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Clean Chips For 8-1-10

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. The start of another month, Let s look at who we
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 1, 2010
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      The start of another month, Let's look at who we know that
      is having a birthday this month.

      1. Jerry Garcia, Herman Melville
      2. Jimmy Connors, Peter O'Toole, Patricia Barfield
      3. Martin Sheen, Martha Stewart
      4. Roger Clemens, Louis Armstrong, Ken Dryden, Jeff Gordon
      5. Neil Armstrong, Loni Anderson, Smurf In Calgary
      6. Lucille Ball, David Robinson, Andy Warhol
      7. David Duchovny, Mata Hari, Heidi B.
      8. Dustin Hoffman, Esther Williams, Dick Anderson
      9. Deion Sanders, Whitney Houston, Brett Hull, Mary Alice Marr
      10. Rosanna Arquette, Herbert Hoover, Jim Lynch
      11. Hulk Hogan, Mike Douglas
      12. Pete Sampras, Mark Knopfler
      13. Annie Oakley, Ben Hogan, Alfred Hitchcock
      14. Magic Johnson, Lynn Cheney, Halle Berry
      15. Napolean Bonaparte, Debra Messing,Alberta Sabitini
      16. Madonna, Kathie Lee Gifford, Frank Gifford
      17. Sean Penn, Jim Courier, Robert DeNiro
      18. Robert Redford, Christian Slater, Patrick Swayze
      19. Bill Clinton, Gene Roddenberry, Orville Wright
      20. Connie Chung, Robert Plant, Guy Lafleur
      21. Wilt Chamberlain, Kenny Rogers, John Wetteland
      22. Norman Schwarzkopf, Carl Yastrzemski
      23. Kobe Bryant, Gene Kelly, Barbara Eden
      24. Cal Ripken Jr., Reggie Miller, Marleen Eastin, Jo From Az.
      25. Regis Philbin, Sean Connery, Connie From Ky, Peggy Kemp
      26. Macaulay Culkin, Gerradine Ferraro
      27. Lyndon Johnson, Mother Teresa, Barbara Bach, Bonnie Prescott
      28. Scott Hamilton, Jason Priestley, Daniel Stern
      29. Michael Jackson, Elliot Gould
      30. Jean Claude Killy, Cameron Diaz
      31. Hideo Nomo, Richard Gere, Edward Moses

      Enjoy the chips.... buffalo


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      Volt Chips

      Some possible slogans for Government Motors new Chevy Volt:

      Volt: If it Moves Tax it, If it keeps moving Regulate it, if it
      stops moving you're driving a Volt.

      Volt: There is no substitute....After they mandate it.

      Volt: Unlike any other...for a reason.

      Volt: Because now that we don't have to worry about profits we can
      do anything.

      Volt: Because who's going to stop us.

      Volt: Because every generation should have its own Yugo.

      Volt: We wanted to call it "Buyers Remorse" but corporate shot us

      Volt: With government funding we don't really have to care.

      Volt: Sometimes bad ideas come to life.

      Volt: Almost as fun as walking.

      Volt: Almost as fast as walking.

      Volt: Laughter may vary.

      Volt: We were going to call it the Obummer.

      Volt: No seriously its a car.

      Volt: Your dog won't want to stick his head out the window.

      Volt: Because Pinto jokes are dated.

      Volt: Already halfway to the junkyard.

      Volt: Face it we're just burning your money.

      Volt: Because you CAN put lipstick on a pig.

      Volt: You voted for stupid why not drive it.

      Volt: For the man who likes to embarrass his kids.

      Volt: Ugly car for an ugly future.

      Volt: Its Self-flagellation on wheels.

      Volt: Because sometimes Golf carts seem pretentous.

      Volt: Even Castro is laughing at you...

      Volt: Think of it as your new SUV, minus the "sport" and the

      Volt: Inspiring people to walk since 2010.

      Volt: Because we took the term "Cash for Clunkers" seriously.

      Volt: Because you hate yourself.

      Volt: Because secretly we really do want to boost Ford Sales.

      Volt: When you hate people asking you for a ride.

      Volt: Because your Government DOES have a sense of humor.

      Volt: Because we're already screwing up your healthcare.

      Volt: You've seen the Smart Car here's the Stupid Car.

      Volt: Its like a sitcom that you drive.

      Volt: Because making a car people will want to drive would be too

      Volt: An Homage to a crappy Presidency.

      Volt: Obama's next reason to go around the world apologizing.

      Volt: Even if you don't buy one, you're still paying for it.



      Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait


      Take A Bit



      Hunchback Chips

      Quasimodo comes home from work one night and his wife has made a
      delicious stir-fry.

      "Great!" he says.

      Next night he comes home from work, and it's stir-fry again.

      "Just as delicious as last night," he says.

      Next night -- stir-fry again. "Tastes great, but I'm getting kind
      of sick of stir-fry again," he says.

      Next night -- stir-fry again.

      "Listen," he says, "tomorrow make whatever you want, as long as it's
      not stir-fry."

      Next day he leaves work early (asking an assistant to ring vespers
      for him) so that he can catch her before she begins cooking. He
      walks in the front door and there she is, taking the wok down off
      the rack.

      "Aha!" he says. "You're going to make stir-fry again!"

      "Don't be silly," she says. "I'm going to iron your shirts."


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      Short Chips

      At six feet, seven inches tall, my husband, Peter, is easy to spot
      in a crowd. I used to wonder why, at the end of parties, he was
      always surrounded by people.

      One evening, though, I heard a short man say to his partner, "I'll
      meet you at Peter McDowell at 10:00 P.M.

      The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all
      the work on his house. "You did a great job." he said and handed
      the man a check. "Also, in order to thank-you, here's an extra $80
      to take the missus out to dinner and a movie."
      Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter.
      Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, "What's the
      matter, did you forget something?"
      "Nope." replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out
      to dinner and a movie like you asked."

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      Riddle Chips

      Why are garbage men unhappy
      Because they are down in the dumps every day.

      Why did the lazy man want to work in the shoe store
      Because he was a loafer.

      Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs
      He was always horsing around

      Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fire?
      So he could sleep like a log.

      Why is a shoemaker like a clergyman
      Both try to save soles.

      If the Pilgrims came over on the Mayflower, how did the barbers
      On clipper ships.

      How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?
      It depends on what you want to change it into


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      Short Chips

      Old Mrs. Cohen sidled up to a guest at one of her daughter's social
      evenings. She had heard him addressed as doctor and now she said
      diffidently, "Doctor, may I ask a question?"

      "Certainly," he said.

      "Lately," said Mrs. Cohen, "I have been having a funny pain right
      here under the heart--"

      The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, "I'm terribly sorry,
      Mrs. Cohen, but the truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy."

      "Oh," said Mrs. Cohen, "I'm sorry!" She turned away, but then
      overcome with curiosity, she turned back. "Just one more question,
      doctor. Tell me, what kind of disease is philosophy?"

      A redneck girl went on a trip to Italy with her father. When they
      returned from their tour, she informed a friend that he liked all
      the Italian cities, but most of all he loved Venice.

      "Venice, eh?" said the friend. "I can understand why your father
      would like Venice with its gondolas, and all..."

      "Oh, no," the young lady interrupted, "it wasn't that. He liked it
      best because he could sit in the hotel and fish from the window."


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      Surfin Surfari

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      Kitty Korner

      Horse Costumes


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      Nextel Dance Party

      No Fear


      Tradition Chips

      Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
      It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all
      been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special
      day, they'd each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side
      for their first legal drink.

      So when Bubba's 21st birthday came 'round, he and his pal Jim Bob
      took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Bubba stepped out of the
      boat ...and nearly drowned! Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him
      to safety.

      Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother.

      'Grandma,' he asked, 'it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk
      'cross the lake like my pappy, his father, and his father before

      Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and said, 'Because
      your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were born
      in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you
      dumb ass.'



      Toon Chips


      Three Words



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      Parrot Chips

      Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful
      doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted
      after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were
      able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another
      The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
      The second said, " I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in
      the house."
      The third said, "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
      The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you
      know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well.
      I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the
      entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had
      to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the
      church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and
      verse and the parrot will recite it."

      The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out
      her Thank You notes.
      She wrote: " Milton , the house you built is so huge I live in only
      one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
      "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries
      delivered, so never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
      "Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it
      could hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my
      hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the
      gesture just the same."
      "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to
      give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank

      Luv Ya, MAMA


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      Parting Chips

      A woman phones up her husband at work,

      "I´ve got some good news and some bad
      news for you dear."

      "I´m sorry honey," he says, "I´m up to my neck
      in work today and I´m totally stressed, so just
      give me the good news, OK?"

      "Well," she says, "the air bags work... "



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      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady


      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


      Remember 9/11/01

      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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