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Buffalos Chips Clean Chips For 2-19-12

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Having grown up on a farm where you wouldn t go
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 19, 2012
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      Clean Clean


      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.


      Having
      grown up on a farm where you wouldn't go outside without an up to
      date tetanus shot and every wound was treated before it had a chance to
      get infected because face it farm animals have poor bathroom habits. One
      thing that is still around that was around back then is Neosporin which
      is actually one of the top anti-bacterials. I was surprised with the
      last
      tube we bought as it contained Novocain or some similar pain killer.
      There were some basic rules to cuts , scrapes and punctures when I was
      a kid. First the treatment was going to hurt and alcohol was popular to
      flush out wounds.It came under the heading of " This will only hurt for
      a
      minute",treatments .
      That group also included mercurochrome, iodine, absorbine junior and
      the ever popular method of cleansing a wound, hot salt water. That one
      was commonly used for puncture wounds associated with nails, spikes,
      and broken glass and the water had to be hot enough to make buffalo
      broth with when you stuck your foot in. Another major rule was if a
      wound
      didn't bleed you were in trouble,blood flushed dirt out and as long as
      you
      weren't losing pints you were going to be ok.

      A few years back Buffy had a case of road rash on her knee from roller
      blading without pads. Unable to find the hydrogen peroxide to flush it
      out
      with she asked if rubbing alcohol would work. I gave her a " Go For it",
      with a straight face and then got a good laugh when she was cursing
      while
      it burnt. Oh well it only hurt for a second.

      Enjoy the chips... buffalo




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      Computer Chips
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      ADDICTED INTERNET JUNKIE ! ! ! !




      1. A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy-----for a
      year!!!!!"
      2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
      3. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
      4. You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ
      ......instead of ICU!
      5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45
      minutes.
      6. You placed the refrigerator beside your computer.
      7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have ICQ in your car.
      8. Tech support calls YOU for help.
      9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."
      10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.
      11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
      12. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
      13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.
      14. You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months ago.
      15. You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an
      instant
      message to.
      16. You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your
      ignore
      Button handy.
      17. You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for
      awhile.
      18. You say......."Where did the time go??"
      19. You sit on ICQ for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign
      on.
      20. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
      21. ....You end your sentences with.....three or more periods.......
      22. Your shoes are suddenly 2 sizes too small.
      23. You think faster than the computer. <----Not difficult for me
      24. You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}} and **
      kisses**.
      25. Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.
      26. You're on the phone and say BRB.
      27. Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood shot eyes.
      28. Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like this...."BRB.
      Leave your S/N
      And I'll TTYL ASAP".
      29. You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the bathroom and turn the computer on
      instead.
      30. You need to be pried from your computer by the Jaws-of-life.








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      Kids Chips
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      Life's Rules For Kids:

      Rule No. 1: Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teen-ager uses
      the phrase "It's not fair" 8.6 times a day. You got it from your
      parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most
      idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their own
      kids, they realized Rule No. 1.

      Rule No. 2: The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as
      much as your school does. It'll expect you to accomplish something
      before you feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually,
      when inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that it's not
      fair. (See Rule No.
      1)

      Rule No. 3: Sorry, you won't make $40,000 a year right out of high
      school. And you won't be a VP or have a car phone either. You may even
      have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a Gap label.

      Rule No. 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a
      boss. He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you
      screw up, he's not going to ask you how you feel about it.

      Rule No. 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your
      grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it
      opportunity. They weren't embarrassed making minimum wage either. They
      would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt Cobain all
      weekend.

      Rule No. 6: It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are
      responsible. This is the flip side of "It's my life," & "You're not the
      boss of me," & other eloquent proclamations of your generation. When you
      turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it, or you'll sound like a
      baby boomer.

      Rule No. 7: Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they
      are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room &
      listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the way,
      before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites of your
      parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your bedroom.

      Rule No. 8: Your school may have done away with winners & losers. Life
      hasn't. In some schools, they'll give you as many times as you want to
      get the right answer. Failing grades have been abolished & class
      valedictorians scrapped, lest anyone's feelings be hurt. Effort is as
      important as results. This, of course, bears no resemblance to anything
      in real life. (See Rules No. 1, 2 & 4)

      Rule No. 9: Life is not divided into semesters, & you don't get summers
      off. Not even Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For 8
      hours. And you don't get a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and
      on. While we're at it, very few jobs are interested in fostering your
      self-expression or helping you find yourself. Fewer still lead to
      self-realization. (See Rules No. 1 & 2)

      Rule No. 10: Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom.
      Your problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for
      commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop
      to go to jobs. Your friends will not be as perky as Jennifer Aniston.

      Rule No. 11: Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all
      could.

      Rule No. 12: Smoking doesn't make you look cool. It makes you look
      moronic. Next time you're out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt
      in his mouth. That's what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for
      "expressing yourself" with purple hair &/or pierced body parts.

      Rule No. 13: You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under
      the impression that living fast, dying young, & leaving a beautiful
      corpse is romantic, you obviously haven't seen one of your peers at room
      temperature lately.

      Rule No. 14: Enjoy this while you can. Sure, parents are a pain,
      school's a bother, & life's depressing. But someday you'll realize how
      wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now.







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      Golf Chips
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      Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
      Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

      Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this
      course."
      Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

      Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
      Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

      Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
      Caddy: "Eventually."

      Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
      Caddy: "I don't think so, sir. That would be too much of a
      coincidence."

      Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's
      too much of a distraction."
      Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

      Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
      Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

      Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
      Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

      Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
      Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

      Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
      Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."






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      Random Chips
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      Teenagers are like cats. They never come when you call them..... unless
      food is involved.

      -----------

      A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing
      an earring.

      This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and
      is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up
      to him and says,

      "I didn't know you were into earrings."

      "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies
      sheepishly.

      "So, really? How long have you been wearing one?"

      "Ever since my wife found it in our bed."

      -------------

      A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is
      away to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than
      expected, sits, & gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably
      distraught about this asks her husband to drive her to the doctor.

      She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, & they go.
      When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show
      their predicament. The man asks,

      "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"

      "Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but never framed."

      ------------
      Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner.
      On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent
      heard him mutter, "Hoover!" under his breath.

      On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard.
      "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.

      On the third hole, a miracle occured & Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the
      green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!"

      He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole
      instead of going in. "HOOVER!!!!"

      By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer,
      &asked why the priest said "Hoover".

      "It's the biggest dam I know."

      -----------

      The blonde goes to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.
      The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while
      covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was
      which, that the eye doctor, in complete utter disgust, took a paper sack
      with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye, and asked
      her to now read the letters.

      As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

      "Look." says the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting
      glasses!"

      "I know," agreed the blonde, "but I kind of had my heart set on wire
      frames."





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      Drug Chips
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      The Cut Rate pharmacist filled the prescription and handed the
      nearly-deaf old man the bottle of pills saying, "That'll be $16.50."

      Just then the drug store phone rang and the pharmacist answered. As he
      did, the old man placed 50 cents on the counter and walked out of the
      store with his prescription.

      The clerk realized the mistake and shouted but the old man did not hear
      and kept walking. When the pharmacist finished his call the clerk
      explained what had happened.

      The pharmacist scooped up the 50 cents and put it in the cash register
      saying to the clerk, "Oh well, 30 cents profit is better than nothing."



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      Insult Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Abbreviated Insults
      - for use in text messages on mobile phones or chat rooms

      GOPlAinTraFk
      - Go play in traffic

      UvGotAFAcLikASqEzdTBag
      - You've got a face like a squeezed tea-bag

      IfUHdABrAnUdBDAjrus
      - If you had a brain you'd be dangerous

      IfUWnt2AMndREdrTherWldBNoChrge
      - If you went to a mind reader there would be no charge

      INoWenURLIinYaLpsMov
      - I know when you are lying, Your lips move

      TLItsROnBtNo1isHOm
      - The lights are on, but no one is home

      URAsMchUsAsMdGrdsOnATortus
      - You are as much use as mud guards on a tortoise

      TWhElsMvnBtTHmstrsDEd
      - The Wheel's moving but the hamster's dead

      URAsUsfLAsAChocl8Tpot
      - You are as much use as a chocolate teapot

      UR1SndwchShrtOfAPiKnk
      - You are one sandwich short of a picnic






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      Toon Chips
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      Dragon Chips
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      An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a
      roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.
      The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some
      victuals?" He asked.
      The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.
      "Could I have a pint of ale?"
      "No!" she shouted.
      "Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
      "No!" she shouted again.
      The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"
      "What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.
      "D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"



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      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A farmer stood leaning on a fence at the edge of his property. He
      watched as
      a red sports car came over the top of a hill and followed the road up to
      the
      spot where he stood. The driver pulled over to the side of the road and
      called
      out to the farmer.
      "Do you know how I can get to Route 41?" the driver asked.
      The farmer thought for a few seconds. Then he said,
      "Nope."
      "Do you know where the nearest turnpike entrance is?" the driver asked.
      "Nope."
      "How about the town of Crossville. Do you know which direction it is
      from
      here?"
      "Nope."
      Exasperated, the driver raced his engine. "You don't know very much, do
      you?!" he said.
      "Nope," the farmer replied. "But I'm not lost."



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      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

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      Remember 9/11/01



      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783




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