Clean Chips For 1-1
- Clean Clean
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
If you are reading this I guess we both made it to 2010. Good Job.
Although I have taken time to look ahead to the coming events
of 2010 I can't say I necessarily look forward to them. My 40th
High School Reunion is this year and although I have renewed
some friendships through Facebook, I have been to only one
other reunion and out of a class of 300 I only recognized a handful.
That was ten years ago and they all looked really old at that time,
thought maybe I had found the class of 1960. I knew I hadn't changed
like that but then I don't really like mirrors.
Here is the list of important birthdays for the month of January
1. Betsy Ross, Paul Revere, Jim Webster
2. Roger Miller, David Cone, Melissa Hall
3. Cheryl Miller, Bobby Hull, Mel Gibson, Lane Pope
4. Don Shula, Tom Thumb
5. Dick Endberg, Diane Keaton, Chuck Berry
6. Nancy Lopez, Sherlock Holmes
7. Katie Couric, Nicholas Cage, Kenny Loggins
8. David Bowie, Elvis Presley, Soupy Sales
9. Richard Nixon, Bart Starr, Crystal Gayle
10. George Foreman, Rod Stewart, Eddie Treadway
11. Ben Crenshaw, Alexander Hamilton, Tom Netherton
12. Howard Stern, Rush Limbaugh, Kristie Alley, Dean Beechy
13. Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Robert Stack, Yellow Rose, Lou Taylor
14. Benedict Arnold, Andy Rooney
15. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Jane Ervolino
16. A.J. Foyt, Ethel Merman
17. Muhammad Ali, Jim Carey, Benjamin Franklin
18. Mark Messier, Kevin Costner, A. A. Milne
19. Robert E. Lee, Janis Joplin, Edgar Allen Poe, Dave / Murphy
20. Buzz Aldrin, DeForest Kelly, Mitzi From Monti
21. Hakeem Olajuwon, Placido Domingo, Pat Stewart
22. Linda Blair, Joseph Wambaugh, Mike Bossy
23. Humphrey Bogart, John Hancock, Chuck Cottom, Rose Savage
24. Mary Lou Retton, John Belushi, Neil Diamond, Samantha in
25. Virginia Wolf, Robert Burns
26. Wayne Gretzky, Eddie Van Halen, Gene Siskel
27. Wolfgang Mozart, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Lewis Carroll
28. Alan Alda, Jackson Pollack, Elijah Wood
29. Oprah Winfrey, William McKinley, Tom Selleck
30. Franklin Roosevelt, Phil Collins, Dick Cheney
31. Nolan Ryan, Jackie Robinson, Justin Timberlake, Ernie Banks
I want to thank everyone that contributed to the Chips this year.
stories, jokes, cartoons, and links that you share with the herd
this group unique. Just when I think that I have heard every joke in
the world someone sends me something I have never seen before.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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New Year Chips
There was a woman whose hind end had blown up to where she
could NOT wear any of the regular clothes she had worn all her life.
She consulted with an OB/GYN about her waistline, who referred her
to a cosmetologist.
The cosmetologist told her, "SURE! We can cure your problem
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and a few weeks' healing time when you go home." She agreed, and
the doctor told her to report for surgery the following Monday.
When she went home, once again she could get into slacks with a
thirty-inch waistline!! She was singing all kinds of praises for
When New Year's eve rolled around, at the party she went to,
very few people recognized her from the back! The surgery was that
At midnight, when the clock stopped striking, she turned and
gazed at the crowd who were there.
She then raised her voice as loud as she could and said...
"HAPPY NEW REAR!" -- Ross
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Halloween Monster Name
Governor of Poker
Age of War
"Teenager Daughter Owner's Manual" Instructions for all those with
teenage daughters or daughters
who think they are teenagers or who will eventually be teenagers.
Teenager Owner's Manual Congratulations! You are now the proud
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(c) Sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry?
If any of these are true, you have received the correct item.
Nice try, though.
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Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when
one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.
"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other
guy replied that no, he only needed the one.
"Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose
The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't
lose it, so I don't need another one."
Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the
ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be
able to retrieve it."
"Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost
among the bushes and shrubs?"
The other guy replied, "That's okay, too. You see, this special golf
ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back - no problem."
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late,
the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are
you going to do then?"
"No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is florescent.
I'll be able to see it in the dark."
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend
asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"
The other guy replies, "I found it."
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My mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to relieve
her irritation. When she returned home she informed him that she had
purchased ten new dresses. "Ten!" he hollered, "What could any woman
want with ten new dresses??" My mom calmly replied, "Ten new pairs
My friend, a trucker, is often caught in commuter rush-hour traffic.
One morning when everything came to a standstill, he sat high up in
his 18-wheeler singing and whistling. A passenger in a nearby car,
frustrated by the delay, yelled up at my brother, "What are you so
happy about?" "I'm already at work!" he cheerfully replied.
It was their first date, and she'd shown the patience of a saint as
he babbled on and on about his hobbies, his pet peeves, his driving
techniques, and even the standards he used to choose his barber.
Finally, he came up for air and said, "But enough about me. Let's
talk about you." She breathed a sigh of relief. He went on, "What do
you think about me?"
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NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO KEEP IF YOU'RE A NERD
16. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to,
uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done,
15. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is
much more practical.
14. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
13. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the
phone at the same time with the same person.
12. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
11. I will stop sending e-mail to my roommate.
10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get
another 1.44MB disk.
9. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.
8. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer
7. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all
the mail I get from it.
6. I will stop using, "So, what's your URL?" as a pickup line.
5. No more downloads from alt.binaries.*
4. I resolve to back up my new 400 GB hard drive daily... well, once
a week... monthly, perhaps...
3. I will spend less than five hour a day on the Internet.
2. I will limit my top ten lists to ten items.
1. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
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Little Johnny Chips
Little Johnny had just gotten his ear pierced, and the other
students were bombarding him with questions about the process.
"Does the hole go all the way through?" Billy asked.
"Yes," answered Little Johnny.
"Did it hurt?" asked Susie.
"Just a little," replied Little Johnny.
"Did they stick a needle through your ears?" asked Jacob.
"No, they used a special gun," said Little Johnny.
Silence followed, and then Joe called out, "Like, how far away did
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/The County Fair
~~ Just For You~~ Graphics by Moon and Back
~~New Year Wishes~~
~~Happy New Year~~
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
New Year's Cheer via Barbara
In pictures: New Year around the world Via Dianne
carolyn w/ Happy New Year ~ Elvis Presley
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
Inspiring Irish Blessing - E-Water
I Am The New Year
New Year's Resolutions
Another Year Has Gone By
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
Happy New Year Via Carol
A New Year Prayer~
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God Bless The USA
10 Most Annoying Alarm Clocks
#10 - Climbing clock . It hangs above your head and starts climbing
rings. Don't wake up fast enough, and you won't be able to shut it
up without a ladder.
# 9 Wake Up Puzzle . You have to build the puzzle to make it stop
# 8 Wake or Curse . You can ask it what the time is and it will
answer. But if you don't wake up quickly enough it will curse you.
# 7 High Tech . This one has a vibrator, 95 db alarm and police
style rotating light that you cannot ignore.
# 6 Find The Pin - You need find the right pin to stop it's
ringing. Not going to stay sleepy after this mission.
# 5 Chicken and Egg Problem - The egg laying alarm clock. It will
down after you put all the eggs back.
# 4 GI Joe . You will wake to the sound of your commander's wake up
call. Don't mess with it.
# 3 Floating Around - Will float around the room until you'll catch
# 2 Kaboom - This acoustic grenade will wake the neighborhood with
it's ultra loud sound level.
# 1 Hide and Seek - The winner is the hide and seek alarm clock.
Once it begins to ring it falls down to the floor and finds a
random place to hide. Chase it down or else you're doomed.
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cat fish bowl
The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
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What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand witch.
What kind of key opens a casket?
A skeleton key
How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
He turns into a bat every night.
What is the best type of journal for trees and bushes?
A loose-leaf notebook
Which is lighter, the sun or the earth?
The sun. It rises every morning
Dryer Maid Dryer Ball
Get rid of pet hair from clothes, sheets and towels while they
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In the office where I work, there is a constant battle between our
technical-support director and customer-service personnel over the
room temperature, which is usually too low.
The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his
announced one afternoon, "We need to keep the temperature below
seventy-five degrees or the computers will overheat."
Thinking that this was just another excuse, one of my shivering
colleagues retorted, "Yeah right. So how did they keep the computers
from overheating before there was air conditioning?"
The Tushee Comforter is the alternative to just placing a towel on
any chair, bench, or pool lounger. It protects against dirt, sweat,
and heat, while never falling off or blowing away. The Tushee forms
a secure pocket over any seat and can be adjusted to any width or
length to offer a soft comfortable seat. Relax and look stylish on a
soft plush Velour surface that provides real comfort. Plus, the
personalization makes it a pleasant surprise gift for him or her.
Throw away those chair covers! Put down a TUSHEE. The multipurpose,
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A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of Republican
politicians. They called down to ground control with their
list of demands to the Democrats, and added that if their
demands weren't met, they would release one Republican
politician every hour.
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
Birthday part 3
Sandi: Well the first two officers came back and asked Katie to
unhypnotise them. Well you know Katie. She is about 90 percent
good at what she does. She made them think they were not chickens
but were birds. They would up in the top of our trees.
Diana: That is terrible.
Sandi: Yeah. Rudy was rolling and laughing. Katie was nervous and
trying everything to get them down.
Diana: What did you do?
Sandi: Muffin went in and got Dad.
Dad didn't believe her. Two policemen in the top of the trees
squaking like birds.
Diana: So what happened next?
Sandi: Rudy got out our trampoline and started to throw baseballs
at the police. He actually knocked one out of the tree. Man a 50
foot drop into the trampoline, then 40 feet back into the air, we
trampoline, boing, back into the air. That went on for a while.
Finally he landed okay. A bit rattled but okay.
Diana: Good grief! So what about the second man?
Sandi: Katie feed him some bird seed and he was doing okay then
finally Miss Kitty got father to understand we really had a
policeman in the trees. He phoned the fire department. It took a
dad to explain that he needed a hook and ladder truck to get a
policeman out of the tree and that a cat had told him about it.
Sandi: Well the fire truck arrived and they rescued the poor bird
err policeman. Katie unhypnotised him and all is well. So how was
your day mother?
Sandi: Our life is never boring.
The herd in Guthrie
Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean
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