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Clean Chips For 6-1

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. June is one of those months where there isn t much
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 1, 2010
      Clean Clean



      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.



      June is one of those months where there isn't much happening
      as far as established reasons to party except for Father's Day
      and weddings. Here's the list to get you through the rest of the
      month.


      1 Dare Day

      2 National Bubba Day

      3 Repeat Day

      4 Applesauce Cake Day

      4 Hug Your Cat Day

      4 Old Maid's Day

      5 World Environment Day

      6 National Doughnut Day

      6 National Gardening Exercise Day

      6 National Yo-Yo Day

      7 National Chocolate Ice Cream Day

      8 Best Friends Day

      8 Name Your Poison Day

      9 Donald Duck Day

      10 Iced Tea Day

      11 Hug Holiday

      12 Red Rose Day

      13 Blame Someone Else Day

      13 Sewing Machine Day

      14 Flag Day

      15 Smile Power Day

      16 Fresh Veggies Day

      17 Eat Your Vegetables Day

      17 World Juggler's Day

      18 Go Fishing Day

      18 International Panic Day

      18 National Splurge Day

      19 World Sauntering Day

      20 Ice Cream Soda Day

      21 Summer Solstice

      21 Go Skate Day

      21 National Hollerin' Contest Day

      22 National Chocolate Eclair Day

      23 National Columnists Day

      23 National Pink Day

      23 Take Your Dog to Work Day

      24 Swim a Lap Day

      25 Log Cabin Day

      25 National Catfish Day

      26 Beautician's Day

      26 Forgiveness Day

      27 Paul Bunyan Day

      27 Sun Glasses Day

      28 Insurance Awareness Day

      29 Camera Day

      29 Waffle Iron Day

      30 Meteor Day

      Enjoy the chips.... buffalo

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Dog Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Boudreaux and his wife, Clothilde lived on a little farm outside
      Mamou, Louisiana. One day Clothilde said, "Mais, Boudreaux, you have
      got to get rid of dat dog. All he does is lie under the front porch
      and turn over da trash cans."

      Boudreaux said, "Okay Cher. I'll get rid of him."

      He put him in the pickup, drove down the road a couple of miles and
      dumped him out. He drove home and in a few minutes the dog showed
      up. So he put him back in the truck, drove several more miles and
      dumped him out. After getting back home, the dog showed up again.

      Clothilde said, "You have to take him out and drive around and
      around a lot in circles, den dump him out dat way he won't know da
      way home."

      Boudreaux said, "You some smart, Clothilde, and dats why I married
      you."

      Boudreaux took the dog, drove all around and zig zagged a lot then
      dumped the dog out. He started back home but pulled over and parked
      and called Clothilde on his cell phone. "Has dat dog come back yet?"

      Clothilde answered, "Yes, he just came in."

      Boudreaux said, "Well, put him up to da phone - I'm lost."

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Random Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On
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      "How do you know when you're at 300 feet?" asked one woman.

      "A good question," replied the instructor. "At 300 feet you can
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      The woman thought about this for awhile before saying,

      "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

      -------------------------

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      Q. What's the difference betwen at cat and a comma?

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      Q. What do you call a parrot in a raincoat?

      A Polyunsaturated,


      Q. What do you get when you cross a teddy bear and a skunk?

      A. Winnie the Peeyew!


      Q. What wears a coat in the winter and pants in the summer?

      A. A dog.

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Tourists ask a lot of interesting questions as we travel among the
      Hawaiian Islands on my charter boat. Some people wanted to know,
      "Does the water go all the way around the island?"
      Another asked, "How much farther until we're in the ocean?"
      The one that made me want to jump overboard was, "Can you
      please take the boat closer to the sunset?"
      -------------------------------------------------
      Nights in England are coal black, making parachute jumps
      difficult. We attach small lights called chemlites to make our
      jumpsuits visible to the rest of the team.
      Late one night, lost after a practice jump, we knocked at
      the door of a small cottage. When a woman answered, she was greeted
      by the sight of five men festooned in glowing chemlites.
      "Excuse me," I said, "Can you tell us where we are?"
      In a thick English accent, the woman replied, "Earth."
      ------------------------------------------
      I believe Spud wants a pair of glasses. I don't know why
      she does. Perhaps glasses are now "cool" to have in school? But
      though she sees just fine, she still says she needs glasses.
      I took her to the eye doctor just to check it out though.
      Spud was asked to read the bottom row of letters on the eye chart.
      She said, "All right, I can see the 'O' and the 'P' and the 'T,' but
      not the 'N' and the 'Z.'"

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      51 Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security,
      super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

      Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were
      very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They
      immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an
      interrogation room.

      The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, and
      spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air
      Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him
      overnight during the investigation.

      By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really
      was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a
      terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats
      of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was
      that-a-way on such and such a heading, and sent him on his way.

      The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same
      Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...
      only this time there were two people in the plane.

      The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but
      my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last
      night!"

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Odds Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Two men walk into a bar. One sits at one end
      of the bar and the other at the opposite end.
      The bartender asks the first man what he wants.

      I'll have a Frizzle...that's a beer with a splash of
      tonic, a splash of orange juice, a squeeze of lemon,
      no lime."

      Then the man at the other end of the bar orders.
      "Make mine a Frizzle.It's a beer with just a bit of
      tonic, a bit of orange juice, a squeeze of lemon,
      but no lime."

      The astonished bartender makes the drinks. Then
      he asks the first man what he does for a living.

      "I am a theoretical mathematician at the university."

      Then he asks the other man what he does.

      "Theoretical mathematician at the college."

      "This is remarkable," says the bartender. "You both
      order a drink that I've never heard of. You have the
      identical profession and you both walk into my bar
      on the same day at the same time. What are the
      odds on something like that happening?"

      Both men look up and answer in unison, "Twelve
      trillion, nine hundred, and eighty-seven billion to
      one."



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Surprise Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      As my son's seventh birthday approached, his excitement was reaching
      an all-time high. As usual, Tommy was allowed to invite about a
      dozen kids who live on our block. The morning of the big day, a
      woman called to say she couldn't make the party. I must have
      sounded confused, so she added, "I'm Tommy's teacher." She paused,
      then said, "Didn't you know he'd invited me?" "No," I said, "but
      you're welcome to drop in later for a slice of birthday cake." After
      another pause, she said, "Did you know he asked the entire class ...
      23 children in all?"

      I hung up and turned to Tommy, who was fairly bursting with glee. I
      asked why he had done such a thing. "I always wanted a surprise
      party, Mom! Are you surprised?"


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Toon Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      While practicing auto-rotations during a military
      night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up
      the landing and landed on the tail rotor.

      The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail
      boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained
      upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing
      360s.

      As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant
      shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that
      took place...

      Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"

      Cobra: "I don't know, Tower. We ain't done crashing
      yet."

      ****************************************************************

      The paper machine's speed controlled drive system
      was down and the company was losing $10,000 an
      hour in profits. They placed an emergency call to the
      General Electric repair service, and since it was 3:00
      am on Saturday night, the only repair man they had
      available was old Charlie.

      Old Charlie had been a repairman for 35 years and
      was only two years from retirement. He had seen it
      all and wasn't impressed by much.

      As old Charlie pulled up to the guard shack at the
      plant entrance, he was waved through and greeted
      by no one less than the plant manager. "Thank
      goodness you're here" he said "How long will it take
      you to fix it?"

      Now Charlie had had nothing more than the sketchiest
      description of the problem but he replied without
      hesitation, "Oh about fifteen minutes."

      "Great!" replied the plant manager, "My men will show
      you where the drive controls are and get you anything
      you need."

      After three hours of testing, reading prints, asking
      questions, the drive system was still not working.

      The plant manager became increasingly enraged and
      accosted old Charlie, "I thought you said you
      could fix this thing in FIFTEEN MINUTES!"

      "I can and I will, " he replied, "As soon as I figure out
      what the heck is wrong with it!"


      Randy

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      RIDDLES

      What did the pen say to the pencil?
      "So, what's your point?"

      Where are you most likely to catch a cold
      On a-choo-choo-train.

      What should you wear to tell your co-workers you were fired.
      A pink slip.

      What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
      A jeweler sells watches. A jailer watches cells.

      Why is a groupie like a man hit by a Wells Fargo wagon?
      They are both stage struck

      What did the robber get for robbing the rubber band factory
      A long stretch

      Stan Kegel

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 1803

      Mommy Comes Home

      BJ arrives home with Diana the next evening. The dogs swarm all
      over
      her.

      Rudy: This is a fine thing to do mom.

      Diana: You called me mom...

      Sandi: We missed you. Are you okay?

      Diana: I am fine. I feel perfect.

      Rudy: Then how about rustling up some grub for us?

      Katie: Rutherford!

      Rudy: I was just kidding...

      Val: Where did you go?

      Diana: To a hospital. I found out I was allergic to some new
      medicine.
      It made me very ill.

      Rudy: Ill I say, heck it made my feet hurt.

      Diana: What do you mean?

      BJ: He was so nervous he broke down a door. Actually two doors.

      The herd in Guthrie


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01



      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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