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Clean Chips For 1-2-12

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. If you are reading this I gues you made it to 2012
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 2, 2012
      Clean Clean


      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      If you are reading this I gues you made it to 2012 and survived
      the hangover.

      Here is the list of important birthdays for the month of January



      January
      1. Betsy Ross, Paul Revere, Jim Webster
      2. Roger Miller, David Cone, Melissa Hall
      3. Cheryl Miller, Bobby Hull, Mel Gibson, Lane Pope
      4. Don Shula, Tom Thumb
      5. Dick Endberg, Diane Keaton, Chuck Berry
      6. Nancy Lopez, Sherlock Holmes
      7. Katie Couric, Nicholas Cage, Kenny Loggins
      8. David Bowie, Elvis Presley, Soupy Sales
      9. Richard Nixon, Bart Starr, Crystal Gayle
      10. George Foreman, Rod Stewart, Eddie Treadway
      11. Ben Crenshaw, Alexander Hamilton, Tom Netherton
      12. Howard Stern, Rush Limbaugh, Kristie Alley, Dean Beechy
      13. Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Robert Stack, Yellow Rose, Lou Taylor
      14. Benedict Arnold, Andy Rooney
      15. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Jane Ervolino
      16. A.J. Foyt, Ethel Merman
      17. Muhammad Ali, Jim Carey, Benjamin Franklin
      18. Mark Messier, Kevin Costner, A. A. Milne
      19. Robert E. Lee, Janis Joplin, Edgar Allen Poe, Dave / Murphy
      20. Buzz Aldrin, DeForest Kelly, Mitzi From Monti
      21. Hakeem Olajuwon, Placido Domingo, Pat Stewart
      22. Linda Blair, Joseph Wambaugh, Mike Bossy
      23. Humphrey Bogart, John Hancock, Chuck Cottom, Rose Savage
      24. Mary Lou Retton, John Belushi, Neil Diamond, Samantha in
      Oregon
      25. Virginia Wolf, Robert Burns
      26. Wayne Gretzky, Eddie Van Halen, Gene Siskel
      27. Wolfgang Mozart, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Lewis Carroll
      28. Alan Alda, Jackson Pollack, Elijah Wood
      29. Oprah Winfrey, William McKinley, Tom Selleck
      30. Franklin Roosevelt, Phil Collins, Dick Cheney
      31. Nolan Ryan, Jackie Robinson, Justin Timberlake, Ernie Banks


      I want to thank everyone that contributed to the Chips this year.
      The
      stories, jokes, cartoons, and links that you share with the herd
      makes
      this group unique. Just when I think that I have heard every joke in
      the world someone sends me something I have never seen before.

      Enjoy the chips.... buffalo



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      Train Chips
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      A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a
      friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.

      While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears
      this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.

      Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. It was
      only a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internal
      injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

      After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house
      attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears
      the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet
      and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable
      lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen,
      sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good
      tea kettle?"

      The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're
      small."





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      Water Table
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/41247.htm
      Racing Hedge
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/41248.htm
      Ready For Market
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/41249.htm

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      Kentucky Chips
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      The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman


      president who happens to be from Kentucky. A few days after the
      election the


      president-elect, whose name is Debra, calls her father and says, "So,
      Dad, I


      assume you will be coming to my inauguration?"


      "I don't think so. It's a 10 hour drive."


      "Don 't worry about it Dad, I'll send Air Force One. And a limousine
      will


      pick you up at your door."


      "I don't know Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?"


      "Oh Dad," replies Debra, 'I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown


      custom-made by the best designer in Washington ."


      "Honey," Dad complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you
      eat."


      The President-to-be responds, " Don 't worry Dad. The entire affair
      will be


      handled by the best caterer in Washington ; I'll ensure your meals are
      salt


      free. You and mom just have to be


      there."


      So Dad reluctantly agrees, and on January 20, 2017, Debra is being
      sworn in


      as President of the United States . In the front row sits the new


      president's dad and mom.


      Dad, noticing the senator sitting next to him, leans over and whispers,
      "You


      see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming
      President of


      the United States ."


      The Senator whispers back, "You bet I do."


      Dad says proudly, "Her brother played basketball for Kentucky."


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      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up
      to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open
      this up so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked. Reluctantly I tore
      open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the
      package, saying, "I'll take them." Relieved, I started to to ring her
      up, until she interrupted me. "Can I have another pack? This one's been
      opened."
      ------------------------------
      After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest,
      wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the
      hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss,
      and gave her another hug and kiss when he left.
      Later, the wife's roommate commented,
      "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."

      ----------------------------------
      During a test I was administering, I noticed that one of my married
      students, who was quite pregnant, kept rubbing her side. Before she
      left, I asked her, "Are you okay?" I noticed you were holding onto your
      side." "Oh, I'm fine," she answered. "It's just that my baby was pushing
      his foot up and down my ribs, and it hurt a little." "Well, that's
      good," I said, feeling genuinely relieved. "Yeah," she continued. "It's
      strange. He normally sleeps during your class."





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      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Q. Why shouldn't you throw plastic bags into the swamps in Louisiana?

      A. Because the bags are not bayou degradable.


      Q. What did the colonists wear at the Boston Tea party.

      A. T-shirts.


      Ted: I've been keeping my bicycle in my bedroom.

      Jake: Why are you doing that?

      Ted: I got tired of walking in my sleep.


      Q. What would you get if you crossed a computer, a slob, and an Olympic
      athlete?

      A. A sloppy, floppy discus thrower.


      Boss: Did you get any orders today?

      Salesman: Yes, I got two!

      Boss: Congratulations! What were they?

      Salesman: "Get out!" and "Stay out!"


      Q. How do fleas get from one place to another?

      A. They itch hike.


      Q. What do you call a soup made from vegetables and chewing tobacco?

      A. Spit pea soup.




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      Warm Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      An ABC talkback was started on radio about the funny side of death. A
      woman rang in and told how her grandfather was in hospital and was
      expected to die soon. She received a call from the hospital to come as
      quickly as possible, and so she raced over to her grandfather's
      bed,where she found a nurse massaging his feet in front of a radiator
      she had placed on a chair.

      The woman asked "What are you doing?"

      The nurse replied "I'm keeping his feet warm. Nobody ever died with warm
      feet."

      Grandpa, who had been unconscious, suddenly woke up and said "Joan of
      Arc did" and promptly died.

      The woman couldn't think of a nicer memory to have of grandpa's death,
      as he had died the way he had lived, making people laugh.



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      LynnLynn's Links
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      http://sorisomail.com/email/74298/como-se-danca-o-merengue.html

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      http://www.noob.us/humor/some-of-the-best-fails-of-2011/

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      Animal World

      Doggie Zone
      http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/

      Doggie Zone
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      Puppy VS Mirror
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/sjdskjd.htm

      Recession USA
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdklslkw.htm



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      English Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      An American in England
      An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator.

      The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what
      the man wanted.

      "You must mean the lift," he said.

      "No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator I mean the
      elevator."

      "Well," the portiere answered, "over here we call them lifts".

      "Now you listen", the American said rather irritated, "someone in
      America invented the elevator."

      "Oh, right you are sir," the portiere said in a polite tone, "but
      someone here in England invented the language."


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      Toon Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Playpen
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/41244.htm
      Dont Point
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/41245.htm
      Polaroids
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/41246.htm




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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Goal Chips
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      When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper
      posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for
      himself:
      Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.

      I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month."

      A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason."

      Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep."

      Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids."



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      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Famous Last Words

      Quick, they'll never find us if we hide here.

      Don't worry, it's not used any more.

      Step back a bit, I can't get you in the picture.

      So they finally fixed this elevator yesterday?

      Listen, I'm taking a course in chemistry, I know what I'm doing.

      Yes, of course the elastic is strong enough.

      It's ok so long as you stay down wind.

      I wonder what happens if these two wires touch.

      Hey, don't worry, it isn't loaded.

      I thought it tasted rather strange.

      Darling, did you remember to turn off the gas?

      Gee, what a cute little Pit Bull.

      And that one over there, the red flashing one, what does that mean?

      I've never had one of these fail to open before.

      Are you sure they don't mind you taking their honey?

      It's ok, I saw them do it on TV.




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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 2134

      The Christmas Tree

      BJ: Everyone it is time to go get our tree.

      Sandi: Yes, I am ready.

      Katie: I want a nice silver aluminum one.

      Diana: No it is going to be a real one from the
      country. Afterwards, we will plant it.

      Rudy: Can I water it first?

      BJ: No it is coming into the house. You can
      water others.

      Rudy: Okay, let's go!

      Val: Let me get my rawhide.

      To be continued





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      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01



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      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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