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: Buffalos Chips Clean Chips For

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Hello all. I have been feeling a little better each
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 9, 2012
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      Hello all. I have been feeling a little better each day, as changes in
      medications improve my health and Physical Therapy is improving
      my back and getting my muscles a little more flexible. I have even
      improved my general looks a little bit by removing the 8 inches of
      hair or so that had grown since last summer which no matter how
      much conditioner I used would quickly turn stringy and all hang
      off one side. It looked like a combover done by someone of diminished
      mental capacity and that isn't a reference to Donald Trump.

      Physical therapy gets a little complicated for scheduling as Eva, Buffy,
      and I are all going to therapy but Buffy and I are in for 45 minutes for
      our backs and Eva is there for a half hour for speech therapy. Hospital
      rules don't permit minors to run loose so I go in first and then Eva and
      Buffy go in as I am coming out. Friday when we went, Eva and Buffy
      were headed in as I came out and I watched TV and waited for Eva to
      get done. About 30 minutes later the tech brought Eva out and she
      playing with a group of kids her age crawling under the benches and
      running around in circles. About ten minutes later another tech came out
      and took Eva back inside. It was a bit curious but not strange and after
      minutes the first tech brought her back out. The other girl had thought
      that there was no one out there to watch Eva because she didn't
      me with my haircut. That was when I realized how bad my hair must
      have looked if she couldn't recognize a 330 lb. buffalo with a white

      Enjoy the chips... buffalo


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      Golf Chips

      What if you were playing in the club championship tournament finals
      and the match was even at the end of 17 holes.

      You had the honor and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty
      yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple six iron to
      the pin.

      Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it deep into the woods
      to the right of the fairway.

      Being the golfing gentleman that you are, you help your opponent
      look for his ball. Just before the permitted five minute search
      period ends, your opponent says, "Go ahead and hit your second
      shot and if I don't find it in time, I'll concede the match."

      You hit your ball, landing it on the green, stopping about ten
      feet from the pin. About the time your ball comes to rest, you
      hear your opponent exclaim from deep in the woods: "I found it!".

      The second sound you hear is the sound of a club striking a ball.

      The ball comes sailing out of the woods and lands on the green,
      stopping no more than six inches from the hole.

      Now the real "what if" in this story: What if you had your
      opponent's ball in your pocket?



      Children Chips

      Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the
      thought that even God had to deal with His disobedient children: Adam
      and Eve.

      And the first thing He said to them was:


      "Don't what?" Adam replied.

      "Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God said.

      "Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve . . . we got
      Forbidden Fruit!"

      "No way!"

      "Yes WAY!"

      "Don't eat that fruit!" said God.


      "Because I'm your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why He
      hadn't stopped after making the elephants.

      A few minutes later, God saw the kids having an apple break and was

      "Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" God asked.

      "Uh huh," Adam replied.

      "Then why did you?"

      "I dunno," Eve answered.

      "She started it!" Adam said.

      "Did Not!"

      "DID so!"

      "DID NOT!!"

      Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and
      Eve should have children of their own.



      Marriage Chips

      About Marriage

      - My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

      - My wife and I were very happy for twenty years. Then we met.

      - A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

      - Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

      - When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
      him keep her.

      - I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months; I don't like to interrupt

      - Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

      - A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
      married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

      - A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". The next day he
      received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have

      - A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire".
      "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman
      replied "A billionaire."

      - Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in

      - Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

      - Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

      - If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word
      you say, talk in your sleep.

      - It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only
      seems longer.

      - How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your
      laundry done free.

      - The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
      it once.



      Poor Chips

      I'm so poor that,
      When someone rings the doorbell I say,"DING!"

      I'm so poor that,
      My family eats cereal with a fork to save milk.

      I'm so poor that,
      We went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

      I'm so poor that,
      When I was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. someone asked me, "What
      ya doin'?" I said, "Buying luggage."

      I'm so poor that,
      We wave around a Popsicle and called it air conditioning.



      51 Chips

      Lost Again! You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-
      high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known
      simply as "Area 51?"

      Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at
      Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at
      their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the
      aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation
      room. The pilot's story was that he took off from
      Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was
      about to run out of fuel.

      The Air Force started a full FBI background check on
      the pilot and held him overnight during the
      investigation. By the next day, they were finally
      convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a
      spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying
      "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with
      threats of spending the rest of his life in prison,
      told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a
      heading, and sent him on his way.

      The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force,
      the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's
      surrounded the plane...only this time there were two
      people in the plane.

      The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you
      want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to
      tell her where I was last night!"



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      Subscribers and Friends

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      Short Chips

      A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table
      had been set with forks, not chopsticks. He asked why. The waiter
      said "Chopsticks are provided only on request." "But," the man
      countered, "if you gave your patrons chopsticks, you wouldn't have
      to pay someone to wash all the forks." "True," the waiter shot back,
      "but we would have to hire three more people to clean up the mess."
      Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to
      heaven?" "Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you
      ask?" "There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any
      pictures of angels with beards." "Oh, that's because most MEN who go
      to Heaven get there by a close shave."
      After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to
      leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of
      finding our cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn
      beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily. "Wow," the woman
      said. "I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car."
      "Actually," I replied, "that gadget's called 'my husband.'"


      Toon Chips



      Nun Chips

      At an Easter mass, at which some young ladies
      were to take their finals vows to become nuns,
      the presiding bishop noticed two rabbis enter
      the church just before the mass began.

      They were seated at the back of the sanctuary
      and insisted on sitting on the right side of the
      center aisle.

      The bishop wondered why they had come but
      didn't have time to inquire before the mass began.
      When it came time for some announcements,
      his curiosity got the best of him. He announced
      that he was delighted to see two rabbis in their
      midst at the mass but, was curious as to why
      they were present at this occasion where the
      young ladies were to become the "brides of

      The eldest of the rabbis slowly rose to his feet
      and explained, "Family of the Groom."



      Parting Chips

      A long time ago, in rural Michigan my family
      and I were members of a small mission
      church which met in the building of a small
      winery. My wife taught the pre-school and
      Kindergarten class and the children were
      seated on the cases . We frequently had
      family visitors , the grown children of the
      older Parishioners with their children.

      One of the younger families visiting was a
      service family, Marines. The three children
      were all redheads 9 , 7 , and 5 and were
      mirror images of their father.

      On Palm Sunday the class was taught about
      the Crucifixion, and my wife showed the
      story in a large book sparing nothing of the
      cruel details of the sad story. The class sat
      aghast until the five year old, redheaded
      boy, tears streaming down his face and
      hands clenched at his sides stood up in
      rage and shouted, "Where the heck were the



      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady

      Katie's Komfort Kolumn

      Vol 2143

      Susan Can Ill Afford

      (another story..alas I had to change Ginger to Val.sniff sniff)

      Meanwhile at the Dog-House

      Ring ring ring

      Sandi: Hello

      BJ: Sandi, this is an emergency. Susan is feeling ill.

      Sandi: Egads, we will take care of it. Click!

      Sirens wail...

      Sandi on the megaphone: Katie, Rudy, Ginger we are needed at

      daddy's work, Susan is in trouble. She is ill.

      Rudy: Oh good I get to operate.

      Katie comes out in a doctor's frock. I think we will do xrays and then

      put her down.

      Sandi: Slow down, we do not know what is wrong yet. I will warm up

      the ambulance.

      They rush out to the ambulance...sirens wail and in a little bit.

      Rudy pushes Ginger in a wheelchair as Sandi and Katie carry a stretcher

      into American Fidelity.

      Rudy: Clear the way! Emergency!

      Phil: What is this?

      Rudy: Out of the way buster! Slug!


      Sandi: To the elevators!!

      Susan is quietly working in her cubicle when she hears a distubance.

      Crash, bam, Ka-pow!

      Katie: Here she is! Follow me!

      Susan: Hi guys!

      Rudy: She is in shock. Put her in the stretcher.

      Katie: Give her a doggie bone to settle her down.

      Val: Poor thing....do you think she will have to be put down?

      Rudy: We will do what we can.

      Sandi: Here put this flea and tick collar on her. Next give her this


      Susan: Ack!

      Rudy: She is looking better already. Give me my water bowl. She

      might be thirsty. A can of alpo next please.

      Katie: What is the problem Susan?

      Susan: I feel crappy.

      Rudy: She needs to poo. Take her outside on a leash.

      Susan: No, no, not that kind of poo.

      Val: There are other kinds of poo?

      Susan: It is a term that means, not feeling well.

      Katie: Oh, yes, well go home, sleep and call us in the morning.

      Fifty dollars please.

      Susan: But but but.

      Katie: Cash, check or credit card?

      The Herd


      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


      Remember 9/11/01

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      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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