Clean Chips For 7-1-11
- Clean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I keep getting complaints every month that I forgot a holiday on my
list of Bizzare Holidays so this month Jim sent me one that contains
both recognized and obscure holidays. All you have to do is provide
food and beverages and you have 31+ reasons to party.
1 Build A Scarecrow Day - first Sunday in month
1 Canada Day
1 Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day
1 International Joke Day
2 I Forgot Day
2 World UFO Day
3 Compliment Your Mirror Day
3 Disobedience Day
3 Stay out of the Sun Day
4 Independence Day (U.S.)
4 National Country Music Day
4 Sidewalk Egg Frying Day- Hmmmm, I wonder why!?!
5 Work-a-holics Day - even though everyone is on holiday
6 National Fried Chicken Day
7 Chocolate Day
7 National Strawberry Sundae Day
8 Video Games Day
9 National Sugar Cookie Day
10 Teddy Bear Picnic Day
11 Cheer up the Lonely Day
11 World Population Day
12 Different Colored Eyes Day
12 Pecan Pie Day
13 Barbershop Music Appreciation Day
13 Embrace Your Geekness Day
13 Fool's Paradise Day
14 Bastille Day
14 Pandemonium Day
14 National Nude Day
15 Tapioca Pudding Day
15 Cow Appreciation Day- Go out and give a cow a hug
16 International Juggling Day
17 Peach Ice Cream Day
17 Yellow Pig Day
18 National Caviar Day- something's fishy here
19 National Raspberry Cake Day
20 Moon Day
20 National Ice Cream Day (third Sunday of the month)
20 Ugly Truck Day- it's a "guy" thing
21 National Junk Food Day
22 Hammock Day
22 Ratcatcher's Day
23 National Hot Dog Day
23 Vanilla Ice Cream Day
24 Cousins Day
24 Emilia Earhart Day
25 Culinarians Day
25 Threading the Needle Day
26 All or Nothing Day
26 Aunt and Uncle Day
27 Parent's Day - fourth Sunday in July
27 Take Your Pants for a Walk Day
28 National Milk Chocolate Day
29 National Lasagna Day
30 National Cheesecake Day
30 Father-in-Law Day
31 Mutt's Day
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
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A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my
text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five
thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'"
A member of the flock raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a
trick. I could do that."
The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to
repeat the text. This time he did it properly: "And they fed five
thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes."
Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr.
The member of the flock said, "I sure could."
"How would you do it?"
"With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!"
Afghan TV Guide
8:30 Mad About Everything
9:00 Suddenly Sanctions
9:30 The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show
10:00 Allah McBeal
8:00 Wheel of Terror and Fortune
8:30 The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right
9:00 Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things
9:30 Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
10:00 Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer
8:00 U.S. Military Secrets Revealed
8:30 When Northern Alliance Attack
9:00 Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread
9:30 Just Shoot Everyone
9:00 Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils
9:30 My Two Baghdads
10:00 Diagnosis: Heresy
8:00 Judge Laden
8:30 Funniest Super 8 Home Movies
9:00 Captured Northern Alliance Rebels Say the Darndest Things
9:30 Achmeds Creek
10:00 No-witness News
11:00 Beavis and Raghead
12:00 This Old Tent with Bob Villain
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What Do You Get When You Cross...
A fawn with a hornet? Bambee.
A policeman with a telegram? Copper wire.
A canary with a mole? A miner bird.
A pig with a cactus? A porkerpine.
A cat with a lemon? A sourpuss.
A banana with a red silk dress? A pink slip.
A chicken with a bell? An alarm cluck.
An Eskimo with a pig? A polar boar.
A spider with a rabbit? A hare net.
A ham with a karate expert? Pork chops.
An owl with a goat? A hootenanny.
A termite with a house? An exterminator.
A dove with a high chair? A stool pigeon.
A tree with a baseball player? Babe Root.
A parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.
A rabbit with a kilt? Hopscotch.
A dog with a daisy? A collie-flower.
A hummingbird with a doorbell? A humdinger..
Telly Sevalas with a pool table? A billiard bald.
A dog with a chicken? A hen that lays pooched eggs..
A kangaroo with a sheep? A wooly jumper.
A gorilla and a sheep? A nice wool coat, except the sleeves are too
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While visiting my mother in the hospital, I stopped in the cafeteria
for breakfast. I set a piece of bread on the moving toaster rack and
waited for it to pass under the heated coils and return golden
Instead, it got stuck at the back of the toaster, and I couldn't
reach it. The woman next to me in line quickly seized a pair of
tongs, reached in, and fished out the piece of toast.
I joked, "You must be an emergency room worker."
"No," she replied with a grin. "I'm an obstetrician."
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A man walks into a bar that has a robot bartender. The robot serves
him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your
IQ?" The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make
conversation about quantum physics and the Hadron Collider, bio
mimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory,
nanotechnology, etc. The customer is very impressed and thinks,
"This is really cool!" He decides to test the robot. He walks out of
the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again,
the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him,
"What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about 100." Immediately the
robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR,
baseball, supermodels, favorite fast foods, guns, etc. Really
impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one
more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks,
"What's Your IQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think." "So," the
robot says, very slowly. "Have you already volunteered to help Sarah
Palin's 2012 presidential campaign?"
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@...
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/If I Could
A Love Letter
Rick w/ American Tribute~July 4th
John w/ Life's Railway To Heaven
Carolyn w/ Hound Dog
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Emoticons and Abbreviations (Smileys)
Chainsaw Wood Carving!
Chapel With Bone Art
We wanted to inform you today that you can now download a program
online that will allow you to watch unlimited television from around
the world right on your PC!
Press Here to watch TV from around the world on your PC:
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Free Zip Tools
We would like to know if you would be interested in working from
home in your spare time writing short articles for us. You will be
paid $25.00 - $45.00 per hour writing these articles.
We will also pay you $12.00 - $50.00 per hour for posing in blogs,
and up to $450 for each fiction or non fiction story we ask you to
Press here if you are interested:
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Freelance Home Writers Network
We would like to show you why you may be "fat" and why you're unable
to lose weight no matter how hard you try.
First off, please always know that it's not your fault...
Press here to see why you're fat:
After you see what the problem is, you will see how easy it is to
finally lose the fat that you want to lose.
Your Side Of The family
Lake Delton Break To WI River
Baby Panda Sneeze
Why won't oysters share their lunches?
Because they are shellfish
Why aren't elephants allowed in the swimming pool?
They can't keep their trunks up
What did the picture say to the wall?
"I've been framed."
How do you make a fruit punch?
Give it boxing lessons.
Why did the bully go to beauty school?
Because he liked to tease hair
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
He was sitting on the deck.
How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?
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A new way to avoid any .08 alcohol issues while driving:
I went out with some friends last night and had too many drinks. Knowing
that I was way over the limit, I did something that I have never done
I took a bus home.
I arrived home safe and warm, which seemed really surprising as I have
never driven a bus before.
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Some turtles went on a picnic. It took them 10 days to get there, and
they arrived they realized they'd forgotten the bottle opener, so they
the littlest one to go back for it.
He said, "No! As soon as I go, you'll eat the sandwiches."
But they promised that they wouldn't, and he left.
They waited for him ten days, twenty days, and after thirty days they
so hungry they had to eat a sandwich. And as soon as they took a bite,
little turtle came out from behind a rock and said, "See? That's why I'm
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Part-time Job Version 2
BJ: So I hear you guys have new jobs, what are they?
Katie: I am going to model dog wear.
BJ: That makes sense.
Rudy: I am going to patrol a supply yard at night.
BJ: That also is sensible.
Val: I am going to be a watch dog at a senior citizen center
BJ: Hmm not sure about that, but good luck.
Sandi: I am going to deliver pizzas.
BJ: Red flag. Huge red flag.
To be continued
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
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