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Clean Chips For 3-1-11

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  • Wiliam Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. March is such a boring month and up till the time I
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 1 5:14 AM
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      Clean Clean


      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      March is such a boring month and up till the time I received this it
      looked like St. Patrick"s Day was the only day to go out and party.
      Now you have 31 reasons to go out and make a fool of yourself, like
      I need a reason.


      Bizarre Holidays In March

      March 1 is National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day

      March 2 is Old Stuff Day

      March 3 is I Want You To Be Happy Day, Peach Blossom Day and
      National Anthem Day

      March 4 is Holy Experiment Day

      March 5 is Multiple Personalities Day

      March 6 is National Frozen Food Day

      March 7 is National Crown Roast Of Pork Day

      March 8 is Be Nasty Day

      March 9 is Panic Day

      March 10 is Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day

      March 11 is Johnny Appleseed Day and Worship of Tools Day

      March 12 is Alfred Hitchcock Day

      March 13 is Jewel Day

      March 14 is National potato Chip Day

      March 15 is Buzzard's Day and Everything You Think Is Wrong Day

      March 16 is Everything You Do Is Right Day

      March 17 is Submarine Day

      March 18 is Supreme Sacrifice Day

      March 19 is poultry Day

      March 20 is Proposal Day and Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions
      Day

      March 21 is Fragrance Day

      March 22 is National Goof-off Day

      March 23 is National Organize Your Home Office Day and National Chip
      and Dip Day

      March 24 is National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day

      March 25 is Pecan Day and Waffle Day

      March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day and Spinach Festival Day

      March 27 is National "Joe" Day

      March 28 is Something On A Stick Day

      March 29 is Festival Of Smoke and Mirrors Day

      March 30 is I Am In Control Day

      March 31 is Bunsen Burner Day and National Clams On The Half Shell
      Day

      Enjoy the chips... buffalo



      A newsletter you may enjoy

      Friends Luvin' Each Other
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      Silver Chips
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      John and Nancy were married for 40 years and
      decided they wanted to renew their vows and
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      Nancy wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal
      gown and she started describing the dress she was
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      At that point, her husband chimed in, "Yep silver...
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      Good Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A story is told about a king in an unknown land who had a close
      friend that he grew up with. The friend had a habit of looking
      at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or
      negative) and remarking, "This is good!"

      One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting
      expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the
      king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing
      one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the
      king fired it and his thumb was blown off.

      Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This
      is good!".

      To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded
      to send his friend to jail.

      About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should
      have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took them
      to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up
      a stake and bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire
      to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb.

      Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than
      whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way. As he returned
      home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and
      felt remorse for his treatment of his friend.

      He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were
      right" he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he
      proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so
      I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad
      for me to do this."

      "No," his friend replied, "this is good!"

      "What do you mean, "this is good!" how could it be good that I
      sent my friend to jail for a year."

      "If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you."


      Patricia


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Fired Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      CORPORATE SHAKE-UP

      If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts
      and thinking things through, you'll love this!

      Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a
      new CEO.

      The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

      On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a
      wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know
      that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you
      make a week?"

      A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make
      $400.00 a week. Why?"

      The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came
      back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600.00 in cash and said,
      "Here's four weeks pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

      Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room
      and asked,

      "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

      From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from
      Domino's."




      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A sad man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him what the
      problem is. "My life is awful," the man says. "Every night, I play
      Trivial Pursuit with my wife, and every night she beats me." "Well,
      why don't you just stop playing Trivial Pursuit?" the bartender
      asks. "I love the game," the man says. "I'm a genius. I never lose."
      The bartender is confused. "I thought you just said your wife beats
      you." "Yeah," the man says, "she's a sore loser."

      A friend's daughter, Callie, had enrolled in a Spanish class taught
      by a Hispanic teacher. "I'm not familiar with that name," he said.
      "Does it start with a K?" She replied, "C." Ever since, he has
      spelled her name "Kallie."

      Kimberly-Clark, makers of the popular Scott brand of bathroom
      tissue, today announced its new "HTTP//" brand of bathroom tissue
      targeted directly to the "digerati" market. Scott Tissue is the
      world's oldest and best-selling bathroom tissue, available in more
      countries than any other brand of tissue. Introduced in 1913, Scott
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      new "HTTP://" (pronounced "H, T,T, P Colon Slash Slash") tissue will
      be available in one kilosheet (1024 sheet) rolls instead of the
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      Kimberly-Clark agreed to co-market the "HTTP://" Tissue with the
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Kiss Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      College professors describe a kiss




      COMPUTER SCIENCE
      "A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte."
      ALGEBRA
      "A kiss is two divided by nothing."

      PHYSICS
      "A kiss is a contraction of the mouth due to an expansion of the
      heart."

      CHEMISTRY
      "A kiss is the reaction resulting from the interaction between two
      hearts."

      ACCOUNTING
      "A kiss must be considered an investment that is profitable when
      returned."

      ECONOMICS
      "A kiss is one of those things for which the demand is always higher
      than the supply."

      PHILOSOPHY
      "A kiss is persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth, and
      homage for the old."

      THEOLOGY
      "A kiss is divine."

      EARTH SCIENCES
      "A kiss is a clean, green, renewable energy resource that works best
      when recycled often."

      PHARMACOLOGY
      "A kiss is an oral stimulant taken by mouth that can often cure what
      ails you."

      LAW
      "A kiss is when the party of the first part and the party of the
      second part have reached a mutually beneficial understanding that
      two (2) pair of lips shall co-exist in, for all practical purposes,
      the same space and time for a temporary period."

      POLITICAL SCIENCE
      "A kiss is that which will cost your career if experienced with
      anyone other than your spouse."

      ENGINEERING
      "I'm sorry. I'm not familiar with that word."



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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      LynnLynn's Links
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



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      Subscribers and Friends

      Melva/New Music 5
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      Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

      Google Fiber for Communities: Think big with a gig
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      The.Matrix-ASCII
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      Help For WEBTV Users - All You Need To Know!Via Samantha
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      Movie Links


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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had
      lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted
      to know how the caller located him.

      The caller said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept
      repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-3214. I can't come to the
      phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."

      The brillant barrister F. E. Smith once defended a bus driver
      against claims that his negligence had caused injury to a young
      man's arm: "Will you please show us how high you can lift your arm
      now?" Smith asked the plaintiff.

      The young man obediently raised his arm to shoulder level, his face
      contorted with apparent pain.

      "Thank you," said Smith. "And now, please, will you show us how
      high you could lift it before the accident?"

      The man's arm shot above his head.



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Toon Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Mommy Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A man went to the store with his 3 year-old daughter
      in tow. Since he was just there to grab some essentials
      like milk and bread, he opted to save some time by not
      pushing a cart around the store.

      "That's not the way Mommy does it," his daughter informed
      him.

      "I know, dear, but Daddy's way is OK, too," he replied.

      Leaving the store in the rain and without a cart, he
      carried the bag of groceries, his daughter, and the milk
      quickly to the car. Not wanting to set anything down on
      the wet ground, he set the jug of milk on top of the car,
      efficiently whisked open the car door with his now free
      hand, scooted the groceries in and daughter into the car
      seat in one swift motion, and hopped in himself.

      "That's not the way Mommy does it," his daughter informed
      him again.

      "Honey, there's more than one way to do things," the
      father replied patiently. "Daddy's way is OK, too."

      As they pulled out and headed down the street, he became
      aware of the scraping sound on the roof as the jug of
      milk slid down the length of the rooftop, bounced off
      the trunk of the car and splattered to the ground,
      sending a froth of white milk in every direction.

      In the millisecond he took to process his mistake, his
      young daughter looked at him, and in a most serious
      voice said, "That's NOT the way Mommy does it."



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each
      other.

      The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on
      the earth planet have developed satellite-based
      weapons."

      The second alien, who looks exactly like the first,
      asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

      The first spaceman says, "I don't think so... They have
      them aimed at themselves."

      Randy

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 1988 Sandi, The Dog Run and BJ's Problem

      The problem...
      I have a nice doggie run but Sandi keeps escaping. I think her
      chubbiness would not allow her to go over so I think it must be under.
      I walked around the fence and did not see where she could have gone
      under it. We have concrete under the fence bottom. So last night
      before dark, I put her in the dog run, closed the gate and called her.
      She just sat there and grinned at me as if to say 'I have a secret.'

      So I went into the dog run and asked her "Where do you get out?" She
      trotted over to the far east and the north corner of the fence and bent
      down and pawed at the fence and pointed with her snout. I said, "Okay,
      Let's leave this dog run." I opened the gate and she left. I walked
      over and sure enough there was enough space for her to crawl under the
      fence. Where the fence is anchored to the house, the bottom of the
      fence is loose. So I took a metal rod and temporarily fixed the bottom.
      Tonight I will hammer the rod into the ground, renail the nail that
      holds the fence to the side of the house and Sandi will again will a
      resident of the dog run. But she is smart, she understood my question
      and gave me an answer. Or perhaps she realized my problem.

      The Herd



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01



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      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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