Clean Chips For 5-1-11
- Clean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Today is my dad's birthday and the fifth is Nancy's. I do take a
moment or several to remembr the birthdays of my friends and
family that have passed because it brings back good memories
and keeps their memories fresh in my mind. On the other days
I pull a holiday from the list and remember when I used to party
like a big dog. Those that still partake, drink one for me while you
are celebrating but make it the first one. I don't want to be blamed
for hangovers and DUI's and it's always the last drinks that causes
those unless you are ordering pitchers of mojo in which case leave
me out heh heh .
Bizarre Holidays in May
May 1 is Mother Goose Day and Save The Rhino Day
May 2 is Fire Day
May 3 is Lumpy Rug Day
May 4 is National Candied Orange Peel Day
May 5 is National Hoagie Day, Cinqo de Mayo
May 6 is Beverage Day
May 7 is International Tuba Day, Paste Up Day, and National Roast Leg Of
May 8 is No Socks Day and Have A Coke Day
May 9 is Lost Sock Memorial Day
May 10 is Clean Up Your Room Day
May 11 is Eat What You Want Day and Twilight Zone Day
May 12 is Limerick Day
May 13 is Leprechaun Day
May 14 is National Dance Like A Chicken Day
May 15 is National Chocolate Chip Day
May 16 is Wear Purple For Peace Day
May 17 is Pack Rat Day
May 18 is International Museum Day and Visit Your Relatives Day
May 19 is Frog Jumping Jubilee Day
May 20 is Eliza Doolittle Day
May 21 is National Memo Day and National Waitresses/Waiters Day
May 22 is Buy-A-Musical Instrument Day
May 23 is Penny Day
May 24 is National Escargot Day
May 25 is National Tap Dance Day
May 26 is Grey Day
May 27 is Body Painting Arts Festival
May 28 is National Hamburger Day
May 29 is End Of The Middle Ages Day
May 30 is My Bucket's Got A Hole In It Day
May 31 is National Macaroon Day
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
A newsletter you may find useful
**Attention Group & List Owners**
Looking for new members?
Come join our Ad-Swap Group.
We accept both "Clean" & "Adult" ads.
No X Rated or porn groups/list allowed.
You choose how many ads you want to swap, from 1 to 7.
A "template" is given, to show who to swap with each week.
You can save it in your favorites...(it will change each week),
along with a separate page showing the swap members ads.
Click here to join
Please visit our Sponsor
Get A Flawless Perfect Tan That Lasts Up To 10 Days
Secret Glo is the self-tanning glove that gives you a gorgeous summer
glo without harmful UV rays or messy tanning creams. Each premeasured
glove will give your entire body a golden flow from head to toe. When
you order today, youll get 4 Secret Glo tanning gloves at our absolute
Exclusive Web Double Bonus Offer
Limited time offer so act now.
Click the link below for more information:
Moses & The Lord
"Excuse me, Sir."
"Is that you again, Moses?"
"I'm afraid it is, Sir."
"What is it this time, Moses; more computer problems?"
"How did you guess?"
"I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember ?"
"Oh, yes; I forgot."
"Tell me what you want, Moses."
"But you already know, Sir. Remember?"
"Well, go ahead, Moses; spit it out."
"Well, I have a question, Sir. You know those ten 'things' you sent
me via e-mail?"
"You mean the Ten Commandments, Moses?"
"That's it. I was wondering if they are important."
"What do you mean 'if they are important,' Moses? Of course, they
are important. Otherwise, I would not have sent them to you."
"Well, sorry, Sir, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them;
but, of course, you would see right through that."
"What do you mean you 'lost them'? Are you trying to tell me you
didn't save them, Moses?"
"No, Sir; I forgot."
"You should always save, Moses."
"Yes, I know. You told me that before. I was going to save them, but
I forgot. I did forward them to some people before I lost them
"And did you hear back from any of them?"
"You already know I did. There was the one guy who said he never
uses 'shalt not.' May he change the words a little bit?"
"Yes, Moses, as long as he does not change the meaning."
"And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh,
and recommended calling them the 'Ten Suggestions,' or letting
people pick one or two to try for a while?"
"Moses, I will act as if I did not hear that."
"I think that means 'no.' Well, what about the guy who said I was
"I think the term is 'spamming,' Moses."
"Oh, yes. I E-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that
stuff, and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a
"And what did he say?"
"You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think
he might have sent me one of those -- err -- plagues, and that's the
reason I lost those ten 'things', do you?"
"They are not plagues; they are called 'viruses,' Moses."
"Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we go
back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out
and reading them each day, but at least I never lost them."
"We will do it the new way, Moses; using computers!!"
"I was afraid you would say that, Sir."
"Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"
"You told me to hold up this rat and point it toward the computer."
"It's a mouse, Moses, not a rat. Mouse! Mouse!
And did you do that?"
"No, I decided to try calling technical support first. After all,
who knows more about this stuff than you? And I really like your
hours. By the way, Sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?"
"One other thing. Why did you not name them 'frogs' instead of
'mice,' because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"
"I did not name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog
if you want to."
"Oh, that explains it. I bet some woman told Adam to call it a
mouse. After all, was it not a woman who named one of the computers
"Say good night, Moses."
"Wait a minute, Sir. I am pointing the mouse, and it seems to be
working. Yes, a couple of the ten 'things' have come back."
"Which ones are they, Moses?"
"Let me see.
'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and
'Thou shalt not uncover Thy neighbor's wife.'"
"Turn the computer off, Moses.
I'm sending you another set of stone tablets."
One day a boy came walking home from school. On
the way home he saw a creek. He quickly jumped in,
clothes and all. When he arrived home completely
soaked his dad asked, "Son what happened?"
"I jumped in that creek down the road."
"Why did you do that?"
His dad was very angry and said, "If you jump in
that creek again, just because, I'm gonna tan that
hide - just because! Is that clear?"
"Yes dad." replies his son.
The next day, the boy came home walking from school,
and sure enough when he saw that creek, he jumped
right on in.
When he went home, his dad knew what had happened
and asked, "Didn't I tell you not to jump in that
"Yes dad, but Satan told me to do it!"
His dad, being somewhat religious, decided to give
his son the benefit of the doubt and tells him -
"Next time Satan tells you to do something like
that, say 'Satan get thee behind me in the name
"Ok dad." replied the son.
Well the next day after school, the boy was
walking across the bridge, and well you know the
rest. He came home again soaked.
His dad said, "I thought I told you what to say
when you came to that creek!"
"I said what you told me dad, and when I did,
Satan pushed me in!"
Extended Service no obligation quote.
Get the extra protection you and your family need on
the road right here:
Cover most vehicle with less than 125,000 miles and
less than 10 years old.
- 24-Hour Roadside Assistance
- Car Rental Benefits.
- Trip Interruption Benefit.
- Extended Towing Benefits
Go here for details:
An old fellow came into the hospital truly on
death's door due to an infected gallbladder.
The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant
that his patients be up and walking in the hall the
day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots
forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the
patient in the hall as ordered, and after the
third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly
each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep
After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family
came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely
for what he had done for their father. The surgeon
was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told
them that it was really a simple operation and we
had been lucky to get him in time. "But doctor,
you don't understand," they said, "Dad hasn't walked
in over a year!"
DISH Network Plans starting at $24.99/mo
Why would you ever pay more?
Get the best deal in TV!
12-months w/24 month agreement
Find out if your zip code qualifies for this special internet offer
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible,
instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud
her savings, she boasted to my father, "Just think, we are five
dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand."
"Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it again!"
My husband and I went on a three-day cruise. Actually, it was more
like a three-day meal. They tell you to bring just one outfit, but
three different sizes: large, extra large, and blimp.
After being away on business, Tom thought it would be nice to bring
his wife a little gift. How about some perfume?" he asked the
cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. "That's a
bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for
"That's still quite a bit," Tom groused. Growing annoyed, the clerk
brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tom, "is I'd like to see something really
So the clerk handed him a mirror.
See Everything In High Definition Color And Clarity
HD Aviators are the fashionable new sunglasses featuring built in high
definition technology at a price everyone can afford. Now you'll be
able to protect your eyes while still getting the color, clarity and
high definition you want. Like no other glasses you have ever worn.
Limited time offer so act now.
Click the link below for more information:
When the icemaker in our new refrigerator broke, my husband dropped
by the store to arrange for repairs. Because the sun was bright, my
husband's eyes hadn't adjusted to the dim light inside in time to
a woman sitting on the floor examining carpet samples.
He stepped on her leg and she screamed, causing him to jump into a
display of fireplace tools that went crashing in every direction.
Unnerved, my husband stumbled over to the service desk, and as he
went to rest his hands on the counter, he flipped over a bowl full
marbles, scattering them everywhere.
After taking a deep breath to calm himself, he announced to the
wide-eyed woman working there, "My refrigerator doesn't work."
"I don't doubt it," she replied.
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@...
Subscribers and Friends
Carol w/Dance Of Love
Men Will Be Boys
World's Best Husbands
Kate, a 42 year old mother of 3 had tried
every diet out there with only temporary success.
After losing weight on the HCG diet, she has kept
off the 45 pound weight loss for almost 4 YEARS!
She went from a size 14 to a size 3!
It's time to change your body.
It's time to take control of your weight
and feel amazing results!
See why everyone is clamoring to get their HCG order in.
Great Chopper Footage
Root Vegetable Photos Via Dianne
We wanted to inform you today that you can now download a program
online that will allow you to watch unlimited television from around
the world right on your PC!
Press Here to watch TV from around the world on your PC:
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
PCWin Speaker Record
We would like to know if you would be interested in working from
home in your spare time writing short articles for us. You will be
paid $25.00 - $45.00 per hour writing these articles.
We will also pay you $12.00 - $50.00 per hour for posing in blogs,
and up to $450 for each fiction or non fiction story we ask you to
Press here if you are interested:
All my best,
Freelance Home Writers Network
We would like to show you why you may be "fat" and why you're unable
to lose weight no matter how hard you try.
First off, please always know that it's not your fault...
Press here to see why you're fat:
After you see what the problem is, you will see how easy it is to
finally lose the fat that you want to lose.
Hand Boeienin Bed
How The Brits Taxi Jets
"Dear Potential Investor"
I know you are always looking for sound opportunities
I don't know if you would be interested in this,
but I thought I would mention it to you because
it could be a real "sleeper" in making a lot of
money with very little investment.
A group of us are considering investing in a large
cat ranch near Hermosille, Mexico. It is our
purpose to start rather small, with about one
million cats. Each cat averages about twelve
kittens each year; skins can be sold for about
20 cents for the white ones and up to 40 cents
for the black. This will give us 12 million cat
skins per year to sell at an average price of
around 32 cents, making our revenues about $3
million a year. This really averages out to $10
thousand a day - excluding Sundays and holidays.
A good Mexican cat man can skin about 50 cats
per day at a wage of $3.15 a day. It will only take
663 men to operate the ranch so the net profit
would be over $8,200 per day.
Now, the cats would be fed on rats exclusively.
Rats multiply four times as fast as cats. We
would start a rat ranch adjacent to our cat farm. If
we start with a million rats, we will have four rats
per cat each day. The rats will be fed on the
carcasses of the cats that we skin. This will give
each rat a quarter of a cat. You can see by this
that this business is a clean operation -- self-
supporting and really automatic throughout. The
cats will eat the rats and the rats will eat the cats
and we will get the skins.
Let me know if you are interested; as you can
imagine, I am rather particular who I want to get
into this, and want the fewest investors possible.
Eventually, it is my hope to cross the cats with
snakes, for they will skin themselves twice a
year! This would save the labor costs of skinning
as well as give me two skins for one cat.
May I hear from you at your earliest opportunity?
Note I have GPS coordinates for Randy's house if any cat lovers want
talk about this joke with him heh heh .
Save up to 50% on sweets for MOM through this offer from our partner
Up to 50% off Gourmet Dipped Berries for Mother's Day
- Guaranteed on-time Mother's Day Delivery
Exclusive offers for you only through this email:
- Full Half Dozen Mother's Day Berries, only $19.99 +s/h
- Full Half Dozen Mother's Day Berries w/ 4 Hand-Dipped Cookies, only
- Full Dozen Mother's Day Berries w/ Cheesecake Trio, only $49.97 +s/h
Shop Now through this link:
A guy was hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really
tall tree. The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up
higher. Then, to his surprise, the bear climbed down and went away!
So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns,
and this time he's brought another, smaller bear with him. The two bears
climb up the tree, the smaller bear going higher than the first. But the
guy climbed even higher still, so the bears still couldn't reach him.
Eventually, the bears went away.
Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Back up he
goes, however, as the two bears return. This time the guy knew he was in
big trouble, though. Each bear was carrying a beaver!
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood.
One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."
"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know
where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."
The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood
somewhere." He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into
the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Katie...a Memory (2003)
Diana: I so glad you invited me over to watch a movie tonight.
BJ: I am happy you came over. I hope Katie is on her best
In the house they go...
To find ... a mess... A twelve pack of paper towels have been ripped
open and dispersed thoroughly through the house.
Diana: I am so sorry BJ.
BJ: Katie is just a dog. I am sure there is a lesson here.
From Katie's point of view.........
The Care and Feeding Of Humans
By Katie Kassity
Humans are so untrainable, we must do our best to train them.
When they buy things, they do not put them away, so it is out duty
to show them the error of their ways. It is tough love. I had to
disperse a twelve pack of paper towels, a cheap lesson to be sure
and it was no great act of malice on my part. I had to try and
my human there is a place for everything and everything has it's
I am sure he will thank me some day for this lesson.
Opps, I have to run, I see where he left some food on the counter
another no no.
The herd in Guthrie
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783