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Buffalos Chips Clean Chips For 2-15-12

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. After being scolded at the first of the year for
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 16, 2012
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      After being scolded at the first of the year for sending sweet snacks
      in for Eva's class Sandy and Buffy went out and got bananas and
      tangerines for the Valentine's Day party instead of chocolate chip
      cookies. Eva came home with her Valentine sack decorated with
      paper hearts and in addition to a handful of Valentine's there was
      cupcakes, cookies, and various candy. It was kind of funny after
      being told about healthy to see Valentine's with Pixy Sticks stuck
      through them which is just pure sugar with a little flavor added
      but I am proud of the school. They have used common sense with
      a healthy snack everyday but still allowing treats on the holidays
      that are going to give these kids some of the same sweet memories
      that we have. Actually though Eva's favorite of the day was fresh
      buttered popcorn from the school's popcorn machine, she saved her
      little bucket home and asked Sandy to make more popcorn and
      refill it. Microwave or on the stove Orville's or store brand it just
      isn't the same. We have had air poppers and butter bits and special
      seasonings and that doesn't work either. Sandy still makes most of it
      the way she has for thirty years. She has a two quart aluminum pan
      that is missing the cover, so she puts a enamel cover on it from a pan
      long gone. One would think that after 30 years Sandy would have the
      ingredients down but each time about five minutes into the process
      Sandy is screaming as popcorn is overflowing onto the burner and
      catching fire. Then the smoke alarm goes off and Sandy is trying
      to put all of the burning kernels with a towel heh heh.

      I have prepared Eva for the next trip to the interventionalist.. I gave
      her one of several old trac phones laying around and told her to put it
      in her pocket and when the woman started talking to her, take it out and
      say, Scotty, Beam me out of here. Eva has already pulled it on her mom
      and Sandy and the surprised look was great.

      Enjoy the chips... buffalo



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      Muslim Chips
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      An elderly Muslim lady was well-known for her faith and for her
      confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house
      and say "Allah be praised" to all those who passed by.

      Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her
      proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"

      Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to
      send her some assistance.

      She would pray out loud in her night prayer "Oh Allah! I need food!!
      I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME
      GROCERIES!!"

      One night the atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and
      decided to play a prank on her.

      The next morning the lady went out on her porch and found a large bag
      of groceries. She raised her hands and shouted, "Allah be praised!."

      The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you
      there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."

      The old lady laughed and clapped her hands and said, "ALLAH BE
      PRAISED. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for
      them!"






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      Fired Chips
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      A large company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO.
      This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a
      tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The
      room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant
      business!

      The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked,
      "How much money do you make a week?"

      A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and replied, "I make
      $300.00 a week. Why?"

      The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed, "Here's four
      weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."

      Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and
      asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

      From across the room came a voice, "Delivery guy from Pizza Hut."




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      Translator Chips
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      A New York judge is ready to go through the day's business and he is
      very rushed. The first case up involves an elderly Jewish gentleman with
      a long beard, payes, the works.

      The judge, without asking a question, says to the clerk: "Quick...get me
      a translator."

      Translator shows up and the judge says: "Ask him what his name is, how
      old is he and where does he come from?"

      The translator says: "Die judge vilt vissen, vos is dein namen, vie alt
      bist du, and fun vie kumst du?"

      The old man smiles, looks at the judge and says in perfect English with
      a British accent: "Your Honour. My name is Sir Chaim Ginsbug. I shall be
      82 next Thursday and I've come from England where I hold the chair of
      Hebrew Philosophy at Oxford University."

      The translator turns to the judge and says: "Ehr zukt, ehr is Sir Chaim
      Ginsburg, ehr is tzwei und achtzig yur alt, und ehr is, mit sach Yiddish
      philisoph, areingekummen fun Oxford."




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      Disney Chips
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      Once upon a time, a Sultan was blessed with the birth of a son after
      years of hoping. The boy immediately became the apple of his father's
      eye.

      Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan said to him, "Son, I
      love you very much. Your birthday is coming soon. What would you like?"

      His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to have my own airplane."

      His father bought him American Airlines.

      Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan said, "Son, you are
      my pride and joy. Ask what you want for your birthday. Whatever it is,
      it's yours."

      His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat."

      His father bought him the Princess Cruise Line.

      Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan said, "Son, you bring
      so much happiness into my li! fe. Anything you want, I shall get for
      you.."

      His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to watch cartoons."

      His father bought him Disney Studios.

      Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan said, "Son, you are my
      life. Your birthday is coming soon. Ask what you wish, I will get it for
      you."

      His son, who had grown to love Disney, replied, "Daddy, I would like a
      Mickey Mouse outfit and a Goofy outfit."

      His father bought him the Democratic Party and CBS news.






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      Short Chips
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      A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle.
      Picking it up, he pulls out the cork. Sure enough, out pops a huge blue
      genie. The genie says, "Thank you for freeing me from my prison. In
      return I will grant you three wishes."
      The man says "Perfect.... I always dreamed of this and I know
      exactly what I want. First, I want 1 billion dollars in a Swiss bank
      account." Suddenly, there is a flash of light and a detailed list with
      Swiss Bank account numbers appears in his hand.
      He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."
      There is another flash of light and a bright red Ferrari appears right
      next to him.
      He continues, "Finally, I want to be irrestible to women." A
      final blaze of light and he turns into a box of chocolates!
      --------------------------------------
      GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER...
      1. Sag, you're It.
      2. Hide and go pee.
      3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
      4. Kick the bucket
      5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
      6. Musical recliners.
      7. Simon says something incoherent.




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      LynnLynn's Links
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      Repair Chips
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      The paper machine's speed controlled drive system
      was down and the company was losing $10,000 an
      hour in profits. They placed an emergency call to the
      General Electric repair service and, since it was 3:00
      am on Saturday night, the only repair man they had
      available was old Charlie.

      Old Charlie had been a repairman for 35 years and
      was only two years from retirement. He had seen it all
      and wasn't impressed by much.

      As old Charlie pulled up to the guard shack at the plant entrance, he
      was waved through and greeted by no one less than the plant manager.

      "Thank goodness you're here. How long will it take you to fix it?"

      Now Charlie had had nothing more than the sketchiest description of the
      problem but he replied without hesitation,

      "Oh, about fifteen minutes."

      "Great!" replied the plant manager, "My men will show
      you where the drive controls are and get you anything
      you need."

      After three hours of testing, reading prints, asking
      questions, the drive system was still not working.
      The plant manager became increasingly enraged
      and accosted old Charlie,

      "I thought you said you could fix this thing in FIFTEEN MINUTES!"

      "I can and I will, " he replied,

      "As soon as I figure out what's wrong with it!"




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      Toon Chips
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      Short Chips
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      Yesterday Nancy's son, Frankie, came home and said, "I have good news
      and bad news. The good news is - I got 18 out of 20 on my driver's
      test."

      Nancy said, "Great! Now what's the bad news?"

      Frankie said, "They were pedestrians. "


      My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We
      can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner-


      In order to pay his nursing school tuition, a student was working two
      jobs over the summer, as a butcher's assistant and as a hospital
      orderly, both jobs that required the young man wear a long white coat.

      One night he was wheeling a woman into surgery when she sat up
      suddenly, looked him in the eye, and screamed, "God same me! It's the
      butcher!"



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      Parting Chips
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      Goldilocks was walking along one sunny day when she found a beautiful
      house in the woods. The door was open, so she walked right in. There she
      found a table set with 3 bowls of steaming porridge.

      "Hello?" she called out, but no one was home.

      She sits down and tries the first bowl, but it was too hot. She tried
      the second bowl, but it was too cold. Then she tried the third bowl, and
      it was just right.

      "Wow," she said, once she finished the meal. "Now I'm feeling very
      sleepy."

      So she wandered around the house. She finds a staircase, climbs the
      stairs, and goes into the first room. There was a big bed in the room,
      so Goldilocks jumped in.

      "Yikes!" she exclaimed, "this one's too hard!"

      She wandered into the next room where she found another bed. She hops
      right in. But it was too soft. By this time, Goldilocks was really
      tired. She then goes into a third room and yells out in surprise at
      seeing three pink pigs cowering in the corner of the room.

      "Wait a minute," she said. "You guys are in the wrong fairy tale."

      "No, we're not," answered one of the pigs....

      "Don't you know this is a two-story house?"

      Via Stan Kegel


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      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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      Katie's Komfort Kolumn

      Vol 2140

      Susan's Birthday

      (again sharing stories)

      Sandi: Today is Susan's birthday. I think she and I should slug it
      out.

      Katie: No, no, no. The day is beautiful, she would want to see the

      trees and such and dance with me in the forest.

      Rudy: I have my top hat on and tux. I am the only guy here I think she

      would like to escorted to a nice place.

      Sandi: Where would you take her Rudy:

      Rudy: So in dog years are you more than 350 years old?


      Rudy: I have reservations for two at the Zoo.

      Katie: The Zoo? That is no place to take a lady.

      Rudy: Hrumpt! We will see. Let's go to her work and see.

      Later at AFA

      Security: You cannot come in here!

      Rudy: Look buster, you move or I will break every bone in your body

      and bury you in the yard outside.

      Security: Go ahead and pass.

      A couple of minutes later.....

      Katie: There she is, let's surprise her.

      Sandi: How?

      Rudy: By throwing a bag over her and taking her with us.

      Later in their dog van.

      Susan: Help! I am being kidnaped!

      Sandi: No, you are not, you are being dognaped.

      Katie: Happy birthday to you Susan.

      Rudy: Here have a dog biscuit cake. We make it special just for you.

      Sandi blushing: Yes, it is my own recipe. I made you this dog collar
      with

      tags included.

      Susan: That is sweet guys, but I should be at work.

      Katie: Why? It is a pretty day. You should be running in the forest.

      Sandi: Or sleeping.

      Rudy: Or digging.

      Susan: I am a biped and I have a job to do.

      Rudy: You bipeds sure are a strange lot. Well here you are back at
      your

      work. Don't forget your dog biscuit cake, your dog collar.

      Susan: Thanks guys. I will never forget this.

      The herd





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      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783




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