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Clean Chips For 6-1-11

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. June is one of those months where there isn t much
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 1, 2011
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      Clean Clean



      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      June is one of those months where there isn't much happening
      as far as established reasons to party except for Father's Day
      and weddings. Here's the list to get you through the rest of the
      month.


      1 Dare Day

      2 National Bubba Day

      3 Repeat Day

      4 Applesauce Cake Day

      4 Hug Your Cat Day

      4 Old Maid's Day

      5 World Environment Day

      6 National Doughnut Day

      6 National Gardening Exercise Day

      6 National Yo-Yo Day

      7 National Chocolate Ice Cream Day

      8 Best Friends Day

      8 Name Your Poison Day

      9 Donald Duck Day

      10 Iced Tea Day

      11 Hug Holiday

      12 Red Rose Day

      13 Blame Someone Else Day

      13 Sewing Machine Day

      14 Flag Day

      15 Smile Power Day

      16 Fresh Veggies Day

      17 Eat Your Vegetables Day

      17 World Juggler's Day

      18 Go Fishing Day

      18 International Panic Day

      18 National Splurge Day

      19 World Sauntering Day

      20 Ice Cream Soda Day

      21 Summer Solstice

      21 Go Skate Day

      21 National Hollerin' Contest Day

      22 National Chocolate Eclair Day

      23 National Columnists Day

      23 National Pink Day

      23 Take Your Dog to Work Day

      24 Swim a Lap Day

      25 Log Cabin Day

      25 National Catfish Day

      26 Beautician's Day

      26 Forgiveness Day

      27 Paul Bunyan Day

      27 Sun Glasses Day

      28 Insurance Awareness Day

      29 Camera Day

      29 Waffle Iron Day

      30 Meteor Day


      I did enjoy the weekend greatly and yesterday we even made it to
      85 degrees. It was a great summer and now we are back to a high of
      59 degrees.

      Enjoy the chips.... buffalo

      A newsletter You May Enjoy

      I am starting this Group to have some fun and meet new people.
      You may post anything BUT Betty Boops (I am so tired of BOOPS LOL)
      Post child friendly sites,recipes,poems etc..
      as long as it is not Adult Material.
      We may even play a game or two.
      http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Anything-Butt-Boops



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      Canadian Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      A Canadian customer was calling to find out if there was a
      faster way to trigger menu commands than mousing up to the
      menus.

      Agent: Certainly, sir. There are keyboard shortcuts for many
      of those commands. For example, suppose you want to trigger
      the Select All command...

      Caller: Yes, I use that one all the time! How do I do it?

      Agent: Well, you just press Control-A.

      Caller (after a pause): Well, that's not working for me.

      Agent: Do you have a text document open in front of you?

      Caller: Yes, I sure do.

      Agent: OK, now press Control-A.

      Caller: I am, but nothing happens.

      Agent: The text isn't highlighted?

      Caller: No, there's no change at all.

      Agent: That's odd. If you press Control-A the whole document
      should be highlighted. Try it again. Press Control-A. Tell
      me exactly what's happening.

      Caller (nearing his Canadian breaking point): Listen. I'm
      pressing Control, eh? And nothing's happening, eh?





      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      MMM
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/42602.htm

      Play Nice
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/42604.htm

      Practicing
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      Psych Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      A very wealthy entrepreneur named John retired to the countryside.
      On one of his long walks, he passed a Mental Institution, and behind
      the chain link fence, he saw the patients fighting ferociously with
      each other.

      Hailing a man standing close to the fence, John asked what was going
      on.
      The man replied, "This happens every day; there's nothing else to
      do."
      So John went to see the director and offered to install a swimming
      pool at his expense.

      The director was very happy with the offer and accepted immediately.
      Ten days later, John received a phone call from the director,
      requesting his presence the following day for the grand opening.
      Pleased, John accepted. He than decided to take a stroll out to the
      Institution to see how well the pool had been built.

      As he approached the fence, he heard laughing and exited voices. A
      few yards later, he had a full view of a beautiful pool, complete
      with high tower diving boards, for which the patients were lining up
      to do cannonballs and swan dives. Calling the same man at the
      fence, John said, "You guys like this, huh? I see no more fighting,
      isn't this fun?"

      The man replied, "Sure is, Mister, but tomorrow it'll be even more
      fun when they put the water in it."




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      Cake Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Angel's Food vs. Devil's Food...

      In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and
      populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green
      and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would
      live long and healthy lives.

      Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice
      Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate
      with that?"

      And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it,
      add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

      And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the
      figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour
      from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And
      Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

      So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Ranch
      Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man
      and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

      God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive
      oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish
      and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man
      gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

      God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food
      Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and
      named it "Devil's Food."

      God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
      those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control
      so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and
      Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained
      pounds.

      Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
      with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced
      the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained
      pounds.

      God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
      still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its
      99-
      cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?"
      And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is
      good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

      God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

      Then Satan created HMOs.




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      String Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Three strings walk into a bar.

      The first string heads up to order a beer.

      The bartender points to a sign behind him that says "Strings not
      served here" and asks "Are you a string?"

      The first string answers "yes" to which the bartender replies "we
      don't serve strings, get outta here."

      The second string walks up and orders a vodka.

      The bartender points to the sign behind him that says "Strings not
      served here" and replies "we don't serve strings, get outta here."

      The third string, being the smartest of the three ties himself in a
      knot and frays his ends.

      He walks up to the bar and orders a third random drink.

      The bartender points to a sign behind him that says "Strings not
      served here" and asks "Are you a string?"

      The third string replies "I'm a frayed knot."



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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Baseball Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Some baseball players are going to make more money this year than
      Mexico.

      Baseball players wish reporters would stop asking them about
      salaries, drugs, and sex so the players can concentrate on the
      things that matter to them: salaries, drugs, and sex.

      Scientists claim that dogs will eat anything that's put in front of
      them, just like baseball fans.

      Baseball salaries are incredible. It costs more to buy a baseball
      team than it costs to buy an election.

      Every baseball season, the fans are afraid the players on their team
      will be traded, and the fans of the (insert losing team here) are
      afraid their players won't be.

      More and more stadiums are bringing back natural grass. They have
      to. All that tobacco juice is ruining the AstroTurf.

      It's not that baseball is boring, but they could add a lot of
      excitement to the game if they'd give everybody a bat and have a
      goalie guarding home plate.

      Spring training is very important. It gives all the Dominican
      players time to learn how to say "renegotiate" in English.

      There's something wrong with society when you can save up $2 million
      and still not be able to buy a left-handed pitcher.

      After football, basketball and hockey, finally, baseball - a
      whistle-free game a man can sleep through.

      Here's an idea. Why not combine the designated driver and the
      designated hitter, so that after the 7th inning, the DH drives all
      the drunk fans home?




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      LynnLynn's Links
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      If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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      Subscribers and Friends


      Melva/The Price of Freedom
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      Movie Links


      Bowling Bloopers
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      Boy & Labrador
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Riddle Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      RIDDLES


      Why doesn't Sweden export cattle?
      They want to keep their Stockholm

      Would Little Miss Muffet share her curds?
      No whey!

      What do you call a piece of wood driven into the ground to tether a
      cow to?
      A Beef Stake (Cynthia MacGregor)

      Did the people laugh when the lady fell on the ice?
      No but the ice cracked up

      Why did the priest giggle?
      Mass hysteria

      What do you call a frozen policeman?
      A copsicle

      Stan Kegel



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Toon Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Butt Juice
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/41050.htm

      Kick Butt
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/42052.htm

      Hello
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/42601.htm





      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Fired Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A fire alarm rang at 4 pm in a large office campus when almost all
      employees were present ( approx 5,000 people ).

      As per past fire-drill practices, the entire office was quickly
      evacuated within 3 minutes, and all employees gathered outside the
      complex in designated areas waiting for further announcement.

      Before long, the fire drill officer in-charge made the following
      broadcast over their loud-speakers system :

      " My dear colleagues : With sincere regret, I have been asked to
      announce that for many of you, this will be your last evacuation
      drill with us. Due to the on-going recession and bad business
      climate, the company is laying off almost 50% of its staff. So when
      this announcement finishes, I ask all of you to move back into the
      building. And if your swipe-card does not work, then it means that
      you have been laid off, in which case you will not be allowed
      inside, and all your personal belongings will be couriered to you by
      tomorrow.

      The company is using this innovative, never-before approach as we do
      not want to choke our email system with lay-off notices and farewell
      messages going by the thousands, and we also wish to avoid any
      fighting inside the office and the consequent security issues for
      all staff.

      We hope you have had a rewarding career with us. Now please move
      back in...
      and good luck ! "




      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A man just got dumped by his girlfriend.

      He was telling several friends about how it happened and said, "When I
      was talking to her on the phone, she told me something about meeting a
      man in Germany. This man owns a sheep farm and is very, very rich."

      Then one of the friends asked, "You mean she dumped you for a German
      shepherd?"

      Patricia

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 2044

      Kalvinball Part Three

      Val is trapped between thirteenth and fourteenth base
      when...

      Val: I throw the flag of fellowship.

      BJ: What does that mean?

      Sandi: Val gets to make one call for help and if help
      does not arrive in five minutes we continue to attack.

      Val: Tami, come help me please.

      Time passes....

      Katie: Looks like you are out of luck Little Miss Val.

      Just then Tami, dressed like Wonder Woman appears,
      cape and all.

      Tami: Ah-hah, un-hand her you evil-doers. What base
      are you headed for?

      Val: Fourteen.

      Tami: Let's continue the quest!

      Rudy: Attack!

      BJ: Oh my!

      To be continued



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      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01



      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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