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Clean Chips For Sun

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  • William Brabant
    Clean Clean Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My name is Buffalo and I have the watch. Before I get to the list of holidays for the month
    Message 1 of 262 , Feb 1, 2009
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      Clean Clean

      Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
      name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

      Before I get to the list of holidays for the month
      of February I would like to mention that this is also
      National Marijuana Month. I also would like to mention
      that marijuana possession and use still violates a lot
      of state and federal laws. Observe the law or you may
      be celebrating Justice Awareness Month followed in
      October by Prison Awareness Month.

      In Michigan though they passed a medical marijuana initiative
      last November. Since then there has been over 3,000, 000
      claims of Glaucoma in Detroit alone. Oddly enough there are
      only 891,000 people in Detroit.

      February 1 is Serpent Day

      February 2 is Purification Day

      February 3 is Cordova Ice Worm Day

      February 4 is Create A Vacuum Day

      February 5 is Disaster Day

      February 6 is Lame Duck Day

      February 7 is Charles Dickens Day

      February 8 is Kite Flying Day

      February 9 is Toothache Day

      February 10 is Umbrella Day

      February 11 is White Tee-Shirt Day and Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk

      February 12 is National Plum Pudding Day

      February 13 is Get A Different Name Day and Dream Your Sweet Day

      February 14 is Ferris Wheel Day and National Heart to Heart Day

      February 15 is National Gum Drop Day

      February 16 is Do A Grouch A Favor Day

      February 17 is Champion Crab Races Day

      February 18 is National Battery Day

      February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day

      February 20 is Hoodie Hoo Day

      February 21 is Card Reading Day

      February 22 is Be Humble Day

      February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day

      February 24 is National Tortilla Chip Day

      February 25 is Pistol Patent Day (Samuel Colt)

      February 26 is National Pistachio Day

      February 27 is International Polar Bear Day

      February 28 is Public Sleeping Day

      February 29 is National Surf and Turf Day

      Enjoy the chips and Go Steelers.



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      Atheist Chips


      In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter
      and Passover holy days.

      He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against
      Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days.

      The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such
      recognized days.

      The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the
      passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel
      declaring, "Case dismissed!"

      The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your
      honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case?

      The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have
      Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other
      atheists have no such holidays."

      The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your
      client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."

      The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special
      observance or holiday for atheists."

      The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day.
      Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.'
      Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says
      there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day.

      Court is adjourned.

      You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!



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      Messed Up
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      Wish Chips

      There was this Yid from Brooklyn who decided to go to Russia for a
      visit. Why not? Must be an interesting place. However when he tried
      do some business in the black-market. He was quickly arrested by the

      police and imprisoned.

      When he was brought before the judge, he was informed that doing
      business with the black market was a terrible crime to society,
      the people suffer from the inability of the government to collect
      taxes and the punishment was well known, death.

      Although the Yid protested that he was a foreigner, his protest fell

      on deaf ears. The judge refused to reduce the sentence. "The
      government is trying to stamp out the black market. We have no mercy

      on people who come here and disregard our laws. However, you are a
      foreigner, and we do want to encourage foreigners to come here as
      tourists and to do business, legally, of course. We want to show the

      world that the Russian legal system has mercy. Therefore we will
      you three wishes. Anything that you desire, just ask and you shall
      granted them. The only condition is that you can not request to
      commute your death sentence. After your three wishes have been
      granted, you will have to pay for your crime."

      "OK, if that is what I have left to do with my life, my first
      is to go skiing in the Carpathian mountains."

      "What?" the judge remarked, "skiing? This is the summer! There isn't

      any snow now!"

      "Well," the Yid answered, folding his arms across his chest, "I'm
      prepared to wait. Because that's my first wish."

      "Let it be so!" The judge banged his gavel on the desk and called
      police. "When the snow falls on the Carpathian Mountains, you are to

      fetch this Yid and let him ski to his hearts content, from sunrise
      until sunset. Afterwards he is to be brought to me to complete his

      Six months later the police came to the man's house and took him up
      the most beautiful ski resort high up on the Carpathian Mountains.
      Yid skied all day and after night fall the police whisked him to the


      "All right, the state has granted your first wish. What is your

      "Well, I always wanted to swim in the Black Sea. That is my second

      "What?! The Black Sea is frozen. It's winter now!"

      "Well," the Yid answered, "I'm prepared to wait."

      "OK," The judge said banging down his gavel, "the police will come
      you on a beautiful summer's day and escort you to the ocean where
      will swim to your hearts content from sunrise until sunset. Then you

      will be brought here to complete the sentencing."

      On a beautiful summer's day, the police came to the man's house and

      took him to the nicest resort area on the Black Sea. The Yid swam
      swam the entire day and then after sun fall, was ushered in front of

      the judge.

      "The state has kept it's word. Now you may have your last wish,
      which you will be executed! What is it?"

      "Well," the Yid began, "nothing could please me more than to be
      in a cemetery along side of you."

      "What?" the judge said, "but I'm not dead yet. How could we do

      "I don't know, but I'm prepared to wait."


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      Short Chips

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      little pot."


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      Little Billy Chips

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      Really bothered now, by the answers of the teacher and the director,

      the new Pastor approached the deacons and related the whole story,
      including the responses of the teacher and the director.

      A white-haired gentleman thoughtfully stroked his chin and said,
      "well, Pastor, I move we just take the money from the general fund
      pay for the walls and leave it at that."


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      Medium Chips

      Sometimes there's not much work around. In times like these, this is

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      their condition. The older one says, "Just between you and me, I've

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      and an hour later a middle-aged woman walks in. She sits down at the

      table across from the ventriloquist and asks him, "Can you put me in

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      "I sure can!" he answers. "Why, for just a hundred dollars, you can

      hear your husband speak to you from behind that curtain over there.

      Now I must warn you that his voice might sound a little different,
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      "That's wonderful," says the woman eagerly.

      "For a hundred and fifty dollars," the ventriloquist says, "you
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      The woman's voice rises in anticipation as she asks, "You mean, I
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      "Not only that," says the ventriloquist, getting just as excited as

      the woman, "but for two hundred dollars, you could actually carry on
      two-way conversation with your husband while I'm drinking a glass of



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      Red Light Chips

      Two guys in a car drive right through the red light.

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      Movie Chips


      How The Brits Taxi Jets



      Intro To Christ


      Short Chips

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      Toon Chips

      <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/31382.htm "> Here!</a>

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      A Little Unsafe
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      Messed Up
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      Recovery Chips

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      Parting Chips

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      Bonus Chip

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      Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady


      Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


      Remember 9/11/01

      Regarding any problems unsubscribing from this mailing list

      In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

      William Brabant
      711 Pine Street Apt.1
      Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

      No virus found in this incoming message.
      Checked by AVG.
      Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
      5/20/2008 6:45 AM
    • William Brabant
      My name is buffalo and I have the watch. Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats that ever became attached to. I still swear that she never left as late
      Message 262 of 262 , Aug 4, 2013
      • 0 Attachment
        My name is buffalo and I have the watch.

        Eleven years ago, I lost one of the few cats
        that ever became attached to. I still swear that
        she never left as late at night, out of the corner
        of my eye as I was working on the chips, I could
        see a flash of her tabby colors as she jumped up
        on the workstation to talk to me. We have had a lot
        of cats and even a few dogs spend som time here
        while PAWS found their owners or permanent homes
        but none will ever be a Picky. Here is her story.

        Miss Picky
        One of the first cats we took in was a female tabby of unknown age.
        Buffy was in charge of naming the animals and because of her choice of
        diet, she was named Miss Picky Jane . She had been found near a farm
        several miles away and once word of mouth gets out that you will take
        animals in, people find you. She must have had a rough life as she had
        had her hips injured at one time and didn't like to be handled roughly
        or have people touch her tail.

        Picky was definitely a people cat though and she waited by the door to
        greet each person as they came up with a friendly meow and would settle
        into their lap the minute they sat down. Everyone in the neighborhood
        knew her because she would talk to them as they came up to the door or
        walked down the sidewalk. She loved being outside and dreaded the days
        of winter and would go out on the porch during a thaw and stare at the
        snow with a disgusted look on her face, mad at nature for spoiling her
        fun. She knew my car and as I pulled up she would run up and let me set
        her on my shoulder and we would go into the house like that till we got
        to the couch and then she would hop off. Years went by and though she
        had some physical changes her likes and dislikes never changed. Her
        favorite foods were Whiskas in the morning and whatever I was eating at
        supper . I would get her a saucer and put some of my meal on it for her.
        At nighttime she liked to have a little ice cream, the soupy part was
        fine with her. Then at bedtime the minute the lights were out she was
        there for a little affection before she left to guard the house from
        stray dogs , chipmunks, and bad cats.

        I estimate her age as having been around 16-17 years old and the last
        year was hard on her she had lost her hearing and was losing weight and
        finally during the last week she was unsteady on her feet and stopped
        eating. Buffy took her out to the vet Wed and their diagnosis was kidney
        failure and congestive heart failure from old age. I asked them to do
        some blood work but she passed away Wed night at the animal hospital. I
        felt bad that she had not died at home with us but I had to take a
        chance that they could do something. I picked her up and with a prayer
        of thanks for the many years she had spent with us I buried her beside
        the porch where she had greeted so many over the years.

        Enjoy the chips... buff


        Flying Chips

        A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight
        and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly white
        woman reading her Bible.

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        make the switch to first class."

        Before the irate Muslim man could say anything, the attendant gestured to
        the elderly woman and said, "Therefore, maam, if you would so kindly
        retrieve your personal items, we would like to move you to the comfort of
        first class as the captain doesn't want you to sit next to an unpleasant

        Passengers in the seats nearby began to applaud while some gave a standing


        Baking Chips

        Be Careful, Your Sins May Find You Out.

        Have you ever told a white lie? Then you are
        going to love this. For all ladies who bake for
        church events . . .

        Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies'
        group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the
        last minute. She baked an angel food cake and
        when she took it from the oven, the center had
        dropped flat.

        She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another
        cake." So, she looked around the house for
        something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found
        it in the bathroom, a small roll of toilet paper. She
        plunked it into the middle of the cake and then
        covered it with icing.

        The finished product looked beautiful, so she
        rushed it to the church. Alice then gave her daughter
        some money and instructions to be at the
        sale the minute it opened and to buy that cake and
        bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale,
        the attractive cake had already been sold.

        Alice was beside herself. A couple of days later,
        Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables
        of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the
        game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off,
        the cake in question was presented for dessert.

        Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair
        to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it,
        but before she could get to her feet, one of the other
        ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"

        Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess
        (a prominent church member) say:

        "Why thank you; I baked it myself."


        Indian Chips

        Once upon a time in Colorado, the chief of an Indian tribe, the
        Navajo's, had a very beautiful daughter. She was of marrying age and
        many braves were wanting the daughter's hand in marriage.

        Being a wise chief, he decided that he wanted his daughter to marry the
        bravest and strongest and wisest brave of the bunch. So he held a
        contest. All the eliigible bachelors were to go hunting. The brave that
        brought back the biggest and best 'catch' would be given the chief's
        daughter in marriage.

        Alot of braves turned out for this event. On Monday morning they all set
        out, bows and arrows in hand. Tuesday afternoon comes and all the braves
        had returned with their killings--except for three: Running Bear,
        Sitting Bull, and Falling Rock.

        On Wednesday morning, Running Bear finally returns; bringing in a really
        big black bear, weighing 480 ponds and is 7 feet in length. Obviously,
        the chief was quite impressed. This was the best killing of all....so
        far. But, of course, they had to wait for the remaining two before he
        could award his daughter to Running Bear.

        On Wednesday night, under a full moon, Sitting Bull returns to the camp
        and brings back a really big cougar: it's even bigger than the black
        bear Running Bear came home with! The cougar weighed 620 pounds and was
        7-1/2 feet long. Clearly, Sitting Bull was about to win the chief's
        daughter in marriage.

        Excitement rose within the camp. Everyone was pretty sure that Falling
        Rock would not be able to top Sitting Bull's catch.

        Thursday comes and goes. Friday came and went.....Saturday came and
        went......The weeks turn into months, and soon, the months into years,
        and still....Falling Rock did not return.

        It was soon getting obvious, the aging chief could not wait forever for
        Falling Rock to return. So he granted his daughter to Sitting Bull.
        There was much celebrating, after which the pair lived happily ever

        The tribe no longer waited for the wayward brave, but they did keep
        their eyes open whenever they rode the trails---just in case.

        And today? Well, you will still see in Colorado those signs that say...

        "Watch for Falling Rock".


        Baptist Chips

        A Southern Baptist preacher was preparing to have a Lord's Supper at his
        church and, in preparing, he came to the realization that Jesus used
        wine, not un-fermented grape juice, at the Last Supper. Since Jesus
        used wine, he felt that he should as well. During the sermon he
        explained that the church would be using wine for the Lord's Supper and
        why. The reaction from most people was neutral or positive, but there
        was one lady - a widow who had donated the land the church was built on.
        The pastor watched her during the Lord's Supper and noticed that she did
        not drink the wine, so he made a pastoral visit to her that after noon.

        "Preacher," the widow said, "Alcohol has never passed my lips in 76
        years and it isn't going to start now."

        The pastor replied: "But you do realize, that Jesus drank wine, don't

        "Yes." she said in a bit of a huff. "And I lost a lot of respect for
        him when I learned that he drank wine."


        Please forgive our lack of a fancy template at the moment and
        enjoy these pages from our friends.


        Preparing To Meet The Dog

        Koala's In A Heatwave!

        Ricochet The Surf Dog!

        Extreme Camping!

        Cute PDF Writer


        Marriage Chips

        Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a
        month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter

        "Oh, he's wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her sleep late, wants
        her to go to the beauty parlor regularly, and insists on taking her out
        to dinner every night."

        "That's nice," said the woman. "What about your son?"

        "I'm not so happy about that," the mother sighed. "His wife sleeps late,
        spends all her time in the beauty parlor, and makes them eat take-out


        Golf Chips

        Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, a confident golfer
        said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."

        The caddy suggested that he instead play it safe and hit a 4-iron, then
        a wedge, THEN a putt.

        The golfer was insulted and proceeded to scream and yell at the caddy
        telling him that he was a better golfer than that and how dare he
        underestimate his game!

        Giving in the caddy handed the gentleman the four-wood he had asked for.

        He then proceeded to top the ball and watched as it rolled about fifteen
        yards off the front of the tee.

        Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one
        heck of a putt..."


        Short Chips

        "John, I can see that all your buttons are sewed on perfectly. You must
        be married!"

        "That's right. Sewing on buttons was the first thing my wife taught me
        on our honeymoon."


        Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates,
        a Father asked the boy how much his last date had cost.

        The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15
        or so I think."

        "Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally
        coming up with an inexpensive evening."

        "To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have done more,
        but that was all the money she had."



        Parting Chips

        Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
        family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once
        his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his

        One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he
        had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

        "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few
        years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

        Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

        Three days later, she became his stepmother.

        Women are so much better at estate planning than men.


        Clean Clean Clean Clean Clean


        Remember 9/11/01

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