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Clean Chips For 12-01

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. I want to first express my condolences to the
    Message 1 of 1 , Dec 1, 2009
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      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      I want to first express my condolences to the families of the
      four Tacoma Washington Police Officers that were killed
      over the weekend. Tacoma was a nice place to live 35 years
      ago when I was stationed in Bremerton but it seems to have
      some problems now with a violet crime average twice the
      national average. This person was someone who should
      have had the key thrown away on him a long time ago but
      with the bad economy states are forced to release dangerous
      criminals before their sentence is up and way too many commit
      even more serious crimes once they are out.


      Here are some famous birthdays from this month:


      December
      1. Woody Allen, Bette Midler, Lee Trevino
      2. Britney Spears, Tracy Austin, Monica Seles
      3. Katarina Witt, Jean-Luc Goddard, Ozzy Osbourne
      4. Jeff Bridges, Larry Katz, Barbara Jaretsky
      5. Walt Disney, Little Richard
      6. Steven Wright, Dwight Stones
      7. Johnnie Bench, Larry Bird, Gregg Allman
      8. Kim Bassinger, Teri Hatcher, Jim Morrison
      9. Dick Butkus, Kirk Douglas, Donnie Osmond
      10. Emily Dickinson, Susan Dey
      11. Donna Mills, Fiorella La Guardia, Teri Garr
      12. Frank Sinatra, Bob Barker
      13. Dick Van Dyke, Christopher Plummer
      14. Michael Ovitz, Nostradamus
      15. Don Johnson, Mo Vaughn
      16. Ludwig Von Beethoven, Boyd ellis, Richard Pimentel
      17. William Safire, Arthur Fiedler
      18. Keith Richards, Christina Aguilera, Steven Spielberg
      19. Reggie White, Daryl Hannah
      20. Anita Baker, Kiefer Sutherland, Betty Greer
      21. Chris Evert, Florence Griffith Joyner, Jane Fonda
      22. Steve Carlton, Steve Garvey, Bill Armstrong
      23. Susan Lucci
      24. Ricky Martin, Howard Hughes, John DuBose
      25. Ricky Henderson, Annie Lennox, Jesus Christ
      26. Alan King, Steve Allen, Jamie Legge
      27. Gerard Depardieu, Sydney Greenstreet, Louis Pasteur
      28. Ray Bourque, Woodrow Wilson, Denzel Washington
      29. Mary Tyler Moore, Ted Danson
      30. Sandy Koufax, Tiger Woods, BJ Cassady
      31. Val Kilmer, Anthony Hopkins, Ben Kingsley

      Enjoy the chips.... buffalo

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Chimp Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      The Army Chimp

      A man showed up at M & T Stadium in Baltimore with a chimpanzee in
      tow. It was named Douglas, and was dressed up in a MacArthur costume
      complete with the crushed cap, aviator sunglasses, and corncob pipe
      and well worn, pressed khakis. Everyone remarked on how cute he was.

      The man and his chimp took their seats in the Army rooting section.
      It was well before kickoff – in fact well before the march-ons by
      both academies. After the march-ons the teams came onto the field to
      do their warm-ups and exercises.

      At that point the chimp leapt out onto the field and began returning
      practice punts. He retrieved some errant passes thrown by the Army
      quarterbacks. He ran over and picked up some mule poop. A busy
      chimp indeed.

      After the teams retired to their locker rooms to complete their pre-
      game rituals, they again took the field. The chimp led the Army team
      out with a series of cartwheels and back flips, never losing his cap
      or corncob pipe while doing so.

      He returned to his seat for the playing of the National Anthem.
      Everyone in his section remarked on what a well-trained chimp he
      was. Of course he saluted (and covered his ears when the Navy jets
      performed their salute.

      The game started. The chimp was in a near-delirious state as Army
      drove down the filed. However he almost fainted when they missed a
      field goal, wide right.

      Army later kicked a field goal and the chimp went bananas.
      Cartwheels, push-ups, handstands, name it; he did them all.

      Unfortunately that was all the scoring Army could come up with. The
      neighbors in the stands, very impressed, asked what the chimp did
      when Army wins the game.

      "I don't really know', the man said. "He's only six and a half years
      old!"



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

      table Soccer Skills
      http://tinyurl.com/5c2ghb
      <a href="http://tinyurl.com/5c2ghb"> Here </a>

      BMW Drift
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      <a href="http://tinyurl.com/7s3y7z"> Here </a>

      Ambulance Tosses Patient Out
      http://tinyurl.com/yfhdwdh
      <a href="http://tinyurl.com/yfhdwdh"> Here </a>

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Computer Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      What Your Computer Is Trying To Tell You:

      It says: "Press Any Key"
      It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

      It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support
      quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E"
      It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 30 minutes,
      only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

      It says: "Installing program to C:\...."
      It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into

      c:\windows and c:\windows\system where
      you'll NEVER find them."

      It says: "Please insert disc 3"
      It means: "Because I know there are only 2 discs."

      It says: "Not enough memory"
      It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 2GB of RAM,
      I want to use the bit below 640K."

      It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
      It means: "... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."

      It says: "Please Wait...."
      It means: "... Indefinitely."

      It says: "Directory does not exist...."
      It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

      It says: "The application caused an error.
      Choose Ignore or Close."
      It means: "....Makes no difference to me, you're
      still not getting your work back.
      Kiss your afternoon goodbye..."

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Still looking for the coolest toy this year?

      Don't look any further. Check out the SpinBot RC Lunar Vehicle.

      You're guaranteed to be a hit

      See the video for yourself, click here

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Tree Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Things Not To Say
      When Hanging The Lights

      Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the
      three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? (Page
      Six's Psychiatrist claims the other two danger zones are teaching
      your mate to drive and wallpapering. He is rarely wrong on these
      things.) We rush to print with an emergency prompt list of Things
      Not
      To Say When Hanging Lights on the Christmas Tree.

      -- "You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy.
      You're
      supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red,
      green,
      blue..."

      --"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."

      --"What the hell do you do to these lights when you put them away
      every year? Tie them in knots?"

      --"Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry that
      sucker."

      --"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't
      just
      throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your
      father."

      --"Give me that."

      --"You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric
      pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top."

      --"I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done,
      dammit."

      --"You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed it
      shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"

      --"Have you been drinking?"

      --"Where's the cat?"

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Yoshi Blade - Razor Sharp Ceramic Knife

      Introducing the razor-sharp, feather-light ceramic slicing knife.
      Unlike steel knife blades, YoshiBlade stay razor sharp. In fact,
      this space-age material is so hard that professional chefs use
      ceramic to sharpen their steel knives.

      Say goodbye to old fashioned steel knives.

      As a bonus you'll get the Ceramic Potato Peeler.


      View Web Version

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Marriage Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      "Son, I just know you'll do the right thing by this little girl,"
      said the preacher. "You just marry her, and you'll be at the end of
      your troubles."

      So he did the right thing, and he married the girl, and about six
      months later when he saw the preacher again he tried to murder him.
      "You miserable liar!" shouted the young man. "You told me if I
      married her, I would be at the end of my troubles. Well, I married
      her, and she has made my life miserable."

      "That may be true, son, but you can't blame me," replied the
      minister. "I said you'd be at the end of your troubles, but I never
      said which end."

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Clean Windshields without Straining or Stretching


      Windshield Wonder is the easy reach microfiber window cleaner that
      eliminates straining and stretching. It uses a 16" handle to help
      reach all the way down to the dash and base of your rear window.
      Windshield Wonder is also perfect for moisture and fog removal.

      Get two for the price of one when you order today.

      Order now
      View Web Version

      http://buffaloschips.com/wind


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Riddle Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Where do vegetables stay on vacation?
      The Lettuce Inn

      What did the hungry dalmation say after he had a large meal?
      That hit the spots.

      What happens when ice cream gets mad?
      It has a melt down.

      What did the laundry man do at the convent?
      He picked up dirty habits.

      What did one ghoul say to the other ghoul?
      A fiend in need is a fiend indeed.

      Stan Kegel


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      Only $29.95+s/h. Plus you'll receive the bonus Spy Scope & carrying
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Mower Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a
      bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a
      lawn mower.

      'How much do you want for the mower?' asked the preacher.

      'I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle,'
      said the little boy.

      After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, Will
      you take my bike in trade for it?' The little boy asked if
      he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around
      a little while, said, 'Mister, you've got yourself a deal.'

      The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled
      on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.

      The preacher called the little boy over and said, 'I can't
      get this mower to start.'

      The little boy said, 'That's because you have to cuss at
      it to get it started.'

      The preacher said, I'm a minister, and I can't cuss. It's
      been so long since I've been saved that I don't even remember
      how to cuss.'

      The little boy looked at him happily and said, 'You just
      keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya.

      Myron

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Get the hottest Pet Stocking stuffer for under $10 and be a hit!

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      Perfect for early morning jogs or late night walks.

      See the video for yourself, click here

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      LynnLynn's Links
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
      e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@...

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      Subscribers and Friends

      Carolyn w/Santa Baby ~Elvis
      http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/50s/santababy.html

      The First Christmas Gift
      http://www.andiesisle.com/thefirstchristmasgift.hs.html

      John w/ The True meaning Of Christmas
      http://heavens-gates.com/meaningofchristmas/

      God Is Like...
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      Surfin Surfari

      Elf Yourself
      http://www.elfyourself.com

      Matchstick Art
      http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/matchstick.html

      Best Toys 2009
      http://besttoysguide.com/

      Tex-Mex Recipes
      http://www.bajasundog.com/texmexrec.html


      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+


      Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
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      As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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      Press here to get your copy:

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      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

      Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

      Backs
      http://www.norbert26.com/xmas2/index.html

      Gifs
      http://www.norbert26.com/xmas/index.html

      Christmas songs
      http://www.mille-soeren.dk/09_Jul/13_julesange/side13_en.htm


      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+


      Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
      on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
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      Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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      now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.


      PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
      date:

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      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

      Animal World

      Doggie Zone
      http://www.doghause.com/speeds.asp

      Kitty Korner
      http://www.renaesroom.com/TeachersPet/teacherspet.html


      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+


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      Movie Links

      Batteries
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/72223.htm

      Bowl
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/72224.htm

      Darwin Awards Rejects
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/72225.htm

      Fastest Gun Ever
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/72226.htm

      Golf
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/72227.htm


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Canoe Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe
      race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to
      reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the
      Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and
      depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing
      defeat.


      A management team made up of senior management was formed to
      investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was
      the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the
      American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.

      So American management hired a consulting company and paid them a
      large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised that too
      many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were
      rowing.

      To prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's
      management
      structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area
      steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering
      manager.

      They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1
      person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was
      called the "Rowing Team Quality First Program", with meetings,
      dinners and free pens for the rower.

      There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other
      equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

      The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the
      American
      management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted
      development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all
      capital investments for new equipment.

      The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses
      and the next year's racing team was outsourced to India.



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      The Emery Cat is The Fun New Kitty Scratcher That Actually Grooms
      Cats Claws While They Play! The secret is the patented honeycomb
      surface that works like a nail file, gently filing away sharpness.

      Your package includes:
      Durable Base with built in catnip
      Cute, playful kitty toy
      Packet of catnip
      Bonus De-shedder

      Buy 1 get 1 FREE Now for only $19.95 plus you'll receive the Bonus
      Gift absolutely FREE!

      http://buffaloschips.com/emery


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Toon Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Unleaded
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/Unleaded.htm

      Cow Impressions
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/30701.htm

      Bad Gnus
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/30702.htm

      Ouch
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/30703.htm

      Goldfish Sink
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/30704.htm


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Get the hottest Stocking stuffer for under $10 and be a hit!

      Meet the WarTops, they simply steal the show!

      Take it to family reunions, office parties, board meetings, school,
      church or on the road and score big!

      See the video for yourself

      http://buffaloschips.com/tops

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Church Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel
      were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang,
      and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had
      enough.

      "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she
      hissed at Joel.

      "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel shot back.

      Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See
      those two men standing by the door?"

      Joel nodded.

      "They're hushers."

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Rejuvenate Auto is the newest and most advanced way to clean and
      care for your vehicle while helping to conserve water. It cleans,
      shines & restores your finish in only 15 minutes!

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      - Makes Paint Look Brand New
      - Protects Your Car
      - Saves you Money
      Get the complete package for only $9.99 + Free Bonus! (That's $100
      value!)

      http://buffaloschips.com/cwash


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      HOLIDAY HUMOR


      How many reindeer does Santa Have?
      10 Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner,
      Blitzen
      Rudoph (the one with the red nose) and Olive (Olive the other
      reindeer)

      Mom, can I have a dog for Christmas?
      No, you can have turkey like everyone else

      What nationality is Santa Claus?
      North Polish.

      Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
      Because the angel had said, "No L!"

      A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas
      cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
      "What denomination?" the clerk asks. " O my God! Has it come to
      this?" says the blonde. "Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, and 32
      Baptist."

      Stan Kegel


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Smoke Assist

      Smoke Assist is the exciting alternative to cigarettes. You may now
      satisfy your oral fixation with our water vapor device Smoke
      Assist™ Featuring realistic tobacco flavor, look and feel. No more
      smoke smell on your clothes, in your home or work.

      Get the Smoke Assist E-Cigarette at no charge with the purchase of
      20 cartridges and S&H

      View Website

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Bonus Chip
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A Full Plate

      A man went to his dentist because he felt something wrong in his
      mouth. The dentist looked inside and said, "That new upper plate I
      put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been
      eating?"

      The man replied, "All I can think of is that about four months ago
      my wife made some asparagus and put some Hollandaise sauce on it. I
      loved it so much I now put it on everything — meat, toast, fish,
      vegetables, everything!"

      "Well," said the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise
      sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive.
      It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and
      this time use chrome."

      "Why chrome?" asked the patient.

      "It's simple," replied the dentist. "Dental researchers have
      concluded that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

      "A Full Plate" from "The Ants Are My Friends" by Richard Lederer &
      Stan Kegel (©2007 Marion Street Press) ; "There's no place like home
      for the holidays" from "Home for the Holidays" by Robert Allen and
      Al Stillman.

      You'll never listen to popular songs the same way after reading "The
      Ants are My Friends". International Punsters of the Year Stan Kegel
      and Richard Lederer have teamed up to compose this pro-verbal
      collection of puns based on popular lyrics. And many of the
      punderful narratives are composed by other "International Punsters
      of the Year" and "O. Henry Pun-Off " winners . Laugh-Out-Loud Humor
      that makes a great gift! Now you can order signed copies directly
      from co-author Richard Lederer @ 10034 Mesa Madera Drive; San Diego,
      CA 92131. Send check for $15 per book. Please feel free to specify
      personal inscriptions. Questions: E-mail Richard Lederer at
      richard.lederer@....


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Indoor Potty Pad

      Prevent pet accidents in your home with Pet Zoom Pet Park. It's made
      of a synthetic grass like surface that prevents stains and rinses
      clean in seconds. Unlike dripping newspapers and expensive wee wee
      pads, Pet Zoom Pet Park's reusable surface stays fresh and sanitary.
      Use it for training puppies to special needs dogs to long days at
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      Protect your upholstery and flooring with Pet Zoom Pet Park.


      View Website

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 1728

      Christmas Shopping for Rudy

      Sandi and Katie are out at the Mall looking for a present for their
      buddy
      Mr Rudy...

      Sandi is nervous: I just do not know what to get him.

      Katie: A sweater?

      Sandi: No, he is hot all the time.

      Katie: Swimming trunks?

      Sandi: No, I think he likes to swim in the buff.

      Katie: He is hard to shop for. Let's go into Sears and just look
      around.

      Sandi: Okay.

      They go into Sears and look around and are about to give up when
      Katie points something out to Sandi....

      Katie: When Rudy sleeps on Father's bed, where does he sleep?

      Sandi: At the head of the bed.

      Katie: Why does he sleep there?

      Sandi: That is where all the pillows are and he really loves that
      long
      pillow Daddy has..... Oh I get it. The long soft pillow.

      Katie: Right! Get him the long soft pillow. Look they have
      different
      kinds of pillows, some are square and large. He could have a doggie
      bed like Father's pillow.

      Sandi: Good idea Katie, but he likes Dad's bed.

      Katie: I have an idea, you get him the large pillow, I get him the
      square pillow that way he could sleep on the floor in comfort or on
      Father's bed in comfort with his own pillow.

      Sandi: Excellent idea. We will have these wrapped and put under
      the
      tree.

      The herd in Guthrie

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01



      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783







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