Clean Chips For 1-2-12
- Clean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
If you are reading this I gues you made it to 2012 and survived
Here is the list of important birthdays for the month of January
1. Betsy Ross, Paul Revere, Jim Webster
2. Roger Miller, David Cone, Melissa Hall
3. Cheryl Miller, Bobby Hull, Mel Gibson, Lane Pope
4. Don Shula, Tom Thumb
5. Dick Endberg, Diane Keaton, Chuck Berry
6. Nancy Lopez, Sherlock Holmes
7. Katie Couric, Nicholas Cage, Kenny Loggins
8. David Bowie, Elvis Presley, Soupy Sales
9. Richard Nixon, Bart Starr, Crystal Gayle
10. George Foreman, Rod Stewart, Eddie Treadway
11. Ben Crenshaw, Alexander Hamilton, Tom Netherton
12. Howard Stern, Rush Limbaugh, Kristie Alley, Dean Beechy
13. Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Robert Stack, Yellow Rose, Lou Taylor
14. Benedict Arnold, Andy Rooney
15. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Jane Ervolino
16. A.J. Foyt, Ethel Merman
17. Muhammad Ali, Jim Carey, Benjamin Franklin
18. Mark Messier, Kevin Costner, A. A. Milne
19. Robert E. Lee, Janis Joplin, Edgar Allen Poe, Dave / Murphy
20. Buzz Aldrin, DeForest Kelly, Mitzi From Monti
21. Hakeem Olajuwon, Placido Domingo, Pat Stewart
22. Linda Blair, Joseph Wambaugh, Mike Bossy
23. Humphrey Bogart, John Hancock, Chuck Cottom, Rose Savage
24. Mary Lou Retton, John Belushi, Neil Diamond, Samantha in
25. Virginia Wolf, Robert Burns
26. Wayne Gretzky, Eddie Van Halen, Gene Siskel
27. Wolfgang Mozart, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Lewis Carroll
28. Alan Alda, Jackson Pollack, Elijah Wood
29. Oprah Winfrey, William McKinley, Tom Selleck
30. Franklin Roosevelt, Phil Collins, Dick Cheney
31. Nolan Ryan, Jackie Robinson, Justin Timberlake, Ernie Banks
I want to thank everyone that contributed to the Chips this year.
stories, jokes, cartoons, and links that you share with the herd
this group unique. Just when I think that I have heard every joke in
the world someone sends me something I have never seen before.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a
friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.
While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears
this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.
Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. It was
only a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internal
injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house
attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears
the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet
and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable
lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen,
sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good
The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're
Ready For Market
The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman
president who happens to be from Kentucky. A few days after the
president-elect, whose name is Debra, calls her father and says, "So,
assume you will be coming to my inauguration?"
"I don't think so. It's a 10 hour drive."
"Don 't worry about it Dad, I'll send Air Force One. And a limousine
pick you up at your door."
"I don't know Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?"
"Oh Dad," replies Debra, 'I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown
custom-made by the best designer in Washington ."
"Honey," Dad complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you
The President-to-be responds, " Don 't worry Dad. The entire affair
handled by the best caterer in Washington ; I'll ensure your meals are
free. You and mom just have to be
So Dad reluctantly agrees, and on January 20, 2017, Debra is being
as President of the United States . In the front row sits the new
president's dad and mom.
Dad, noticing the senator sitting next to him, leans over and whispers,
see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming
the United States ."
The Senator whispers back, "You bet I do."
Dad says proudly, "Her brother played basketball for Kentucky."
When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up
to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open
this up so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked. Reluctantly I tore
open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the
package, saying, "I'll take them." Relieved, I started to to ring her
up, until she interrupted me. "Can I have another pack? This one's been
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest,
wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the
hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss,
and gave her another hug and kiss when he left.
Later, the wife's roommate commented,
"Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."
During a test I was administering, I noticed that one of my married
students, who was quite pregnant, kept rubbing her side. Before she
left, I asked her, "Are you okay?" I noticed you were holding onto your
side." "Oh, I'm fine," she answered. "It's just that my baby was pushing
his foot up and down my ribs, and it hurt a little." "Well, that's
good," I said, feeling genuinely relieved. "Yeah," she continued. "It's
strange. He normally sleeps during your class."
Q. Why shouldn't you throw plastic bags into the swamps in Louisiana?
A. Because the bags are not bayou degradable.
Q. What did the colonists wear at the Boston Tea party.
Ted: I've been keeping my bicycle in my bedroom.
Jake: Why are you doing that?
Ted: I got tired of walking in my sleep.
Q. What would you get if you crossed a computer, a slob, and an Olympic
A. A sloppy, floppy discus thrower.
Boss: Did you get any orders today?
Salesman: Yes, I got two!
Boss: Congratulations! What were they?
Salesman: "Get out!" and "Stay out!"
Q. How do fleas get from one place to another?
A. They itch hike.
Q. What do you call a soup made from vegetables and chewing tobacco?
A. Spit pea soup.
An ABC talkback was started on radio about the funny side of death. A
woman rang in and told how her grandfather was in hospital and was
expected to die soon. She received a call from the hospital to come as
quickly as possible, and so she raced over to her grandfather's
bed,where she found a nurse massaging his feet in front of a radiator
she had placed on a chair.
The woman asked "What are you doing?"
The nurse replied "I'm keeping his feet warm. Nobody ever died with warm
Grandpa, who had been unconscious, suddenly woke up and said "Joan of
Arc did" and promptly died.
The woman couldn't think of a nicer memory to have of grandpa's death,
as he had died the way he had lived, making people laugh.
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An American in England
An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator.
The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what
the man wanted.
"You must mean the lift," he said.
"No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator I mean the
"Well," the portiere answered, "over here we call them lifts".
"Now you listen", the American said rather irritated, "someone in
America invented the elevator."
"Oh, right you are sir," the portiere said in a polite tone, "but
someone here in England invented the language."
When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper
posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for
Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work.
I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month."
A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason."
Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep."
Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids."
Famous Last Words
Quick, they'll never find us if we hide here.
Don't worry, it's not used any more.
Step back a bit, I can't get you in the picture.
So they finally fixed this elevator yesterday?
Listen, I'm taking a course in chemistry, I know what I'm doing.
Yes, of course the elastic is strong enough.
It's ok so long as you stay down wind.
I wonder what happens if these two wires touch.
Hey, don't worry, it isn't loaded.
I thought it tasted rather strange.
Darling, did you remember to turn off the gas?
Gee, what a cute little Pit Bull.
And that one over there, the red flashing one, what does that mean?
I've never had one of these fail to open before.
Are you sure they don't mind you taking their honey?
It's ok, I saw them do it on TV.
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
The Christmas Tree
BJ: Everyone it is time to go get our tree.
Sandi: Yes, I am ready.
Katie: I want a nice silver aluminum one.
Diana: No it is going to be a real one from the
country. Afterwards, we will plant it.
Rudy: Can I water it first?
BJ: No it is coming into the house. You can
Rudy: Okay, let's go!
Val: Let me get my rawhide.
To be continued
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