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Clean Chips For 1-1

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. If you are reading this I guess we both made it to
    Message 1 of 1 , Jan 1, 2010
      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      If you are reading this I guess we both made it to 2010. Good Job.
      Although I have taken time to look ahead to the coming events
      of 2010 I can't say I necessarily look forward to them. My 40th
      High School Reunion is this year and although I have renewed
      some friendships through Facebook, I have been to only one
      other reunion and out of a class of 300 I only recognized a handful.
      That was ten years ago and they all looked really old at that time,
      thought maybe I had found the class of 1960. I knew I hadn't changed

      like that but then I don't really like mirrors.

      Here is the list of important birthdays for the month of January

      1. Betsy Ross, Paul Revere, Jim Webster
      2. Roger Miller, David Cone, Melissa Hall
      3. Cheryl Miller, Bobby Hull, Mel Gibson, Lane Pope
      4. Don Shula, Tom Thumb
      5. Dick Endberg, Diane Keaton, Chuck Berry
      6. Nancy Lopez, Sherlock Holmes
      7. Katie Couric, Nicholas Cage, Kenny Loggins
      8. David Bowie, Elvis Presley, Soupy Sales
      9. Richard Nixon, Bart Starr, Crystal Gayle
      10. George Foreman, Rod Stewart, Eddie Treadway
      11. Ben Crenshaw, Alexander Hamilton, Tom Netherton
      12. Howard Stern, Rush Limbaugh, Kristie Alley, Dean Beechy
      13. Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Robert Stack, Yellow Rose, Lou Taylor
      14. Benedict Arnold, Andy Rooney
      15. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Jane Ervolino
      16. A.J. Foyt, Ethel Merman
      17. Muhammad Ali, Jim Carey, Benjamin Franklin
      18. Mark Messier, Kevin Costner, A. A. Milne
      19. Robert E. Lee, Janis Joplin, Edgar Allen Poe, Dave / Murphy
      20. Buzz Aldrin, DeForest Kelly, Mitzi From Monti
      21. Hakeem Olajuwon, Placido Domingo, Pat Stewart
      22. Linda Blair, Joseph Wambaugh, Mike Bossy
      23. Humphrey Bogart, John Hancock, Chuck Cottom, Rose Savage
      24. Mary Lou Retton, John Belushi, Neil Diamond, Samantha in
      25. Virginia Wolf, Robert Burns
      26. Wayne Gretzky, Eddie Van Halen, Gene Siskel
      27. Wolfgang Mozart, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Lewis Carroll
      28. Alan Alda, Jackson Pollack, Elijah Wood
      29. Oprah Winfrey, William McKinley, Tom Selleck
      30. Franklin Roosevelt, Phil Collins, Dick Cheney
      31. Nolan Ryan, Jackie Robinson, Justin Timberlake, Ernie Banks

      I want to thank everyone that contributed to the Chips this year.
      stories, jokes, cartoons, and links that you share with the herd
      this group unique. Just when I think that I have heard every joke in
      the world someone sends me something I have never seen before.

      Enjoy the chips.... buffalo


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      New Year Chips

      There was a woman whose hind end had blown up to where she
      could NOT wear any of the regular clothes she had worn all her life.
      She consulted with an OB/GYN about her waistline, who referred her
      to a cosmetologist.
      The cosmetologist told her, "SURE! We can cure your problem
      with little difficulty. Just a little time on the operating table,
      and a few weeks' healing time when you go home." She agreed, and
      the doctor told her to report for surgery the following Monday.
      When she went home, once again she could get into slacks with a
      thirty-inch waistline!! She was singing all kinds of praises for
      the doctor.
      When New Year's eve rolled around, at the party she went to,
      very few people recognized her from the back! The surgery was that
      At midnight, when the clock stopped striking, she turned and
      gazed at the crowd who were there.
      She then raised her voice as loud as she could and said...
      "HAPPY NEW REAR!" -- Ross


      Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

      Halloween Monster Name

      Governor of Poker

      Age of War


      Teenager Chips

      "Teenager Daughter Owner's Manual" Instructions for all those with
      teenage daughters or daughters
      who think they are teenagers or who will eventually be teenagers.

      Teenager Owner's Manual Congratulations! You are now the proud
      new owner of a teenage daughter.

      Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the main-
      tenance of your new daughter, and answers important questions
      about your warranty (which does NOT include the right to
      return the product to the factory for a full refund.)


      To determine whether you were supposed to receive a teenager
      girl, please examine your new daughter carefully. Does she:

      (a) look very similar to your original daughter, only with
      more makeup and less clothing?

      (b) refuse to acknowledge your existence on the planet Earth
      (except when requesting money)?

      (c) Sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry?

      If any of these are true, you have received the correct item.
      Nice try, though.


      Air Climber - Make Exercise Fun Again

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      the fat.

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      Golf Chips

      Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when
      one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.

      "Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other
      guy replied that no, he only needed the one.

      "Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose
      that ball?"

      The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't
      lose it, so I don't need another one."

      Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the
      ball goes in the lake?"

      "That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be
      able to retrieve it."

      "Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost
      among the bushes and shrubs?"

      The other guy replied, "That's okay, too. You see, this special golf
      ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back - no problem."

      Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late,
      the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are
      you going to do then?"

      "No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is florescent.
      I'll be able to see it in the dark."

      Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend
      asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"

      The other guy replies, "I found it."


      Thompson Cigar- Americas oldest mail order cigar company!

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      Short Chips

      My mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to relieve
      her irritation. When she returned home she informed him that she had
      purchased ten new dresses. "Ten!" he hollered, "What could any woman
      want with ten new dresses??" My mom calmly replied, "Ten new pairs
      of shoes."
      My friend, a trucker, is often caught in commuter rush-hour traffic.
      One morning when everything came to a standstill, he sat high up in
      his 18-wheeler singing and whistling. A passenger in a nearby car,
      frustrated by the delay, yelled up at my brother, "What are you so
      happy about?" "I'm already at work!" he cheerfully replied.
      It was their first date, and she'd shown the patience of a saint as
      he babbled on and on about his hobbies, his pet peeves, his driving
      techniques, and even the standards he used to choose his barber.
      Finally, he came up for air and said, "But enough about me. Let's
      talk about you." She breathed a sigh of relief. He went on, "What do
      you think about me?"


      Hotwire introduces- travel ticker

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      Resolution Chips


      16. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to,
      uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done,

      15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is
      much more practical.

      14. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

      13. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the
      phone at the same time with the same person.

      12. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.

      11. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.

      10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get
      another 1.44MB disk.

      9. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.

      8. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer

      7. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all
      the mail I get from it.

      6. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line.

      5. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*

      4. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily... well, once
      a week... monthly, perhaps...

      3. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.

      2. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.

      1. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.



      Organize and save space with ShoesUnder - now 75% off!

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      matched pair. Tame the mess with Shoes Under, the ultimate storage
      solution. It keeps your shoes organized and your closet neat and

      - Protects and organizes
      - Saves valuable closet space
      - Store almost anywhere



      Little Johnny Chips

      Little Johnny had just gotten his ear pierced, and the other
      students were bombarding him with questions about the process.

      "Does the hole go all the way through?" Billy asked.

      "Yes," answered Little Johnny.

      "Did it hurt?" asked Susie.

      "Just a little," replied Little Johnny.

      "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" asked Jacob.

      "No, they used a special gun," said Little Johnny.

      Silence followed, and then Joe called out, "Like, how far away did
      they stand?"


      Home Smart Power Dock

      Say goodbye to counter clutter forever with Power Dock. Keep your
      cell phone, charger, music player and more without any tangling.
      Hooks are also attached for hanging keys. Stay organized, charged
      and ready to go whenever, wherever - from your home to your office.

      Order today and we'll double the offer.

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      LynnLynn's Links

      If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
      e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@...

      Subscribers and Friends

      Melva/The County Fair

      ~~ Just For You~~ Graphics by Moon and Back

      ~~New Year Wishes~~

      ~~Happy New Year~~


      Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.

      Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
      impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
      seen in over 50 years.

      And here's everything they don't want you to know...



      New Year's Cheer via Barbara

      In pictures: New Year around the world Via Dianne


      carolyn w/ Happy New Year ~ Elvis Presley


      Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
      have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
      especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
      because I think it's just the right thing to do.

      Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
      going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
      minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
      that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
      and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
      you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
      advantage of this:

      As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
      Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
      morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.

      Press here to get your copy:



      Inspiring Irish Blessing - E-Water

      I Am The New Year

      New Year's Resolutions

      Another Year Has Gone By


      Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
      on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or

      Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
      ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
      now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.

      PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate



      Happy New Year Via Carol

      A New Year Prayer~


      We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
      documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
      you thought you could never get back.

      Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
      pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File

      You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
      analysis scan that will allow you to view deleted pictures, files,
      documents, etc... Once you have complete the -free- analysis scan
      you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
      other people have deleted from your computer.

      Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
      files you want to recover.

      Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:



      Here is some more information about this new way to watch

      1) All of the programming is uncensored!

      2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
      And new channels are added every day!

      3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
      And new stations are added daily!

      4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
      your PC and laptop!

      5) No additional hardware is needed!

      6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!

      Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:



      Movie Links

      Fedex Castaway


      German Engineering

      God Bless The USA

      Grimper Rocher


      Alarm Chips

      10 Most Annoying Alarm Clocks

      #10 - Climbing clock . It hangs above your head and starts climbing
      rings. Don't wake up fast enough, and you won't be able to shut it
      up without a ladder.

      # 9 Wake Up Puzzle . You have to build the puzzle to make it stop

      # 8 Wake or Curse . You can ask it what the time is and it will
      answer. But if you don't wake up quickly enough it will curse you.

      # 7 High Tech . This one has a vibrator, 95 db alarm and police
      style rotating light that you cannot ignore.

      # 6 Find The Pin - You need find the right pin to stop it's
      ringing. Not going to stay sleepy after this mission.

      # 5 Chicken and Egg Problem - The egg laying alarm clock. It will
      down after you put all the eggs back.

      # 4 GI Joe . You will wake to the sound of your commander's wake up
      call. Don't mess with it.

      # 3 Floating Around - Will float around the room until you'll catch

      # 2 Kaboom - This acoustic grenade will wake the neighborhood with
      it's ultra loud sound level.

      # 1 Hide and Seek - The winner is the hide and seek alarm clock.
      Once it begins to ring it falls down to the floor and finds a
      random place to hide. Chase it down or else you're doomed.


      Prevent pet accidents in your home with Pet Zoom Pet Park. It's made
      of a synthetic grass like surface that prevents stains and rinses
      clean in seconds. Unlike dripping newspapers and expensive wee wee
      pads, Pet Zoom Pet Park's reusable surface stays fresh and sanitary.
      Use it for training puppies to special needs dogs to long days at
      the office.

      Protect your upholstery and flooring with Pet Zoom Pet Park.

      View Website



      Toon Chips

      cat favor

      cat fish bowl

      cat fixed

      cat fred

      free cat

      cat fud


      The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
      Cats Claws While They Play! The secret is the patented honeycomb
      surface that works like a nail file, gently filing away sharpness.

      Your package includes:
      Durable Base with built in catnip
      Cute, playful kitty toy
      Packet of catnip
      Bonus De-shedder

      Buy 1 get 1 FREE Now for only $19.95 plus you'll receive the Bonus
      Gift absolutely FREE!



      Riddle Chips


      What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
      A sand witch.

      What kind of key opens a casket?
      A skeleton key

      How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
      He turns into a bat every night.

      What is the best type of journal for trees and bushes?
      A loose-leaf notebook

      Which is lighter, the sun or the earth?
      The sun. It rises every morning

      Stan Kegel


      Dryer Maid Dryer Ball

      Get rid of pet hair from clothes, sheets and towels while they
      tumble in your dryer. The Dryer Maid is like thousands of tiny lint
      brushes in every load of laundry and it automatically releases it
      into your lint trap for quick disposal.

      Save money and time for only $14.99 + S&H.

      View Website



      Parting Chips

      In the office where I work, there is a constant battle between our
      technical-support director and customer-service personnel over the
      room temperature, which is usually too low.

      The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his
      announced one afternoon, "We need to keep the temperature below
      seventy-five degrees or the computers will overheat."

      Thinking that this was just another excuse, one of my shivering
      colleagues retorted, "Yeah right. So how did they keep the computers

      from overheating before there was air conditioning?"


      The Tushee Comforter is the alternative to just placing a towel on
      any chair, bench, or pool lounger. It protects against dirt, sweat,
      and heat, while never falling off or blowing away. The Tushee forms
      a secure pocket over any seat and can be adjusted to any width or
      length to offer a soft comfortable seat. Relax and look stylish on a
      soft plush Velour surface that provides real comfort. Plus, the
      personalization makes it a pleasant surprise gift for him or her.

      Throw away those chair covers! Put down a TUSHEE. The multipurpose,
      adjustable, soft secure pocket that fits over any seat. Now you can
      add a soft, 100% cotton Terry Lounge Cover, to any seat for extra
      lounging comfort. Act now and take advantage of the Tushee 2X offer.



      Bonus Chip

      A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of Republican
      politicians. They called down to ground control with their
      list of demands to the Democrats, and added that if their
      demands weren't met, they would release one Republican
      politician every hour.


      The SlipOver - Dual Sided Slipcover - As Seen on TV

      Make your old, ugly beat-up sofa look BRAND NEW
      With Slipover, the Only Reversible Slipcover!
      Get 2 Matching Reversible Pillow Covers FREE*
      Plus a FREE* Add-On Organizer- so you will never lose your remote

      One-piece universal fit
      Comfy, cozy fabric
      Machine washable, won't shrink or fade
      Patent-pending design
      Easy care fabric that's stain resistant!



      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady

      Birthday part 3

      Sandi: Well the first two officers came back and asked Katie to
      unhypnotise them. Well you know Katie. She is about 90 percent
      good at what she does. She made them think they were not chickens
      but were birds. They would up in the top of our trees.

      Diana: That is terrible.

      Sandi: Yeah. Rudy was rolling and laughing. Katie was nervous and
      trying everything to get them down.

      Diana: What did you do?

      Sandi: Muffin went in and got Dad.
      Dad didn't believe her. Two policemen in the top of the trees
      squaking like birds.

      Diana: So what happened next?

      Sandi: Rudy got out our trampoline and started to throw baseballs
      at the police. He actually knocked one out of the tree. Man a 50
      foot drop into the trampoline, then 40 feet back into the air, we
      moved the
      trampoline, boing, back into the air. That went on for a while.
      Finally he landed okay. A bit rattled but okay.

      Diana: Good grief! So what about the second man?

      Sandi: Katie feed him some bird seed and he was doing okay then
      finally Miss Kitty got father to understand we really had a
      policeman in the trees. He phoned the fire department. It took a
      while for
      dad to explain that he needed a hook and ladder truck to get a
      policeman out of the tree and that a cat had told him about it.

      Diana: LOL

      Sandi: Well the fire truck arrived and they rescued the poor bird
      err policeman. Katie unhypnotised him and all is well. So how was
      your day mother?

      Diana: Boring.

      Sandi: Our life is never boring.

      The herd in Guthrie


      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


      Remember 9/11/01

      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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