4 full so not many
          lives will be at stake. It'll give us the perfect excuse to invade
          Afghanistan like we're planning to do anyway."

          "You're sure it's al-Qaeda?"

          "As sure as can be."

          "Yee haah, let 'em go right ahead. I hate Afghanistan."

          When it turned out to be a much bigger terrorist action, it obviously
          wasn't Bush's fault but the fault of his advisors, who may or may not have
          had their own agendas. He was just following bad advice.

          Which is the closest you'll ever get to hearing me defend George W.
          Bush.

          PUNCHLINE (WITHOUT A JOKE) FROM HELL

          Beretta transgressed, you must arrest.

          Jim Mcquain

          ~~~~~

          Hello, Buffalo-- HELP!

          I belong to Thinkers International, an offshoot of Mensa (membership NOT
          required) that has participants worldwide. I wanted to post the King
          Marco story, but the moderator decided it was probably copyrighted
          material, and I would have to get permission from the source to post it
          on our forum...

          HELP! I NEED THE SOURCE OF THE STORY (Canadian Press is a pretty big
          area, and Google turned up stories, but not that well-written piece) so I
          can get permission from the holder of the copyright to post to our forum.
          I could also use a website for that particular rendering of the story...

          Ad Thanks vance,

          jet____


          Buffalo says lots more mail in box but keep those letters coming in .
          Try not to flame other people and try to keep it readable by our clean
          audience too and address your mail to buffalo@... ...





          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


          Right now you can get all the printer ink you need for a FRACTION of the
          cost of retail stores!

          Canon, Hewlett Packard, Epson, Compaq, Lexmark!

          All makes and models! Save up to 75% off ink!

          Click here now! http://oz.valueclick.com/r/hs0240501/a0054262/0

          Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

          *********************************************

          Remember 9/11/01
        Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.