Clean Chips For 1-2-10
- Clean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Here is the list of important birthdays for the month of January
1. Betsy Ross, Paul Revere, Jim Webster
2. Roger Miller, David Cone, Melissa Hall
3. Cheryl Miller, Bobby Hull, Mel Gibson, Lane Pope
4. Don Shula, Tom Thumb
5. Dick Endberg, Diane Keaton, Chuck Berry
6. Nancy Lopez, Sherlock Holmes
7. Katie Couric, Nicholas Cage, Kenny Loggins
8. David Bowie, Elvis Presley, Soupy Sales
9. Richard Nixon, Bart Starr, Crystal Gayle
10. George Foreman, Rod Stewart, Eddie Treadway
11. Ben Crenshaw, Alexander Hamilton, Tom Netherton
12. Howard Stern, Rush Limbaugh, Kristie Alley, Dean Beechy
13. Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Robert Stack, Yellow Rose, Lou Taylor
14. Benedict Arnold, Andy Rooney
15. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Jane Ervolino
16. A.J. Foyt, Ethel Merman
17. Muhammad Ali, Jim Carey, Benjamin Franklin
18. Mark Messier, Kevin Costner, A. A. Milne
19. Robert E. Lee, Janis Joplin, Edgar Allen Poe, Dave / Murphy
20. Buzz Aldrin, DeForest Kelly, Mitzi From Monti
21. Hakeem Olajuwon, Placido Domingo, Pat Stewart
22. Linda Blair, Joseph Wambaugh, Mike Bossy
23. Humphrey Bogart, John Hancock, Chuck Cottom, Rose Savage
24. Mary Lou Retton, John Belushi, Neil Diamond, Samantha in
25. Virginia Wolf, Robert Burns
26. Wayne Gretzky, Eddie Van Halen, Gene Siskel
27. Wolfgang Mozart, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Lewis Carroll
28. Alan Alda, Jackson Pollack, Elijah Wood
29. Oprah Winfrey, William McKinley, Tom Selleck
30. Franklin Roosevelt, Phil Collins, Dick Cheney
31. Nolan Ryan, Jackie Robinson, Justin Timberlake, Ernie Banks
I want to thank everyone that contributed to the Chips this year.
The stories, jokes, cartoons, and links that you share with the herd
makes this group unique. Just when I think that I have heard every
the world someone sends me something I have never seen before.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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An old Jewish man was dying in the hospital. his family - wife,
children, grandchildren - came to see him, but only one was allowed
in the room at a time.
Grandson Ben went in first. "Hello, Grampa Moishe. Can I do
something for you?"
"Yes," said Grampa Moishe. Go tell Gramma Sadie I want some of her
delicious chopped liver that she made yesterday."
Ben went out and told Gramma Sadie, who said, "Go tell Grampa Moishe
he can't have any chopped liver. It would kill him."
Ben went back in and reported what she'd said.
"You tell Gramma Sadie I want the chopped liver. I'm dying anyway
and it won't make any difference."
Ben went and told Gramma Sadie, who said, "Go tell Grampa Moishe he
can't have any. The chopped liver is for the Shivah."
Shivah; The seven days of mourning after the funeral. The family
stays in the house the entire week and prayer services are held in
the home each morning and evening.
DAILY SURVIVAL KIT
This New Year, I am giving you a DAILY SURVIVAL KIT, to help thru
Toothpick ... to remind you to pick the good qualities in everyone,
Rubber band ... to remind you to be flexible. Things might not
always go the way you want, but it can be worked out.
Band-Aid ... to remind you to heal hurt feelings, either yours or
Eraser ... to remind you everyone makes mistakes. That's okay, we
learn by our errors.
Candy Kiss ... to remind you everyone needs a hug or a compliment
Mint ... to remind you that you are worth a mint to your family.
Bubble Gum ... to remind you to stick with it and you can accomplish
Pencil ... to remind you to list your blessings every day.
Tea Bag ... to remind you to take time to relax daily and go over
that list of God's blessings.
This is what makes life worth living every minute, every day
Wishing you 365 days of love, gratitude, friends to cherish, caring,
sharing, laughter, music, warm feelings in your heart and soaring
with the eagles.
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A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day when she was
handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $10 bill dropped out.
She was most pleased at receiving the gift from her home folks, but
as she read the letter her attention was distracted by the actions
of a shabbily dressed stranger who was leaning against a post in
front of the convent.
She couldn't get him off her mind and thinking that he might be in
financial difficulties. She took the $10 bill and wrapped it in a
piece of paper, on which she had written, "Don't despair, Sister
Eulalia." She threw it out of the window to him.
He picked it up, read it, looked at her with a puzzled expression,
tipped his hat and went off down the street.
The next day she was in her room saying her prayers when she was
told that a man was at the door who insisted on seeing her.
She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger waiting for
her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll of bills.
When she asked what the bills were for he replied, "That's the sixty
bucks you have coming. Don't Despair paid 5-1."
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Back before the Berlin Wall came down, there was an 'Ossie' (East
German citizen) walking along near the wall. An undercover KGB agent
saw him and decided to try and trick him into making a statement of
"Comrade," called out the agent. "Eeef suddenly appeared BIG HOLE in
Vall there, Vat vould yuuu do?"
The KGB agent was expecting the citizen would say he would make a
run for it through the big hole, at which point he could be arrested
for disloyalty. But to the agent's surprise, the citizen replied,
"Eeef suddenly appeared BIG Hole in the Vall ... vould find biggest
tree, and climb up to top."
The agent hollered back, "Vhy would klimb up to top of biggest tree,
"So vould not be killed, by stampede."
Be Alert, Keep Track!
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Out Of The Mouths Of Men
"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a
stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete
"IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and
you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD."
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the
first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of
every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Means: "I
have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit
that I am hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am
hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't
spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE"
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: ""Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
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subject to change after Jan 31st, 2011.
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Subscribers and Friends
A KAIROS Moment
Angels Are Watching
Blink Of An Eye
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
MacGyver - How To Do It 2
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Meanings of the Names of the Days
Free Database Of Student Essays, Papers & Reports
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Reviews and free downloads at Download.com
Fast Track - Gotta get one ! Via Wesley
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
Cat Spot Tips!
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What A Wonderful World
What Old People Do For Fun
What The West Would Have Been Like With Shetland Ponies
When The Parents Are Gone
I just got off the phone with a friend in Minnesota ..
He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly
waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping below
zero and the north wind is increasing. His wife has done nothing
but look through the kitchen window all day. He says that if it
gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
Ten Good Things About The Flu
10. No one wants to come near you.
9. You can legally take sedatives.
8. You realize guests on daytime talk
shows have worse lives than you do.
7. You get away with being rude, obnoxious and surly.
6. You can smell like a baboon's butt and nobody complains.
5. You can shl
ep about the house unwashed
and in your housecoat all day.
4. No matter how bad you feel, it's still better than
how you felt after last month's tequila 'n' gin party.
3. Star Trek re-runs.
2. Your dog is allowed on the bed.
1. You get to pass the virus on to those you really dislike.
In Case Of Earthquake
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What was the electrician's favorite subject while in night school?
What do you call a man who knocks knights off horses?
What's better than a talking dog?
A spelling bee
Why was Cinderella such a poor football player?
She had a pumpkin for a coach
Did you hear about the cows that were shipped by raft down the
It was the first cattle-log business. (James Ertner)
Fushigi - Magic Gravity Ball
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Everyone loves the art of Fushigi.
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that
it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing
next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing.
As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death.
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1955
Christmas 2010 - The Doggie Wars
Sandi has been the Alpha dog of the four dog pack for years.
December 24th BJ decides to sit on Diana's bed.
Rudy is thinking: This is Diana's room, Diana's bed. This is my Dad.
I want to be close to him.
Sandi is thinking: What is Rudy doing getting close to my Daddy. I
will show him.
Both dogs rear up on their hind legs and attack each other no hold
Teeth flashing! Anger to the max! This is all out hate!
BJ: Stop it! He is ignored. He cannot get between 160 pounds of fury
for fear they will rip him to shreds. He continues to implore them
Soon they back off and quit.
BJ: What have you done? You are mates? You are best friends?
Sandi: We are done.
To be continued
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
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