Buffalos Chips Clean Chips For2-1-12
- Clean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Before I get to the list of holidays for the month
of February I would like to mention that this is also
National Marijuana Month. I also would like to mention
that marijuana possession and use still violates a lot
of state and federal laws. Observe the law or you may
be celebrating Justice Awareness Month followed in
October by Prison Awareness Month.
In Michigan though they passed a medical marijuana initiative
in 2009. Since then there has been over 3,000, 000
claims of Glaucoma in Detroit alone. Oddly enough there are
only 891,000 people in Detroit.
I am back up and running and able to sit for an hour or so at a time
some coffee so I am ready to start publishing again. Buffaloschips .com
is down and may remain that way. The income on the site no longer
its operation so it makes little sense to save it. Perhaps I can find
another publisher to supply content for the toons and movies but that is
future thing. I also have to find my Office CD so I can get a
working but I will try not to make any large errors. Thanks for all your
letters of concern and support, it is the one thing that keeps me coming
February 1 is Serpent Day
February 2 is Purification Day
February 3 is Cordova Ice Worm Day
February 4 is Create A Vacuum Day
February 5 is Disaster Day
February 6 is Lame Duck Day
February 7 is Charles Dickens Day
February 8 is Kite Flying Day
February 9 is Toothache Day
February 10 is Umbrella Day
February 11 is White Tee-Shirt Day and Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk
February 12 is National Plum Pudding Day
February 13 is Get A Different Name Day and Dream Your Sweet Day
February 14 is Ferris Wheel Day and National Heart to Heart Day
February 15 is National Gum Drop Day
February 16 is Do A Grouch A Favor Day
February 17 is Champion Crab Races Day
February 18 is National Battery Day
February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day
February 20 is Hoodie Hoo Day
February 21 is Card Reading Day
February 22 is Be Humble Day
February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
February 24 is National Tortilla Chip Day
February 25 is Pistol Patent Day (Samuel Colt)
February 26 is National Pistachio Day
February 27 is International Polar Bear Day
February 28 is Public Sleeping Day
February 29 is National Surf and Turf Day
Have a great day Buff
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An old Indian Chief sat out in a field,
Speaking some words of wisdom to his young son;
"Once, long ago, before the white man came,
Across these fields, the mighty buffalo did run.
"They ran in herds which numbered in the thousands,
Their kind was numerous, both powerful and strong.
Our people would often hunt these mighty beasts,
Always careful not to thin out their throng
"We used the buffalo for everything we could think of,
Not one piece of it ever went to waste.
One buffalo could feed an entire tribe for days,
And nothing compares to that exquisite buffalo taste.
"The buffalo's hair could be used to make strong lengths of rope,
Or to make soft pillows for a more comfortable bed.
From the hooves we could make a very sticky glue,
Or a rattle to stop your child from crying off her pretty little
"Our moccasin footwear were made of buckskin on top,
While the bottoms were made of tough rawhide.
With this we also made our clothing to keep warm,
On cold winter nights, or an early morning canoe ride.
"Their tails we used as fly brushes and as whips,
Their horns for our cups, ladles, and spoons.
From their bones we fashioned many tools,
Like hoes to toil our fields before the rise of the moon.
"All that's left now are those fifty or so gathered down there,
The time of the Indians is done;
Our numbers are dwindling, much like the buffalo down there,
The time of the white man has come.
"They don't use the buffalo in as many ways as we use it,
They hunt it for its fur, and some even kill it just for fun;
All those uses we have for it, they kill it for just one,
Then leave the bald corpses there to rot, in the hot afternoon
"It's not just the buffalo either, but also the wolf,
The bear, The hare, and any other creature that's wild.
Some of the white men have even taken to hunting us,
I know it's hard to believe, but it is true my child.
"If there is a hell in this world, it's having our hands tied
While we watch the slow death of our ravished lands;
And all the time the white man is out there raping our land,
He has the gall to call us the savage man.
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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important
meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,
"Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass
every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal and says to the first man he
meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against
wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when
die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
together to go right now."
Paddy was in New York. He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic
on a busy street crossing.
The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians".
Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times and
still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went
to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in
obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend,
Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
Gals and Guys
Come and have some humor in FOW
We have great members
Also Question of the day!
Lots of teasing and good old fun
You must share as you are the life line of the group
The True Spirit of the Super Bowl
A man had 50-yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sat down, he
noticed that the seat next to him was empty. He asked the man on the
side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.
"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the first man. "Who in their right mind would
have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in
world, and not use it?"
The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was
supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This will be the
Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."
" Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find
else--a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shook his head. "No, they're all at her funeral."
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The hunched-back man decides very reluctantly, that he should go see a
doctor after a few too many people have started to comment on his back.
DOCTOR: I need for you to get undressed, sir.
(Hunchback removes jacket and then stops)
HUNCHBACK: I really don't like getting undressed, doctor.
DOCTOR: If you want me to examine your back you'll have to get
undressed. (Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his t-shirt on)
HUNCHBACK: I don't like showing people my back. They always laugh at
DOCTOR: Do you want me to examine your back or not? (Very reluctantly,
the hunchback removes his t-shirt)
DOCTOR: Ah...just how long is it since you were in school?
HUNCHBACK: Gosh, over 20 years, doctor. Why?
DOCTOR: Did you ever wonder all those years what happened to your
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Always borrow money from a pessimist; they don't expect to be paid back.
A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he
overheard the four-year-old tell the three-year-old,
"If you pretend you're asleep, he stops."
While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks Community
College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a
meeting. I called the copy room and asked,
"Can I get something blown up down there?"
After a pause the voice on the line replied,
"I think you want the chemistry lab."
A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the
head and the heating system of the heart.
Q. Why is a river rich?
A. Because it has 2 banks.
Q. What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A. A pork-chop!
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The roof of the chapel was leaking and the priest asked for volunteers
to raise funds for its repair. Mike offered his services. About a week
later, the priest met Mike who was straggling from side to side as a
result of having imbibed too freely. Mike was apologetic. "I'm
collecting for the roof, Father," he said. "Every one of the neighbours
I called on insisted on giving me a wee drop after paying his
subscription." The priest was shocked. "Are there no teetotallers in the
parish, Mike?" "Oh, yes, to be sure," said Mike. " I've written to
Mick staggered home in the wee small hours after a heavy night out with
his mates. When he woke up the next morning, he found he was in bed with
the dog beside him in his wife's place. "Glory be!" said Mick. " I must
have been really drunk when I got home. I thought there was a lot of
noise when I threw the dog out!"
A cop pulls up two Irish drunks, and says to the first, "What's your
name and address?" "I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turns
to the second drunk, and asks the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole,
and I live in the flat above Paddy."
Murphy approached Mulligan's bar. On the step outside he was accosted by
a nun, Sister Marie, who said:
'Surely a fine man like yourself is not going into this den of iniquity?
Surely you're not going to waste your hard-earned cash on the devil's
brew. Why don't you go home and feed and clothe your wife and children?'
'Hang on, Sisters,' spluttered Murphy. 'How can you condemn alcohol out
of hand? Surely it's wrong to form such a rash judgement when you've
never tasted the stuff?'
'Very well,' said Sister Marie. Till taste it just to prove my point.
Obviously I can't go into the pub, so why don't you bring me some gin.
Oh, and just to camouflage my intent, maybe you should bring it in a cup
not a glass!'
'OK,' said Murphy and into the bar he breezed.
'I'll have a large gin,' he said to the barman. 'And can you put it in a
'My God,' said the barman, 'that nun's not outside again is she?'
As a school bus driver one Saturday morning I was driving a high school
choir to a meet.
I parked the bus at the school and soon students started boarding.
Nobody said hello or asked if I was the charter bus or anything.
The choir director boarded, counted the students, and said it was ok to
leave, also not asking if it was the correct bus.
About two miles down the road I spoke up in a loud voice saying, " When
we get to the work site the deputies will issue each of you an orange
vest, gloves, and two plastic trash bags. When you fill a bag leave it
beside the road. When you need more bags raise your hand and the
deputies will give you more."
I then looked in the mirror to see the most shocked kids I've ever seen.
I explained what happened to the director; and we both, or perhaps I
should say all, had a good laugh.
Bet those kids never assumed they where on the correct bus again.
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
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