Clean Chips For 8-1-10
- Clean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The start of another month, Let's look at who we know that
is having a birthday this month.
1. Jerry Garcia, Herman Melville
2. Jimmy Connors, Peter O'Toole, Patricia Barfield
3. Martin Sheen, Martha Stewart
4. Roger Clemens, Louis Armstrong, Ken Dryden, Jeff Gordon
5. Neil Armstrong, Loni Anderson, Smurf In Calgary
6. Lucille Ball, David Robinson, Andy Warhol
7. David Duchovny, Mata Hari, Heidi B.
8. Dustin Hoffman, Esther Williams, Dick Anderson
9. Deion Sanders, Whitney Houston, Brett Hull, Mary Alice Marr
10. Rosanna Arquette, Herbert Hoover, Jim Lynch
11. Hulk Hogan, Mike Douglas
12. Pete Sampras, Mark Knopfler
13. Annie Oakley, Ben Hogan, Alfred Hitchcock
14. Magic Johnson, Lynn Cheney, Halle Berry
15. Napolean Bonaparte, Debra Messing,Alberta Sabitini
16. Madonna, Kathie Lee Gifford, Frank Gifford
17. Sean Penn, Jim Courier, Robert DeNiro
18. Robert Redford, Christian Slater, Patrick Swayze
19. Bill Clinton, Gene Roddenberry, Orville Wright
20. Connie Chung, Robert Plant, Guy Lafleur
21. Wilt Chamberlain, Kenny Rogers, John Wetteland
22. Norman Schwarzkopf, Carl Yastrzemski
23. Kobe Bryant, Gene Kelly, Barbara Eden
24. Cal Ripken Jr., Reggie Miller, Marleen Eastin, Jo From Az.
25. Regis Philbin, Sean Connery, Connie From Ky, Peggy Kemp
26. Macaulay Culkin, Gerradine Ferraro
27. Lyndon Johnson, Mother Teresa, Barbara Bach, Bonnie Prescott
28. Scott Hamilton, Jason Priestley, Daniel Stern
29. Michael Jackson, Elliot Gould
30. Jean Claude Killy, Cameron Diaz
31. Hideo Nomo, Richard Gere, Edward Moses
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Some possible slogans for Government Motors new Chevy Volt:
Volt: If it Moves Tax it, If it keeps moving Regulate it, if it
stops moving you're driving a Volt.
Volt: There is no substitute....After they mandate it.
Volt: Unlike any other...for a reason.
Volt: Because now that we don't have to worry about profits we can
Volt: Because who's going to stop us.
Volt: Because every generation should have its own Yugo.
Volt: We wanted to call it "Buyers Remorse" but corporate shot us
Volt: With government funding we don't really have to care.
Volt: Sometimes bad ideas come to life.
Volt: Almost as fun as walking.
Volt: Almost as fast as walking.
Volt: Laughter may vary.
Volt: We were going to call it the Obummer.
Volt: No seriously its a car.
Volt: Your dog won't want to stick his head out the window.
Volt: Because Pinto jokes are dated.
Volt: Already halfway to the junkyard.
Volt: Face it we're just burning your money.
Volt: Because you CAN put lipstick on a pig.
Volt: You voted for stupid why not drive it.
Volt: For the man who likes to embarrass his kids.
Volt: Ugly car for an ugly future.
Volt: Its Self-flagellation on wheels.
Volt: Because sometimes Golf carts seem pretentous.
Volt: Even Castro is laughing at you...
Volt: Think of it as your new SUV, minus the "sport" and the
Volt: Inspiring people to walk since 2010.
Volt: Because we took the term "Cash for Clunkers" seriously.
Volt: Because you hate yourself.
Volt: Because secretly we really do want to boost Ford Sales.
Volt: When you hate people asking you for a ride.
Volt: Because your Government DOES have a sense of humor.
Volt: Because we're already screwing up your healthcare.
Volt: You've seen the Smart Car here's the Stupid Car.
Volt: Its like a sitcom that you drive.
Volt: Because making a car people will want to drive would be too
Volt: An Homage to a crappy Presidency.
Volt: Obama's next reason to go around the world apologizing.
Volt: Even if you don't buy one, you're still paying for it.
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Take A Bit
Quasimodo comes home from work one night and his wife has made a
"Great!" he says.
Next night he comes home from work, and it's stir-fry again.
"Just as delicious as last night," he says.
Next night -- stir-fry again. "Tastes great, but I'm getting kind
of sick of stir-fry again," he says.
Next night -- stir-fry again.
"Listen," he says, "tomorrow make whatever you want, as long as it's
Next day he leaves work early (asking an assistant to ring vespers
for him) so that he can catch her before she begins cooking. He
walks in the front door and there she is, taking the wok down off
"Aha!" he says. "You're going to make stir-fry again!"
"Don't be silly," she says. "I'm going to iron your shirts."
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One evening, though, I heard a short man say to his partner, "I'll
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The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all
the work on his house. "You did a great job." he said and handed
the man a check. "Also, in order to thank-you, here's an extra $80
to take the missus out to dinner and a movie."
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter.
Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, "What's the
matter, did you forget something?"
"Nope." replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out
to dinner and a movie like you asked."
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Why are garbage men unhappy
Because they are down in the dumps every day.
Why did the lazy man want to work in the shoe store
Because he was a loafer.
Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs
He was always horsing around
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fire?
So he could sleep like a log.
Why is a shoemaker like a clergyman
Both try to save soles.
If the Pilgrims came over on the Mayflower, how did the barbers
On clipper ships.
How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?
It depends on what you want to change it into
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Old Mrs. Cohen sidled up to a guest at one of her daughter's social
evenings. She had heard him addressed as doctor and now she said
diffidently, "Doctor, may I ask a question?"
"Certainly," he said.
"Lately," said Mrs. Cohen, "I have been having a funny pain right
here under the heart--"
The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, "I'm terribly sorry,
Mrs. Cohen, but the truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy."
"Oh," said Mrs. Cohen, "I'm sorry!" She turned away, but then
overcome with curiosity, she turned back. "Just one more question,
doctor. Tell me, what kind of disease is philosophy?"
A redneck girl went on a trip to Italy with her father. When they
returned from their tour, she informed a friend that he liked all
the Italian cities, but most of all he loved Venice.
"Venice, eh?" said the friend. "I can understand why your father
would like Venice with its gondolas, and all..."
"Oh, no," the young lady interrupted, "it wasn't that. He liked it
best because he could sit in the hotel and fish from the window."
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Melva/Lead Me Home
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Nextel Dance Party
Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all
been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special
day, they'd each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side
for their first legal drink.
So when Bubba's 21st birthday came 'round, he and his pal Jim Bob
took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Bubba stepped out of the
boat ...and nearly drowned! Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him
Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother.
'Grandma,' he asked, 'it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk
'cross the lake like my pappy, his father, and his father before
Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and said, 'Because
your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were born
in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you
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Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful
doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted
after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were
able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in
The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you
know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well.
I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the
entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had
to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the
church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and
verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out
her Thank You notes.
She wrote: " Milton , the house you built is so huge I live in only
one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries
delivered, so never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it
could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my
hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the
gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to
give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank
Luv Ya, MAMA
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A woman phones up her husband at work,
"I´ve got some good news and some bad
news for you dear."
"I´m sorry honey," he says, "I´m up to my neck
in work today and I´m totally stressed, so just
give me the good news, OK?"
"Well," she says, "the air bags work... "
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
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