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Clean Chips For 4-1-11

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  • Wiliam Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Had to stop by the Social Security Administration
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 1, 2011
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      Had to stop by the Social Security Administration this morning
      which is always makes my day. They tie the Secretary of State
      for the fastest and most courteous service which is amazing for
      a federal government and such a change from the little hole in
      the wall office they used to have. You are greeted by a friendly
      armed guard and punch your reason for being there into
      a touch screen and it spits out a number and I went over and
      sat down. Also in the waiting area was a couple of kids, one about
      seven and the other about ten and they were arguing while their
      mom was in one of the offices. The younger was tapping her
      foot on the floor and the younger was complaining. It got so loud
      that the mom came out and told both of them to knock it off and
      went back in and it only took a second before they were at it again
      louder than ever. Being the buffalo and in an April Fool's Day mood
      I told them that if they weren't quiet that the guard was going to
      come over and Taser the both of them. The guard was laughing
      but it didn't quiet the kids down a bit. It would have worked
      when I was a kid heh heh.

      Enjoy the chips... buffalo


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      Tornado Chips
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      Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden
      devastation, without warning, and with unusual
      patterns of destruction.

      In one case, a house was completely whisked away
      leaving only the foundation and first floor. A silver-
      haired farm lady was seen sitting dazed, in a
      bathtub, the only remaining part of the house left
      above the floor.

      The rescue squad rushed to her aid and found her
      unhurt. She was just sitting there in the tub, talking
      to herself. "It was the strangest thing... it was the
      strangest thing..." she kept repeating dazedly.

      "What was the strangest thing, Ma'am?" asked one
      of the rescuers.

      "I was visiting my daughter here, taking a bath, and
      all I did was pull the plug... and the whole darned
      house suddenly drained away."

      Randy

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      Clown Car
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/45;l3.htm

      Clown Vultures
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      Clubs
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/kl554.htm

      CNN Asks Marine Sniper
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      Coach
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      Latex Chips
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      Today I went to the allergist, and he signed me up to get a blood
      test done, to see if I'm allergic to latex.

      I take the paperwork to the lab, hand it to the nurse behind the
      counter, who looks at the request, adds a Post It note that says "No
      latex gloves", and passes it back.

      I'm taken inside, asked to sit down, the bloodwork technician takes
      the sheet, puts on some latex gloves, notices the note, doffs the
      gloves, spends about 5 minutes looking for the nitrile (non latex)
      gloves, puts them on.

      Then she ties a latex tourniquet around my arm.

      "Umm... maybe you shouldn't do that," I say.

      "You have a latex allergy?"

      "Well, I'm getting a test for latex allergy."

      "You're not allergic, then?"

      "I don't know if I am."

      "So, why is there this note if you don't know whether you're
      allergic to latex?"

      "Uh..."




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      School Chips
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      A kid called up his mum from his
      college and asked her for some money,
      because he ran out of it. Mum said,
      "Sure, sweetie. Mum will send you
      some money. You also left your calculus
      book here when you visited 2 weeks ago.
      Do you want me to send that up too?"

      "Uhh, oh yeah, o.k." Responded the kid.

      So Mum wrapped the book along with
      the checks up in a package, kissed Dad
      goodbye, and went to the post office to mail
      the money and the book.

      When she got back, Dad asked, "Well how
      much did you give the boy this time?

      Mum said, "Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20,
      and the other for $1000 out to him"

      "That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you crazy???"

      "Don't worry, hon," Mum said, kissed Dad
      on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20
      check to the cover of his book, but I put the
      $1000 one somewhere between the pages in
      chapter 19!"



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      Blonde Chips
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      A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by
      climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a
      blanket for them to jump in.
      The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
      chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank
      the blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a
      tomato.

      "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead.
      "Oh no! You re gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead.
      "No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!" "OK,"
      says the Redhead, and she jumps.
      SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened
      on the pavement like a pancake.

      Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the
      firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!" "No way! You're just gonna
      pull the blanket away!"
      yelled the Blonde. "No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull
      the blanket away!" "Look," the Blonde says. "Nothing you say is
      gonna convince me that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So
      what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from
      it..."



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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Magazine Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      A marine called his wife one afternoon. "Honey, I'm afraid I'm going
      to be late coming home tonight," he said. "Oh, honey," the wife
      replied. "What's the delay?" The marine answered, "They found dirty
      magazines in the platoon's quarters and now they have to discipline
      the whole squad." "What?" she shrieked. "Dirty magazines? That's
      ridiculous! Soldiers always have pictures hanging in their lockers!
      It's customary! I'm going to call your superior!" "Wait, honey... "
      the man said, but she hung up. She called his superior. When the
      superior answered, she launched into a tirade. "My husband tells me
      you're disciplining his whole platoon because of dirty magazines!
      That's ludicrous! Pin-up pictures have always gone hand-in-hand with
      military men! In World War II, it was pictures of Betty Grabel! Then
      it was Betty Page... " "Wait a minute," the superior interrupted.
      "You have the wrong idea. When we said we found dirty magazines, it
      meant the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned!"



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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      LynnLynn's Links
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



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      Subscribers and Friends

      Melva/Jamey Johnson
      http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Wav_Gp/Gp_7.html

      "Don't be afraid" by the Cathedral Quartet (what an uplift) Via Peggy
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgRpMjlRBR4

      John w/ Time Gets Better With Age
      http://soloshideawayfunpages.com/_classics/021/age.htm

      Dreams
      http://www.carolspoetry.com/carol04.html

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      What's In Bloom
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      Wrong Number - with Carol Burnett & Tim Conway:
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      Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

      Old Version Downloads
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      Website Midis
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      Free Printables Via Wesley
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      Movie Links


      Why College Takes 5 Years
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdskjhkdsj.htm

      Wild
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkskjsd.htm

      Dirty Sneakers
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdj.htm

      Dodge Viper VS Tzero Electric Car
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/89uy.htm

      Dog in Trance
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/t43e.htm




      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Navy Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Jim was just out of Navy boot camp, and was on his first
      ship. About two hours out of port, he began to get a bit
      ill from the motion of the ship. He approached an ensign,
      also just out of training and on his first cruise. He
      saluted and said, "Excuse me sir, I am feeling seasick,
      and I wondered if I may have permission to go downstairs
      to the dispensary."

      The ensign returned his salute and replied, "Sailor, you
      are in the Navy now. You don't go downstairs, you go below!
      There is no dispensary on this ship, there is sickbay. Not
      only that, that is not the floor, it is a deck, that is not
      the ceiling, it is the overhead, that is not a pillar, it is
      a stanchion, that is not a water fountain, it is a scuttle-
      butt. If I ever hear you using civilian words instead of
      Naval jargon, I till throw you out of that little round
      window over there."



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      Toon Chips
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      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      My wife and I, both a little hard of hearing, were watching golf on
      TV. I turned to my wife of some 50 years and said, "In my next life,
      I'm going to be rich and play all those beautiful golf courses with
      their great bars and dining and dancing areas."

      My wife quickly responded, "How will you be able to manage all that
      with your bad legs? You can barely walk!"

      "I said, '..in my next life...,'" I replied.

      "Oh," she said. I thought you said, '..with my next wife...'



      Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC-10 abruptly stopped, turned around
      and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took
      off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the
      problem?"

      "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,"
      explained
      the flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."




      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



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      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      This CFI and his Student are holding on the runway for
      departing cross traffic when suddenly a deer runs out of the nearby
      woods, stops in the middle of the runway, and just stands there
      looking at them.

      Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off.

      Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"

      Inst: "What do you think you should do?"

      (think-think-think)

      Std: "Maybe if I taxi toward him it'll scare him away."

      Inst: "That's a good idea."

      (Taxi toward deer, but deer is macho, and holds position.)

      Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off, runway NN.

      Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"

      Inst: "What do you think you should do?"

      (think-think-think)

      Std: "Maybe I should tell the tower."

      Inst: "That's a good idea."

      Std: Cessna XXX, uh, there's a deer down here on the runway.

      (long pause)

      Tower: Roger XXX, hold your position. Deer on runawy NN cleared for
      immediate departure.

      (Two seconds, and then -- I presume by coincidence -- the deer
      bolts from the runway, and runs back into the woods.)

      Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for departure, runway NN. Caution wake
      turbulence, departing deer.

      It had to be tough keeping that Cessna rolling straight for
      take-off.



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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 2007

      The Dog Run, The Last Line of Defense

      BJ, having tried everything to keep Sandi in, is
      watching her behind a tree with a scope. So far
      all is working well.

      Sanid, having extreme eyesight and knowing
      dad is watching and also knowing she is finally
      trapped is resorting to her last tactic...

      BJ: What is she doing?

      Sandi: Howl......Howl...

      BJ: Such a moan..such a pitiful sound.
      She sounds like she is dying.

      BJ walks up to the dog run and looks at Sandi.

      Sandi's face is sad, her eyes red, her face droppy.
      She has that, 'I can barely go on' look.

      BJ opens the gate and Sandi wobbles out to dad and
      lays at his feet, he pets her.... she jumps up and runs
      around the yard full speed.

      BJ: It was an act!

      The herd



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      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01



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      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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