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Clean Chips For 7-1-11

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. I keep getting complaints every month that I forgot
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 1, 2011
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      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      I keep getting complaints every month that I forgot a holiday on my
      list of Bizzare Holidays so this month Jim sent me one that contains
      both recognized and obscure holidays. All you have to do is provide
      food and beverages and you have 31+ reasons to party.

      1 Build A Scarecrow Day - first Sunday in month

      1 Canada Day

      1 Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day

      1 International Joke Day

      2 I Forgot Day

      2 World UFO Day

      3 Compliment Your Mirror Day

      3 Disobedience Day

      3 Stay out of the Sun Day

      4 Independence Day (U.S.)

      4 National Country Music Day

      4 Sidewalk Egg Frying Day- Hmmmm, I wonder why!?!

      5 Work-a-holics Day - even though everyone is on holiday

      6 National Fried Chicken Day

      7 Chocolate Day

      7 National Strawberry Sundae Day

      8 Video Games Day

      9 National Sugar Cookie Day

      10 Teddy Bear Picnic Day

      11 Cheer up the Lonely Day

      11 World Population Day

      12 Different Colored Eyes Day

      12 Pecan Pie Day

      13 Barbershop Music Appreciation Day

      13 Embrace Your Geekness Day

      13 Fool's Paradise Day

      14 Bastille Day

      14 Pandemonium Day

      14 National Nude Day

      15 Tapioca Pudding Day

      15 Cow Appreciation Day- Go out and give a cow a hug

      16 International Juggling Day

      17 Peach Ice Cream Day

      17 Yellow Pig Day

      18 National Caviar Day- something's fishy here

      19 National Raspberry Cake Day

      20 Moon Day

      20 National Ice Cream Day (third Sunday of the month)

      20 Ugly Truck Day- it's a "guy" thing

      21 National Junk Food Day

      22 Hammock Day

      22 Ratcatcher's Day

      23 National Hot Dog Day

      23 Vanilla Ice Cream Day

      24 Cousins Day

      24 Emilia Earhart Day

      25 Culinarians Day

      25 Threading the Needle Day

      26 All or Nothing Day

      26 Aunt and Uncle Day

      27 Parent's Day - fourth Sunday in July

      27 Take Your Pants for a Walk Day

      28 National Milk Chocolate Day

      29 National Lasagna Day

      30 National Cheesecake Day

      30 Father-in-Law Day

      31 Mutt's Day

      Enjoy the chips..... buffalo


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      Church Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my
      text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five
      thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'"

      A member of the flock raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a
      trick. I could do that."

      The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to
      repeat the text. This time he did it properly: "And they fed five
      thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes."

      Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr.
      Perkins?"

      The member of the flock said, "I sure could."

      "How would you do it?"

      "With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!"


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      Water Slide
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      Mona
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      Sailing
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      TV Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Afghan TV Guide



      MONDAYS:
      8:00 Husseinfeld
      8:30 Mad About Everything
      9:00 Suddenly Sanctions
      9:30 The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show
      10:00 Allah McBeal

      TUESDAYS:
      8:00 Wheel of Terror and Fortune
      8:30 The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right
      9:00 Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things
      9:30 Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
      10:00 Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer

      WEDNESDAYS:
      8:00 U.S. Military Secrets Revealed
      8:30 When Northern Alliance Attack
      9:00 Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread
      9:30 Just Shoot Everyone
      10:00 Veilwatch

      THURSDAYS:
      8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H
      9:00 Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils
      9:30 My Two Baghdads
      10:00 Diagnosis: Heresy

      FRIDAYS:
      8:00 Judge Laden
      8:30 Funniest Super 8 Home Movies
      9:00 Captured Northern Alliance Rebels Say the Darndest Things
      9:30 Achmeds Creek
      10:00 No-witness News
      11:00 Beavis and Raghead
      12:00 This Old Tent with Bob Villain




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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Cross Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      What Do You Get When You Cross...


      A fawn with a hornet? Bambee.

      A policeman with a telegram? Copper wire.

      A canary with a mole? A miner bird.

      A pig with a cactus? A porkerpine.

      A cat with a lemon? A sourpuss.

      A banana with a red silk dress? A pink slip.

      A chicken with a bell? An alarm cluck.

      An Eskimo with a pig? A polar boar.

      A spider with a rabbit? A hare net.

      A ham with a karate expert? Pork chops.

      An owl with a goat? A hootenanny.

      A termite with a house? An exterminator.

      A dove with a high chair? A stool pigeon.

      A tree with a baseball player? Babe Root.

      A parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.

      A rabbit with a kilt? Hopscotch.

      A dog with a daisy? A collie-flower.

      A hummingbird with a doorbell? A humdinger..

      Telly Sevalas with a pool table? A billiard bald.

      A dog with a chicken? A hen that lays pooched eggs..

      A kangaroo with a sheep? A wooly jumper.

      A gorilla and a sheep? A nice wool coat, except the sleeves are too
      long.



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Magic Mesh door cover instantly opens and magically snaps closed behind
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Toast Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      While visiting my mother in the hospital, I stopped in the cafeteria
      for breakfast. I set a piece of bread on the moving toaster rack and
      waited for it to pass under the heated coils and return golden
      brown.

      Instead, it got stuck at the back of the toaster, and I couldn't
      reach it. The woman next to me in line quickly seized a pair of
      tongs, reached in, and fished out the piece of toast.

      I joked, "You must be an emergency room worker."

      "No," she replied with a grin. "I'm an obstetrician."



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      Try it today and get your teeth whiter and brighter in 90 seconds .

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Robot Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A man walks into a bar that has a robot bartender. The robot serves
      him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your
      IQ?" The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make
      conversation about quantum physics and the Hadron Collider, bio
      mimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory,
      nanotechnology, etc. The customer is very impressed and thinks,
      "This is really cool!" He decides to test the robot. He walks out of
      the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again,
      the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him,
      "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about 100." Immediately the
      robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR,
      baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, etc. Really
      impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one
      more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks,
      "What's Your IQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think." "So," the
      robot says, very slowly. "Have you already volunteered to help Sarah
      Palin's 2012 presidential campaign?"



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



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      LynnLynn's Links
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      Subscribers and Friends


      Melva/If I Could
      http://silverandgoldandthee.net/R/If.html

      A Love Letter
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      Rick w/ American Tribute~July 4th
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      Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

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      Animal World

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      Movie Links



      x352
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/72212.htm

      Yeah Right
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      Your Side Of The family
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Riddle Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      RIDDLES

      Why won't oysters share their lunches?
      Because they are shellfish

      Why aren't elephants allowed in the swimming pool?
      They can't keep their trunks up

      What did the picture say to the wall?
      "I've been framed."

      How do you make a fruit punch?
      Give it boxing lessons.

      Why did the bully go to beauty school?
      Because he liked to tease hair

      Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
      He was sitting on the deck.

      How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?
      A phew!


      Stan Kegel

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Toon Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Art
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/020410.htm

      High Speed Photo
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230401.htm

      High Speed Photo 2
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230402.htm

      Shopping Center
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230505.htm

      The Jet Set
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230506.htm




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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      DUI Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Alcohol Issues

      A new way to avoid any .08 alcohol issues while driving:

      I went out with some friends last night and had too many drinks. Knowing
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      I took a bus home.

      I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed really surprising as I have
      never driven a bus before.

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Some turtles went on a picnic. It took them 10 days to get there, and
      when
      they arrived they realized they'd forgotten the bottle opener, so they
      told
      the littlest one to go back for it.

      He said, "No! As soon as I go, you'll eat the sandwiches."

      But they promised that they wouldn't, and he left.

      They waited for him ten days, twenty days, and after thirty days they
      were
      so hungry they had to eat a sandwich. And as soon as they took a bite,
      the
      little turtle came out from behind a rock and said, "See? That's why I'm
      not
      going!"


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 2066

      Part-time Job Version 2

      BJ: So I hear you guys have new jobs, what are they?

      Katie: I am going to model dog wear.

      BJ: That makes sense.

      Rudy: I am going to patrol a supply yard at night.

      BJ: That also is sensible.

      Val: I am going to be a watch dog at a senior citizen center
      at night.

      BJ: Hmm not sure about that, but good luck.

      Sandi: I am going to deliver pizzas.

      BJ: Red flag. Huge red flag.

      To be continued



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01



      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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