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Clean Chips For Wed

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Let s take a look at some of the famous people born
    Message 1 of 348 , Jul 1, 2009
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      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.


      Let's take a look at some of the famous people born
      during the month of July.


      1. Princess Diana, Pamela Anderson, David Molique
      2. Jose Canseco, Richard Petty, Thurgood Marshall
      3. Tom Cruise, George M. Cohan, Tiger Butterfly, Gina of NF
      4. Bonnie K, Melanie King, Ardell McCarty, Joe Wilson
      5. P.T. Barnum, Huey Lewis
      6. Sylvester Stallone, Nancy Reagan, George W. Bush
      7. Ringo Starr, Doc Severinsen, Susan Anne Hertz
      8. Kevin Bacon, Nelson Rockefeller
      9. O. J. Simpson, Tom Hanks, Courtney Love
      10. Arthur Ashe, Virginia Wade, David Brinkley
      11. John Q. Adams, E. B. White, Giorgio Armani
      12. Bill Cosby, Henry David Thoreau, Richard Simmons
      13. Harrison Ford, Spud Webb
      14. Gerald Ford, Ingmar Bergman
      15. Linda Ronstadt, Rembrandt Van Rijn
      16. Barry Sanders, Magaret Court, Arthur Perrow
      17. David Hasselhoff, Anfernee Hardaway, Donald Sutherland
      18. John Glenn, Nelson Mandela, Dick Button
      19. George McGovern, Ilie Nastase
      20. Kim Carnes, Natalie Wood, Carlos Santana, Rosa Haverland
      21. Robin Williams, Isaac Stern, Ernest Hemingway, Dolores Wade
      22. David Spade, George Clinton, Danny Glover
      23. Woody Harrelson, Don Drysdale
      24. Barry Bonds, Karl Malone, Jennifer Lopez
      25. Walter Payton, Walter Brennan, Joyous Australia
      26. Mick Jagger, Sandra Bullock, Blake Edwards
      27. Peggy Fleming, Leo Durocher, Jerry Van Dyke
      28. Bill Bradley, Jacqueline Onassis, Susie In Neb, David Moore
      29. Peter Jennings
      30. Henry Ford, Casey Stengel, William Webster
      31. Wesley Snipes, Curt Gowdy, Evonne Goolagong Cawley

      Enjoy the chips and if you were born in July Happy Birthday

      buffalo

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      TRIBUTE TO MICHAEL JACKSON
      1958 - 2009
      ===========================================


      On June 25th the world lost a shining talent, a genius like no other
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Houston Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Rules of living in the Houston area

      Rules of Houston , H-Town, 3rd Coast, Bayou City , The Dirty
      3rd, or whatever you wanna call it.

      1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Hue-stun,"
      not "Ewe-stun", or "house-tun" Oh yea, the street is pronounced
      "San Phil- ee-pay," not" San Phil-eep" (San Felipe). Enunciate, you
      idiots!

      2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has
      its own version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no
      such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston .
      We all drive like that.

      3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... which has
      no beginning and no end.

      4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through
      traffic.... a " Scenic Drive ."

      5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The
      evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's
      rush hour starts Thursday morning.

      6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be
      rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the
      first one off the starting line, count to five when the
      light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any
      cross-traffic's way.

      7. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by
      a native Houstonian.

      8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a
      way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

      9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrases,
      "Oh,we must be in Pasadena!" or "Boy, I hate Baytown !" or
      "Mmm, smell that Texas City !"

      10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably
      a factory defect.

      11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total
      right-of-way.

      12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph.
      Anything less is considered downright sissy. In turn, the minimum
      speed on Westheimer is at least 45mph.

      13. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is
      NOT ornamental.

      14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper
      sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading."
      In fact, don't honk at anyone.

      15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph
      in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they go by.

      16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.

      17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

      18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits
      lead to Louisiana .

      19. If you live in Katy and I live on the south side of
      Houston we'll never hang out.

      20. The best thing about being drunk between 2-5 am is
      Whataburger will serve both breakfast and normal menus.

      21. You are always able to be pulled over by any police vehicle,
      even if you were just given a ticket.

      22. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway,
      just follow the ruts in the grass to the feeder like
      everyone else. This is how Houston resident's notify
      Texas Department of Transportation where exits
      should have been built.

      23. Else-where, they are called frontage roads. Here
      in Houston , they are called FEEDER roads, so don't
      look stupid when we say "Exit the feeder road and use
      the loop-d-loop"

      If you don't live here, most of this will sound utterly
      insane, but to all of us who call this home...
      nothing but the truth and you know it!!!

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

      Chipenda(1)
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/k5lj4.htm

      Chop Wood
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/420ha.htm

      Christcdrean
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/jk32lk4j34.htm


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Blonde Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      SPEEDING TICKET
      A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
      nicely if
      he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys
      would
      get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and
      now
      today you expect me to show it to you!"

      --------------------------

      RIVER WALK
      There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
      another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can
      I
      get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then
      down
      the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

      -------------------------------------

      IN A VACUUM
      A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
      rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. Her question was,
      "If
      you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
      She
      thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

      -------------------------------------

      FINAL EXAM
      The blonde reports for her university final examination that
      consists of
      yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall,
      stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of
      inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing
      the
      coin, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
      Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class
      is
      still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen
      desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The
      moderator,
      alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the
      exam
      in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."

      -------------------------------------

      FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
      There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she
      decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local
      park,
      grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: I
      have
      kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the
      big
      oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde She
      pinned
      the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight
      home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000
      in
      a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.
      Inside
      the bag was the following note.... Here is your money. I cannot
      believe
      that one blonde would do this to another!

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Busted Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      My name is Chief Charles Quinn of the Canadian Volunteer Emergency
      Response/ Western Canada Regional Command, in Surrey, British
      Columbia.

      While driving my customary route home from my duty hours in my
      personal car, which has a Ham radio capable of receiving our work
      radio frequency, I stopped at the corner store to pick up some milk
      and cigarettes. While I was walking to my car after just leaving the

      store, a blue Chevrolet Cavalier swerved from the street, jump the
      curb, crossed 85 feet of parking lot and T-Boned the passenger side
      of my 1990 Eagle Premiere.

      I walked over to the driver of the car in order to see if he was all

      right , and to get the insurance information from him, thinking of
      just how I was going to let him have it for wrecking my car, when
      the
      6'4" man exited his vehicle, handed me a 1/4 full bottle of Canadian

      Club Rye Whiskey, and said, "Quick, get rid of this before the cops
      come, will ya?"

      I took the bottle from him, as asked, and watched the look of relief

      on his face slowly transform into realization, and acceptance, as he

      finally bothered to look closely at who he was talking to.... I was
      in full uniform!

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Horse Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      A man was going out of town and needed to board his horse for a
      couple of months. He asked a local farmer about it and was told,
      "Sure, but I charge $50 per week, and I keep the manure." The
      fellow
      can't afford that, so the farmer referred him to ol' Jones, down the
      road.

      When approached with the request, Jones said, "Yup, I can do it for
      $40 a week, and I keep the manure." This is still too much, and
      Jones suggested that he try Mr. Brown.

      When our desperate friend asked Mr. Brown, he is surprised to hear,
      "Sure, Sonny. I'll be glad to for $5 a month." With delight, the
      young man exclaimed, "WOW! I suppose for that price you'll want to
      keep the manure."

      The old man looked at him with kind of a squint, and replied,
      "Feller, for $5 a month, there ain't gonna be none!"

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Roberto-Rossi Professional

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Short Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      An aspiring young actor asked a young lady's father if he could have

      his daughter's hand in marriage.

      The father said, "I would never let my daughter marry an actor."

      The actor said, "Sir, I think you may change your mind if you see me

      perform. Won't you at least come and see the play?"

      So the father went to see the play, and the next day he called the
      actor, "You were right. I did change my mind. Go ahead and marry my
      daughter. You're no actor."



      A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The
      patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says
      the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged
      hands, "will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come
      off?"

      "I don't see why not," replies the doctor.

      "That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."



      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Convert Your Car To Burn Water + Gasoline = Double Your Mileage!

      Couple of weeks ago, this company was on Coast to Coast radio show
      talking about their product for three hours. I liked their idea of
      using your battery to generate hydrogen and oxygen from water to
      increase your gas mileage up to 50 %. They weren't just selling a
      concept, but a proven plan with parts lists, sources and suppliers,
      and videos. You can use their plan to reap savings from the family
      car, a fleet of vehicles, or open a profitable business in this time
      of high gas prices. buffalo

      http://buffaloschips.com/hho

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Riddle Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      RIDDLES

      What is "H I J K L M N O"?
      Water (H to O)

      What did one candle say to the other candle?
      "Going out tonight?"

      What did one car muffler say to the other car muffler?
      "Am I exhausted!"

      How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric
      company?
      He was shocked.

      How do pigs write?
      With a pigpen.

      If you want to get rich, why should you keep your mouth shut?
      Because silence is golden.

      Stan Kegel


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Barry's Bootcamp!

      Biggest Loser host Alison Sweeney's workout secret is revealed!

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      LynnLynn's Links
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



      If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
      e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@...

      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
      Subscribers and Friends

      Melva/Always and Forever
      http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/LoveRom3/Alway.html

      Marlene/WindBeneathMyWings/
      http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML9/Wind-Beneath-My-Wings.html

      Carolyn with/ I Saw The Light ~Vestal~
      http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/Spiritual/ISawTheLight.html

      RIP Karl Malden
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karl_Malden

      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+



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      Surfin Surfari

      The Original Farmer's Almanac Via Dianne
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      Home Remedies
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      Military Pay Charts
      http://www.navytimes.com/projects/money/pay_charts/2009/basic/0_20/

      The Master of Etch-a-Sketch Via Wesley
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      Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

      Startup CPL (Startup Control Panel)
      http://www.mlin.net/StartupCPL.shtml

      Big Buttons
      http://www.worldstart.com/tips/tips.php/998

      Michael Jackson - RIP Animations
      http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_k-o.html


      *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+


      Your PC may be suffering from serious file errors in your WINDOWS
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      Animal World

      Tigerfish
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      Animal Rescue Site
      http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/


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      Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual? Well, if
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      Movie Clips

      Kitty Is In Love
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/87y5r.htm

      Kiwi Bacon Mmmm!
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/43r.htm

      Loafing
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/5r5.htm

      Looking For My Wallet And Car Keys
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/7y.htm

      Lundi
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/8uh.htm


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Limerick Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      There once was a fellow named Finnegan
      He broke out of a jail for to sin again
      Broke laws by the dozen
      Even stole from his cousin
      So the jail he broke out of he's in again.



      A computer, to print out a fact,
      Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
      But this output can be
      No more than debris,
      If the input was short of exact.


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Toon Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Christma Can
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/lk45k43.htm

      Chuck Roast
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/kl354.htm

      Church13
      http://www.buffaloschips.com/lk745.htm

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Room Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To
      celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city
      and
      they checked into a plush hotel. She said to the bellman, "We refuse
      to
      settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air
      conditioning."

      "But, madam!", replied the bellman.

      "Don't 'But madam' me," she continued. "You can't treat us like
      we're a
      couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never
      been
      to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to
      complain to the manager."

      "Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the
      elevator!"

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      The abdominal toning Flex Belt is truly an awesome advance in
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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Parting Chips
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Harry was stunned to come home from work one evening and find his

      wife stuffing all her belongings into a suitcase. "What on earth

      are you doing?" he cried.

      "I can't stand it anymore!" she shrieked. "Thirty-two years we've

      been married, and all we do is bicker and quarrel and ignore each
      other.

      I'm leaving!"

      Harry watched his wife close the suitcase, lug it down the stairs,

      and proceed to walk out of the house...out of his life.

      Suddenly, he was galvanized into action.

      Running into the bedroom and grabbing a second suitcase, he yelled

      back at his wife, "Sylvia, you're right, you're absolutely right,

      and I can't bear it either. Wait a minute, and I'll go with you."

      Karl


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Bonus Chip
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep
      into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the
      embankment into the ravine - in search of his lost ball.

      The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly
      he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the
      shiny object is, in fact, a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying
      near an old golf ball.

      Jim excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Bob, come here,
      I got trouble down here."

      Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out:
      "What's the matter?"

      Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 8 iron! You can't get out of here with
      a 7!"

      Karl


      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Katie's Komfort Kolumn
      Vol 1635

      Landing

      The landing went without a hitch..

      Rudy is helping Rob and Tami off the plane.

      Rudy: We hope you fly KSR Air again someday.

      Tami: It seems our destiny to do so.

      Rob: I always enjoy our flights with you.

      Slap!

      Rob: I do honey. The other airlines are boring.

      Katie: Would you like your luggage?

      Tami: That's a silly question.

      Katie: May I see some identification please?

      Tami: You know good and well who I am. You just gave Rob his
      luggage.

      Katie: Sorry rules are rules.

      Tami: #@%$!!

      Katie: Mind you manners Miss whoever you are.

      Tami: Okay here is my passport, my drivers license. Anything else?

      Katie: Blood type?

      Tami: What?

      Katie: Just kidding. Here is you luggage.

      Katie has her paw out and has her head turned sideways.

      Tami: What does she want?

      Rob: It is customary to give a tip.

      Tami: Good grief. Here.

      Katie: Thank you Ma'am. Have a pleasant day.

      Tami: How come they never Id you?

      Rob: Just lucky I guess.

      The end

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

      *********************************************

      Remember 9/11/01



      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783







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    • William Brabant
      Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. VETERANS DAY, 2009 - - - - - - - BY THE PRESIDENT
      Message 348 of 348 , Nov 11, 2009
      • 0 Attachment
        Clean Clean


        Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
        name is Buffalo and I have the watch.



        VETERANS DAY, 2009
        - - - - - - -
        BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

        A PROCLAMATION

        We have a sacred trust with those who wear the uniform of the United
        States of America. From the Minutemen who stood watch over Lexington
        and Concord to the service members who served in Iraq and
        Afghanistan, American veterans deserve our deepest appreciation and
        respect. Our Nation's servicemen and women are our best and
        brightest, enlisting in times of peace and war, serving with honor
        under the most difficult circumstances, and making sacrifices that
        many of us cannot begin to imagine. Today, we reflect upon the
        invaluable contributions of our country's veterans and reaffirm our
        commitment to provide them and their families with the essential
        support they were promised and have earned.

        Caring for our veterans is more than a way of thanking them for
        their service. It is an obligation to our fellow citizens who have
        risked their lives to defend our freedom. This selflessness binds
        our fates with theirs, and recognizing those who were willing to
        give their last full measure of devotion for us is a debt of honor
        for every American.

        We also pay tribute to all who have worn the uniform and continue to
        serve their country as civilians. Many veterans act as coaches,
        teachers, and mentors in their communities, selflessly volunteering
        their time and expertise. They visit schools to tell our Nation's
        students of their experiences and help counsel our troops returning
        from the theater of war. These men and women possess an unwavering
        belief in the idea of America: no matter where you come from, what
        you look like, or who your parents are, this is a place where
        anything is possible. Our veterans continue to stand up for those
        timeless American ideals of liberty, self-determination, and equal
        opportunity.

        On Veterans Day, we honor the heroes we have lost, and we rededicate
        ourselves to the next generation of veterans by supporting our
        Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, and Coast Guardsmen as they
        return home from duty. Our grateful Nation must keep our solemn
        promises to these brave men and women and their families. They have
        given their unwavering devotion to the American people, and we must
        keep our covenant with them.

        With respect for and in recognition of the contributions our
        servicemen and women have made to the cause of peace and freedom
        around the world, the Congress has provided (5 U.S.C. 6103(a)) that
        November 11 of each year shall be set aside as a legal public
        holiday to honor our Nation's veterans.

        NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of
        America, do hereby proclaim November 11, 2009, as Veterans Day. I
        encourage all Americans to recognize the valor and sacrifice of our
        veterans through appropriate public ceremonies and private prayers.
        I call upon Federal, State, and local officials to display the flag
        of the United States and to participate in patriotic activities in
        their communities. I call on all Americans, including civic and
        fraternal organizations, places of worship, schools, and communities
        to support this day with commemorative expressions and programs.

        IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this thirtieth day
        of October, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the
        Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and
        thirty-fourth.

        BARACK OBAMA

        buffalo says All in all not a bad speech. Veteran's Day is hitting a
        little closer to home this year as local units are stationed in
        Afghanistan and we have had two local soldiers killed in action.

        Please keep Nancy in your prayers as surgery to remove a brain
        tumor is tomorrow.

        buffalo


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        Jewish Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        The year is 2012 and the United States of America has
        recently elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish
        President, Ms. Shirley Vineberg.

        So the President-elect calls up her mother in Brooklyn a
        few weeks after Election Day.

        "So ma, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?"

        "I don't think so. It's a six hour drive, and your father isn't as
        young as he used to be, and my gout is acting up again."

        "Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up
        and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door."

        "I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy; I don't know what
        on Earth I would wear."

        "Oh mom," replies Susan, "Don't worry about it. I'll make
        sure you have some wonderful dresses by Christian Dior."

        "Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich
        foods you and your friends like to eat."

        The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is
        going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the
        way. Mom, please, I want you to come."

        So Mom agrees and so on January 21, 2013, Shirley Vineberg
        is being sworn in as President of the United States of America.

        In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to
        a Senator sitting next to her; "You see that woman over there with
        her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?"

        The Senator whispers back, "Yes I do."

        "Her brother's a famous doctor."


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

        The End Of The Internet
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        The Funniest Cat Video Ever
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        Are You Nearsighted?
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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Riddle Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        What do you get if you cross a car and a pig?
        A road hog

        What do you get when you cross a fish with two elephants?
        Swimming trunks.

        Why was the cat a tennis fan?
        He had two brothers in the racket.

        What do you call a Chinese man with green hair?
        Brock Lee.

        Where in the world should one go to meet with a girl from another
        country for the purpose of going out?
        At the International Date Line (Clynch Varnadore)

        Why did the moron put a chicken in a tub of hot water?
        So she'd lay hard-boiled eggs.


        Stan Kegel

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Cat Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Have You Heard About These Cats?

        Have you heard about the tailor who let his cat out, the firefighter
        who put her cat out, and the private eye who put a tail on a Manx?

        Have you heard about the cat who entertained herself with some wool?
        After a while, she had a ball.

        Have you heard what happened when she swallowed that ball? She had
        mittens. All her offspring were born wearing sweaters.

        I hope you found this yarn to be a fine example of knit-wit. Here
        are some other cats that you might have heard about:

        Have you heard about . . .

        . the angry cat? She threw a hissy fit.

        . the grumpy cat? He was a sour puss.

        . the curious cat? He was a peeping tom.

        . the silent cat? She was the victim of a purr snatcher.

        . the psychic cat? He was adopted from the E.S.P.C.A.

        . the sensitive cat? She cried over spilt milk.

        . the dyslexic cat? He cried, "Woem, weom!"

        . the cat who had eight kittens? She was an octopus.

        . the cowardly felines? Their names were Scaredy and Fraidy.

        . the cat who swallowed a duck? He was a down-in-the-mouth,
        duck-filled fatty puss.

        . the cat who had a hair ball? She couldn't hack it.

        . the cat who was a comedian? His name was Groucho Manx.

        . the old cat who became forgetful and stopped making any
        sounds? She developed a purr-senility disorder.

        . the golf-playing cat? Even without a catty he consistently
        scored fur under purr.

        . the adolescent cat? She pleaded with her parents, "Why don't
        you let me lead one of my own lives?"

        . the cat who liked to lounge around the stereo? He hoped to
        catch the tweeter for lunch, unless the woofer got him first.

        . the cat who got hurt? She whimpered, "Me ow!"

        . the cat who was walking the beach on Christmas Eve? He had
        Sandy Claws.

        . the cat who ate some cheese and then sat by a mousehole? She
        waited with baited breath.

        . the radioactive cat? He had eighteen half-lives.

        . the cat who chased a mouse through the screen door? They
        both strained themselves.

        . the cat who robbed McDonald's and Wendy's? She was a cat
        burgerlar.

        . the cat named Ben Hur? It used to be called Ben, until it
        had kittens.

        . the cat who caught a bird? He enjoyed a breakfast of
        shredded tweet.

        . the fast cat? She put quicksand in her litter box.

        . the cat who tried to find out why his humans forgot to place
        cat litter in his box? He didn't have anything to go on.

        . the teeny-tiny cat? She drank only condensed milk.

        . the cat who loved to bowl? He was an alley cat.

        . the alley cat who married a chicken? They had a peeping tom.

        . the cat who married a tree? They had a catalog.

        . the cat who climbed the drapes? She had good claws to do it
        - and she started from scratch.

        . the cat with chutzpah? He was a pushy cat.

        . the cat who swallowed a bag of coins? There was money in
        that kitty.

        . the obese, ill-tempered, talkative cat? He was a flabby,
        crabby, gabby tabby.

        . the mother cat looking for her straying kittens? Like a
        poet, she listened for their mews.

        . the feline who impeded the iceman's work? The cat got his
        tong.

        . the baby cat who joined the Red Cross? She wanted to be a
        first-aid kit.

        . the two cats who raced each other to the milk bowl? One beat
        the other by a lap.

        . the kindle of cats named Johann Christian, Wilhelm
        Friedemann, Johann Sebastian, and Carl Philipp Emanuel? They were
        all born in a litter Bachs.

        . the man who was afraid of cats? He had catatonia,
        clawstrophobia, and purranoia.

        . the woman who refused to spay and neuter her cats? She was
        arrested for kitty littering.

        . the man who saw a sign at a pet store that said "Free Cats"?
        So he went in and did.

        . the unemployed cat burglar from Nepal? What else can a
        Katmandu? (By Richard Lederer)


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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Short Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        A teenager was always asking his father if he could borrow the
        family car. Pushed to the limit, the father asked his son why he
        thought "The Almighty" had given him two feet. Without hesitation,
        the son replied, "That's easy, one for the brake and one for the
        accelator."

        ~~

        Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of
        the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years
        of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece
        we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't
        possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you
        sell it."
        "Simple: If I sell it, my wife would kill me!"

        ~~~~~~

        The truck driver looked suspiciously at the soup he had just been
        served in a backwoods eatery. It contained dark flecks of seasoning,
        but two of the spots were suspicious. "Hey," he called out to the
        waitress, "these particles in my soup - aren't they foreign
        objects?" She is scrutinizing his bowl. "No, sir!" she reassured
        him. "Those things live around here."

        ~~~

        "Please, sir," pleaded the stranger, "Would you be so kind as to
        help a poor unfortunate fellow who is hungry and can't find work?
        All I have in the world is this gun."

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        This Holiday Season be a hit and steal the show with the Amazing
        Flying Monkey!

        Kids will be putting their expensive toys aside just to play with
        it, you'll see. The fun is contagious!

        You can't put them down. Everyone wants to fly them!

        Not available in stores!

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        See the video for yourself, click here

        http://buffaloschips.com/monkeys

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Short Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        My three-year old daughter was talking to me while I shaved. The
        topic was cartoons, television and reality. She was going into great
        detail about the characters in the Dragon Tales cartoon. When she
        finished I said, "Honey, are cartoons real?" "No." was her brief
        reply. "Is TV real?" I said looking at her. "No." "I'm glad you know
        those things aren't real," I said patting her head. "You know what's
        real?" she asked wide-eyed. "You tell me." "Monsters are real!" she
        said walking out. "No they're not!" I called after her. "Yes they
        are!" "No they're not!" "Yes they are!" "No, honey," I said. "Those
        scary things that occasionally come into our house is only Mommy's
        family..."
        -------------------------------------
        My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for
        protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told
        her, "He doesn't like men." "Perfect," my sister-in-law thought and
        took the dog. Then one day she was approached by two men in a
        parking lot, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would
        react. Soon it became clear the the trainer wasn't kidding. As the
        men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car.
        --------------------------------------
        The old lady had been married for many years when suddenly her
        husband died. This is what she put on his tombstone: "The Light of
        My Life Has Gone Out." Not long afterward she met, fell in love with
        and married another man. After thinking at some length about it, she
        went to the gravestone cutter and had him add a little postscript.
        The tombstone now
        reads: "The Light of My Life Has Gone out P.S. I Found A Match"


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Random Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending
        fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him
        carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his
        eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his
        eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

        "Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."
        ---------------------------------
        I dialed a wrong number and got the following recording:
        "I am not available right now, but thank you for caring
        enough to call. I am making some changes in my life.
        Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return
        your call, you are one of the changes."
        -----------------------------------
        Recently we called a business phone number and heard the
        following: If you are calling from a touch-tone phone,
        press one now. If you are calling from a rotary phone,
        hang up and call back from a touch-tone phone.
        ----------------------------
        Heard on my cable-company's answering machine: We realize
        you are still holding. Please do not hang up as this will further
        delay your call.
        ------------------------------
        When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the
        psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not aware of your
        problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very
        beginning." "Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I
        created the Heavens and the Earth..."

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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        LynnLynn's Links
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
        e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@...

        *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
        Subscribers and Friends

        Melva/GI Joe and Lillie
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        John w/ Veterans Day Tribute
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        Veteran's Day Via Carol
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        Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

        Military Motivational Posters
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        Movie Links

        Ollie
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhg.htm

        Parrot Plays Golf
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        Pepsi Please
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/uyr.htm

        Pilobolus
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/fer.htm

        Ponies
        http://www.buffaloschips.com/tred.htm


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Europe Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




        The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
        English will be the official language of the European Union rather
        than German, which was the other possibility.

        As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
        English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-

        year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

        In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this
        will
        make the sivil servants jump with joy.

        The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up
        konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

        There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
        troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words
        like
        fotograf 20% shorter.

        In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
        expekted
        to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

        Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
        always ben a deterent to akurate speling..

        Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the
        languag
        is disgrasful and it should go away.

        By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
        "th"
        with "z" and "w"with "v".

        During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
        kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl
        riten styl.

        Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu

        understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

        Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted
        in
        ze forst plas.

        If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

        Stan Kegel

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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        Toon Chips
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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Short Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son's
        room, a mother finally laid down the law: Each item of clothing she
        had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents. By the end of the week,
        he owed her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50
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        While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in
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        "I can't tell you," the Navy man said. "That's classified."
        -------------------------------------
        Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house.
        Knowing his sweet tooth Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes
        and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No,"
        replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could
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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Parting Chips
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



        There was a nun named Sister Mary who, though she tried and tried,
        could never please the Mother Superior.

        One day she decided to chop some wood and build a fire in the
        fireplace to heat the place up, since it was starting to get cold.
        Perhaps that would impress the Mother.

        She spent all day chopping, hauling and stacking wood. Subsequently,
        she wound up shredding the sleeves of her habit.

        That night, as the other nuns came into the rectory, they were
        delighted to find the place warm and cozy, with a big fire roaring
        in the fireplace.

        Mother Superior came in. Sister Mary was prepared for the usual
        criticism, but instead, the Mother commended her. "You did a good
        job. This place is nice and toasty warm. Thank you," she said as she
        placed a hand on Sister Mary's shoulder.

        Sister Mary was speechless. All she could do was hold up her arms
        with the torn sleeves and say, "But look what happened!"

        "You did this chopping wood?" the Mother asked.

        "Yes," the Sister replied. "What do I do?"

        Mother Superior replied, "Simple. When you ax, then you shall re-
        sleeve."


        Stan Kegel


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Bonus Chip
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Priest and Pastor

        A priest and pastor from the local parishes were standing by the
        side of
        the road holding up a sign that read, "The End is Near! Turn
        yourself
        around now before it's too late!"

        They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car. As the first
        driver sped past, he yelled, "Leave us alone...we don't believe in
        that
        religious stuff!"

        From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

        One clergyman said to the other, "Do you think we should just put up
        a
        sign that says, 'Bridge Out' instead?"

        JSH


        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


        Katie's Komfort Kolumn
        Vol 1519

        Walking and Crisis

        Diana: Okay guys let's go for our walk!

        Rudy: A-Roo!!!

        The dogs and Diana head off for their walk as usual. As they
        approach
        the lake, the dogs head for the lake. Sandi just wades in, but Rudy
        and Katie go swimming. Katie goes in to her head and swims out
        quite a ways. On her way back to shore she walks through some
        weeds and gets some stickers on her and gets one deeply imbedded
        in her ear and immediately suffers some harsh pain.

        Rudy, Sandi and Diana are walking past her.

        Katie is down: Help....

        They are leaving, her voice is weak....

        Rudy, always the point man, circles around to take a head count.

        Rudy: Stop!!! We are missing Katie.

        Diana turns and looks back and sees Katie slowly, staggeringly
        walking
        towards them. She gets her cell phone and calls BJ.

        BJ: Yes.

        Diana: Come get Katie, she is either hurt or ill.

        BJ: On my way!

        A few minutes later...

        BJ opens the car door: Come on girl hop in.

        Katie: Sure glad to see you father.

        At the house..

        BJ: Diana, call the vet when they open and take our little girl in
        and call me at work to let me know what happened.

        much later...

        Diana calls BJ:

        Diana: She had to be put out. She had a sticker in her eardrum.
        She
        was a sick girl, but will be okay. She will be on meds for 10 days.

        Katie: More ice cream please!

        The herd in Guthrie

        (except for the ice cream, pretty much how it happened)

        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean

        *********************************************

        Remember 9/11/01



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