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[buffalos-g-jokes] Chips For New Years

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  • William Brabant
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    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 1, 2000
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      Promotion Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A Catholic priest and a Rabbi are talking about job prospects:
                      "Well," says the priest,
      "there's a good chance that I'll be the next Bishop - maybe within the
      next couple of years."
                      "Bishop!" marvels the
      Rabbi, "very nice. And after that?"
                      "Oh, I don't know, I
      suppose it's possible I could become Archbishop... given luck, and god's
      blessing."
                      "Very nice, very nice;
      and after Archbishop?"
                      "Ha! Well, you know,
      it's Cardinal after that, but it's really very unlikely. But in theory,
      I could become a Cardinal."
                      "Lovely!" enthuses the
      Rabbi, "the scarlet would suit your complexion. So what's after
      Cardinal?"
                      The priest smiles:
      "After Cardinal? Well, it's Pope - but I'm hardly likely to become...
      hmmm, oh I suppose it's just possible. If a Pole why not an Englishman
      again? Yes, I could just become Pope."
                      "Splendid! And after
      Pope?"
                      The priest looks at him
      in surprise: "After Pope? There's nothing after Pope! I mean, there's
      just God above the Pope - I can't become God."
                      " So why not? One of our
      boys made it."


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Jokelist Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Daily Detour
      The Daily Detour - Quickly becoming The Nets best Free G-Rated
      interactive comedy newsletter. A word of the day, witty humor, contests
      and today's Favorite Funny. Increase your vocabulary, learn something
      new, start your day with a smile. Preview now at:
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Car Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store.
      he parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his
      regular sales woman. jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into
      the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around the
      store today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his
      thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar!
      Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"
      Oscar panicked, "Did you try to stop him?"
      "No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate
      number!"

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Genie Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      One day, a man rubbed a lamp.
        A genie popped out of the lamp and said, "You have three wishes. I
      will grant whatever you wish for, but remember, your boss gets twice as
      much as you wish for, so be careful what you wish for."
        The man said, "That's easy! I want a million dollars."
        A big pile of cash appeared in front of him. "Now, your boss has
      two million.
        The man said, "Never mind! I am happy as long as I have my
      million. Now, I want a Mercedes."
        A red Mercedes appeared in front of him and the genie said, "Now,
      your boss has two of these."
        The man was happier than ever. He thought about his last wish, and
      said, "You know, I have always wanted to donate a kidney!"


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      If your going to fail do it with gusto!
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Postal Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      The Postmaster General released a warning last Wednesday concerning a
      matter of major importance to anyone who ever uses the USPS. Apparently,
      a new paper virus has been engineered by someone at Dartmouth that is
      unparalleled in its destructive capability.
      What makes this virus so terrifying, said the U.S. Postal Service, is
      the fact that no genetic material needs to be exchanged for someone new
      to be infected. It can be spread through the existing mail systems of
      the world. Once a person is infected, one of several things can happen.
      If the person has a sex drive, that will most likely be destroyed. If
      the virus is not stopped, it can place the person's nervous system in an
      nth-complexity infinite binary loop--which can severely damage neurons
      if it is not stopped before long. Unfortunately, most novice mail users
      will not realize what is happening before it is too late.
      Luckily, there is one sure means of detecting what is now known as the
      "Million Dollar" virus. It always travels to new hosts the same way: in
      a large envelope with the text "You May Have Already Won One Million
      Dollars" on the envelope.
      Avoiding infection is easy once the letter has been received--don't read
      it. The act of opening the envelope releases pheromones that cause a
      hypnotic-like response as the virus takes over the reader's central
      nervous system. The virus is highly intelligent--it will force the
      victim to make copies of itself and mail them to everyone whose mailing
      address is contained in an address book or on a piece of received mail,
      if it can find one. It will then proceed to trash the nervous system it
      has taken over.
      The bottom line here is--if you receive a piece of mail with "You May
      Have Already Won One Million Dollars" on it, throw it out immediately!
      Do not read it! Rest assured that whoever's name was in the return
      address was surely struck by the virus.
      Warn your friends and local mail users of this newest threat to their
      health! It could save them a lot of time and money.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Traffic Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      "Hey you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop.
      Betty complied, and the judge next day fined her twenty-five dollars.
      She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined her
      checkbook, should learn of the incident.
      Then inspiration struck and she marked the check stub, "One pullover,
      $25."

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      LynnLynn's Links
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Are You Ready
      http://members.tripod.com/~ter63/anewyear.html

      Office 2000
      http://members.xoom.com/_XMCM/joelzahn/Office2000/

      A Real Friend
      http://www.geocities.com/NapaValley/Vineyard/6108/friends.html

      Y2K
      http://www.funone.com/fun/fwnewyear/fw2.htm

      Calendar Dancers   From Linda
      http://home.beseen.com/friends/terriconnors/2000slide.html

      Happy New Year 2000
      <A HREF="http://members.aol.com/foxyblue/newyears.htm">Click here:
      **Happy
      New Year's 2000**</A>
      http://members.aol.com/foxyblue/newyears.htm Foxy Blue aka Karen

      Meet Eric -a nine year old with a website
      http://www.geocities.com/ericvoyager/
      From Tee

      New Year
      http://www.lovethissite.com/newyear/

      Happy New Year From BBMary
      http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Cabin/5487/newyear.html

      Happy New Year 2000
      http://www.eakles.com/119newyr.html


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Sermon Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      One beautiful Sunday morning, a priest announced to his congregation:
      "My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons...a $100 sermon
      that lasts five minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, and a
      $10 sermon that lasts a full hour.
      "Now, we'll take the collection and see which one I'll deliver."

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      ALO-ALO-ALO-ALO-ALO-ALO-ALO-ALO-ALO
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